A/N: This fanfic concept is one of the many overdone ones, but I'm going to do it again anyway, just because I find it so much fun writing this type of story. I don't consider this a total crackfic, because it actually has a plot and everyone will be almost in character. Almost.

Set at the end of the series. Not a romance fic, though does contain small doses of romantic content, mainly Botan/Kurama and Kuwabara/Yukina but also a small amount of Hiei/Mukuro.

This fic is incredibly crass and it goes places most fanfics don't and never should. You have been warned. I mean, just look at that chapter title...

M-Rated for language, contentious opinions, twisted and varied sexual dilemmas and because every chapter of this fic is guaranteed to offend at least one person who reads it. Leave your dignity at the door before reading.

Chapter 1: Shorty's a Tripod

Keiko slapped Yusuke's hand far harder than seemed necessary.

"Ow!" he protested, retracting his hand and glowering at her.

"You're not supposed to touch it, remember?" she replied.

Yusuke grumbled something derogatory about touching things under his breath but Keiko did not dignify his remark with a response. Yusuke meanwhile kept his eyes on the object on the table in front of him. Suzuka had warned him not to touch it, but why would anyone give something to someone and then tell them not to touch it? In Yusuke's opinion, it was worse than laying out hot food in front of someone who had not eaten in three days.

"You can touch it, just don't open it," Suzuka said as he returned to the room.

Yusuke watched the blonde demon sit down opposite him at the low table.

"Why are you giving it to me?" he asked.

"I figured you would know what to do with it," Suzuka replied.

Yusuke groaned.

"Why?" he demanded, slamming the side of one fist down onto the table.

The table rocked at his touch and the black velvet box slid a little closer to him. Keiko screamed and shuffled back, almost falling over completely in her attempts to distance herself from the box.

"Well you used to work for spirit world, didn't you?" Suzuka asked.

"Years ago, yeah," Yusuke replied. "This may surprise you, but they sacked me after I turned into a Mazoku. Something about spirit world not wanting demons working for them…"

"So you're familiar with Lord Koenma, right?" Suzuka responded, ignoring Yusuke's sarcasm entirely. "You can take this item to him."

"I don't get why you can't just destroy it!" Yusuke snapped impatiently.

"Because destroying it by any means will open the box. Even crushing it doesn't help. The power lies within the box, and whenever it's opened, no matter how – by taking off the lid, setting it on fire, blowing it up – the power is activated."

"So let's just blow it up."

"Blowing it up activates it."

"Yeah but the box will be ruined if we blow it up, so it can't ever be activated again after that, right?"

"Yes, that's exactly what the problem is. Yusuke, were you listening when I explained what this item is and what it does?"

"…I drifted in and out."

Keiko cried out in frustration and collapsed.

"I was listening," Kurama said, walking over to the table and sitting down at one end. "Yusuke, this box is very dangerous. Suzuka designed it to capture the powers and abilities of an opponent and transfer them into the user of the box, but his experiment has failed. The box does not capture powers and abilities, it captures souls. The power to do that is contained within the box. Opening the box by any means – even blowing it up with your spirit gun – will activate the power. The box will take the soul of the person who destroyed it, and with the box gone, we can't use its powers to return that soul to its rightful body. Do you understand?"

"Yeah, got it now," Yusuke said with a nod. "So we put the box really far away, somewhere remote – which around this temple shouldn't be too hard – and I blast it from a distance so it can't get me."

"It doesn't work like that," Suzuka instantly replied. "The force contained in this box won't rest until it takes the soul of the being that opened or destroyed it."

"…So we just find someone we hate and have them destroy the box?" Yusuke asked.

"No Yusuke," Kurama answered. "We take the box to Koenma and have him secure it in the spirit world vault."

"Things tend to go missing from the spirit world vault…" Yusuke grumbled.

"It's the safest and most sensible place for it," Kurama replied. "That box is a dangerous weapon in demon world or here in the living world. First thing tomorrow morning you should take it to Koenma and have him seal it away somewhere it won't be disturbed in spirit world."

Yusuke sighed but nodded regardless.

"Fine," he agreed. "I'll go there tomorrow morning."

"And until then, we should leave this room and not go near the box again," Kurama added,

"Fine by me," Yusuke agreed, standing up. "I only want to open it anyway."

"Yusuke!" Keiko yelped. "Are you stupid?"

"Who are you calling stupid?" he snapped.

Kurama turned to Suzuka and smiled patiently.

"You did the right thing taking it to us," he said. "Thank you for your honesty. We will secure it where it won't bring harm to anyone."

"Thanks," Suzuka replied. "It was supposed to be my secret weapon for the next demon world tournament. Guess I'll have to try again."

"Try again?" Yusuke echoed. "You're gonna make another soul-eating box? Are you crazy?"

Kurama quietly rose to his feet and left the room. Behind him Yusuke was continuing his rant, Keiko was continuing to admonish him for it and Suzuka was attempting to sound apologetic – in between checking his reflection in the back of a teaspoon and smiling proudly at what he saw. Ahead of him, Kurama could see and hear the others milling about the temple, most of them making as much noise as Yusuke, Keiko and Suzuka were: Kuwabara and Shizuru were arguing over something and Yukina was trying to play mediator, Genkai was feeding Puu – who was insisting on crying out cheerfully between each mouthful – and Hiei was darting about outside pretending to be training and uninterested by the goings-on inside the temple. Kurama passed them all until he reached the one person he sought, and he was both surprised and pleased to find her on her own.

"Good evening, Botan," he greeted her.

"Oh, hello Kurama!" she cheerfully replied.

He stopped at her side, resting his hands on the railings and looking out across the temple gardens.

"I was just admiring the stars," she said.

She pointed up at the sky, but the action seemed redundant as her hand was obscured beneath the long sleeve of her pink kimono. As she retracted her hand again, Kurama saw her curl her fingers around the inside of her sleeve in an almost childish gesture that he had often observed her performing, and seeing it always made him smile. She was such a caring, easy-going soul, and she was the first female he had met in his long life – as a demon and as a human – who knew everything that he was and was neither ridiculously impressed nor terrified by it. He had always felt at ease around her, and he had always admired that she was pleasantly pretty, in an easy, natural sort of way.

"Will you be returning to spirit world tomorrow?" he asked her.

"I'll have to take that magic box Suzuka made to Lord Koenma as soon as possible, but I was thinking about waiting a little longer before I go," she replied.

She turned to smile at him.

"As soon as I go back to spirit world, I'll have to go back to work, so I might try to stay here and prolong my little break!" she said. "Is that terribly bad of me?"

Kurama shook his head.

"Actually, I think it's a very good idea," he replied. "I'd like it very much if you were still here tomorrow night."

"Oh, okay," she said.

Then her smile wavered slightly and her cheeks started to turn pink.

"Any… Any particular reason why?" she asked.

She made the question sound innocent, but Kurama suspected that she already knew why he had asked her – though that only made her all the more endearing in his eyes.

"I'd like to have dinner with you tomorrow night, Botan," he said.

Her eyes widened slightly and her pink cheeks turned red.

"Oh," she said slowly. "Is Yukina cooking for us all tomorrow night too?"

"Perhaps Yukina is cooking dinner for the others tomorrow," Kurama said, releasing the railing and turning fully towards her. "But I was thinking that you and I could have dinner together somewhere else. Just the two of us."

He slipped one hand up a sleeve of her kimono until he found her hand, taking it in his and reaching his other hand over it. She looked down at his hands enclosing hers, looking mostly surprised but also slightly pleased and knowing, which confirmed Kurama's suspicions that her feelings were indeed the same as his.

"Alright," she said, lifting her head and looking him in the eye. "That would be super! What sort of thing did you have in mind? Just so that I know what sort of outfit I'll need to wear."

"I know a very nice restaurant by the edge of the city, and the best tables to be had there are on the roof, so be sure to dress for outdoors," he advised.

"Okay!" she said.

She smiled sheepishly and lowered her head, her eyes looking at their joined hands again.

"Um, I have to um…" she said, pointing a thumb back over her shoulder.

Kurama nodded his understanding and released her hand. She bowed to him politely and then hurried back inside, containing a squeal of excitement as she ran. She was overjoyed that Kurama had asked her out on a date – she had sort of suspected that he might, but always worried that he never would – and she simply had to tell someone else. Anyone else.

Unfortunately for them both, the first person she encountered was Hiei.

"Guess what Hiei?" she asked, grinning at him cheerfully.

He paused, his eyes narrowing slightly in suspicion. He was shirtless and sweaty, presumably from his session of shadow fencing, and she could not help but notice the way his eyes twice moved from hers, checking over each of her shoulders in turn.

"I have fabulous news!" she continued.

Hiei sidestepped as though to cut past her but she copied his action, again blocking his path.

"Guess what it is!" she said.

He hesitated and then again tried to step to the other side.

"Stop being so evasive and anti-social, Hiei!" she snapped.

He narrowed his eyes further but still said nothing. Botan started to lecture him on good manners but fell silent when Kuwabara suddenly flew out of a nearby room and landed on the floor between them.

"Kuwabara?" Botan asked, leaning over him.

He looked like he had just gone ten rounds in a demon world tournament without rest.

"Kuwabara?" Botan said again. "Are you alright?"

"…Damn Shizuru…" he groaned, propping himself up on his elbows.

"Kuwabara?"

"Yeah Botan?"

"I'm going on a date with Kurama!"

Kuwabara's bruised face dropped and he gave her a look that was almost as condescending as the one Hiei was still giving her.

"Isn't it exciting?" she asked.

"…Sure Botan," he agreed.

"Could I ask you to do me a favour though?"

Kuwabara sat up, looking suddenly more alert.

"A serious favour?" he asked.

"A very important favour," she confirmed. "You know that magic box Suzuka brought here today?"

"Sure, yeah, what about it?"

"I was supposed to take it to spirit world tomorrow morning, but if I go back with it, Lord Koenma will make me go back to work, and I'll miss my date with Kurama. Could you watch the box for me until I get back from my date?"

"Hey, sure! You can count on me Botan!"

"Oh goody!"

"Hn, ridiculous."

Botan and Kuwabara both turned to glare at Hiei, who was in the process of rolling his eyes.

"That box was invented and built in demon world," he said. "It was created in demon world, and that is where it belongs."

"Now Hiei, surely even you must admit that it would unwise to leave such a powerful and dangerous device in demon world?" Botan returned.

"Yeah Hiei, get real!" Kuwabara added.

"Perhaps you're right," Hiei said to Botan. "Perhaps demon world is the wrong place for the device. But is leaving it in the living world, under the care of a love-struck, brain-dead, overly-curious idiot like this one really any better?"

"Hey!" Kuwabara protested.

"I trust Kuwabara!" Botan argued.

"I don't trust either of you, you're both too stupid and inconsiderate to be trusted with something as important as a box that can steal a soul," Hiei spat. "If you expect to take that box to spirit world, ferry girl, you better do so tonight, because if it's still there by morning, I'm taking it to demon world myself!"

"You'll have to get through me first, Hiei!" Kuwabara said, scrambling to his feet and leering over him.

"Hn, that's hardly a problem."

"Oh yeah?"

Kuwabara clawed his hands in the air over Hiei's head, but Hiei remained completely impassive.

"Boys, stop it!" Botan said, grabbing at Kuwabara's elbow and dragging him back to move in between them. "Let's not bicker! We're all friends here! And today is a most wonderful day, we shouldn't spoil it with petty arguing!"

Hiei and Kuwabara both muttered insults at her. She glared at them both in turn, and they both glared at her and each other. And then Kuwabara ran off.

"Where's he off to?" Botan asked, scratching her head in confusion.

"Where do you think, idiot?" Hiei scoffed.

He turned his back on her and started marching off in the direction Kuwabara had gone thundering in, leaving Botan even more confused than before: but she was not left feeling that way for long when she caught a glimpse of Kuwabara fleeing the room at the end of the corridor with a black box cradled in his arms.

"Kuwabara!" she cried.

Hiei disappeared from her sight as he took off after Kuwabara too. When she felt a wind passing down the corridor Botan realised that they had gone outside and she hurriedly summoned her oar, leaping onto it and shooting along the corridor.

"Hey!" Yusuke yelled after her. "What the hell's going on?"

"I'm handling it!" she sang over her shoulder at him before swerving around and aiming at the open door ahead of her.

Once she was outside, Botan circled once before spotting Kuwabara and Hiei, barely visible by the edge of the forest, Kuwabara hugging the box close to his chest defensively and Hiei pointing his sword at Kuwabara's throat threateningly. With a sigh of annoyance she shot over to join them, banishing her oar again and dropping to the ground beside them.

"Boys, let's not fight over the box," she said calmly.

"It belongs in demon world!" Hiei argued, his eyes still on Kuwabara.

"No way, you little punk!" Kuwabara argued back.

"I am taking the box to spirit world, and that's that," Botan reminded them both.

"You can't be trusted with it, you're a clumsy, stupid, ditzy, air-headed–"

"Leave Botan alone, shorty!"

"The only one less capable of taking care of that item is you, clown!"

"And you're the last person who can be trusted with anything! No way are you getting this box, Hiei! You'll just have another sulk and run away with it!"

"You should watch what you say."

"Oh yeah? What are you gonna do about it?"

"Are you threatening me?"

"I'll take you on, Hiei! Any time, any place!"

"How about right here and right now?"

"Fine!"

"Stop it!" Botan screeched. "Give me the box and stop fighting like a pair of children!"

She reached out and grabbed at the box, attempting to tug it from Kuwabara's grasp, not expecting him to resist and yelping in shock when he did.

"Kuwabara!" she said. "You agree that this should go to spirit world, don't you?"

"If I give this to you Botan, Hiei will just use his freaky forehead eye to hypnotise you and steal it from you!" Kuwabara replied.

"Don't be silly!" Botan said. "Hiei wouldn't do that!"

Kuwabara grumbled something Botan did not clearly hear, but apparently Hiei heard it as he smacked a hand onto the box.

"I'm taking this," he growled. "It belongs in demon world!"

"Yusuke agreed it should go to spirit world!" Botan argued.

"Maybe it should stay here in the living world!" Kuwabara said.

"Don't be stupid!" Hiei and Botan both said.

"I'm not stupid, you both are!"

Kuwabara tried to turn away from Botan and pull the box from her grasp but she stubbornly held on, as did Hiei.

"Be careful with that thing!" Botan warned him. "Don't you know what it's capable of?"

"I hear it devours souls," Hiei said, grinning darkly. "Maybe if I open it now, it will eliminate both of you!"

"Don't even think about it, Hiei!" Kuwabara warned him.

"Just give me the box!" Botan yelled, tugging at the box.

She paused and then tried to tug the box again, at the exact same time that Hiei made an attempt to take it from Kuwabara's hold. All three of them got a hold of the box and in an unplanned synchronised outward movement, they all pulled at it at the same time, the shape of it warping slightly before the whole thing broke apart in a brilliant flash of purple light that threw Kuwabara, Hiei and Botan to the ground.

And all three lay where they landed unmoving, their bodies robbed of their souls.

Kuwabara blinked back the vestiges of sleep, feeling dazed and confused as his eyes began to focus on his surroundings. He was outside, by the edge of the forest beyond Genkai's temple, it was the middle of the night and he was aware that there was someone sitting nearby him. He inhaled deeply through his nose.

"Urameshi."

He slowly sat up, and turned his head to see Yusuke sat at his side, giving him a slightly strange look. And as he looked into Yusuke's questioning brown eyes, a very strange thought occurred to Kuwabara. He sniffed at the air experimentally.

"Ew, did you shower today?" he asked.

Yusuke's face twisted further but he surprisingly did not answer.

"I can smell you from here, Urameshi!" Kuwabara added. "You smell like…"

Kuwabara sniffed at the air again.

"Ew, like old gym socks, cigarettes and cheap aftershave!"

"Hey…" Yusuke muttered. "That's not your usual MO…"

Kuwabara eyed Yusuke over curiously before rising to his feet. He felt a little bit light-headed, and as he looked about himself he found that he could not really remember how he had gotten to where he was or why he was there.

"I haven't told anyone yet," Yusuke said to him. "But when Koenma finds out what you've done, he's gonna go ape-shit."

Kuwabara turned around to ask Yusuke what the hell he was talking about but stopped when he saw what Yusuke was holding in his hands: three broken pieces of a very familiar black box.

"Was it you or was it one of those idiots?" Yusuke asked him, pointing a thumb over one shoulder.

Kuwabara slowly moved his eyes to the two unconscious bodies lying behind Yusuke, his brain taking far longer to register the full horror of what he was looking at.

"Oh my God, I'm dead!" he yelled.

Yusuke flinched and scowled at him.

"What?" he asked.

"I'm dead!" Kuwabara wailed, grabbing his hands at his head, his eyes locked onto his own body, which was lying lifelessly behind Yusuke, next to Botan, who looked equally as dead as he apparently was.

"What?" Yusuke asked again.

"My body!" Kuwabara cried, hurrying over to stand by his own limp body. "What the hell happened? Why am I not in my body? I'm dead! I must be!"

"…What?" Yusuke asked.

Kuwabara growled in frustration – and he briefly wondered why the sound rumbled up and down his chest and felt strangely therapeutic – and he spun around, ready to yell at Yusuke for not understanding, but stopped short as Yusuke stood up.

"…Why are you so much taller than me now?" he asked meekly.

"…I've always been so much taller than you, Hiei," Yusuke solemnly replied.

"…What?" Kuwabara echoed.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Hiei?" Yusuke asked, sighing impatiently. "Did you break this box or not? And if so, did you use it on Kuwabara and Botan?"

"But… I am Kuwabara… And that's…"

Kuwabara was pointing a finger at his own fallen body, but as he looked down he could not help but notice that the hand he had outstretched was wrapped in bandages and attached to an arm considerably shorter than his own. He slowly lowered his head, seeing a short, muscular body dressed in baggy black pants and boots, a decorative katana tied to his hip with a red sash and a great length of bandages that ran from the middle of his upper right arm down to his fingers.

"What the hell is going on?" he asked in a low voice, lifting his head to look up at Yusuke – who was suddenly about a whole foot taller than him.

"That's what I wanna know, three eyes," Yusuke replied with a shrug. "I heard you, Kuwabara and Botan yelling, so came out here to see what was wrong, and found the three of you lying here with this."

He held up the remains of the box to illustrate his point.

"So Hiei: who broke it?"

Kuwabara looked down at his unconscious body again before moving his eyes to the hilt of the sword at his hip. He grasped onto it and slowly pulled out the blade, bringing it around to look down into its reflective surface.

"Oh my God…" he whispered. "I've turned into Hiei!"

"What?" Yusuke asked. "Gees Hiei, what the hell is wrong with you? You're acting so… Oh…"

Yusuke's eyes suddenly grew wide, and an array of emotions passed over his features, from shock to amusement.

"What is it?" Kuwabara asked, lowering the sword to look up at Yusuke again.

"Hiei used the box, didn't he?" Yusuke asked.

Kuwabara nodded, then shook his head and then shrugged. He had no idea what had happened or indeed what was happening now.

"The box was designed to steal an opponents powers and transfer them back to the wielder of the box," Yusuke explained. "But it doesn't do that. It steals souls and transfers them back to the wielder of the box. You're in Hiei's body, so obviously Hiei used the box on you and it put your soul into his body. So… Are you Kuwabara or Botan?"

Kuwabara looked down at Botan's lifeless form and his own, his brain again working too slowly for comfort.

"My soul is in Hiei's body?" he asked, turning back to Yusuke. "Does… Does that mean his soul is in my body?"

"I guess so," Yusuke replied with a shrug. "You woke up first because you have the strongest body and so you recovered the fastest. And, since you're not freaking out about having a dick now, I'm guessing you're Kuwabara and not Botan."

Kuwabara glared at Yusuke angrily and Yusuke shivered.

"Whoa, Kuwabara!" he said through a mischievous grin. "Careful there! You're getting good at doing the Hiei death glare already!"

He then laughed openly.

"This isn't funny, Urameshi!" Kuwabara yelled. "I can't stay in this body! I've got a date with Yukina tomorrow night! How can I go with her in this puny jerkface's body?"

Yusuke made a noise of disgust and shuddered, muttering something under his breath.

"What was that about incest?" Kuwabara asked.

The colour drained from Yusuke's face alarmingly fast.

"Shit, you've got his heightened sense of hearing too?" he asked.

Kuwabara looked about himself nervously, sweat bursting from his pores. He made to wipe a hand across his forehead on instinct, his palm dragging over material and then pausing as he suddenly realised exactly what his situation was.

"Oh my God!" he wailed. "I'm in Hiei's body! Oh God no!"

He clawed at the bandana around his head, pulling it loose and cringing as he felt the skin on his forehead crease and open up and his brain suddenly filled with a series of strange images in slightly distorted colours.

"I've got three eyes!" he sobbed, trying to put the bandana back on and mostly just getting it tangled in the impressive mass of spiked hair protruding from his head. "And my hair feels like doggy fur!"

"Don't be stupid, Kuwabara!" Yusuke snorted. "It does not feel like…"

Yusuke's voice drifted off as he began stroking at a piece of Kuwabara's hair.

"Ew, it does feel like a dog!" he muttered.

"And look at the size of my hands!" Kuwabara added, holding out his hands between them. "They're tiny! I bet I couldn't even open a jar of pickled bamboo shoots with these toddler hands!"

"Well, look on the bright side…"

"What bright side?"

"Well, you know… Small hands… Makes you feel like more of a man when you… You know…"

Kuwabara growled again as Yusuke gave a shake of his wrist by his crotch.

"Urameshi, this is serious, damn it!" he snapped.

"Okay, okay, careful!" Yusuke replied, holding up his hands in defeat. "Don't go letting out the dragon on me!"

"Oh my God, I have a dragon in my arm!"

Kuwabara tried to move his right arm as far away from his body as he possibly could, which only made Yusuke start snorting in amusement again.

"What do I do with it?" Kuwabara asked, frowning up at Yusuke. "Do I… Do I have to feed it? Does it need out for exercise, or to use the bathroom?"

"It's not like your cat, Kuwabara!" Yusuke replied. "Idiot…"

"I heard that!"

"You're gonna hear everything with those ears."

"I don't want these ears! Or this face, or these little hands, or this these short legs or this doggy hair or…"

Kuwabara stared down at himself for a long moment and even Yusuke turned away with a groan when he hooked his thumbs under the waistband of his pants and pulled outwards.

"Oh my God!" he said.

"I don't want to know," Yusuke quickly warned him.

"Shorty's a tripod!"

"Damn it, Kuwabara!"

"No wonder he's such an arrogant bastard… It's heavy, too and really–"

"Kuwabara! Stop touching Hiei's…!"

Kuwabara quickly retracted his hands, the waistband of his pants snapping back into place.

"When Hiei wakes up, I'm telling him you were playing with his–"

"Don't!"

Yusuke arched his eyebrows expectantly and Kuwabara started to look panicked again – a very amusing sight for Yusuke, as he had never seen Hiei's face so full of emotion in all the time he had known him.

"Wake up Hiei!" Kuwabara yelled suddenly, stumbling over to his unconscious body.

He dropped to his knees and grabbed handfuls of his shirt and began shaking himself. And Yusuke started to realise how confusing the situation was going to be if it was not immediately fixable. Suzuka said he did not know how to reverse the box's effects, but Kurama would probably know what to do.

"Wake up and give me back my body, you bastard!" Kuwabara yelled, shaking himself vigourously.

"Hey, don't be so hard on yourself, Kuwabara!" Yusuke called over through laughter. "Give yourself a break!"

"You're not helping, Urameshi!"

It was incredibly funny being yelled at by Hiei's voice but without the threat of Hiei's likeliness to resort to manslaughter, Yusuke decided.

Botan opened her eyes, if only to get visual confirmation of what her ears had just heard.

"You bastard!"

Botan gasped indignantly and drew back her hand, slapping it across Hiei's face. To her surprise, she was able to hit him hard enough to make his head snap to one side and to leave his cheek slightly reddened.

"How dare–"

She stopped and cleared her throat.

"How dare you–"

She cleared her throat again.

"Get your hands off of–"

Something was wrong.

"Oh dear!" she wailed. "What's happened to my voice?"

"You're in my body, you sneaky little bastard!" Hiei yelled into her face.

"Excuse me?" Botan echoed, glaring at him angrily. "Get your hands off of me, Hiei!"

"I'm not Hiei, you are!" Hiei replied.

Botan frowned. It was not like Hiei to play silly games.

"Unhand me at once!" she demanded.

""Unhand" you?" Yusuke echoed, leaning over her and frowning curiously. "Hey Kuwabara, that doesn't sound like something Hiei would say."

"He's just being awkward!" Hiei answered him.

Botan started to wonder if she was still asleep. She slapped at Hiei's wrists until he released her and then stood up, sighing heavily. She was by the edge of the forest, Genkai's temple in the middle distance, and it was clearly quite late: but she had no idea why she was there or how she had gotten there.

"Hey shorty, did you do this?" Yusuke said.

Botan turned to him, surprised to find that he was addressing her, and even more surprised to find that she could see the top of his head. When had he started shrinking?

Then she noticed what was in his hands.

"Oh no, the magic box!" she squealed. "Lord Koenma will kill me! Hiei, this all your fault!"

She pointed an accusing finger at Hiei, but her anger faded when he stared back at her with enormous, fearful eyes that looked far too expressive for Hiei.

"What did you just say?" he asked her.

"I said you broke that box, Hiei!" she snapped. "And what is wrong with my voice? Do I have an infection?"

She tried coughing, slapping a hand against her chest in the hope of loosing up whatever it was that was giving her a deep and rasping voice. At the third slap her hand paused, pressed against her chest. She slowly lowered her head and moved her other hand to her chest. She smoothed her hands over her front, surprised to see that she was dressed in men's clothes.

"Where are my breasts?" she asked, looking up at Hiei and Yusuke.

Yusuke burst out laughing, pointing at her with one hand and clutching the other to his gut as he doubled over from his hysterics.

"Oh God, you're not me?" Hiei asked Botan.

"What?" she echoed, turning to him curiously.

She turned a little too far and saw something that made her scream so loudly she scared a mass of wildlife out of the forest.

"My body!" she wailed, pointing at her own limp body, which was lying a short distance from where she was stood.

"Wait – you're Botan?" Hiei asked her.

"Of course I'm Botan!" she sobbed. "But why is my body over there?"

"Holy shit!" Yusuke said, his words barely discernible amid his laughter.

"Botan!" Hiei cried. "What the hell are you doing in my body?"

"What?" Botan echoed.

"You're not supposed to be in my body!" Hiei replied. "Hiei's supposed to be in there!"

"What?!" Botan shrieked.

Hiei clumsily drew out his sword and held it up in front of her. Botan stared for a long time at the reflection looking back at her, cautiously touching her hands to her face and then looking at her hands to confirm what she was seeing.

"I've turned into Kuwabara!" she cried. "Why have I turned into Kuwabara?"

"It was the box, Botan!" Hiei replied. "It stole our souls and put them back in the wrong bodies! I'm Kuwabara!"

"Oh no!" Botan sobbed.

She began openly crying, dropping down into a sitting position.

"Don't cry Botan!"

Botan ignored him and threw her head back, crying openly. She felt an arm around her shoulder and leaned into it on instinct, burying her face into Hiei's – or was it Kuwabara's? – bare shoulder.

"…Funny… Shit…"

Botan lifted her head to see Yusuke staggering about in front of them, pointing a camera phone at them.

"Gimme that, Urameshi!"

Kuwabara leapt up and snatched the phone from him, smashing it effortlessly in his hand. He slowly opened out his fist, looking down at the damage he had caused.

"Whoa… Cool…" he muttered.

Botan started to sniffle behind him and he turned to her.

"Please stop crying Botan!" he begged. "You're making me look like a total pussy!"

Botan stiffened, glaring at him angrily.

"Well excuse me, Mister Kuwabara!" she snapped. "And this is all your fault anyway! You ran out with that box! Speaking of which, where is it now?"

Yusuke, by now in tears from the force of his hysterics, held up the tattered remains of the box.

"Oh no!" Botan cried. "Am I going to be stuck like this forever?"

"Kurama will know what to do," Yusuke said, wiping a tear from one eye.

Botan gasped dramatically.

"You can't tell Kurama about this, Yusuke!" she hissed. "I'm supposed to be going on a date with him tomorrow night! You have to fix me before then!"

"Big deal!" Kuwabara snorted. "I'm supposed to be going on a date with Yukina tomorrow night. I can't go looking like this, can I?"

"Ew, no, that would be incest," Botan muttered.

"What?" Kuwabara echoed. "Why does everybody keep saying that?"

"Oh, no reason…" Botan said dismissively.

"You have to fix this before tomorrow night, Yusuke!" Kuwabara insisted.

Yusuke shrugged.

"I'm not the dumbass who broke the box," he said. "Which is surprising, actually…"

"Botan, you're gonna have to go on my date with Yukina!" Kuwabara said, rounding on Botan.

"Me?" she echoed.

"Yeah, Botan!" Kuwabara insisted. "You're in my body, you have to pretend to be me until we get this fixed!"

"Are you going to pretend to be Hiei until we get this fixed?" she asked sarcastically.

Kuwabara turned to Yusuke who shrugged.

"Hey, speaking of Hiei, where is he?" Yusuke asked.

"Well isn't it obvious where he is?" Botan sighed.

"Um…" Yusuke began.

"Think about it Yusuke!" she said snottily. "Kuwabara's soul is in Hiei's body, my soul is in Kuwabara's body, so obviously Hiei's soul is in my body."

Botan slapped a hand over her mouth and all three turned their heads sharply to Botan's unconscious form. For several seconds they stared at the ferry girl in silence. Yusuke was the first to react, scurrying over to her side and grabbing at her clothes.

"What are you doing to my body, Yusuke?" Botan demanded.

"It's Hiei," Yusuke giggled. "He's a ferry girl… I have to wake him up… I have to see his face when he finds out…"

Botan turned to Kuwabara in alarm.

"Hiei's in my body…" she said faintly. "He's going to kill me!"

"I'm in Hiei's body, Botan!" Kuwabara replied. "He'll kill me first!"

"He can't kill you, you've got his body!" Botan pointed out.

"He'll kill me to get it back!" Kuwabara argued.

"He can't have my body!" Botan wailed, tears welling up in her eyes again. "I keep my boobs in there!"

Kuwabara's eyebrows twisted and then Botan saw his eyes distinctly travel down her body to her crotch.

"Yeah…" he said slowly. "About that… Could you like, wear a blindfold when you use the toilet and have a shower?"

Botan looked down at the bulge in her pants, staring at it for several seconds before bursting into tears again.

Hiei awoke abruptly – and Hiei hated awakening abruptly – to find Yusuke clutching at him and shaking him, tears in his eyes and his entire body jerking.

"Get your hands off of me!" Hiei snapped at him.

Yusuke released him but then fell over, clutching at his stomach. Apparently he was amused by something rather than crying, which was slightly less disturbing. Hiei sighed regardless and tried to stand up, his feet catching in the swathes of silk he was bound up in. He stumbled and fell over, landing on his hands and knees. The ground was plain grassland, but for some reason, the fall had actually hurt.

And he had something blue and hairy hanging over one of his shoulders.

"Hiei?"

Hiei's head snapped up at the sound of a worryingly familiar voice, finding himself looking at himself.

"Whuh?" he grunted.

"Hey Hiei. The box, um… It sort of activated…"

Hiei slowly moved his eyes from the strange demon who looked exactly like him to the orange-haired idiot at his side, who was openly crying like a shameless child. That was odd. As undignified as he was, surely even Kuwabara had more pride than to behave like that.

"The box took out our souls and put them back in the wrong bodies, Hiei," the demon who looked like him said. "I'm in your body, Botan's in my body and you're… In Botan's body."

Hiei frowned.

"You're a woman!" Yusuke snorted.

"Shut-up, fool!" Hiei snapped at him.

He softened slightly. Why did he sound like a woman?

Hiei lifted his right arm, readying himself to point a finger at the intruder who looked like him and warn him to leave, but the sight of a mass of pink silk hanging from his arm made him stop short. He slowly looked down at himself, growing increasingly alarmed when he saw that he was dressed in a pink kimono. How had someone managed to do that to him without his noticing?

And why did he have breasts?

Hiei poked a finger at one of the mounds on his chest, a girlish squeal escaping his throat involuntarily as he touched something that made his whole body flinch and shudder.

"Don't you dare touch my boobs!"

Hiei grunted in confusion as Kuwabara lunged at him, only to be tackled to the ground by his lookalike.

"Don't do it, Botan!" his mysterious doppelganger said. "He'll kill me – I mean you – I mean my body – and I have to go on a date with Yukina tomorrow night!"

"You're not going anywhere with Yukina!" Hiei warned the impostor.

Kuwabara gasped and pointed at Hiei.

"You'll have to go on my date with Kurama!" he said.

"…You're dating Kurama?" Hiei asked.

"Yes!" Kuwabara replied, sitting up and pushing Hiei's lookalike off of himself. "Oh, let me guess: you don't think I'm good enough for him, is that it?"

Yusuke howled out a laugh that almost sounded painful.

"I didn't know Kurama liked men," Hiei replied.

"No!" Hiei's lookalike said quickly. "No, no! I'm not dating Kurama! You are!"

Hiei's face dropped.

"I am not!" he snarled.

"No, not you you, you know, you you."

"…What?"

The impostor sighed and then brightened as though an idea had occurred to him. He drew out his sword and Hiei tensed, grabbing at his own hip, growling when he found himself without a weapon.

"Look at your reflection," the impostor said, holding the sword upright in front of him.

Hiei stared at the sword, silently wondering why he could see that stupid ferry girl's face in it.

"The magic box took our souls out of our bodies," the impostor said. "It put your soul in Botan's body, it put Botan's soul in my body and it put my soul in your body."

Hiei snatched the sword from him, leaning closer to it.

"Is this true?" he asked.

When he received no reply he turned to Yusuke expectantly, finding him lying on the ground on his back, laughing uncontrollably.

"It's not funny, idiot!" Hiei snapped at him.

He made to start disputing the whole situation, but when he noticed the broken black box by Yusuke's side, he started to realise that it might not be so ridiculous as it had sounded at first. He slowly turned back to the two faces watching him, studying each one in turn. The fact that the person who appeared to be Kuwabara was in tears and the person who appeared to be Hiei was looking dumb, it did seem as though the ferry girl was in Kuwabara's body and Kuwabara was somehow in Hiei's body. Leaving Hiei in Botan's body.

"We have to fix this," he said sternly. "I have an appointment with Mukuro tomorrow, and I can't very well visit her in this body."

"Ha!" Botan said, pointing at Kuwabara.

"Huh?" Kuwabara grunted.

"Stop pulling that face!" Hiei warned him. "You're making me look retarded!"

Kuwabara turned to him, his face still set in the same look of ignorance.

"You have to go on a date with Mukuro!" Botan sneered at Kuwabara.

"…Who the hell is Mukuro?" Kuwabara asked.

Hiei groaned. This was going to be hell.

"Yusuke?" he said, turning to the one unaffected person of their group.

"Hey Urameshi, what do you think about all of this?" Kuwabara asked.

"And no mean jokes!" Botan warned him. "Tell us something helpful and constructive!"

Yusuke sat up, wiping more tears of laughter from his eyes and attempting to look serious.

"What I think?" he asked.

The others all nodded.

"I think this is some of the funniest shit I've ever seen," he confessed. "I don't think it's possible to buy entertainment this good!"

"Idiot!" the others all shouted at him.

In the next chapter of Ghost Fighter our heroes face a dilemma when Eugene runs out of hair gel and he's late for a date with Jenny. But it's not all bad news as Alfred discovers that he is growing hair "down there" and Vincent is just delighted to learn that there's a new Baskin Robbins opening in his neighbourhood. Meanwhile, Dennis teaches Suzzie and Jeremiah how to play hopscotch and Jericho and Charlene try to figure out why George has such a weird Japanese name, unlike the rest of the cast.