All Righty. I love my friend very much, and she sent this to Nufasa, who sent it to me. Now, it's got sooooo soooo many spoilers in it because she goes through the whole book. Now, this first part is just the prolouge... And there'll be four chapters, each Book. And, if Nufasa get our butts on it... We'll have abridged versions of all the books sooner or later... whatever happens. BTW!! There is swearing in here... Just to let you know.
3Shanamanin
Okay, so, previously on As the Vampire Sparkles, emoteen Bella Swan moves to a tiny little depressing brainy town and won't shut up about it. There she meets a mysterious boy who turns out to be a 100+ year-old vampire who literally sparkles "like diamonds" in direct sunlight and reads minds (but not hers), and after three hundred pages of Bella wondering why he's so mean to her and why he's so weird and why he's not being mean to her anymore and what his deal is and if he likes her and if he actually loves her and how much he loves her and how he could possibly love as someone as Mary Sue plain and boring and clumsy as she is and if his vampire family will like her, a plot finally shows up, but it doesn't last very long. And then they go to prom.
In the second book, Edward the sparkling vampire leaves Bella for her own good, and she spends most of the book trying to kill herself with motorcycles and cliff-diving. Sort of. And then her best friend falls in love with her and turns out to be a werewolf, but Bella runs away to save Edward from committing suicide by public sparkling in Italy.
In the third book, Jacob the best friend/boyfriend wannabe/werewolf turns into a total asshole trying to force himself on Bella, and a vampire with a grudge from the first book is trying to kill her, but more importantly, Bella and Edward argue about whether they should have sex, get married, and/or vampirize Bella, and in what order.
So here we are on the fourth and theoretically final book in terms of the actual plot moving forward. The following commentary is split into three parts because the book itself is, and... I was really squicked out by the middle third, so I want to give you the option to skip it if you'd rather. Also, the commentary is based off notes I took while I was reading—unless it's marked "Note from the future"—so you're going to see me trying to winkle out exactly where the book's going next a lot. A lot of times I'm wrong. A lot of times… I'm right.
Formatting note: Only bolded quotations are really from the book. Anything else, even if it's in quotes, is just from me. Conversely, yes, everything in blockquotes really came from the book.
Dedication: Stephenie Meyer dedicates the book to the band Muse. Well, at least it wasn't Linkin Park.
(I… I just realized that—on the basis of which musical artist has "been there" for me the most during my writing "career"—I would probably have to dedicate my next book to... Belinda Carlisle. Oh God, I can't look y'all in the eye right now.)
So? What do you think?? I swear I will forward all reviews to the author (If she doesn't kill me first... Wishful thinking.)