Albus Dumbledore sat anxiously in his office. The Headmaster of Hogwarts, England's best school of wizardry, gave up pacing a long time ago, and had found pretending to read up on the latest academic journal an utter failure. There was no denying why he chose to remain at Hogwarts while the battle against Voldemort was raging outside: he was waiting, waiting for the arrival of his prisoner of war.
The door to his office flung open forcefully. A haggard-looking Remus Lupin was dragging a dark-hooded figure up the stairs. The hooded man was fighting off a stunning spell, but before he could regain mobility, Lupin grabbed his cloak and threw him hard against the floor. The Hogwarts Headmaster uttered a binding spell on the man, who jerked his head up in protest -- and in doing so, unshrouded a hostile-looking Severus Snape.
Ignoring him temporarily, Dumbledore turned to Lupin. "Remus, who else was lost tonight?"
Lupin choked back a tear as he listed the war's newest casualities, "Kingsley Shacklebolt, Mundungus Fletcher, and...Ron, Ron Weasley."
Upon hearing the names, Dumbledore's somber expression was replaced with wrath. He turned to Snape with eyes lacking the normal twinkle. Snape met his gaze unflinchingly, his own eyes flickering with pure hatred.
Forcing every cell of his body to not curse Snape into oblivion, Dumbledore interrogated in an unusually grave tone, "Give me one reason why I should listen to you."
"I wouldn't talk to you if you were the last person alive!" Snape spat.
Lupin's face paled with anger at Snape's words. "Watch what you say, Snape!" The normally mild-mannered wizard hissed as he dragged Snape up by his collar, then shoved him back onto the floor. Snape hit the floor hard, but did not utter a sound.
"Please control yourself, Remus," Dumbledore said. He turned to Snape, "You will find, Severus, that you will be treated differently as my prisoner than if you fall into the hands of Voldemort."
Snape flinched at the sound of the Dark Wizard's name. "The Dark Lord would be most pleased with me," he gloated.
Lupin lost what little composure he had just regained. He pointed his wand at Snape and screamed, "You traitor! You...you betrayed all of us! We should have left you to die 16 years ago!"
A smirk slipped into the corner of Snape's mouth. "Ah, but you didn't, did you?" he taunted, "I was never the traitor. My loyalty has always remained the same."
"And you managed to fool everyone...even those of us in the Order," Dumbledore said as he shifted his gaze to the wall bearing portraits of former headmasters, not focusing on any one in particular. "I erred in hoping too much. I had hoped that..." his voice faltered as he sighed, then shook his head.
"You hoped wrong." Snape finished the sentence for him.
No one spoke for the next few minutes. From time to time, Dumbledore would look proddingly at Snape, hoping he would say something -- anything that would reveal his prisoner's motives for the past sixteen years. But Snape remained stubbornly silent.
After what seemed like an eternity, Dumbledore broke the silence, "Well, there's one good thing that can come out of this. With the discovery of Severus' true position in the war, the Ministry will have to admit to Voldemort's return at last."
"Headmaster, you're involving the Ministry in this?" Lupin asked.
"Only if I must." Dumbledore turned again to Snape, "That depends on how much you're willing to disclose, Severus."
"Nothing! NOTHING! I'm not going to tell you ANYTHING!" Snape screamed as he attempted to lunge at Dumbledore despite being held fast by invisible cords. Dumbledore remained still. Lupin stared coldly at his former schoolmate's futile attempt.
Snape stopped struggling abruptly when the door to Dumbledore's office suddenly flew open. Harry Potter and Hermione Granger crashed in, out of breath and shaking from exhaustion.
"It's…it's over, Headmaster," Hermione managed to speak between gasps. "All remaining Order members and students retreated back to safety."
"That's most relieving to hear, Hermione," Dumbledore nodded. He then turned his attention to the Boy-Who-Lived, "Harry, are you all right?"
"Never been better," Harry mumbled sarcastically while one of his hands clutched at his scar. He looked up at Dumbledore with a blank expression, "Thank you for your concern, Headmaster. I…there's just a lot for us to deal with right now."
Dumbledore nodded with understanding. Harry managed a faint smile and sheepishly turned his gaze away from Dumbledore. The shift of his eyesight led him to Snape.
The sight of Snape sent a surge of adrenalin through the boy's body. Ignoring the throbbing aches of his scar and body, Harry stormed straight up to his former potions professor, grabbed him by the shoulder and punched him squarely in the face.
"You...you murderer! YOU GREASY THANKLESS BASTARD!" Harry screamed as he dealt a series of blows into Snape's stomach. Unable to evade the attack, Snape masked his face from any expression of pain and clamped his mouth tightly shut.
"Harry!" Dumbledore shouted.
Harry punched Snape in the face one last time before turning to the headmaster, "But Professor Dumbledore, he killed Ron! He turned on us right when I was going to finish Voldemort for good! He threw Ron in the way to take the blow full-force! I...I...we would have won! The war would have been over, IF IT WEREN'T FOR HIM!" he pointed angrily at Snape.
"Harry, we all know," Lupin said quietly, "but screaming isn't going to bring Ron back." At his words, Hermione quivered and a tear glided down her ashen face.
Harry stepped in front of Snape. "OK, then, just let me know why. WHY?" He demanded.
Snape looked at the boy with incredulous contempt. "Potter, are you so stupid as to believe that I was ever an ally?"
Without saying a word, Harry pulled out his wand and aimed it straight at Snape. No one in the room objected.
"I could kill you right now, you know." Harry said dangerously. Snape glared at Harry, unphased by his threat. "Avada--"
Green sparks sputtered from the trembling wand. But before they joined to form the death beam, Harry changed his mind. "No, you're not worth it," he spat at Snape and forcefully thrusted his wand into his robe.
A trace of genuine surprise flashed through Snape's eyes. He quickly masked it with his former hatred and taunted, "What is it, Potter? Too cowardly to kill?"
Harry glared furiously at Snape, but chose to say nothing as he stepped back next to Lupin and Hermione.
It was Dumbledore's turn to speak. "Well, Severus, what do you propose we should do with you?" He asked and, hearing no response, continued, "Since you are being uncooperative, this leaves me no choice but to turn you over to the Ministry. I'm sure they will deal with you accordingly."
Harry interjected, "Yeah, Snivellus, how does the Dementor's Kiss sound to you?"
Hard as he tried, Snape could not hold back a tiny shiver passing through his body, betraying his feelings.
Dumbledore fixed his gaze on Snape. "I'm willing to be convinced of other options. It is up to you."
Time stood still as all eyes turned to the prisoner. Just as the silence was becoming unbearable, Snape spoke.
"There's a vial of potion I gave you sixteen years ago. We agreed that if I should ever turn against you, I will drink the potion."
"Ah, so you remember --" Dumbledore stood and took out a small vial from one of his cabinets. The potion was amber colored and of a rather thick consistency. "You do know, Severus, that before you...er...lose consciousness permanently, you will have to endure the potion's side effect of excruciating pain." Dumbledore warned as he sat back down into his chair, his piercing gaze never leaving the Potions Master.
Snape nodded at Dumbledore's reminder, a slight smirk hung on his mouth.
"Er...Headmaster?" Hermione suddenly interrupted, "This potion is..."
"Yes, I know, Hermione," Dumbledore cut her off mid-sentence. He gave the vial a quick swing and spoke very seriously, "I must warn you, Severus, that over the years I may have, …altered...the potion a bit."
Harry could have sworn that his former professor actually looked scared. Snape quickly masked his emotions, however, and turned deep in thought. Slowly, he turned his head and looked at Harry. Harry stared defiantly in return...but something was wrong. Snape's gaze lacked the normal hatred that was present even up until a few moments ago. Was that pain that Harry saw in Snape's eyes? He would never have thought that possible, except that Snape was undeniably looking at him with a look that betrayed his inner turmoil.
Harry suddenly felt angry. Of all people, Snape had no right to feel pain. Physical pain was one thing -- Harry would be first in line to inflict bodily harm as an excuse to unleash his anger towards the blasted traitor. But the pain in Snape's eyes was different. It was emotional, which meant it could lead to pity -- Dumbledore's pity -- and might trick the Headmaster into giving the greasy git another chance. Harry did not bother to figure out whether Snape's unusual display of emotion was genuine. He channelled all his strength into giving the dark man the deadliest glare he could muster. If looks could kill, Severus Snape would already be dead.
At Harry's glare, Snape snapped himself back into reality. He put on his usual sneer at the boy and turned his head disdainfully from him. Facing the Headmaster, Snape talked in a quiet and controlled tone. "Headmaster, if you would be so kind to grant me death over the Dementor's Kiss, I am willing to take the potion."
Dumbledore held Snape's gaze for a few seconds before giving a nod. With a quick flick of his hand, the old wizard released the binding spell as he extended the hand holding the potion towards his former student. Snape snatched the vial, stared at it for a brief moment, then downed the content in one gulp.
No one said a word. Dumbledore sat motionlessly in his chair, gazing intently at the flame flickering in the fireplace on the other side of the room. Lupin buried his head in his hands. Hermione looked horrified, and Harry stood still as a statue, clenching fists the only movements of his body.
Without warning, Snape began to stagger and, within minutes, crumbled to the floor. Sweat dripped down his forehead as he hunched over -- his entire body spasing and his lungs audibly gasping for air.
Ten minutes passed. Blood was now seeping out from Snape's clenched mouth, his teeth clearly gritting more than their counterparts. He was shaking all over, and despite his best attempt to remain silent, occasional groans escaped his throat.
Slowly, Harry walked up to Snape, knelt beside him and supported the potion's master's body in his arms.
"Get off me, Potter," Snape rasped.
"No, you're in pain."
"Wh...what does that matter to you? You're g-getting your revenge, shouldn't you b-be happy?"
Harry thought for a moment, then replied in a quiet but even tone, "I still hate you. But no one deserves to die alone..." he looked away. "I've seen too much of that already," he added darkly.
Snape gave Harry an odd look with a mixture of confusion and disgust.
"So...very...Gryffindor...of you..."
Minutes ticked by. The last thing Snape remembered was collapsing into Harry's arms, blocking his view of Lupin supporting a sobbing Hermione. He took one last glance at Dumbledore, now staring at his interlocking fingers, blue eyes deep with sorrow.
Then there was complete darkness.
.
.
.
Snape awoke to a brightly lit room and a pair of twinkling blue eyes staring at him. "Am I dead?" He asked in confusion as he struggled to sit up. Then it dawned on him that he was in Hogwart's hospital wing. As soon as he was composed enough, he cast his eyes away from Dumbledore's gaze and attempted to turn away from the man sitting beside him.
"Look at me, Severus."
With nowhere to go, Snape reluctantly turned himself towards the Headmaster, his eyes still downcast.
Dumbledore did not allow enough time for Snape to feel too awkward. He addressed the younger man as if he were still a Hogwarts student, "I know you must have a lot of questions for me. Fire away, boy."
Snape jerked his head up and looked Dumbledore square in the face. "You didn't alter my potion," he stated.
"No, I didn't. But I did know all along what it was that you gave me -- one of the most potent death-simulating potions ever concocted by potion masters. More powerful than the Draught of the Living Dead." He let loose a chuckle, "Tricky plot you had from the beginning, Severus, although Hermione saw right through it..."
"Ms. Granger is too smart for her own good," Snape commented.
"Not a smarter witch among her peers," Dumbledore praised. "Now, my question to you, Severus: why did you choose to drink the potion when you were convinced you would die from it?"
"Because I preferred death over the Dementor's Kiss," Snape answered automatically, as if that should be obvious.
Dumbledore's eyes twinkled as he shook his head. "Now, Severus, do you really expect me to believe this? If I'm not mistaken, you are one of those people who either thinks he has no soul left, or that the soul he possesses is so expendible that giving it up would not have mattered..." the old wizard turned serious. "No, tell me the truth. What was your reason for taking the potion?"
Snape's mind went blank. "I...I don't know..." he stammered.
"It's because of Harry, isn't it?"
"Potter had nothing to do with it!"
Dumbledore gave Snape an amused look, clearly not believing his protest. Snape resented the Headmaster's expression, but relented. "Potter...he...he always brings out the worst in me. Last night, when I looked at him, I saw myself at my worst."
Snape stared blankly at a faraway window and continued his monologue.
"When the Dark L..." he shook his head, "no, when V-Voldemort aimed the killing curse at Potter, he defended himself with a shielding charm. Due to the linked effect of their wands, the charm worked, and Potter both held off Voldemort's wand and created a mirror effect, rebounding the killing curse back towards Voldemort. Voldemort, of course, was defenseless as long as his wand was held in a standoff with Potter's.
"This is where I stepped in. I saw that Voldemort was about to be hit with his own curse, so I grabbed the Weasley boy from next to me and hurled him between Voldemort and the rebounding curse..."
Snape's mouth snapped shut at the memory and could no longer continue. The previous night's events played back full force in his head: he could hear Weasley's desperate cry for help and his scream when the curse hit him; he came face to face again with Granger's first horrified, then furious, expression as she watched her best friend die; he recalled Voldemort's display of approval towards his Hogwarts spy before disparating in a "pop"; he saw Potter -- no, Harry -- exhausted from the duel and initially unable to take in the sudden turn of events as he gaped open-mouthed at the corpses on the ground...
"Merlin! I killed him. I murdered my own student..." Snape whispered to himself in a hoarse voice. As a Death Eater, he had killed and tortured countless people. But last night he destroyed one of his own -- a Hogwarts student -- who, despite hatred for him in his classroom, had trusted him to be on the right side of the war.
A Weasley, one of many with the same family name he had enjoyed bullying in Potions class. Not a faceless victim, not random targets labeled by Voldemort as enemies.
A Weasley, a student whose ungraded essay was still sitting on his office desk...
He turned abruptly to Dumbledore. "Headmaster, turn me into the Ministry right away! I'm not safe to anyone here -- I broke your trust, and I killed one among those I vowed to protect. I...I'm better off in Azkaban, with or without a soul." Snape's eyes were bloodshot, his breathing uneven and his body shaking uncontrollably as if rejecting his own self.
Dumbledore placed a firm hand on Snape's shoulder.
"You judged yourself correctly, Severus. But please, calm down." He placed his other hand on Snape before continuing, "I will personally see to it that you pay back every single debt of your crimes. I am adamant about this. However, I simply don't see any good in handing you over to the Dementors."
"This is what I deserve."
"According to the Ministry, yes," Dumbledore answered. "But it has never been a satisfactory pronouncement to me, leaving people half-dead and stuck within their worst memories."
Snape's face flushed with resolve. "Then let me go back to Voldemort. Let me be a true spy for you this time. He now trusts me more than ever. I will have plenty of vital information to pass onto you..." he stopped when his eyes met Dumbledore's.
Dumbledore withdrew his hands and shot a quizzical look at the babbling man before him. "Hmm...offering to spy for me again," he mused. "Now only two kinds of people would resort to playing the same trick twice. Either you are a fool to think that I am a gullible old man, or you are truly sincere in your proposal."
There was a long, uncomfortable silence.
"I'm not so sure if I can trust you again, Severus," Dumbledore said softly.
Snape felt all blood in his body turned to ice. He should have known. He was asking for the impossible. It was true that the kind wizard before him refused to feed him to the Dementors, but to ask him to extend trust again? Dumbledore will never believe him again. Ever.
Dumbledore considered Snape for a long time, taking in all the changes of emotions the younger wizard failed to mask. Firmly, but as gently as he could, Dumbledore spoke, "You still haven't answered my first question to you from last night, Severus. Give me one reason why I should listen to you."
Silence.
Then a barely audible whisper forced out from Snape's dry throat.
"There's none, sir."
Dumbledore gazed intently at Snape for what seemed like hours. He then nodded. "That's a good enough reason for me," he said.
Dumbledore did not allow time for Snape to object. He took the liberty to continue in a cheery voice as if the conversation that just ended never took place, "Now Severus, what you need is rest. The potion you drank took a lot out of you last night, and you need to nurse yourself back into peak condition before you can go back into the battlefield to redeem yourself. Don't worry about anything for now, just focus on putting yourself back together. Good day, Severus."
Dumbledore stood up to leave. Snape stared open-mouthed at the door long after the Headmaster departed. Then he turned, buried his face in his hands, and for the first time since he was a boy, wept.