I'm so scared
Author: AbbyGibbs
Fandom: Miranda
Pairing: Miranda/Gary
Rating: T
Spoilers: Miranda's Christmas special (set right after "I do but to who?")
Summary: Why does Miranda, need to hear the three little words from Gary so much? Here is my attempt for an answer.
Warning: None that I can think of. Oh yes, there is one, this is un-beta'd
Disclaimer: Nothing's mine unfortunately.
Author's Note: I started to write a fic with the same subject a few days ago, but for some reason while reading what I had already written I didn't like it at all, it doesn't me that I've thrown it away. It didn't feel right. But I thought I'd keep it because you never know what might come out of it after all.
I wasn't sure if I would post this, but I decided to do so after my grandfather died Saturday morning (January 31, 2015) I'm still not over it and I doubt, I ever will. I hope that write might maybe help me cope with it.
I just hope this won't end up being a complete fiasco.
Thank you to Miranda Hart, Tom Ellis, James Holmes, Patricia Hodge, Sarah Hadland and all the rest of the cast and crew that made Miranda such a delight to watch it helped go through a very rough time in my life. Thank you so much Miranda!
Review/Feedbacks: well, I'd love them, of course — who wouldn't? But please, only if you respect my work because it takes a lot of time and energy to get a story together. I love writing; I wouldn't allow anyone to discourage me from doing so, never. I don't have any problems at all with readers who choose not to go for this, but I decidedly do with those who write disrespectful mails just because they didn't get the ending they would have wanted. If you want to tell me what I might have done better within the story I made up, you're always very welcome to let me know. But if your only concern is to rant about it, then please, do it in private, okay? Thank you.
No copyright infringement is intended.
I'm so Scared
Chapter One
It's over
"The best thing to hold onto in life is each other." Audrey Hepburn
"What happened?" Stevie asked her friend who was still sitting on the sofa, hugging a pillow.
"It's over." Miranda told her small friend in a barely audible voice.
"What do you mean it's over?"
"There is no Gary and me anymore." The taller woman managed to get out in a strangled voice.
Stevie came to sit in the sofa next to Miranda, and hugged her. "I know I'm not Gary, but I love... 'ou."
Such a sweet intention Miranda thought, but her friend's words didn't comfort her the slightest, if anything they broke her heart even further. All she wanted was to hear those exact same words from the man she loved more than anything or anyone else in the world, but he couldn't say them to her.
"He doesn't love me," Miranda suddenly blustered out in a broken voice.
At her words, Stevie disentangled herself from the hug and looked at the woman facing her. The blond woman looked at her in pure stunned astonishment because she couldn't believe that Miranda was actually thinking that Gary didn't love her simply because he hadn't said the three words to her yet.
No this couldn't be happening, she had done three years over this. It had taken her three years to make her friend see what everyone else saw when they saw her and Gary interact together. Miranda's head over heels in love with the man. The blond petite woman wasn't about to let all of it get thrown into the trashcan just because Miranda was afraid.
Stevie couldn't quite understand what was going on in her massive friends head. She's been drooling over Gary Preston for years, and been heartbroken when she saw him kiss Rose, even the notion of the woman made her feel sick. And all that for what? Letting him go because of three words he couldn't say? This was ridiculous It wasn't as if you couldn't see that he loved her.
Gary was madly in love with Miranda. All this situation was so sad.
Stevie sighed heavily, no she wasn't going to let that happen. She wanted her best friend to be happy and her old self again and she knew that it could only be linked to Gary, because the two of them were meant to be like Apples and Cinnamon, they go perfectly together. She had to act; she needed to do something to help them. The only problem was... what exactly could she do?
It's then that the petite blond woman realized that she needed Miranda to tell her why she was thinking that Gary didn't love her. For some reason, Stevie thought that there was more to it than what the man Miranda loved didn't say.
"I can't believe my ears." Stevie said in an annoyed tone of voice.
"What?" Miranda replied looking at her friend.
"I cannot believe that you're saying that Gary doesn't love you. I've never seen a man loving you more than he does, Miranda. There isn't a thing he wouldn't do for you. What's your problem? Come on. He even broke up with Rose for you even if he didn't realized it then. He asked you to marry you for cry sake! I really don't understand how you can doubt his love."
"I couldn't tell Mike I loved him because, deep down, I knew I didn't love him well I did love him but I wasn't in love with him… You said it yourself, Stevie."
Stevie frowned not quite sure to follow her friend's train of thoughts, but then it suddenly clicked, the pieces started to fit together.
"You're thinking because he can't tell you the words, Gary isn't actually in love with you, You're thinking Gary has the same problem you had with Mike. That's it isn't it? You don't trust that he loves you..." Her heart broke for the taller woman. She came closer to her and gave her a hugge.
"That's exactly what he said before he left. I didn't trust him to love me. He said he couldn't be with someone who didn't trust him..." At this point, her voice was full of tears.
"Hey, what are those tears for?"
"I've lost him; I've lost the love of my life!"
"Who says that you've lost him?"
"I'm saying it."
"Why can't you consider that the two of you can get back together? Are you really going to let the one thing that makes you the happiest in the worlds slip away from you?" Stevie couldn't help but ask her.
She was met with sad eyes; they were shining with unshed tears so much that it broke her friend's heart even more. Even a fool could understand that Miranda was madly in love with Gary Preston. The two of them are just meant to be. Stevie knew it; anyone who knew them knew it, even Penny, though, sometimes she would have preferred that her daughter would have chosen someone else.
"Stevie, I've hurt him. I've hurt him so much, you should have seen the sadness in his eyes, it broke my heart into a million pieces, which were broken into a billion more because I was the cause I'm the one cause this hurt to him... How do you want him to still love me after that?"
"Love is not something that disappears, just because you say something hurtful to the person you love like a friend or otherwise… Love is much stronger than that. I mean, if you think about it really hard you'll discover that you've always loved Gary. I mean, you've been friends with him for what? Fourteen… Fifteen years? During all those years, don't tell me that the two of you never had a fight or anything and still your friendship remained and it became even stronger, right? And when he had a relationship with Rose did you stop loving him?"
"No" was her immediate answer.
"You do trust me, right?"
Miranda nodded her head affirmatively.
"Well trust me then when I tell you that Gary loves you as much as you love him if not more. The words will come out in due time, I promise, but it's not like the man as ever had a long term relationship. He doesn't even have a clue about the effect he has on women..." She giggle at her last words, but quickly stopped herself when she saw the emotions playing on Miranda's face.
"I wish, he wouldn't have such a success with women." They all have such allure, like you do."
"You have it as well not that you really need it, though."
A pair of eyes fixed her in response. "Gary wouldn't even notice more or any other woman standing in a room if you'd be around silly. The man as only eyes for one woman and that is YOU, Miranda."
A smile appeared on Miranda's lips when she realized her petite best ally in all of this could be right. "Thank you."
Stevie smiled "I deserve a thank you indeed, but you know, you've got to stop thinking that people don't find you attractive..."
As she listened to her friend's words, she was transported about two years back, at the party, right before Gary left for Hong Kong. Those were his exact words, she hadn't given it much credit back them, but maybe, just maybe the blond talking to her might be right.
Then realization kicked in, she only wanted the ear the words from him to make it real, to ease her fears. On top of being afraid that Gary might not really be in love with her, she was afraid that she was imagining everything.
How could she ever be so stupid to not simply letting him love her the way he wanted to, he had done his best even better that his utter best to show her how much he loved her, but she had refuse to see it, she had refuse to accept it.
A huge grin spread across her face. Her heart suddenly felt lighter.
"We are being loved, are we?"
"Being much happier, are we?" Stevie smiled.
Mission partly accomplished, she thought to herself.
"He loves me, Gary really loves me." Miranda said laughing as she jumped to her feet and grabbed her friend's hands.
Aes they'd done it before the two friends started to sing "Top of the world" by The Carpenters.
I'm on the top of the world lookin' down on creation Somethin' in the wind has learned my name
And the only explanation I can find
Is the love that I've found ever since you've been around
Your love's put me at the top of the world
And it's tellin' me that things are not the same
In the leaves on the trees and the touch of the breeze
There's a pleasin' sense of happiness for me
Miranda's face changed and Stevie knew her friend was over thinking everything again. She stopped her firmly.
"Don't." The petit blonde-haired person said reaching out to take her bigger friend's face in her hand to make her focus her attention on her. "The next thing you are going to do is talk to Gary. No thinking, just talk."
"Right!" She'd said it, but she couldn't move, she felt paralyzed.
"Move your behind, Miranda."
"Where do I start? How will I find him?"
A chuckled came through Stevie's lips.
"It's not funny!" She shrieks a tiny bit annoyed by her friend mocking her
"How about you text him?" The small blond woman suggested.
"Yeah that might be an idea." Miranda answered, as she somewhat frantically, searched for her mobile phone.
Well done, you doubting the love of your life that's the thing to do when you've waited so long for him. And when you finally get him, you managed to freak him out. Well done, Miranda, really well done. Now let's just hope he will forgive you, because no matter what you try to convince yourself of, you can't live without him in your life, Miranda, you just can't. Miranda lectured herself.
TBC…
No worries, it will get better.