The Death Of Rio
AN: I fully admit, I have problems starting new stories, and when it comes to self inserts (That I have been getting into A LOT over the last few years) there's only so many ways to do it without repeating yourself, Ergo I have decided to go the same route as gothicjedi666, and have a single origin for my OC/self insert characters.
Funnily enough this is it
Hi there, my name is...
Is It?...
Well, I suppose my name was Rio, I'm not quite sure whether it still applies to me now though.
Why you ask?
Well, to be honest I think I'm dead.
No, I AM dead, I was hit by a truck.
I'd decided to spend an hour cloud-watching in the field behind my house, its not particularly large, only taking five minutes to walk from one end to the other if you take your time.
There are a few small hill's, if you would even call them that, and I happen to know the best spot for cloudwatching (read as: the comfiest) is with your back to a road, just low enough down the one hill so no one can see you from the other side. There are no factories in that direction so there's rarely anything to block the view.
As I say I was lying there, listening to my headphone's (Blue Oyster Cult's: Don't fear the reaper if your wondering, ironic) watching the world pass me by, or the cloads at least, when the ground started shaking.
Naturally, I assumed it was just a train going by, so imagine my surprise when an eighteen wheeler truck comes barreling over my head, sideways, and then lands on me.
I don't know what happened to lead to this exactly, and I don't really care, all that I know is the simple fact that I am dead.
My body, or at least what's left of it, is now a bloody red smear on the ground and I am looking at the afterlife.
Or at least I thought I was.
I've never given a lot of thought as to what death might be like, now I think I should have, hindsight being what it is.
For all my thought's and ideas though, one thing I was not was religious. So while I was hoping for life after death I expected it to be reincarnation, or nirvana, something that doesnt seem so biased to the billions of souls that must be in the afterlife as the pearly gates.
That explains why I am in Hell.
Well, maybe not hell exactly, theres no hellfire and brimstone as far as I can see. I appear to be in some large cavern underground, riddled with holes and too many passages to count.
No single tunnel seemed to be giving off much light, but the acummulative amount from all the hundred's of passages lit the main area I was in quite well.
Now, this might not sound like hell to you, nor is it like any hell I have heard of (except possibly the passageway to Hade's in greek mythology) but it wasn't the place that made me think I was in for some kind of punishment.
It was the creature stood in front of me.
In many ways it was like the stereotypical grim reaper, skeletal appearance, in a dark shroud, carrying a large scythe.
It was somewhat different though, with four angular eye's in the skull and elongated canines, it only seemed to add to the beings fearsome visage.
What truly convinced me that I was screwed though were the things eye's. Each of its eye's, and did I mention it had four of them right?, had a floating, glowing , light inside acting as a pupil. The fact that it was a rather eery purple on the left, a bloody red on the right, and there are obviously no eyeballs for the pupils to be on, being the creepiest feature.
"Rio" It rasped, yet somehow the voice was still booming.
I would like to say I didn't jump, but I would be lying, and time seemed to run strangely here so I couldn't tell if I had seen this reaper moments before it spoke, or hours.
"Yes"? I answered quickly, theres no point hesitating now after all, bit late for that.
"You're not supposed to be here yet" was the answer "You weren't set to die for another fifty years".
Now this is strange, why would death, or at least what appears to be an avatar of death, not think I should be dead.
"I am going to kill the fate's"The reaper growled while looking over a piece of parchment that he, as it sounded male, had gotten from inside his cloak. "It would appear that they have gone against destiny" he told me, or is he talking to himself?
"As it is though we cannot send you back to life" he scratched his jawbone irritably "Nor can we allow you to pass on".
Of course that got my attention "WHAT"! I, rather loudly, interrupted the skeleton, "why can't I pass on"?
"It is not your time yet, ergo, your afterlife has not been constructed".
That stumped me "Come again"?
"Before someone dies" He growled "Their afterlife is made, and after a few thousand years you can imagine finding the time and space to make someone else's afterlife is getting somewhat difficult".
"Can't I get some kind of priority"? I demanded, whatever my afterlife would be, id rather not have to miss it because someone done goofed top side.
"All preperations are made with the utmost haste" the reaper denied "ergo, the soonest your afterlife will be ready, is when you should have died in fifty years from now".
Well thats just hunky dory isn't it?
NOT.
I don't know what I looked like at this point, as so many of my emotions are whirring around in my head that I dont know which one is dominant and which one would be showing on my face... probably not boredom though.
The reaper seemed to disappear at that point, obviously having better things to do then keep a loose soul company.
"So I have the pleasure of sitting at the gate to death for fifty years"? I deadpan "how thrilling".
The four iris' landed on me again, "It could be worse, you could be in hell", the skeletal figure pointed out.
I didn't let his sudden reappearance scare me, choosing to speak normally "and miss out on the vision of beauty that is your bleached bones and mismatched eye holes"? I responded "to hell with such thoughts".
"Don't annoy me human" It warned.
I of course, don't listen.
"Seriously though what where you before you died"? I asked "I've seen some pretty wierd shit on google images but a hetrochromatic, four eyed humanoid is a new one on me".
A small voice in the back of my head is telling me I shouldn't really be antagonising him, but seeing the thing getting wound up (its eye's are rapidly increasing intensity) IS fun.
"I dont have a species" the skeleton growled.
"Ah, you came from chernobyl didn't you"? I pressed.
"Human".
"Nagasaki, Hiroshima, ooh I know you're from Ankh-Morpork right"?
"RIght new plan" the creature stopped any further guessing games "I was hoping I could ignore you for fifty years but thats not going to happen is it"?
I shook my head vehemently, I like to be noticed.
Can you tell?
"Very well, if I am going to get rid of you I will have to send you into the living realm" It put up a single skeletal finger before I could speak "But it won't be your original realm, I'll put you in circulation for a world beside that, save us having to make a new soul for that world, elongating your lifespan and giving me less work".
"What's the catch"? I wonder aloud "This all sounds to good to be true".
"The catch" it answers "Is three-fold. One: You will still have to wait two years before you can reincarnate".
I grimace at this, two years is still a long time doing nothing.
"Two" death continued "You will need to entertain me if you are to be reincarnated, you will make it worth the effort".
"How" I ask "What could I do that would entertain you"?
Here it gave out a harsh chuckle that reverberated around the strange cave system around me. "Many thing's human, whatever you want in fact" this sounded suprisingly easy I thought, kicking myself as soon as I thought it "But whatever you do, be they good, evil, creative or destructive, they will have to be great".
There's the kicker, me and my dumb thoughts.
"If you choose to be a hero, you will have to be one of the best, a villain, the worst. A soldier would not be enough, you would need to be the warlord, a priest would need to be a saint. Do as you wish but be warned if you don't follow this guideline you will come to regret it".
My entire existance became shrouded in this creature's aura, the bloodlust of an immortal, the terror of the end, the sheer primal fearof death, flooded my very being.
"I shall be watching your new life with interest, meddling if the mood takes me, just so I know you have something to do, leading to my final stipulation".
I could only nod numbly, the aura still crushing my very soul.
"You are going to learn in the two years between now and then, watch over certain people so you can learn their skills. Incompetence is only so entertaining".
I let out a sigh of relief, due to the actually entertaining stipulation and the fact that it had reeled back that aweful aura.
"Though you won't be choosing who you watch or where you go" There's the final kick in the corpse "So now I only have one more question".
I turned my head in interest.
"DO YOU ACCEPT"?
Do I need to tell you my answer?
Two years later, I'm someone else...