Hey Everyone. This is officially my first story on fanfiction and in the Big Time Rush universe. I want to thank everyone beforehand for giving this story a chance. I want to make one thing clear. This story isn't a love story. It's a story I wrote to spread awareness of the damage of sexual abuse. I beg that all of you put your opinions aside and read this story, as it will hopefully open your eyes. I want to make clear that I do not condone sexual abuse and that I find Katie and Kendall pairings quite repulsive. Yet, I felt that I had to write this. So without further annoyance, I present to you Innocence Lost.
Summary: Katie Knight had always loved her brother, even if he was the sole cause of her pain and suffering. This is Katie's story unadulterated and uncut as she explains the story of how her innocence was lost. AU
Rating: M
Pairing: Katie K. and Kendall
Warning: Deal with serious subject matter. Incest. Sexual Abuse. Angst.
Disclaimer: Big Time Rush and all its characters belong to Nickelodeon. However, this plot and the original characters within it, belong to me.
If you have the chance please review.
Prologue
"All things truly wicked start from innocence" – Ernest Hemingway
I remember the first time it happened.
The first time he laid hands on me.
The first time he crept into my room in middle of the night and joined me in bed.
I have nightmares about those times I've had with him.
The thought of the first time he undressed me, laid me naked on my pink unicorn sheets, and deflowered me, plague my mind each and every day.
He had always been so gentle and warm, treating me as if I were his delicate little flower.
Yet, his kisses were like fire, scalding the flesh of my lips every time he pressed his against mine. His touches were laced with sin, his eyes glazed with lust, and his heart beating with desire. At first, pleasure seemed to rush through my veins every time his hands caressed the little lumps of my bosom. My cheeks used to turn a rosy red hue, as he whispered huskily how much he loved me on top of him.
Yet, I was a naïve child in those days, as I was ignorant to my sinful acts.
I hadn't realized the wrong in what I was doing, the complete disaster I was causing myself.
I had honestly believed that what we were doing was what brothers and sisters did, as he assured me every time he played his sick little games with me.
I had loved him and adored him like any other sister would of their cool older brother.
Yet, he loved me more than any normal brother should of their little sister.
His love was almost obsessive to the point of complete insanity.
I was too blind to see it then, too blind to see the immoral look in his eyes as he gazed upon me.
Yet, it is all too clear now, as clear as a cloudless summer's day.
He was and still is a monster, a savage beast with a blackened heart and poisoned ambitions of tormenting me.
It wasn't until the fifth grade when I learned of the evil we had committed.
I remember whispering that horrid word (I shall not say) to myself in class, as the teacher explained, with a look of disgust, what it meant.
My actions were laden in taboo and sprinkled with the burning sands of sin.
I was going to hell, to burn eternally in the abysmal pits of fire.
Yet, my realization didn't hinder his obsessive desire, it didn't change a thing.
In fact, it only made things worse.
He changed and that killed me more than my understanding of his evils.
His assurances became threats with the façade of protection.
His soft whispers and loving touch had morphed into dark demands and controlling strokes.
My nights were spent lying in bed, the very bed he ravenously stole my virtue on, dried tears staining my cheeks, praying to God to take my life.
Death was my only way out.
It was the only path towards salvation and inner peace.
He couldn't hurt me anymore if I were six feet under his feet.
He could only rot internally with the memories of him violating me and stripping me of my childhood innocence.
He would die a disciple of the devil.
I despised him.
Every cell of my heart loathed his presence and the very pronunciation of his name.
Yet, I ironically couldn't help but love him.
Maybe, it was because I was forced to love him.
After all, he was my flesh and blood.
We would forever be bound by blood and by name.
This is my story of how my innocence was lost, in the hands of a monster, masked as my brother.