A/N This is my first Maximum Ride Fanfic, hope you guys like it! Be forewarned, not a happy ending.
Fang knelt down in the dirt, brushing his black hair from his eyes. The roses in his hand had already begun to droop and wilt as he set them next to the makeshift headstone. She'd always loved this time of year, when the air was cold and had a bite to it, and the trees were an array of autumn colors. He hadn't liked the cold, not until she taught him to love it.
'"I don't understand how you can NOT like autumn. It's the best time of the year!"
"What's so great about it? It's cold, you can't go outside, it makes our feathers freeze up…"
"It's chilly, not cold, and it's beautiful. Look at the leaves, all the tons of different colors. And everything just… feels different. I don't know how to explain it, you have to just feel it."
"If you say so." He noticed that she was shivering against the wind. "Here," he said, draping his black jacket over her shoulders.
She looked at him, her chocolate brown eyes capturing his gaze, and grinned. "Thanks. Maybe it is a little cold out here. But I still love it."
She was still shivering. "Come here," he commanded her. She inched closer and he put his arm around her carefully, waiting for her to slap him. When she sighed and laid her head on his shoulder, he couldn't help but smile uncharacteristically.
They sat out there, curled up against each other, for what felt like hours. He decided that maybe autumn wasn't too bad after all.'
Fang couldn't help but wonder if there were seasons in heaven. Was she able to enjoy this kind of weather all the time?
He let out a breath, the air turning into a white mist in the cold. He stared at the white roses leaning against the headstone. They'd always been her favorite. He'd given her a bouquet of them every year on her birthday; that's why he was there today, actually.
"Happy birthday, sweetheart. I told you I wouldn't forget."
He sighed and pulled his jacket closer, the same one he'd lent to her all those years ago, sitting out in the cold. "What's it like up there? In heaven, I mean. Are you happy?" His voice cracked from disuse-he couldn't remember the last time he had spoken.
He shook his head, staring at the headstone. It was beautiful, in a natural sort of way. Just like her. He'd never once thought that she needed any make up.
"The flock is doing okay. Sad, but okay. Angel lost another tooth last week, soon we're going to have to start calling her the Toothless Wonder. Nudge is sure that she's in love… with Iggy. He doesn't know that yet."
He touched the dirt with the tip of his finger, drawing a little circle absentmindedly as he spoke again. "So. Why'd you do it? Jump in front of that bullet? You know what I'm talking about. The Eraser was aiming at me, not you. And I'd rather it was me," his voice broke and he looked up at the gray sky, blinking rapidly. "Because, really, I've always needed you, not the other way around. You've never really needed me.
"I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. Just going through the motions, I guess. Passing each day, trying not to think, trying to be strong for the flock… They're heartbroken, you know. To them, it was like losing their mother. Except for Iggy, I guess. You were always more of a sister to him.
"Not me, though. I never thought of you as a sister, even though I'm sure I was just a brother to you. So, I guess that's why I'm here. To say goodbye, once and for all…and to tell you what I should've said a long time ago."
Now he let the tears fall, not really caring that his vision was blurry or that salt water was freezing on his cheeks. "Remember…remember when we were nine, and we made that promise? We promised never to keep a secret from the other. I never did-except for this. I just never got up the nerve to tell you. I was too afraid."
It started raining then, the drops almost frozen as the temperature continued to decline. Fang didn't notice, too busy trying to deal with the pain inside of his chest. He supposed that was probably his heart breaking.
He took a deep breath, trying to calm the sobs erupting in his chest. He needed to be able to speak clearly, to get this out. It was important that she understand, if she could even hear him.
"The truth is, I love you. I guess I've always loved you, cliché as that sounds. The way you look when you fly, your sun streaked hair in the wind… The loving way you take care of the flock as if they were your own kids… I tried to help as much as I could, but honestly, no one could've done as well as you did. You were amazing.
"I love how well you protected us and cared for us, how you always managed to find a way to make a bad situation good, how you always found something to smile about."
The wind picked up, tossing his hair back into his eyes. He paid no attention to it.
"But-you and your superhero complex! You had to save the world, whether that was in one, bold move, or just a person at a time.
"You didn't need to save me though. You shouldn't have saved me. Because this, this is so much worse. Living while you're gone, knowing that you took a bullet that was meant for me… You died because of me. I was supposed to be watching your back! That was my job. Protect you." Sobs racked his body and he tried to get himself under control, tried to finish saying what he needed to say.
"And the worst part is…The worst part is, it's been almost a year, and I can't remember the exact color of your hair, or the smile that always made everything a little brighter. You're starting to fade.
"But your eyes. I still remember your eyes. Chocolate brown. You had an amazing poker face, except to me. Because I could read everything in your eyes. You always thought they were dull, but they mesmerized me."
Fang was soaked now, sitting there in the rain. His fingers and cheeks had long since gone numb from cold, and he was freezing. And yet…he couldn't bring himself to move. He had one thing left to say.
"So this is my way of saying goodbye. I love you. I love you so much… Oh Max. I should've told you how much I loved you. How could you just leave me? I can't-I can't-" He couldn't finish the sentence.
"I love you, Max. I love you." The wind carried the whispered words off into the cold air.
"I love you. I love you."
A/N Okay, no more sad stuff after this, promise! I just had the idea for this for a while and couldn't get it out of my head
Reviews are most definitely appreciated :)