Don't own MI or its characters or the song "No Air" (Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown). But if I did…hah…imagine the possibilities!!
BIG UPS to my buddy Zaedah for helping me out with this!!
Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air
If I should die before I wake
It's 'cause you took my breath away
Losing you is like living in a world with no air
She had stopped crying already, despite the single hot tears that still found their way out of her eyes. Piece by piece she replayed the day in her head. Stephen had been virtually invisible at work that day. Unseen and unheard. This, however did not ruin their routine and an hour after work ended for him, Stephen was at her door. Dinner was followed by dessert and relaxation, plenty of kisses in between….usually.
But tonight had been different. Tonight he was hell-bent on making an issue out of everything.
"You changed your living room?"
"Yes." It was true. She had grown tired of the arrangement.
"Why?" The one word question was filled with annoyance.
"Needed some change. What's wrong with it?" She replied sincerely.
"I don't like it." An irritating tone covered his words. Natalie had ignored what he said, knowing the man was tightly wound already and that arguing would help none.
The whole team dealt with death on a daily basis. It was a hard truth. Each one had learned to cope and to vent how they felt. This, however, was never an option for Stephen. He was the leader, there was no room for coping. It simply wasn't an option. Still, his troubles seemed to constantly be on Natalie's mind. Stressful job, the hardship of a teenage son he barely saw and lack of sleep were at the top of Nat's imaginary list for Stephen. She knew there'd always be bad days.
Never before had he snapped.
"What's wrong Stephen?" She had asked softly, without the slightest hint of prying.
"Nothing." Cold, hard typical Stephen Connor answer. The night, however, was still young.
"Are you sure? I mean, you've been a little…tense." She stood behind him, hands making their way to his shoulders to ease the ever present stress.
"Yes. I'm sure. Nothing's wrong." He shrugged off her hands.
"Oh.. Okay. Well, if there is anything that you can think of, I'm here to talk."
"Natalie." His eyes were stern, face utterly emotionless.
"Yes?" Half of her expected him to say something, the other half expected another "nothing, never mind" answer.
"Drop it. There's nothing I want to talk about, especially not with you." That came out wrong, Stephen knew it came out wrong. Natalie, on the other hand, could only hope it did. The tension weighed heavily upon the both of them. Natalie stood in place. Unsure of what else to do or say, Stephen made a beeline for the door, letting it slam behind him.
I'm here alone, didn't wanna leave
My heart won't move, it's incomplete
If there was a way that I can make you understand
He could still feel the burdening regret, long after the door had slammed behind him. The air was cold, but he didn't feel it as he sat thinking in his car. Stephen didn't have the heart to leave her driveway. What happened tonight was beyond him. His chest seemed to tighten, remorse flooded him. Natalie was simply trying to help. Maybe what everyone said about him was right. Maybe he was too uptight. Had keeping everything inside finally caught up to him?
The same excuse was always formed. Speaking went beyond his comprehension. The bridge between emotion and words was impossible for him to finish. Ironically enough, he never figured out how to express to Natalie that he was horrible at expressing his feelings. Now everything he kept bottled up came back with vengeance. Natalie was simply an innocent victim.
Her bedroom light was off. No doubt she was crying. Her tears always made up for his lack of feeling. Apologizing wouldn't be easy. It never was. Still it needed to be done.
He needed her. It had only been a few hours and already he was suffocating.
Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air
Can't live, can't breath with no air
It's how I feel whenever you ain't there
Got me out here in the water so deep
Tell me how you gon' be without me
If you ain't here, I just can't breathe
It's no air, no air.
The block numbers of the clock read 2 AM. Natalie wondered why she bothered with a bed. No matter how tired she was, sleep never came and on the rare occasion that it the luxury was short lived. The now puffy-eyed, exhausted doctor rolled over onto her side and faced the cold, empty spot usually occupied by Stephen. Her heart ached for his presence, anger and all. From the beginning, it was obvious that the relationship would have its down moments. The whole thing had been deep, uncharted waters for her. She knew how reserved he was and that only a small glimmer of feeling would show every once a while. Yet, even with this foreknowledge, Natalie was never prepared for these times.
I walked, I ran, I jumped, I flew
Right off the ground to float to you
There's no gravity to hold me down for real
But somehow I'm still alive inside
You took my breath, but I survivedI don't know how, but I don't even care
"This is ridiculous," the frustrated man said to himself. Stephen got out of his car and ran to the door, his feet barely touching the ground. He fumbled with the housekeys she gave him, praying that the woman on the other side did not hate him. After sliding in and turning the key, the door opened. He was welcomed by an uneasy darkness. The lack of light did not hinder him from finding Natalie's room, with the exception of the new living room arrangement, he knew his way around the house too well. Her door was open, as though she knew he'd come back.
"Nat?" He said softly, she jumped at the sound of the gruff voice that spoke her name.
"Stephen?" He made his way to the bed and took a seat at the edge.
"I…I.." His mouth sputtered, fighting to find the right words. "I'm sorry Natalie, for tonight. For everything."
"Everything?" she asked, still surprised that he stood before her.
"I'm not so good with the whole putting words together and them coming out right."
"That doesn't really explain tonight."
After a heavy sigh, he said "You're right. I..I guess work has something to do with it." He paused, "Right? I mean the job is tough. And sometimes I feel bad." The stutters seemed to make their way into his explanation. "Sometimes I think I should be with Jack..I..I don't see him as much as I'd like. And you…"
"Me?" She'd never considered adding herself to the list.
"Yes you. I should," he hesitated, "be spending more time with you. Not just nights. I see you at the job and there's no room for anything there. And when we're here…we're asleep half of the time or at least you are. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I can't give you better. "
The thoughts would be incoherent for the untrained ear. But what seemed to be rambling was actually Stephen spilling his feelings. It was a shocking mouthful for Natalie. She released a breath she didn't know she was holding and gaped at him in the dark.
What could she say? The simplicity of his presence made breathing easier. Although the explanation about his bad temper was nice, no apology was needed. Natalie already knew. Stephen was aware of these concrete facts, still he said what needed saying.
"Nat? Are... Are you mad? Say something. Please."
After a long silent pause she said, "Why didn't you tell me any of this before?"
"The last thing I need is for you to be stressed out over me."
"Keeping it in only makes me worry more."
"Really?"
All Natalie could do in response was lean in and kiss him.
"Yes. Really." Tears and bottled feelings aside, the two needed each other.
Stephen seemed to be on a roll with the apologies because before he drifted off to sleep, he mumbled one last thing.
"Hey Nat."
"Hmm?"
"About the living room. It looks nice… Really, it does."
But how do you expect me
To live alone with just me
'Cause my world revolves around you
It's so hard for me to breathe
Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air
Can't live, can't breathe with no air
It's how I feel whenever you ain't there
It's no air
No air