I occasionally find myself composing this inner monologue in a half-baked and utterly sadistic attempt to retain my mental sanity. My past is rather irrelevant at this point in time, given that the things I have learned on the outside haven't proven to be very useful, here in Night Vale.

And yet here I sit in the middle of the bathroom of my two-bedroom apartment, along with the neighbor's kid who always seems to be sticking her freckled little nose into my business. Both of us are slathered in low-SPF sunblock. It makes walking about the room without sliding a bit of a tricky task.

"I'm hungry," Aurora suddenly wines, lying on her back and waving her arms half-heartedly in the air.

I'm busy tuning the portable radio I keep in my apartment. "You heard what Cecil said," I reply. "If it's outside of the bathroom, I'd rather not chance it right now."

"Since when do you listen to Cecil?" she nearly sneers.

I have, in my mere two months of living in this southwestern town, learned many things, including controlling the overwhelming urge to slap this particular child. "Yeah, I've been a little more cautious since I nearly snapped my neck falling over a dead reindeer last week."

Aurora continues the waving motion with her arms, still fixated on the ceiling. "Ooooooh, glow cloud."

I sigh. "Glow cloud and now winged dinosaurs of some sort?" I lean against the wall, content with the strength of the night's broadcast. "Man, I just wanted to board a normal plane to Halifax but somehow ended up here and even though it's been two months everyone is still trying to convince me there has never been an airport in Night Vale..." I briefly tune into the broadcast again. "Pah, Tyranador Attack Gate, just what we needed this week."

Aurora makes an effort to sit up and perhaps be a little less annoying. "How did the town meeting go today?"

"We're apparently removing the lead door from Radon Canyon. Needless to say, Carlos isn't very happy."

"He's your boss, isn't he?" she asks, innocent and oddly fixated on the subject.

"He sure is. I'm glad I can put some of my lab skills to use way out here in the sticks."

She giggles. "Cecil likes him."

I couldn't help but smirk and turn my head to the radio. "He sure does." I nod my chin at the dials.

"Isn't lead dangerous?" she asks, still innocent and full of curiosity.

I shake my head. "Not unless you plan on eating the door or maybe licking it every day for a few years. It's important in holding back radiation. You know, from the plutonium that it's been apparently containing."

She stares with wide eyes, overwhelmed.

It's a night made for sighing, I figure. "No, the lead is very helpful in the door."

I can hear sudden banging my own front door, which presumably does not contain heavy metals of any dubious sort. I pause, weighing the risks and benefits of remaining safe in the bathroom, but presumably being quite rude to my potential guest versus acting like what would typically be considered a rational human and take the minimal risk of death-by-flying-dinosaur-attack.

I decide I should take the opportunity to remain a normal human being, while I still can.

Aurora has some objections. "You're not going out there, are you?"

I reach for the doorknob before me as I speak, "I've already been forced to store all of my books under tarps on the balcony because of the PSA stating they are unfit for human living quarters. I love those books and my right to have them in my own home has been stripped of me. I'll be damned if some backwater council members are going to tell me I can't answer my own door."

I brace myself as I enter the living room.