"NO!" I cried, thinking it would fix everything. It had been an hour since the crash and his hand still lay limp and lifeless in mine. So many 'if only's running through my head. IF only we had stayed home, if only…
"AGGHH" I yelled, tears streaming down my face. Why is this happening? As if being in the crash wasn't enough, but being haunted in my dreams six months later…
"Chelsea. What's wrong?" Mum called out.
"Nothing. Just a bad dream," I said, not wanting to recount my dream.
"Ok sweetie, but next time, keep it quiet?"
"Sorry. Goodnight." Leave me alone, I thought. I'm not in the mood.
"Goodnight." She's leaving. Now I can go back to hoping this was a once off occurrence. I lay there for another hours or so, tossing and turning, trying to get back to sleep but the memory of Joe's death is too fresh in my mind. Why is this happening to me? I wondered, and with that my alarm went off, signaling a new school day.
It had been hours since school finished and I was just getting ready for bed. All the memories had made me very tired but I wasn't sure if I wanted to sleep. I was hoping the dream wasn't going to happen again.
I began drifting off and a little while later I fell asleep…
"IT'LL BE YOU AND I, UP IN THE SKY…" We sang at the top of our lungs. My best friend Shane, my brother Lucas and I were driving home from the Marty Casey concert. Shane and I sat in the back dancing along to the radio having the best time ever when Lucas slammed the brakes on.
"Sorry guys, kangaroo," Lucas called from the front.
Not five seconds later the car went flying off the road. Shane grabbed my hand as we headed towards the trees screaming. We crashed and Shane was flung across the car. I couldn't tell if he was breathing. My first thoughts were the worst but I could see his chest heaving slowly. I kept screaming until I heard Lucas telling me to calm down.
Half an hour later and Shane's breathing was starting to slow down. Why isn't anybody coming to help us? Someone must have driven past by now. It's not like we're in the middle of nowhere! There are always cars here, until now. This is the worst day of my life.
"NO!" I cried, thinking it would fix everything. It had been an hour since the crash and his hand still lay limp and lifeless in mine. It was my fault and I couldn't deny that. If I hadn't been so persistent and dragged Shane to the concert he wouldn't be lying in my arms right now, dead. I hate that word. You never expect to be the one using it. That happens to everyone else, not me.
I heard the ambulance sirens approaching us. Finally!
The paramedics ran over and got us out of the car. A lady checked Joe's pulse and slowly raised her head.
"Time of death, 1:13am."
As she said this I froze. I didn't cry or scream or do anything you expect to see. I just sat there, staring into space.
I jolted out of bed. Tears were flowing freely down my face. I ran to my door and locked it. I didn't want human contact it was too painful. There were photos all around my room of Joe and I. Looking at them made it worse. We were having the best time ever on his last night. I began smashing anything I could reach. I heard someone calling to me, asking me to open the door. I didn't listen, continuing to throw objects around my room. There was no way I would stop. I had to get rid of the anger and pain. Lucas' voice drifted through the door. I could hear him asking me to stop and let him in. I didn't want to but he was my brother and best friend. I unlocked the door and he came in. He grabbed me and held me down. Two guys followed him and grabbed my hands. I noticed they were holding a jacket. They forced me into it and dragged me to their van. The doors shut and they locked me in. "Where are you taking me? There's nothing wrong with me. I'm not crazy," I yelled at the two men between fits of tears. There was no response. So this is how my life will end, I thought. Stuck in a mental institution. Haunted by the memory of my best friend's death.
It was months later and my life was nearing its end. It's impossible to know how long it will take for the bland life of a mental patient to eat away at you. Unfortunately for my family, the wait was not long. I cannot begin to imagine the pain my family is about to go through, but as I lay in my bed I thought of my best friend. My final words were the saddest I had every spoken, directed to Shane, who I was soon to see. I closed my eyes and whispered, "I miss you."