Disclaimer: The characters of Supernatural do not belong to me. The original characters of Kelsey and Abby Winchester do.
A/N: So, this turned out to be much longer than I was thinking it would be. But I think it turned out okay.
I am directly in the path of a very strong hurricane (hurricane Florence) that's on its way here. So if you don't hear from me for a few days, that's why. I don't know how the storm is going to impact power, water, or internet in this area, so please just keep me and my loved ones in your thoughts and prayers. We are as prepared as we can be, but it's still scary. Thanks a lot, everyone!
"Let's clean up, Oscar. So mommy doesn't have to do it."
Abby put Oscar into one of the kitchen chairs while she picked up her crayons and paper from the table. She put the crayons in the big box that Jess had given her, and stacked the papers up really neat. As she finished up, Jess came back into the kitchen.
"Look at you my big helper!" Jess said enthusiastically.
"I cleaned up for you mommy." Abby said proudly.
"Thank you, love." Jess said, kissing the top of Abby's head like Abby liked for her to do. "Would you take it to your room, please? Then help me decide what to make for dinner?"
"I will, mommy." Abby heard Kelsey cough from down the hall. "Mommy? Is Kessy still sick?"
"She is."
"Oh." Abby said, looking down the hall.
Jess smiled when she noticed Abby bite her lip, the sure sign that she was thinking about something. "Hey."
Abby turned to look at Jess, still biting her bottom lip.
"I see those wheels turning in your head. What are you thinking?"
"Well, if Kessy's still sick, she can't go with Daddy to the grocery store tonight, right?" Abby asked.
"Right…" Jess said, having an idea she knew where this was going.
"Can I go?"
Jess smiled. Sam did the grocery shopping every week, and always took Kelsey with him. Abby sometimes wanted to go, but Sam would usually convince her that they'd do something special together later. He sometimes would remember to at least read to her later that night, sometimes not. Jess was amazed that something as simple as a trip to the grocery store with her daddy could mean so much, so it was an easy decision.
"If Daddy says it's okay, you can go."
Abby grinned, and Jess thought to herself How did I ever get such a cute kid? Jess gently reminded her to take her stuff to her room, and soon enough Sam was coming home. Abby was already waiting on the living room couch for him when he opened the door.
"Hi Daddy!"
"Hey. How was your day?" Sam asked as he pulled off his work shoes.
"It was okay." Abby said. "Hey, Daddy, guess what?"
"What, sweetie?"
"Mommy said if it was okay I could go with you to the grocery store." Abby said excitedly.
Sam turned towards Abby, prepared to give his standard answer of "This is mine and Kelsey's time, we'll do something later". But when he saw how excited Abby was, he faltered.
"Honey, grocery shopping's kind of boring. Kelsey goes because she helps me…"
"Sam." Jess said, standing in the entrance to the kitchen from the living room. "Kelsey's sick. Sore throat, fever, the works. She can't leave the house."
"Pleeeassee, Daddy?" Abby begged, putting her hands together as if she was praying. "I can help too."
Sam sighed, more because he knew he was beat than anything else. Abby could be more than a handful, and Sam had little patience for her sometimes when they were in public. It was part of the reason he took Kelsey with him instead of her. He knew at times it hurt her feelings, but he was honestly afraid if he took her with him she'd wander off and get lost. Or worse.
"You have to stay with me the whole time, okay? That means holding my hand in the parking lot and riding in the cart the entire trip. Understand?"
"I undertand." Abby said. "Promise, Daddy."
"You wander away from me at any point and no bedtime stories for seven whole days."
"That mean I can go?" Abby asked. "I won't wander away, promise."
Sam nodded. "You can go."
"YAY!" Abby said, jumping up from the couch and running to Sam. She grabbed his waist in a hug and squeezed him tight. "Thank you, Daddy."
As afraid as Sam was of Abby getting lost, her eagerness to just be with him warmed his heart. Sam briefly returned the hug and told her, "Go get your shoes on and wait for me back down here. I'm going to check on Kessy and change clothes and then I'll be back down."
"Okay!"
Abby sprinted off towards her room, but before Sam could utter his usual 'No running in the house!' Jess was at his side. She grabbed his arm and kissed him, instantly calming him down.
"I know you're worried. But she wants to go so bad."
"I know. It's okay." Sam said. "I'm gonna go check on Kelsey."
"Be careful. I gave her some cough medicine and she might be asleep." Jess said. "If she's still asleep at dinner let's just let her sleep."
"I'm ready!"
Abby came out of her room wearing two different socks and two different shoes. Sam chuckled; the shoes were on the right feet, so he chose not to say anything. Jess went to the living room with Abby, and Sam could hear her giggling all the way down the hall. He quickly changed into a shirt and jeans, then walked into Kelsey's room. Kelsey was awake, but barely.
"Da'e?"
"Hey, sweetness. You okay?" Sam asked.
"N'ont feel good." Kelsey said.
"I know. Mommy told me. You get some sleep, okay?" Sam said. "I'll come read to you later if you want. I love you."
Kelsey never answered, because she was already asleep. Sam kissed her cheek and walked out to the living room, where he came out and found Abby curled up in her mom's lap. Jess was tickling Abby and hugging her, congratulating her on something.
"Daddy, look!" Abby exclaimed, holding her feet in the air towards him. "I tied my shoes all by myself!"
"Good job, kiddo. You ready to go?"
"Bye, mommy!" Abby said, reaching around to hug her mom again.
"Bye, baby. Have fun." Jess said. "Listen to Daddy, okay?"
"I will." Abby turned towards Sam, holding her arms up for him to hold her. "Let's go, Daddy."
Sam chuckled again. "Go on to the car. I'll be right there."
"'Kay."
Abby ran out to the car, and Sam shook his head at her enthusiasm.
"I know you're not crazy about her going." Jess said. "She just wants to be with her daddy."
"I know. It's okay, it really is." Sam said.
"Just keep her talking. About anything. Oh, and take this." Jess picked up Abby's stuffed Oscar the Grouch toy and handed it to Sam.
"Why does she like this thing so much?" Sam asked.
"She says he's really nice, he just like to pretend he's mean." Jess said, shrugging her shoulders. "You two have fun."
Sam shared one more kiss with Jess then walked outside. The first thing he noticed was that the car door was open and he couldn't see Abby. Fleeting panic erupted inside him, and he found himself start to shout.
"ABBY!"
"I'm in here, Daddy!"
Sam exhaled in relief. Abby had opened the door and climbed into her booster seat herself.
"Daddy, I can't reach the door to close it." Abby said.
"That's okay."
Sam shut Abby's door, climbed into the car and started towards the store. Sam, thinking about the best way to get in and out of the store quickly, was only half listening to a chattering Abby in the back. When he parked the car, he got out and helped Abby out of the car. He was surprised when she grabbed his hand right away and held on.
"You said I had to hold your hand, right?" Abby asked, nervous when Sam didn't say anything.
"Right. Come on, sweetie. Let's go in."
"What we do first, Daddy?" Abby asked eagerly.
Out of habit, Sam took the list out of his pocket and handed it to Abby. "What's the first thing on the list?"
Abby frowned and looked down at the list. It was nothing but gibberish to her. "I don't know."
"What do you mean you don't know?"
"Daddy, I don't know my letters yet. I can't read yet." Abby said. She felt bad she couldn't help Daddy with the list, but didn't he know that?
"Oh, right. Sorry, honey. Here, I'll take that."
"I know my numbers." Abby said, hoping to do something to make Daddy proud of her. "I can count all the way to a hundred!"
"That's nice, sweetheart." Sam said, though he was distracted again.
"You want to hear me?" Abby asked.
"Maybe later, honey."
Abby frowned. "Okay." After they went through another couple of aisles with Sam not saying anything, Abby asked, slightly afraid, "Daddy? Is you mad at me for something?"
"What?" Sam asked as he put the fruit juice in the cart. "No, of course I'm not mad at you. Why would you ask that?"
"Because you not talking to me."
"Oh. Baby, I'm sorry. Daddy's just distracted." Sam said. "What do you want to talk about?"
"I don't know. Can we play a game?"
"Sure. What game?" Sam asked.
"You come up with one." Abby challenged.
"How about this? Why don't we practice your letters?" Sam suggested. "I'll list them off three at a time and you repeat them back to me."
Abby firmly shook her head. "No. I don't wanna do that."
"Why not?" Sam asked.
"'Cause mommy and I already went over them today. We has a deal-she helps me practice them one at a time after I eats my breakfast, and then she plays with me for fifteen minutes. Then I don't have to do 'em no more that day." Abby explained.
"But you made that deal with mommy. Not me." Sam pointed out. He made a note in the back of his mind to talk to Jess about whether it was a good idea to bribe Abby to do something she should be doing anyway.
"Daddy, can we please talk about something else?" Abby asked as they turned the corner to another aisle.
"Come on, sweetie, it'll be fun. It's easy." Sam urged, as he picked up one box of store brand corn flakes and one box of Lucky Charms.
"It's not easy for me." Abby said. "It's not fun either."
"You're not even trying, Abby."
"I do try…" Abby argued, offended Sam didn't think she worked hard on learning her alphabet.
Sam tried one last time. "A…"
Abby, frustrated that Daddy wouldn't listen to her no matter how hard she tried, finally said loudly, "I don't wanna do it, Daddy! No!"
Sam, embarrassed at the outburst, reacted immediately. He swatted the back of Abby's leg hard, causing tears to form in her eyes but not spill over quite yet. Abby glared at Sam while rubbing the sting out of the back of her leg.
"You do not yell at me and you do not tell me no. Understand?" Sam asked, leaning over to whisper so that only she and he could hear.
"I told you I don't wanna do it." Abby said indignantly.
"Well until you can figure out how to speak to me in a more respectful way, you can sit here quietly and not say anything."
Sam didn't ask whether she understood, but Abby did. Daddy didn't really want to be with her. He was only allowing her to come because Kelsey wasn't there and because she'd begged. Abby turned in the cart as much as she could away from Sam, grabbed Oscar, and squeezed him tight. When Daddy walked away from the cart, she would allow a tear or two to fall, but quickly wiped it away so he couldn't see it. After hearing Kelsey talk about how much fun she had while out with Daddy, she had just wanted to spend a little time with him too. But Abby struggled hard learning her letters, and got picked on for it at the daycare class she had to go to one day a week when Jess worked. It made her feel bad when she kept trying and trying and just couldn't get it. So mommy had worked out the plan that they would work together, a few minutes each morning, on one letter at a time. As long as Abby tried her best when they worked together in the mornings, she didn't have to do it anymore the rest of the day. Going slow helped Abby more than trying to do everything at once, but it was still frustrating for her sometimes to not understand something that everyone else seemed to get as if it was the easiest thing in the world.
Sam, for his part, was beginning to feel bad for snapping at Abby. He knew she had a hard time with learning her alphabet, and just wanted to try and help her along. Kelsey had learned her alphabet at around the same age Abby was now, and he'd planned to try and help her the same way he had Kelsey. A voice from his past crept into the back of his mind. Sammy, come on. Dean was doing much more than this when he was your age. Keep trying. Work harder. Sam nearly broke down when he saw Abby wipe a tear away as he put some chicken into the cart. Abby tried his patience on a regular basis, but she was so eager to please her mom and dad that it was hard for him to stay angry at her for long. Sam carefully placed the chicken in the cart, then leaned down slightly to kiss Abby's cheek and wipe the tear away that she allowed to fall. She still hadn't turned to look at him.
"I love you." he said sincerely.
Abby sniffed. She was still mad, but she loved Daddy too, and didn't want him to think she didn't. "I love you too."
Sam waited, then prompted her patiently, "Do you have anything else to say to me?"
Abby, puzzled, shook her head. "No."
Sam's frown returned, but he held his temper much better this time. "Think about it."
Abby did think, but couldn't come up with anything. "I don't know, Daddy."
"Abigail, are you allowed to yell at me?"
"I didn't yell. You weren't listening to me." Abby insisted.
"Abigail, you owe me an apology." Sam said. "Are you going to give it to me?"
Abby couldn't believe it. Despite what she'd said, she knew she'd yelled at Daddy. A little. But he yelled at her when she didn't listen to him, so why couldn't she do the same? If she owed him an apology, he owed her one too. But Daddy wasn't going to give it to her. Grownups always thought they were right and kids were wrong. Abby stubbornly refused to give in, and shook her head.
"Fine. The second we get back home, you go to your room and think about why you owe me an apology. Understood?"
"Fine." Abby said, and went right back to pouting.
The rest of the trip was spent in silence, Abby stubbornly refusing to apologize to Daddy, and Sam stubbornly refusing to apologize to her. Deep down, he knew she had a point. He had pushed her. But she did know better than to yell at him. So they continued on with what they were doing, neither one talking to the other. Abby held his hand like he'd told her in the parking lot, but still refused to say she was sorry.
Sam parked the car and turned to tell Abby to go straight to her room, but he didn't have to. Abby unbuckled herself, climbed out of her seat, opened the door, and went inside. Sam brought all the bags in at the same time, and found a confused Jess standing at the kitchen table with a hand on her hip.
"What happened?"
"What do you mean?" Sam asked.
"Why did Abby walk in and go straight to her room?"
"Because I told her to." Sam said, as he started to unpack the bags onto the table. "She threw a tantrum in the store and yelled at me, then refused to apologize."
"That doesn't answer the entire question. What happened?" Jess asked. "Why did she yell at you?"
"Does that really matter?" Sam asked.
"Do I need to go ask her?"
"I wish you wouldn't. She needs to think about what she did." Sam said.
Jess sighed, turned, and left the kitchen to go talk to Abby. Sam was too stubborn to admit it when he pushed Abby too hard. And Abby, being just as stubborn as her father, tended to push right back, something that Sam just couldn't handle. Jess found Abby sitting on her bed with her legs crossed, holding Oscar in her lap, leaning against the wall and crying.
"Mommy…."
"Hey, hey." Jess said, immediately moving to comfort Abby. "What happened?"
"I don't wanna go nowhere with Daddy no more."
"What happened, honey?" Jess asked again.
"Daddy tried to make me practice my letters while we were shopping. I asked him real nice to leave me alone and talk about something else, but he wouldn't. He told me it was easy and I wasn't even trying." Abby said.
Jess sighed and started to say something, but Abby kept talking.
"I do try, mommy." Abby said, breath hitching as she cried into Jess's neck. "But it's not easy for me."
"I know you try, sweetie. I know you do. And it's okay that you haven't got it yet."
"Daddy don't think so." Abby said. "He acts just like the bullies in my daycare class. The ones that pick on me and call me 'tupid 'cause I don't know my letters yet."
Bingo, Jess thought. She put the picture together almost right away. Sam had tried to get Abby to play some fun alphabet game, the way that he'd taught Kelsey her alphabet. When Abby had tried to get him to do something else, Sam had continued to push, in what she was sure he thought was a patient way, and Abby had eventually lost her own patience and yelled at him. Abby was still crying, and Jess rubbed her back and tried to help her feel better again.
"Listen to me. You listening?" Jess asked.
"'m listenin'." Abby said, her voice slightly muffled from being buried in Jess's neck.
"Sit up."
Abby sat up and looked at Jess, popping two fingers into her mouth, which she did when she was particularly upset. Jess wiped her face and smiled, not saying anything until Abby was smiling back at her.
"Honey, you not knowing your letters right now does not make you stupid. It just means that you have to work a little harder to learn them."
"But it's so easy for Kelsey and everybody else." Abby said. "Why can't it be that easy for me?"
"Sweetheart, tell me something. How high can you count without any help?"
"A hundred." Abby said proudly.
"Do you know how old Kelsey was before she could count that high?" Jess asked. When Abby shook her head, Jess answered, "Six."
Abby gasped. "She's six now!"
"That's right. She had to practice a long time to be able to count that high. And you aren't even in school yet, and you can already do it!"
"Wow." Abby said.
"Now, do you think Kelsey's stupid?"
"No. She's really smart."
"Exactly. She's better at her letters, and you're better with numbers. It took practice for her to learn her numbers, and it'll take more practice for you to learn your letters. Does that make sense?" Jess asked.
"Sorta." Abby said.
"Just because you're not as good at something as someone else doesn't mean that you're not smart. It just means that you have to keep trying."
"I understand, mommy." Abby said. "Thank you."
"Thank you for what?" Jess asked.
"Helping me get it." Abby said. "Not making me feel bad for not understanding."
Jess felt what she called her 'mama bear' mode activate. "I know Daddy was kind of mean to you today. I'm going to talk to him about that. But you know you're not supposed to yell at him, right?"
"I know."
"So why did you?" Jess asked.
"I tried to tell Daddy I didn't want to do it, but he wouldn't listen to me." Abby explained. "I just wanted to be with Daddy for a little while. He asked me to read the grocery list to him, then when I told him I couldn't, he stopped talking to me, then he tried over and over to get me to do my letters. I just wanted him to talk to me like he does with Kessy."
Problem number two, Jess thought. "Okay, sweetie. I'm going to talk to Daddy. You stay here for a minute."
"Okay, mommy."
"Hey. You know how much mommy loves you?" Jess asked.
"So much." Abby said.
"That's right." Jess said with a smile. "I'll be back."
Jess walked into the kitchen, where Sam was just finishing putting everything away. She leaned against the sink and crossed her arms over her chest, reminding Sam of Abby in the store when she decided not to apologize.
"You want to tell me what happened now?"
"What are you talking about?" Sam asked.
Jess sighed in frustration. "Sam, I have asked you over and over and over and over again. Do not pressure her into practicing her alphabet. It only frustrates her."
"She won't get any better if she doesn't practice."
"Sam. Stop it. She wanted so badly to spend time with you today. Now she says she doesn't want to go anywhere with you again." Jess said.
Sam felt his heart crack when he heard that. "Really?"
"Yes. Sam, she loves you, but she doesn't like practicing with you because you aren't patient with her." Sam opened his mouth to argue, but Jess talked over him. "I know you feel like you are, but think about it. And be honest with yourself. How often this last week have you said something to Kelsey like 'good job' or 'I'm proud of you'?"
"I say it all the time."
"Now how often have you said that to Abby?" Jess asked. "For that matter, how often have you spent time with Abby that wasn't putting her to bed or taking her to daycare for me?"
Sam frowned. "I haven't this week, but…"
"Sam, she's not going to see 'but'. All she sees is that no matter what she does, you want to spend time with Kelsey and not her. She thinks she has to give you a reason to be with her."
Sam said nothing, too hurt by Jess's stark honesty with him.
"Now think about it, Sam. Do you remember when you told me how frustrated it used to make you when your dad would compare you to Dean?"
"I didn't." Sam feebly protested.
"Not directly. But I just spent ten minutes convincing a crying Abby that she wasn't stupid just because she has a hard time learning her alphabet."
"What? She's not stupid." Sam said.
"I know she's not. You know she's not. But that's how she feels when someone pressures her and tells her that 'it's easy' and that she's 'not even trying'. You have to accept it, Sam. She's not Kelsey. She's going to struggle with reading. Pressuring her too much just makes her not want to work on it. Think about it-would you want to be reminded constantly about what you're not good at?"
"No." Sam admitted.
"Look, she's ready to apologize to you. But you owe her one too." Jess said.
"I know." Sam said.
"Sam? All she wants is to make you proud. If you really want to make this up to her, let her count for you."
"She tried." Sam said. "In the store earlier. I should've just let her do it."
Jess finally stepped away from the sink and walked to Sam. "Just tell her you're sorry. She does love you, and she does respect you. She just needs to be reminded that Daddy messes up too."
Sam smiled. "Thanks."
"Go on." Jess said. "I'll start dinner."
Sam walked down towards Abby's room with a heavy heart. He hated his temper. It reminded him too much of his father, who often made Sam feel inadequate and not good enough with his harsh and sometimes explosive outbursts. He found it easy to avoid this with Kelsey, who was easygoing and eager to learn new things. But Abby was different. She was often high spirited and required much more hands on attention than Kelsey did. If he was completely honest with himself, he sometimes was less patient with Abby because she simply exhausted him. But, usually, the only time he realized all this was after he snapped at her and made her cry or hurt her feelings. He came to Abby's bedroom door and knocked.
"Can I come in?"
"Sure." Abby said quietly, still holding Oscar in her lap.
Sam walked in and sat on her bed. "I'm sorry."
"Me too." Abby said.
"Honey, mommy said you were crying because you think I don't think you're very smart. Is that true?"
Abby nodded. "Yeah."
"Listen to me. I do think you're smart. I think it's incredible that you can count all the way to a hundred. That's so cool." Sam said.
"Really?" Abby asked, smile forming slowly.
"Really. Will you show me?"
"You bet I will!" Abby said enthusiastically.
"Will you do something for me first?" Sam asked. "Something else you're really, really good at?"
"What?"
"Will you give Daddy a hug?"
With the speed of light, Abby jumped up and grabbed Sam's neck and held on. Sam kissed her cheek, grateful that the incident earlier was behind them. He had no doubt that he and Abby would argue again, but for now, he had something else to focus on.
"Okay, come on. Let me hear it."
"One, two, three, four…."