AN- Wow, I haven't written in a long time. I suck. ;
Anyways, this is a songfic to the song Pale by Within Temptation, which, by the way, are awesome. It doesn't fit perfectly, but I'll try to make it work. Enjoy!
Bella's PoVThe world seems not the same
Though I know nothing has changed
It's all my state of mind
I can't leave it all behind
The final decision had been made. The decision that would end my life as a human and begin a new one as a vampire. I took a deep breath. I felt like I wasn't getting enough air and my body wanted to cram a lifetime of oxygen into my still-human lungs before it was no longer necessary.
Everything was different. Nothing was, really; it was only me. I was using my only few minutes away from Edward since our wedding to stuff in some quality panicking time. How could I do this? Edward was my life, my everything. But Renee was still alive, as was Charlie, Angela, Phil, all my friends and family. I intentionally avoided thinking of that one specific person, the one I'd hurt more than any of them.
Have to stand up to be stronger
No, I was doing this. I could do it. I would. For Edward, my love. For my future family. For myself.
Have to try to break free From the thoughts in my mind
It would be ok. Just a mere three days of excruciating, indescribable pain, and… The thought trailed off. I wouldn't think of the pain.
"Bella, darling?" Edward's angelic voice snapped me out of my reverie. He looked nervous, sad. "Are you sure about this?" he asked.
"More than anything," I vowed. He nodded, still uncertain. I reached out and wrapped my warm fingers around his icy ones. Soon, they would no longer feel cold to me.
He leaned forward and pressed his lips to my throat. My breathing hitched, both from the sensation of his lips on my neck and what those smooth lips hid, what was soon to come.
"I love you," he whispered against my neck. His cold breath sent a shiver through my frame. I was about to answer with the same when he sank his teeth into my jugular. I cried out. Slowly, then faster, the fire began to scald at my veins. I could feel more slashes at my wrists and ankles. I whimpered, and then screamed as the pain intensified.
Use the time that I have I can't say goodbye
Have to make it right
Jake… how could I leave him behind? Why couldn't I stay with him, live a happy nearly normal human life? How could I not have given him a proper goodbye? I wanted to fix things between us. But it was too late.
Have to fight
Cause I know in the end it's worthwhile
That the pain that I feel slowly fades away
It will be alright
Another wave of fire broke over me and I cried out. I could faintly hear Edward calling my name and apologizing over and over. He was sobbing tearlessly. As the next wave crashed, I pressed my lips together and held in the scream of agony I could feel bubbling up from my chest. I would be strong. I wouldn't show Edward my pain. Because when it was over, I would be a vampire. Edward's equal. I could make myself worth his time.
I know, somewhere in my subconscious, that in three days, this would all just be a terrible memory. I would be okay. But now, that was the last thing on my mind. I couldn't think. I could barely draw in the breaths that would soon no longer be necessary.
I know, should realize
Time is precious, it is worthwhile
I was a selfish person. Though, that was redundant, humans are selfish creatures. I was giving up my life for my own gain. It wasn't a perfect life, but a good one. Great, even. I could have met Jake, fallen in love. Had little werewolf children. But when I'd met Edward, all that was made impossible. Without him, I was nothing.
Despite how I feel inside
Have to trust it'll be alright
Have to stand up to be stronger
The waves of agony were coming faster now, increasing in power. I tried to concentrate on the faint feeling of Edward's hand gripping mine. I tried to drown out the pain clouding my mind with his rough, upset, but still beautiful voice. I couldn't even feel how sore my throat probably was, not over the burning racing down my veins.
I have to try to break free
From the thoughts in my mind
Use the time that I have
I can't say goodbye
Have to make it right
I couldn't do it, couldn't make it through the pain. It raced through my limbs, burning, changing in its path. I arched my back and screamed again, the sound ripping from my throat like something alive.
Have to fight
Cause I know in the end it's worthwhile
That the pain that I feel slowly fades away
It will be alright
The pain was fading slightly, probably gathering up its strength to have another go at me. I grasped at the reprieve to remind myself of how much I was gaining. Strength, speed, beauty. Alice, Esme, Carlisle, Emmett, Jasper. And maybe Rosalie could learn to like me more. And my angel, my love, my Edward, for all of eternity. Because in the end, I knew that even if the only thing I was gaining was Edward forever, I would do it. But really, did the pros outweigh the cons?
Oh this night is too long
Have no strength to go on
No more pain, I'm floating away
I had been right. The pain returned, even stronger this time, burning at every cell, every bit of my being. I screamed until I thought my lungs would collapse. I had never been that good with pain. Even someone good at tolerating it would break under this. I couldn't make it. My unseeing eyes slid shut. I could feel the torture still, obviously. But my mind had given up. I couldn't do it anymore.
Through the mist see the face
Of an angel who calls my name
I remember you're the reason I have to stay
"Bella, Bella!" Edward's voice broke through the haze of pain around me. He was in frenzied, calling for Carlisle. "She's not responding!"
Slowly, laboriously, I pried open my lids. "Edward," I whispered. "I'm still here. I'm sorry for worrying you, I love –" I broke off as the agony washed over me again.
"Shh, shh, please don't speak. Don't apologize. I'm here. I love you," he whispered into my ear.
I love you, I thought at him, even though he couldn't hear it. He was why I was doing this. It was all for him. I hung on.
I have to try to break free
From the thoughts in my mind
Use the time that I have
I can't say goodbye
Have to make it right
Even so, the days seemed endless in the land of the merciless, the fires of hell. It was too late to be with my family, but I had a new one, one I could stay with forever. I could take advantage of what I was getting.
Have to fight
Cause I know in the end it's worthwhile
That the pain that I feel slowly fades away
It will be alright
Time passed in strange twists and jerks. But I could tell that this time, when the pain faded, it was not coming back. The fire was giving me back to Edward. And I knew that when I had recovered fully, I would not regret my decision.
AN- Soo… what did you think? I realized that it was a bit repetitive, but oh well. What could I do? Songs do have choruses, after all.
Anyways, I thought that the "see the face of an angel who calls my name" part was perfect. That's where I got the idea from.
So, if you see any mistakes, please tell me! Review! Thanks for reading! I use too many exclamation points!