It was a cold night and I was running away from my problems like a child. Or like a Jedi. I had another fight with Luke Skywalker.
"This is hard!", I yelled again.
"You need to focus. Your mind is disturbed…", he explained with his soft voice.
"You ask too much of me.", I said looking down, his face only makes me angrier.
"I only ask what I know you can do.", I could hear a tormented soul in his voice. "You have no right to be sad", I thought, "I know all about saddness, thanks to you.".
"You know nothing about me.", I turned to him. I could see that I've hurt him with my words, good.
"I know what's in your mind. You have a lot of anger, Rey. You're human. But anger can also leed to the Dark Side."
"I don't know if I want to be on any side anymore.", I said out loud for the first time.
"My love…", Luke had tears in his eyes. And so did I.
"You left me! I was alone. I waited for you. For anyone. And nobody came."
"I'm sorry…"
"Bu why wouldn't you?", I continued, "Everybody that stays with me dies.".
Han Solo. I still couldn't say his name. And Finn. I hope he's still alive.
"I thought about you everyday for all those years", Luke said, "And your mother too."
And that was it. I stood up and started running. I hold on to a tree when I felt I couldn't stand anymore. The training took away all of my energy. I was crying in a way I never did before. Sobbing like crazy. I thought that if I met my family everything would be easier, but I was better off alone.
One day I was just a scavenger on Jakku and now everyone expect me to be this great Jedi that will take down Kylo Ren and bring balance to the Force and save the galaxy. "And all I wanted was a family".
I hate my father and my mother is dead. I feel more alone now than in Jakku. I look up to the sky and the stars. The Dark Side is very easy. All I want now is to kill Kylo Ren, get revenge. I don't have time to think about anything else. But the Light Side… I have to be one with the Force, and find myself and know right from wrong. That's harder.
The wind blows in my face gently drying my tears. I remember all those years in Jakku. Everything I had to do on my own. All those stupid men I had to fight against. I guess I don't have to look for a family to find myself. I find myself with nature. The sand. The stars. The trees. The wind. They were always my favorite companion. Unlike people, they are always there for me. Hey, that's where the Force is, right?
You know what, Light Side? I can do this.