We'd been marching in eerie silence for what seemed like an age.
When we fled from Cousland Castle, we'd had nothing more than the starry night sky to help guide us on our way to Ostagar, but now the sun was painting the sky in bright morning glow. Every ounce of pain I felt, I'd used to set an unhealthy pace. Hours later, my energy was starting to wane. My companion had just about managed to keep up, seeming to respect my decision to stay away from him … from everything. It would have been foolish of me to expect that to last.
"Lady Howe-" Howe. The word sounded foreign … wrong and yet it had always been as much a part of me as anything else. But how could I possibly keep such a name. For all my life it had been a badge of honour, I was a Howe. I was the granddaughter of the man who stood shoulder to shoulder against the Orlesian occupation.
And now the daughter of a man who murdered innocents for the sake of a title.
"Please Alistair don't call me that. Don't ever call me that again," I cried defiantly. It was perhaps the wrong thing to have done, I felt my voice choke on the last few words, as my emotions desperately sought a way out.
"Althea, I know it's hard-"
I stopped. "You don't know. My father, my vile, powermad father just slaughtered my friends." My hands burrowed themselves in my pale hair, pulling at the ends in some deranged madness. "I spent every summer at Cousland Castle. Ferguson and Aedan, were as much my brothers as Nathaniel and Thomas are: we played, fought, argued but were always there for each other." Stop, I pleaded with myself, this will do no-one any good. I couldn't though, it was too late now. Everything was at the surface, every memory, every regret and my lips moved without my consent.
"It was Teyrn Bryce that taught me how to wield daggers and told me stories of old to get me off to sleep. Terynna Eleanor attempted to teach me how to use a bow and arrow. They were the parents I always wanted, they loved me more so than either of my real ones did. It didn't matter where I was, what I'd done, they supported me emphatically."
"You know I was Oriana's bridesmaid, I was appointed one of Oren's Guardians. I watched him grow … I vowed to look after him and now, now … he's lying broken on the floor."
"Oh Maker, I failed him. I failed them all!"
I knew my parents would sacrifice a lot for power: time, the happiness of their children, but even for them this was beyond all comprehension. Oh Maker. The tears were welling up fast and furiously now, as I desperately sought to stop my mind whirling. They kept coming no matter how furiously I wiped them away.
At some point Alistair had managed to catch up and place himself in-front of me, thrusting the Warden insignia on his armour directly into my line of vision. "Althea, I'm not particularly good with this sort of thing. But I just want you to know I'm sorry." Oh Maker, no, no, no. "They seemed like good people and they clearly meant a lot to you." Stop! "You're human, you're going to hurt."
It was impossible to fight it anymore. My face collided with the cold metal of Alistair's chest plate. A hand moved reluctantly to rest itself reassuringly on the crown of my head. I could hear him fumbling for the words. Neither of us were sure what to do in that moment, but despite the awkwardness of it all, I felt microscopically better. He knew. He believed that I had nothing to do with it and for now that was as good it was going to get.
I recently played Awakening and I got thinking about the Howes'. I often played as a Cousland so I've always hated them all, up until the point I encountered Delilah and Nathaniel and started to wonder whether their father was the exception to their nature rather than the rule. Hence I thought it would be interesting to play the Warden's story from one of their perspectives. Will go into the Howe backstory/ attack on Cousland castle via flashbacks later on. :)
BTW, for anyone reading Broken (my take on Inquisition), please assume this is the canon in which that story follows.