Authors Note: Random much? I GOT SO BORED sitting in the airport is so damn boring, so had a conversation with my friend Sarah, and we typed it all down, her as Sweeney me as Mrs. Lovett. This is just the first episode...many more to come...if you review...
Randomness of the Human Mind...
AND
THE BODY
Episode One:
Sweeney: What the fuck it sounds like a health magazine artical.
Mrs. Lovett: Sweeney love, that's not the right way to start the show.
Sweeney: What show?
Mrs. Lovett: This is our talk show.
Sweeney: WHAT?
Mrs. Lovett: Dude, shut up, we're on in 30 seconds.
Sweeney: What the hell is a talk show?
Mrs. Lovett: 15 seconds, just openly express your opinion. It's live by the way.
Sweeney: Oh sweet mother of jesus.
Mrs. Lovett: Welcome ladies and gentleman...to the SWEENETT show.
Sweeney: What the hell is that?
Mrs. Lovett: I'll explain when they cut to commercial.
Sweeney: No, woman, I need answers. NOW!
Mrs. Lovett: A combination of our names. Now smile. Your on air.
Sweeney: Dude, you dragged me into this without my permission.
Mrs. Lovett: -through gritted teeth- SMILE!
Sweeney: DAMN YOU!
-Audience OOO's randomly-
Mrs. Lovett: They're suppose to.
Sweeney: So if I say something unfunny, they have to laugh?
Mrs. Lovett: If they signs light up!
Sweeney: So if I tell a stupid joke...
Mrs. Lovett: Go ahead. It is your show after all.
Sweeney: Sooo...
-audience goes silent-
Sweeney: Why did the chicken cross the road?
-audience looks confused-
Mrs. Lovett: -playing along- Why? Was it to get to the other side.
Sweeney: Uh, no... TO GET THE CHINESE NEWSPAPER!! Do get it?
Mrs. Lovett: Um...No?
Sweeney: Neither do I...
-audience is silent until Mrs. Lovett gives the stage crew guy in the back a look, and then audience laughs-
Mrs. Lovett: Care to explain.
Sweeney: No.
Mrs. Lovett: Okay, for our celebirty guest today...I'd like to bring up Barney the FAMOUS purple dinosaur.
-crowd cheers as Barney approaches the stage-
Sweeney: OMG he looks like the judge blown up in purple goop!
Mrs. Lovett: SHHHHHHHH! Don't insult our celebirty guest?
Sweeney: YOU SAID I COULD OPENLY EXPRESS MY OPINION!
Mrs. Lovett: No need to rush.
Sweeney: So, Mr. Barney sir...what got your career started?
Barney: YOUR FACE!
Sweeney: Excuse me?!
Mrs. Lovett: Um...
Sweeney: Are you sure this isn't the judge in disguise?
Mrs. Lovett: I'm sure.
Sweeney: Again, I ask...what got your career started?
Barney: Your face...in my pants...at two a.m. in the morning.
Mrs. Lovett: Oh woah...that's hot.
Sweeney: Okay, first off you don't wear pants, secondly your basically a genderless dinosaur.
Barney: YOUR MOM!
Sweeney: IN MY PANTS AT FOUR A.M IN THE MORNING-- SO THERE!
-audience Oo's. Barney stands up-
Sweeney: Oh Heck No. Hold me back, Mrs. Lovett.
Mrs. Lovett: Um...hold him back...
-guards appear taking Barney away-
Mrs. Lovett: So while you were busy, I made up a song.
Sweeney: Oh?
Mrs. Lovett: It's in honor of Barney...so it's to the tune of i love you
Sweeney: Fuck.
Mrs. Lovett: -sings to the tune of i love you- Pies, are done, Pies are done, now it's time to have some fun...
Sweeney: -sings to the same tune- When they customers aren't looking
Sweeney and Mrs. Lovett: -singing together- we'll steal a kiss or two...
Sweeney: -Singing- I CAN'T WAIT TO GET IN BED WITH YOU!!
Mrs. Lovett: Well, I hadn't exactly figured out the last part...um but I suppose that works.
-Chorus of Oo's erupts from the audience along with a random "Sweeney YOUR HOT!"-
Audience Member: So how do you feel about the stories on Fanfiction about you guys?
Mrs. Lovett: Um...
Sweeney: Um...
Mrs. Lovett: We'll get back to that one.
Sweeney: What in the world is fanfiction?
Mrs. Lovett: Next we invite up the treasure hunters from National Treasure.
Ben: Gosh it's pleasure to be here.
Mrs. Lovett: You're just saying that.
Riley: Your prolly right. Woah your the creepy murderer dude who kills with his razors!
Mrs. Lovett: Easy now, boy.
-Riley backs away from Sweeney's death glare-
Ben: Um yeah Riley, back off.
Sweeney: So your pretty hot.
Riley: yeah I know.
Sweeney: The girl, you arse.
Abigale: Um thank you I guess.
Mrs. Lovett: Oh shut up, that's just cuz you have a thing for blondes.
Sweeney: And you have a problem with that?
Mrs. Lovett: YES I DO! I LOOK HORRIBLE WITH BLONDE HAIR!
Riley: I imagine so...
Mrs. Lovett: I like this guy, can we replace you with him?
Sweeney: No.
Mrs. Lovett: So now you care.
Abigale: Hello? We're here to talk about the treasure...
Mrs. Lovett: Oh yeah huh...so let's talk about...
Sweeney: Sex baby...
Mrs. Lovett: No.
Sweeney: Yes.
Mrs. Lovett: No.
Sweeney: Yes.
Mrs. Lovett: No. No. No
Sweeney: Yes. Yes. Yes.
Mrs. Lovett. No.
Sweeney: Yes.
Mrs. Lovett: No.
Sweeney: Yes.
Mrs. Lovett: No.
Sweeney: Yes.
Mrs. Lovett: No. No. No
Sweeney: Yes. Yes. Yes.
Mrs. Lovett. No.
Sweeney: Yes.
Mrs. Lovett: No.
Sweeney: Yes.
Mrs. Lovett: No.
Sweeney: Yes.
Mrs. Lovett: No. No. No
Sweeney: Yes. Yes. Yes.
Mrs. Lovett. No.
Sweeney: Yes.
Mrs. Lovett: No.
Sweeney: Yes.
Mrs. Lovett: No.
Sweeney: Yes.
Mrs. Lovett: No. No. No
Sweeney: Yes. Yes. Yes.
Mrs. Lovett. No.
Sweeney: Yes.
Mrs. Lovett: NO!!
Sweeney: Let's talk about you and me! Let's talk about bubbles in the tub...let's talk about makin' love...
-scares national treasure people away-
Sweeney: Damn. There goes the blonde.
-random audience member: "I'M BLONDE!"
Sweeney: So back to that fanficion question...cuz you scared away our guests.
Mrs. Lovett: Yeah sure...I scared them away.
Sweeney: So how about that fanfiction.
Mrs. Lovett: -while looking at a computer screen- There's one where we fuck all the time...
Sweeney: What's it called?
Mrs. Lovett: Public Affairs.
Sweeney: Is it good?
Mrs. Lovett: Lots of reviews, everybody must LOVE IT
Sweeney: Oh I see...
Mrs. Lovett: There's a lot where we're paired up...
Sweeney: What about me and lucy...
Mrs. Lovett: There aren't all that many of those.
Sweeney: WELL!! UNTIL NEXT TIME...
Mrs. Lovett: Yeah we'll discuss more stories...
Sweeney: GOODNIGHT!!
-audience cheers-
end note: Review?