Seishinseii

An AtemxRyo and ArkenxRyo fanfiction.
By Yuko Ishtar

Note: This fanfiction consists of boyxboy love and sex. If you do not find that able to read, please turn back.

Chapter One

Silent Rain

Rain silently poured upon the city of Domino, causing everybody to stay inside. Ryo Bakura walked around his house cleaning everything that seemed dirty, and Arken, his yami who was also his roommate, watched.
"Dammit Ryo, why are you always cleaning? Do you have anything better to do?"
Ryo lifted his head slightly and glared at his yami.
"I'm cleaning because you wouldn't even if your life depended on it."
"Are you still mad at me?"
"For what?"
"For sending the microwave to the Shadow Realm?"

"Guess." Ryo growled mopping the floor.
"Don't be mad at me."
"Why should I not be mad?
"…because I am sorry."
"Sorry doesn't cut it."
Arken sat up, and walked over to Ryo slowly. He stood right behind him and grabbed the mob from his hikari's hands. Ryo turned around and looked at Arken.
"What was that for?"
"You should stop cleaning."
Ryo blushed. "Y…ou mean it?"
"Yes, you always working."
Ryo smiled and hugged his yami. "Thanks."

Ryo let go and walked to his room. He sat down and planned out the information for the party he was going to have.
Arken started to mop the floor. He smiled and looked at his necklace.
"I am happy that I am Ryo's friend."
After ten minutes, the floor was spotless. Arken was proud of what he had done. He walked towards Ryo's room, but paused, for he saw his hikari laying on his bed and writing in a small, black book.
"Hey, Ryo. What is that book?"
Ryo looked up and blushed. He shook his head left and right trying to signal that the book he was holding was nothing.
"Oh, um…this is nothing."
Ryo placed the book behind his back, and placed it under his pillow. "Yeah, nothing."
"Well, anyways. Do you mind if I come in?"
"No, not at all."
"Thanks." Arken said opening the door and walking in. "So, what are you up to?"
"Nothing, just planning out for the party at nine."
"Oh, yeah. Is everybody coming?"
"Well, Malik and Marik are coming."
"What about the rest of them?"
"They are all out of town for a dueling tournament in America."
Arken shrugged. "Heh."
"Well, Arken. I am going to take a nap, wake me when it is eight thirty."
"Ok, I will."

An hour later, Arken woke up Ryo, and told him to get ready for the party was going to start in a half an hour. Arken and Ryo picked up a few things that were left on the ground, washed their hands, and placed all the party food on the table.
"That should do it. What do you think, yami?"
"I think the house looks nice."
Ryo smiled and ran up to Arken, and hugged him. "Thank you for helping me."
"Heh, no problem."
"Well, they should be getting here any second now."
"Yeah, I will be right back."
"Fine, but make sure you will be out here by the time the guests arrive."
"Ok."
Ryo walked over to the door and waited for the guests, as Arken snuck off to Ryo's room. He looked around and saw the black book his hikari was reading. He picked it up and opened it to the first page.
"Hmm, a diary? I know Ryo will get mad at me if he finds out I read it, but I have to know what he was writing in it earlier."
He skimmed through the pages and found one that was dated 'August 31st.'
"This is today's entry…"

Arken skimmed through the page looking for details. He couldn't take his eyes of the page. He found a part of the entry that had his name in it, and started to read.
" I know Arken is mean to me sometimes, and he never helps around the house, but today was different. He told me to stop cleaning and took the mop away from me to mop the floor. The same thing happened yesterday, too. After I went to the grocery, I walked into the kitchen and found it spotless. I never had seen this side of him before. I am starting to question why he is helping so much. Probably because he found it out. Probably he found out that I love him."

Arken paused, and started to blush. He never knew that Ryo loved him. He doesn't question why, either. He used to be evil and demonic around him, he always hurt him, but something happened. He started to care for his hikari. Arken fell in love with Ryo, but never admitted it for he thought that Ryo didn't feel the same way. He thought that Ryo would scream at him. He could just imagine it, Ryo screaming right in front of him saying that he would never feel the same way. Arken shut the book, and a tear ran down his cheek.
"Ryo, I never knew…"
"Arken! The guests are here!"
"Oh, crap." The yami said, placing the book back in its original place. "I'm coming!"
Arken ran down the hall and to the living room, where the guests were waiting.

Marik sat up from the couch and smiled. "Hey, what's up?"
Malik slowly peeked over Marik's shoulder and laughed. "Hiya."
"Ryo? Why are you having a party in the first place?"
"I was just bored so Arken and I decided to have a party. Wouldn't you Marik?"
"Yea, I guess."
Ryo walked into the kitchen. "Malik! Can you help me out?"

"Sure." Malik said walking into the kitchen where Ryo was. "What do you need?"
Ryo smiled. "Can you pick up that bowl of chips and bring it to the living room?"
"Yeah, sure."
"Thanks"
Ryo walked into the living room with the drinks and Malik followed with the chips. Marik stared at his hikari and spoke to him through mind link.
"Hikari?"
"Yes?"
"Do what I told you to do earlier."
"You mean…?"
"Yes, we have to see if it is true."
"Okay."
Malik looked over at Marik and smiled. He put his foot out and tripped Ryo causing him to fall right on Arken, Marik catching the drinks in the process.
Arken pulled Ryo down and laid him on his lap. They both turned red and stared at each other directly, not paying attention to the rest of the party.
"Whoa, you should watch your step, Ryo."
"…."
Marik and Malik laughed in the corner, and Arken held Ryo close to him and glared at Malik.
"Why did you trip my hikari?"
"…I wanted to see what would happen."
"That is no reason, don't ever do that again, or you will pay the price."
"Like?"
"I will send something you hold dearly to the Shadow Realm."
"…fine."
Ryo stood up and sat right by his yami, as Marik and Malik sat right across from them. They all looked at each other and then looked at the table that had all the food on it. One thing, and one thing only crossed Ryo's mind. Why did Arken blush when he fell upon him? He couldn't get it straight, for he too was afraid of what his yami's reaction would be if he told Arken that he loved him.

Arken sighed. "I will be in the back if you need me."
"A…Arken…"

Ryo looked at Malik and his yami and saw them bickering about Ryo's trip earlier. He smiled and followed his yami to the back. Arken was standing in his room, looking out the window at the rain. Ryo snuck in and stood right behind his yami and coughed.
"Um…Arken?"
The yami turned around, looked at Ryo, and replied hesitantly. "Y...es?"
"Are you ok?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. Why do you ask?"
"Well, because you left the room."
Behind the door stood Marik and Malik. They finished their bickering and followed Ryo to Arken's room, and there they were, spying on Ryo and his yami.
Marik looked at Malik and whispered. "I guess we were right."
"Uh huh. I think we were."
Both, Marik and Malik, looked back at Ryo and watched him tear up.
"What is wrong, Ryo?"
"Arken? Why were you blushing when I fell on you?"
"I...uh...I…"
Ryo walked up to Arken and wrapped his arms around his waist. Hugging him tightly. "Yami, don't get mad at me for saying this, but…"
"…but what?"
The hikari shut his eyes in fear. "I love you."
Arken smiled and rubbed Ryo's back. "Heh, I love you, too."
Marik and Malik stood up and signaled to each other that this conversation was getting a little too 'mushy', so they left without Bakura and Arken hearing.
"Do you mean it, Arken?"

The yami pulled his light against him. He ran his fingers through Ryo's hair and looked into his chocolate eyes. Ryo slowly lifted himself up, his lips closing in on Arken's. He placed his hands on his yami's shoulders and pulled him closer. Their lips touching. Arken shut his eyes and deepened the kiss, as his hikari moved his hands down his chest, slightly pushing him away.
"Why…." Ryo murmured, breaking the kiss.
"Why what?"
"Why did you not tell me earlier that you loved me?"
Arken moved his soft, silk-like hands down Ryo's chest, lifting his shirt, the hikari whimpering in the process. "…because I was scared ."
"Of?"
"I thought you might scream at me, and tell me to leave…"
"…"
"Why did you ask, Ryo?"
"…Well," Ryo whispered. "I was afraid, too."
"Of what? Me screaming at you?"
"Yes, and you hurting me like you did in the past."
"Hurting…" Arken replied thinking of the times he beat him, abused him, and made love to him without him accepting it. Arken looked down. He only wanted his hikari to love him, and during this time, he had no clue that Ryo loved him back. It broke Ryo's heart to have somebody he loves making love to him…more likely rape him. Arken sat down on his bed and pulled his light towards him. "I am sorry, Ryo."
"It is ok. It hurt me back then to know it was you who was doing it, but im ok now."
Ryo climbed up and laid on his yami, nuzzling his head into Ryo's neck. Arken smiled and moved his hand down his hikari's back, and slid it under his shirt. Both of the boys lay there, silent as the rain that poured outside.

"I love you, yami."
Arken slowly pulled off his hikari's shirt. Revealing the bruise and cuts that he gave him. Arken started to cry. He never knew that he inflicted this much pain upon this poor boys soul. He had no clue that it hurt him so bad. He ran his fingers down Ryo's back, feeling the bruises, cuts, and dried blood on his back. This tore Arken apart. He never wished to hurt Ryo, but everything went wrong. He beat him, slapped him, cut him, and tortured him.

One thought kept running through Ryo's mind. Will their love for each other stay like this, or be broken by memories from the past? He wrapped his leg around his yami, smiling and pulling him closer. Arken kissed his hikari softly, moving his hand towards Ryo's leg. Even though Ryo was ok making love to his yami, he started to gain second thoughts. He didn't know what to do anymore. Stay or run away. He couldn't stand it. He paused for a second, not knowing what to do. Until he found himself lying on the bed with Arken behind him. When did he move? He was too fast for Ryo to notice. Ryo lay there, with Arken right behind him.
"Wha…when did you?"
"You were lost in your thoughts, hikari."
Arken smirked and gripped onto Ryo's waist, slowly pressing himself inside. Ryo was surprised; he never went this far with his yami. Well, not romantically at least, the rest of the times were when he was raped. Ryo coughed every time his yami moved in and out of him. Arken, who was quite enjoying himself, started panting. Something was wrong, Bakura started moaning in pain. Out of his yami's actions, Ryo knew Arken was going to pass out.
"A…ar…ken?"
Arken removed himself from his hikari, and after a few breaths, fell over beside Ryo.
Ryo shook him back and forth, trying to wake him up. "Yami? Yami!"
He pulled his yami closed to him and kissed him slightly. Arken began to whimper.
"Arken? Are you ok?"
Arken coughed. "I'm ok, hikari."
"Thank god. You wouldn't answer me. So I was scared."
"Don't be scared. I am here, and I will not leave you."
Ryo started to cry. "Oh, Yami. I love you."
"Heh."
Arken moved closer to his hikari and started to kiss his chest. Nothing was wrong; watching Ryo whine and moan was nothing new. He got used to it, and so did Ryo. Bakura whimpered as his yami placed subtle kisses on his collarbone and held his arms in place. He tried to move his legs, but his yami wrapped his around him, keeping them from moving. Ryo was terrified, it changed, and he thought that they were done for the night. No, Arken kept on going, without Ryo's acceptance. Ryo struggled trying to get away, but his yami's grip tightened, causing the skin under his fingers to bruise. Arken moved so their bodies would be against one another. This was scaring Ryo. He didn't want to go through another experience like this, not by his lover, this was rape.
"A…a…a…r…" Ryo whispered, his yami licking his chest.
Arken looked up and stared at his hikari, running his fingers down his chest.
"Arken, stop plea…" Ryo pleaded, his yami interrupting by kissing him. He felt a little bit better, his hands weren't being held down anymore. He lifted them slowly and placed them on Arken's chest. Arken didn't notice though, he was too busy fondling Ryo. Ryo shut his eyes, and took a giant risk, He pushed his yami off of him and crawled off of his yami's bed, hoping not to get beaten.
"Ugh."
"I'm sorry, Arken." Whispered Ryo, picking up his clothes, and running out of his room.

"What did I do wrong? I am pretty sure that I wasn't to rough, or anything like that. No, im positive that I didn't hurt him, but what was that? This isn't right."
Ryo ran to his bedroom, hoping Arken didn't follow, and got dressed. He had to go somewhere for a few hours to think. After he was dressed, he pulled out a piece of paper and a pencil from his computer desk, sat down and started to write a letter to Arken.

Dear Arken,

I will be away for a few hours to think. So many things are on my mind right now and I cannot think straight. I love you, I really, really do, but memories haunt me. I hope you can take care of yourself for a few hours, well, I think you know what I mean. Here are a few rules while I will be out. One, no going in my bedroom, two, no sending miscellaneous things to the Shadow Realm, and three, do not mess up the house, It is only September 1st. The house has to be clean until I come back. I will be at Yugi's house, and don't worry, I will be ok, even though it is raining outside.

Love,
Your Hikari, Ryo

"Hmm, this is ok."
Ryo folded up the piece of paper, and put it in a small envelope, and wrote on it:

To: My love, Arken
From: Ryo

He put things in his backpack, and silently walked over to Arken's door, and taped the envelope where he could see when he opened his door. He walked to the front door, and blew a kiss into the air, and walked over to Yugi's house.

Ryo knocked on Yugi's door, and waited for an answer.
"Sorry, the game shop is closed today."
Ryo knocked again.
"Dammit," Yugi said opening the door. "Can't…. Ryo! What's wrong!"
"Uhhhh…."
"Come inside, hurry."
Ryo nodded and walked inside, and followed Yugi to his bedroom so they could talk. Once he entered Yugi's room, he immediately sat on his bed, and folded his hands.
Atem walked in and found Ryo soaking wet. "Ryo! Dear Ra, are you ok?"
"Yeah, what happened."
Ryo closed his eyes slightly. "It's about Arken."
"I will be right back, I am going to fix something up.
"Oh, ok."
Yugi walked out of his room, and downstairs to the kitchen to fix up something to eat.
"So, what about Arken? He…he didn't hurt you again, did he?"
"Well, not at first."
"…at first?"
"Well, we both just found out that we loved each other, then he went to his room, and I followed so I could speak with him. We had a little chat, then we…."
"Made love?"
"Yeah, but this time it was different. He wasn't forcing me."
"He wasn't?"
"Yeah, I was laying right beside him, just laying there, and he started to rape me."
"Even though you two already made love to each other?"
"Yeah."
Atem scratched his head. "That isn't literally called rape."
"He was hugging me, and he held me still, kept me from moving, and he did it all over again, except I didn't accept any moment. Then thoughts ran through my head of the last time he raped me. So, I pushed him off, got up, grabbed my clothes, and came here."
"Does he know where you are now?"
"Yes, I wrote him a letter. I told him I will be back in a few hours."
Yugi walked back upstairs with a tray of Hot Cocoa. He handed one to Ryo, and then to his yami. They both accepted the offer, and sipped their cups.
"Well, Yugi and I are fine with you staying over here for a few hours."
"Thank you guys. I can always turn to you in a Yami and Hikari issue."
"Umm. "Both Yugi and Atem looked at each other and blushed. "Yeah. Your welcome."

A few hours later, it had stopped raining, and Bakura packed his things and headed back to his house. He was late, he stayed for five hours instead of three. He was afraid that he would be beaten like he was back then everyday after school when he was late. He opened the door cautiously, making sure Arken wasn't around.
"Whew, he isn't here."
He looked at the letter he put up and the paper was gone, and the envelope was ripped off the door. Ryo stood there for a second. Had he hurt his lovers' feelings, or did he enrage him? He didn't know, all he could do was sit out and wait. Over time, Ryo became hungry, so he walked to the kitchen and fixed him up a bowl of creampuffs.
"I hope Arken doesn't hurt me…"
Ryo sat down and watched a late night television show, and tried to stay awake. He had listened to what Yugi and Atem told him. Right before Ryo walked out of the door, they both smiled and told him not to go near his yami for an hour or so, but whence he got outside, tears fell, he couldn't do that. He loved Arken. As he lay there on the couch, he heard his yami speaking to himself in his bedroom. He sounded like he was going to kill somebody, but unknown to him, he was actually crying in agony.
"Why…..why did Ryo leave me?"
Arken broke a vase in his room.
"Why! Ryo come back! I need you!"
Arken fell and looked down, wiping his tears on his shirt.
"Why?"
Ryo heard this and started to feel sorry for his yami, not like he did earlier. He slowly stood up and walked towards his bedroom. He put his ear against his yami's door and listened to Arken cry, then scream in pain. Ryo backed away from the door, he became scared, Arken hurt himself….somehow. Ryo went back to the couch and cried. This wasn't right. Something was wrong with Arken, the only thing you could hear now is simple whimpers and crying. Ryo heard his yami scream, and ran to his room, and burst through the door to see what was wrong. He stopped in his tracks and stared at Arken.
"A…Arken?"
Arken took a deep breath. "H…ikari. You are ok." He coughed and held his arm.
Ryo ran up to him and took his arm into his. He looked at the wound he gave himself. He stabbed himself in the arm with his Millennium Ring.
"What did you do?"
"I…hurt myself."
"Why?"
"I…" Arken wiped away the rest of his tears. "I thought you had left me…"
Bakura hugged Arken close to him and rubbed his arm. "I…wouldn't leave you."
"I'm sorry."
"Where does it hurt, yami?"
Arken lifted up his hurt arm, and placed it upon his heart. Ryo smiled and kissed his hand. "What did your hurt yourself with?"
"Ummm." Arken stared at the ring. "The Millennium Ring?"
Ryo looked at the ring, drenched in blood. "Oh, yami."
"What is wrong?"
"I am so sorry."
Arken held his arm. "About what?"
"About me and your arm."
"Aw…ugh…you have no need to worry about me."
"Why not?"
"Because it doesn't suit you."
The hikari touched his yami's wound.
"I have every right in the world to be worried about you."
"And you say this why?"
Ryo grabbed Arken's shirt and pulled him close, laying his head on his chest.
"because I would die without you….I feel your pain yami."
"…"

"I'm just not sure that you feel mine."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Nevermind." The hikari whispered standing up.
Arken grabbed Ryo's wrist. "Where are you going!"
"I…uh…I…"
"Don't leave me, please?"

"I…ok."

Ryo could tell he was scared, he barely could stand up for the loss of so much blood. Arken let go of Ryo, gripped onto his shoulder, and fell over. He was still conscious; he just was in a state of shock. Ryo covered his mouth, afraid to scream of the horrid state his yami…no...his love was in.

"Are you ok, love?"
"My…my arm is in terrible pain."
"Then why did you stab yourself."

"I said that I was sad that you would probably leave me, because of all the things I did."
Ryo wiped tears from his eyes. "I wouldn't leave you."
He held his yami close to him, trying to ease the pain, and thought to himself.

No matter how much I love my yami, no matter how caring he is now. Nothing can change what he did to me. I couldn't love him after what he did, but eventually I actually did fall in love with one who was a psychopath, a rapist, and many other things.

Ryo ran his hands through Arken's hair.

I wish for one thing, and one thing only. Please, Arken, care for me, as if I was your only friend. Your only family. Your only love. I will answer your wishes, I will follow you, I will listen, just try to be nice to me.

Arken breathed heavily, his arm became numb, the wound in his upper arm became worse, and probably caught an infection. Ryo moved his hand to touch it, but his hand twitched, and backed away, afraid that Arken would scream in pain.

"It's ok. It won't hurt, Ryo."

"Yes, it will, I don't want you to be in pain."

"It's ok, I am used to this."
"How are you used to this."

"I have also been beaten, and raped exactly like you have."
His hikari's eyes widened. "You mean…?"
"Yes."
Ryo decided to help his arm, so he put his hand on the wound and began to rub it. Staining his skin with the crimson red blood. Arken moaned, but Ryo continued. He moved his hand up and lifted his yami's chin, so that he could stare into the eyes of his injured love. They both stared at each other, as Ryo wiped away Arken's tears, and he bend down to kiss Arken. Once they both met, Ryo slipped his hand into his yami's shirt. Arken wrapped his arm around Ryo's neck, and pulled him closer. Ryo's hair became tainted with his love's blood. Ryo set his lover down and stood up.
"Now, where are you going." Arken whispered, slowly getting up.

Ryo leaned against a wall, and looked down. "I'm sorry, I just…"
"Just…?

"I just can't, I am terrible sorry."
"Why are you sorry."
Yami Bakura was right in front of his hikari. One arm on the wall, over his shoulder, the other just hanging there with blood dripping down, making a small puddle on the floor. Both of his hands were tarnished of his own blood, this scared Ryo, he thought Arken was going to dirty him with his blood. Both Arken and Ryo blushed.
"I just can't, I don't feel…"

"Feel…?"
"Feel…right…"
"Oh…" Arken whispered sadly. "Ok…."

Arken backed away from his hikari, letting him leave the room. Ryo rushed out, tears following.

"Ryo…but I thought…."
Arken, sitting in his own despair of his heart, heard Ryo run outside and slam the door behind him. This time, his hikari didn't leave a note or any of the sort behind.

Night came, and Ryo still wasn't home. Arken looked under his bed to find a box which had a expensive present in it for his love's birthday.

"I hope that Ryo will be home in time. Tomorrow is his 17th birthday, and I wouldn't miss it for the world. I just hope he will be back by then."

Ryo, who was walking by Yugi's house to go to Domino, stopped and paused.

"I feel so wrong when I am with him, yet I miss him when im not with him."
He covered his ears and shook his head. "I can't live like this."
Ryo was afraid of his yami…well not much actually, he is frightened of Atem, he was just playing pretend so his hikari didn't suspect.
"I wonder what Arken meant by 'raped and beaten."

He ran his hands through his hair and looked at them.

"It is gonna take forever just to get this blood out."
His clothes were also tainted with blood. He looked like he just came out of a murder scene, but he continued walking. Once he arrived at Domino High, he sat on a bench and stared at the sky. Ryo, lost in thought, heard somebody walk up behind him. He turned around and saw that it was Atem.

"What are you doing out here at this time of night?" He asked politely.

"Ummm…I.."

"What is it?"

Crap, what should I tell him? Ryo thought.

"Hello? Are you ok? You won't answer me."

"Oh…I'm ok. Why are you here anyways?"

Ryo stood up and leaned against a wall…moving away from Atem.

"I had to think about a few things…"
Atem grinned and walked in front of Ryo, putting his hand over his shoulder, onto the wall, and leaned up against it. Making Ryo and Atem close to each other, a little bit too close.

Ryo blushed. "What is wrong, Atem?"
Atem moved closer.

"At...em? Are you…?"
Ryo gasped as Atem licked his cheek.

"What the? Atem! Stop it! Leave me alone!"
"Heh, Ryo. You shouldn't be out at this time of night."
Ryo looked away. "Look who's talking."
Atem smiled and moved his knee between Ryo's legs, and pushed up. Literally making Ryo sit on him. This caused Ryo to whimper, but with every whimper, Atem became more aroused. He lifted up the hikari's chin, and kissed him deeply. Atem ran his hand up Ryo's chest, staining his own fingers with the blood of Arken. Bakura moaned and whimpered as the yami slipped his tongue inside. Atem, who was quite satisfied, pulled of Ryo's shirt, and ripped it in half. Ryo gasped and broke the kiss, coughing on the ground.