Title: Too Soon
Disclaimer: *So* not mine ::sigh::
Rating: PG
Spoilers: None that I know of
Feedback: Sure, send it my way :-)
Thanks: To Sharon for the quick read through. :-)
Notes: This is a very short angst piece that just popped into my head, as things are prone to do. Don't worry though, as with all my fics, it has a happy ending.
Part 1/1
**
He cuts through the crowd like a diamond through glass. His eyes are focused straight ahead, never wavering, as if he can see his goal, but it's not there, she's not there. Finally, he reaches his destination and he enters. He reels slightly, momentarily disoriented by the abundance of fluorescent lights and the smell, the familiar smell.
Looking around, he tries to get his bearings, but he knows he is partly stalling for time, that he's not ready to do this. It's not supposed to be happening yet; it's too soon, he's not prepared and he knows he won't cope – he's not strong enough. He calms his heart-rate and heads for the elevator, stabbing at the button for the floor like it was burning, setting his whole body on fire just by touching it, because he knows once the elevator comes to a stop, things will never be the same again.
The nurse points him towards the gowning room and he complains; he doesn't want to wear a gown, doesn't want a barrier between them at this time. He knows it's for her sake, for both their sakes; he knows the sterile environment has to be maintained, but he doesn't like it, he feels restricted.
Stopping outside the door, he looks in and sees her lying in bed, her blonde hair splayed across the pillow and pain etched across her face. His heart pounds in his chest and his brain throbs in his head, telling him he's not ready for this, that he's going to fail in his duties.
He slowly pushes the door open to announce his entrance and the doctor looks at him.
"Josh, I'm glad you're here, she's been waiting for you," she says softly.
His heart aches as he realizes she's been suffering for longer than she needed to because she was waiting, waiting for him.
"I'm sorry, I got here as fast as I could."
The doctor nods and points to her, to his wife, to Donna.
"I'm sorry," he repeats, moving to the head of the bed and taking her hand. She grips it tightly and locks eyes with him, silently nodding her understanding.
"It's too soon," he whispers, unable to stop the words leaving his lips due to the enormity of his worry and fear.
"Josh, we can't wait any longer, I'm sorry," the doctor tells him.
He nods, but asks another question, "What will happen?"
"I can't say right now."
"Okay," he croaks, feeling the tears in his eyes as Donna grips his hand even more tightly, almost cutting off the blood supply.
"Alright, Donna, it's time," the doctor announces. "Push."
*
Nearly fifteen minutes later a little girl is born, their daughter. She's tiny, almost thirteen weeks premature and weighing only two pounds and two ounces. They take her away immediately, placing her in an incubator once all the initial tests are complete. Their hearts break as they realize they won't be allowed to hold her for quite some time, if ever.
Donna is exhausted and Josh coaxes her until she falls asleep from the physical and emotional fatigue. He is tired too, and scared, but he leaves the room to make the necessary calls. He calls his parents-in-law and he calls his boss, trying to maintain some sense of composure. The White House had been on tenterhooks since Josh had been called to the hospital; they all knew it was too early, that the baby would be at risk. Finally, he calls his mother and slumps against the wall, slipping to the floor as he lets the tears fall, unable to hide his fears from her.
*
They never forgot what they went through those first few months of their daughter's life. How they stayed in the hospital at night, with Josh leaving in the morning for work and Donna helping the medical staff bath their baby, feed her and, finally, cuddle her. Josh wore himself out with work and the hospital, but he wouldn't have changed it for the world. He only had two years left as Deputy Chief of Staff in the White House, but he would never be able to relive the time with his daughter and he was determined to make the most of it, no matter what.
Looking back some fourteen years later, they found it hard to believe that she had ever been that small. Now she was an average size girl, full of energy and mischief, nothing like the little girl who had been unfortunate enough to have tubes all over her body for the first months of her life. If it weren't for the photographs in the album, no-one would believe the stories. It still amazed everyone to see the photo of Josh holding his daughter in the palm of his right hand.
The birth of her brother four years after her had been much smoother. He had been full-term; in fact he had been late. It seemed as though he had the missing pounds of his sister as well as two of the missing weeks, as he was nearly 10 pounds, which was huge for his mother. His sister had scrunched up her face when she arrived at the hospital with her Aunt CJ and found that it was a boy that had been born. She asked her mother to take it back and swap it for a girl. Her parents laughed heartily and gently told her it didn't work like that. She wasn't amused, but she loved her brother anyway and the immense look of pride on her face as she sat in the chair beside her mother's bed and held her brother in her arms for the first time was unmistakable.
As the children grew older, they looked out for each other, played together, taught each other things and, inevitably, fought with each other. The little girl who didn't want a brother took great delight in helping to teach him how to tie his shoelaces and ride his bike, although she did laugh when he fell off for the first time, earning her a scowl from her brother and a glare from her father, who reminded her of her own mishaps when she had first ridden her bike.
*
It is now the day Josh has been dreading for years, the day he has to give his daughter away to another man; it's her wedding day. Josh approves of her choice and has been supportive throughout, but he still feels the tug at his heart as he lets go of her hand at the end of the aisle and she takes the hand of her husband-to-be. He watches the ceremony with pride, tightly holding his wife's hand and chuckling as she sheds a few tears; he dips his head to hide the shimmer in his own eyes.
Halfway through the ceremony, Donna turns and asks if he's okay. He smiles brightly, but there's a wistful look in his eyes. Slowly, he opens his mouth and whispers, "It's too soon."
**
The End