Inspired by Red vs Blue and the Gilmore Girls
I own nothing.
Enjoy!
"Nice to get out of the ship once in a while eh Joker?" Shepard nudged her pilot as the two walked the streets of the Zakera Ward.
"I guess…at least it gets me away from that damned AI." Joker complained.
"Again? My god Joker. You…jeez you and that AI." Shepard sputtered. "You two are like children. And I'm the babysitter."
"Or our Mom." Joker pointed out.
"I thought EDI was Mom?" Shepard questioned, eyebrows raised.
"Err…fine. EDI is Mom. You can be sister." Joker finalized.
"Sister? That is-" Shepard stopped. "Completely fine brother." She'd play along for now.
Joker winced suddenly. Shepard whipped around to his side. "What's wrong? Did you break something? Are you hurt? Are you okay?"
Joker gave her look that said, 'Back-off.'
"Forget it…you're definitely Mom." He muttered. Shepard sighed and tapped her foot impatiently. "A rock."
"A…rock?" Shepard snorted.
"Yes a rock." Joker gave her another look. "I was walking slash limping when I slightly tripped on a rock."
Shepard stooped down and picked up something extraordinarily small. "You mean this rock?" She handed him the pebble.
Joker just grumbled in return and the two resumed their walk. Passing various stores and aliens, Shepard spotted something in the far distance. "Chocolate!"
She dashed off, leaving Joker in the dust. Her legs running like a cartoon character's legs, she raced to the small store. Everywhere was iced cakes, chocolate brownies, cinnamon drop cookies, and candy galore.
"Amazing…" She whispered to herself, her eyes gleaming with joy. She walked up the asari and ordered a batch of brownies and to have it delivered to the Normandy.
Joker finally made his way to her, limping as fast as he could. "Gee Shepard slow up."
"Opps. Sorry Joker." She bowed her head shamefully but someone caught her eye. "Wait one second."
Joker stared after her as Shepard sauntered over to a turian who was delivering pizzas. "Hey." She winked skillfully.
"Umm…hi?" The turian stood there awkwardly, holding several boxes of pizzas.
"So…you got pizza there huh?" Shepard smiled sweetly at the dazed turian.
"Yeah…I do." The turian shifted his position, gazing over the human's body.
"Mind if I have one? I'll pay you back in a drink at the Dark Star. See you there." And without warning, Shepard grabbed a pizza box and scurried off to where Joker stood, stunned.
"You…and the pizza…the turian…you just flirted with a TURIAN to get pizza?" Joker asked incredulously.
"So…at least it got us pizza." Shepard gave him a wink of her own and opened up the box, its steamy smell hitting her directly in the face. "Smells like heaven…"
She paused to take a large bite out of a slice. "Tastes like heaven…"
She licked her fingers of the grease and sighed happily. "Pizza is better than sex!" She declared as she quickly chomped the rest down.
Joker stared at her, mouth agape. "Err…okay?"
"Oh you wouldn't understand." She waved him off, grabbing another slice while Joker got himself a piece as well.
"Shall we continue our lovely journey once more?" Shepard asked, a dangerous gleam in her blue eyes.
Joker knew that look all too well. "As long as it doesn't involve a night in a C-Sec jail or being eaten by Collectors."
"Well." Shepard ended with a high-note. Dumping the rest of the pizza on a nearby bench, she wiped the grease off on her Cerberus pants, small marks visible on them.
Joker shook his head at her, preparing for a snide comeback. "You are so not classy."
"Oh please. I'm not Emily Post." She said with a roll of her eyes. "So did you hear about that new movie coming out? The Citadel!"
Joker just nodded, focusing solely on her face alone. Shepard droned on and on about the new movies coming out.
"You're not listening…nor do you care. I'm sorry but did you wanna visit the local baseball cap since you keep on tugging on that dang thing." Shepard snapped.
That broke him out of his train of thought. "Shepard…" He searched for a way to word it. "There's a fine line between not listening and not caring. There are times when I walk that line. Various times…like right now."
"Joker…" She clenched her fists tightly. "Well no shit." Was all she thought of.
"This is ridiculous." Joker coughed out. "Besides you can't blame me for dozing off slightly. Your voice is…soothing." He admitted, rubbing the back of his neck.
"Soothing?" She laughed. "My voice sounds like the female version of Anderson."
"Yeah but…never mind. Hard to explain." Joker brushed it off. "Oh wait! Your voice is like Jennifer Hale!"
"Whoa what?" She exclaimed.
"Yeah…her voice is cool. Especially in that one game you and Kasumi play all the time. KotOR something or another. What was her name…?"
"Bastila Shan?" Shepard suggested.
"Yeah that's it." Joker confirmed. "Hey look at her!"
Shepard followed his pointing finger to a familiar looking woman. "Looks like Björk."
"Can't be. She's dead. Like a LONG time ago." Joker emphasized, still staring at the strange woman.
"Yeah I guess. Hey look over there." She gestured to a group of ranting people at a store.
"Ugh. Controversy controversy. Like Khalisah Al-Jilani." Joker shook his head at them. "Just put on your Commander face and settle them down."
"Ain't my problem." Shepard said as they passed the rioting crowd. "Gah these people are everywhere. Causing problems like Barack."
"Jeez Shepard that guy is dead too. Let it go. It was all in the past." Joker griped.
"Oh yeah? What about you and Crazy Ivan?" Shepard argues back, hands waving wildly.
"Yeah well…I do get the urge. It'd be fun. You should let me do that some time." Joker started humming quietly, eventually growing louder.
"Eh gad! Joker! This is worse than your jazz song or 'pew pew pew yeah!'. I swear, Mozart is turning in his coffin." Shepard groaned, slapping her hands over her ears.
Joker chuckled and winced again. "Damn pebble!"
Shepard broke out into loud laughter, doubling over. "Jo-Joker…oh…my! You tripped over ANOTHER pebble?"
"No…same pebble." Joker grunted, limping to the nearest bench.
"How…? Err, I'm not going to bother asking how." Shepard sat next to him, helping him examine his foot. She picked off the pebble that was stuck on the sole of his combat boot.
"Do you want to report this incident to C-Sec or would you like to continue our walk drama king?" Shepard flicked the pebble to the side and helped him up.
"Shut up." He muttered under his breath. Shepard heard him however, but didn't comment.
"Come on big guy." Joker leaned on her a bit but regained his balance. "Where to next?"
Joker barely heard her as he approached an asari who was checking him out noticeably. "Lost lady?" He asked, trying hard not to look at her.
"Yes I am. Do you know where the Zakera café is at?" The asari said flirtatiously.
"Yeah you keep going straight here and take a left down those stairs and after that you're home free." Joker directed her, using his hands to show her.
"Okay thanks." The asari had a certain walk about her as she strolled off. Shepard just stood there, watching the whole exchange with an odd feeling in the pit of her stomach.
She slowly walked up beside her pilot and the feeling became stronger. "So…giving her directions?"
"Yeah, she looked kinda lost. You know, I thought I'd play paragon for once. Like you." Joker said nonchalantly.
"See look Joker, there's this thing about placing boundaries. And I think we need to put boundaries between civilian's lives and our lives. Cause it might interfere with our security and our lifestyles. So do you think you could not flirt with other people?"
Joker's lip quivered but he held it in for later on. "Flirt? I was giving her directions. I said go straight and left to the stairs and there it was. Oh man, hot stuff!"
"Th-that is so typical of you." Joker mouthed 'what?' "Everybody knows not to take the stairs. You're supposed to take the public transit shuttle. Everybody knows that. Everybody but you."
She speed-walked away with Joker staring after, a grin on his face. As soon as he caught up with her retreating from, he teasingly said, "Jealous much?"
"Wh-what? Jealous? Don't be absurd. What you do is not my business." Shepard scoffed, turning away from him.
"Oh really? Well it really seemed like as if you were trying to butt into my business back there." Joker argued, jerking his head in the general direction.
"Whatever." She quipped, ending the conversation.
After a few tense minutes Joker added, "I still think you were jealous."
"Am not. You're just flattering yourself." Joker laughed at that. "So…ice cream?"
"Ice cream." He confirmed as the two walked side by side to the nearest ice cream shop, joking and laughing like two old friends on a walk in the Citadel.