Alright, here's the newest story I promised you ungrateful brats, so sit down, shut up, and read it.
Also, I'm s- hang on, I'm so-sor- oh god, this hurts to say; I'm so-so-sorry(I need some lighter fluid, a torch, and a new mouth-) if the fifth chapter seems kind of... Choppy, I finished it late at night and removed some content last minute and didn't really give it a thorough once over to see if it was good quality or not.
And as always, visit The World of Bleach RPG, make an account, and PM me if you want in the story- or just PM me if you want to talk about the story, or anything really(As long as it isn't about dicks.). Enjoy the show!
So Oracion just up and left me, high and dry, and she expects me to follow after her to the 'Promised Land'?
The fuck did I look like- Simba?
Looking at the door she left through closely, there didn't seem to be anything wrong with it(I wanted to know for sure I wouldn't be getting a sex change or something of the like anytime soon going through that thing-), just a plain grey metal door(if a bit rusty and dusty and busty- not really the last one, I just tried to make all the details rhyme.) with a strangely white door knob- but I was never one to take chances like that, so in the words of a wise man:
Fuck that shit, I'm out-
So it was with that in mind I looked to my immediate left and saw an almost identical door, with only the orangish yellow knob being the only difference. I shrugged and took a step towards that door.
When in doubt, go orange… ish yellow.
Closer to it, I took my time to inspect it further, turning my head to and fro(Not Afro though, because he's in a cast somewhere-) to see if I missed something about the door from before. Nothing seemed to be amiss, so I rapped my knuckle across it to see if it would fall over like the rest of the damn doors in this building.
Surprisingly enough, it didn't fall over onto my toe when I hit it(Don't ask how it would fall on my foot even though I hit it the other way- it just would when it came to me.), it just rattled a ton before silence.
Hm. Seemed safe enough to-
BANG!
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" That was a manly battle cry- not a girly screech of terror!
No one told me the glorified glory hole would strike back! Thinking it was just the bitch in my head-"Hey!"- playing tricks on me, I decided to try that again. Though this time I punched the door hard enough that it should have caused even the sturdiest of ones to go flying across the town.
That should shut it up and show it that it's only good for sticking my dick in-
BANG BANG BANG!
Okay, I obviously underestimated this things resolve to NOT get a penis stuck in it.
Or maybe just my penis, as years of experience have told me nothing ever wants my penis shoved in them-
"H-Hello?"
Holy shit, it could talk too(If a bit muffled-)! And it's first words weren't "Don't stick that thing into me-"-
I knew I didn't wear pants today for a reason!
Humming, I placed my chin in my hand. Now that I wasn't entirely stupid(Or insane-) enough to try and stick my penis into the keyhole, I knew that the door wasn't talking. It was something from the other side that was speaking.
"Are- Are you stuck in there?" I chose to remain silent as the person(Sounded like a female-) continued the conversation. "I'm, not sure if there really is someone pounding back from my knocking- or if I'm just going insane-" Trust me, if you're worried about being insane from just thinking you're hearing things, well...
You didn't try to make a door an onahole-
"But, I'd really like it if there was someone in there! I, I am so alone…" Raising my eyebrow, I was curious to see how this would go. "My parents, no- my family, they don't really like me…. No one does. But, u-um, even if you aren't real, I'd like you to be my first real friend!" I felt bad for this chick-
Her first friend just tried to get her to suck his dick, after all.
Oh, and the fact she doesn't even know if I really exist or not, too. There's that also.
Though, I guess I could make a surprise entrance, just for he- "Don't go there." Right as my hand was about to touch the knob, sir bitch a lot came to the… Rescue? Why shouldn't I? "I don't like the feeling of this door- or any of the others for that matter. The other door, however, we know is safe as that Hollow just went into it, and unless she herself decided to die, we know it's sa-" Yeah- let me stop you right there. If you think a silly voice in my head that thinks she KNOWS what's the best for me is going to stop me from making the moronic decision I know this is, you got another thing comin' for ya.
"Fool! You're willing to kill yourself just because of something I did to you?!" No- I was going to go even if you weren't here. I just having nothing left to lose after what you did to me.
Even I heard the wince she made after that one.
"Oh well, time to kill myself!" "Wait-" "Wait, what?" And with that I touched the knob and opened the door-
To a blinding white light(AH! Natural light! It burns!)-
The last thing I saw before I passed out was a small female chi-
Oh dear god, I almost showed a kid my dick.
I woke up with a start(Ha! Not dead- take that bitch!).
Aw man, I was having the best dream about a blonde chick sucking my dick after I shoved it inside a-
Oh, right. Minor.
Standing up, I cricked my neck and looked around me.
It appeared I was in a forest of some kind, as there were trees(Albeit massive ones as high as the buildings in the Hoomahn world-) everywhere, looking lively and healthy, if the nice shade of dark green on the leaves were anything to go by, and the grass on the ground was also a good shade of green, with a sheen of dew on it, meaning it was around morning wherever I was. Behind me there was a pond, with a few plant life wrapping around the edges of it, and the sky was a beautiful shade of light blue, no clouds in sight(Not to me, though, as my perfect sort of sky had dark clouds, rain, and lightning everywhere!).
And then I noticed the child right next to me, apparently having taken care of me as I had lost consciousness(I didn't pass out- men don't pass out, we lose consciousness… Just like we don't cry, we weep-).
"Naruko, what are you doing out here in the Forest of Death?"
Hold up- the fuck did I know that?
Shaking my head while trying to steady myself at the sudden dizziness I had, I took notice she seemed as shocked as I was that I somehow knew her. She was small(Child, so yeah, of course she was-), maybe 4'6, with long blonde hair in two separate ponytails that reached down to her as- BUTT! I said butt! No jail bait for me, thanks- with sky blue eyes, and was in a baggy- DEAR GOD, BURN IT WITH FIRE- neon orange coat with a blue collar, over a black shirt, and then grey sweat pants on her bottom(Portion of her body- still no jail bait, thanks.), and blue sandals.
The thing starting to creep me out though, is that I knew what she usually wore already- and a bunch more facts about her I shouldn't know just from looking at her! Not to mention dozens upon dozens of more facts about everything in this world and some- individual.
"Um, are you the person that was locked in that door? And, uh, how do you know me?" She took me from my thoughts as I looked down at her, causing her eyes to widen and her to start shaking as she inched backwards.
Was I really that fugly?
And what was with me seeing things with such clarity- nothing ever looked this, well, high def, for a lack of a better term, in my eyes before now, so what changed? "Hey, I know I'm ugly lookin', but I ain't gonna hurt y-" "You- You have the same eye that those pricks with the ten foot poles up there asses have!" Woah, there-
I stick poles up people's asses, I didn't stick them up my own arse!
"Eye? What on earth are you-" I glanced to the side at the pond, and a flash of red caught my eye. Moving over to the water, I looked at my reflection and almost choked on my saliva.
My outfit had changed from before I had entered- My hair was the same red hair(Thank fuck- I don't know what I would do if something happened to my do!) but it now stuck up in the air far more than it used to(Though considering my hair used to lay flat on my head, that's not saying much.), and I had some gay sickly green vest(Which I immediately took off, and burned with a small Katon: Gōkakyū no Jutsu over the wat- THE FUCK IS A JUTSU?!), a long sleeved black shirt under it, a pair of grey fingerless gloves with metal plates on the knuckles(Okay, this is pretty awesome- I can punch people so hard they taste their own spine! How have I not thought of this before?!), with equally black pants and black sandals with white gauze wrapped around my ankles. The thing that had me shocked was not the blue headband with another metal plate, but with a- snail?
Ah hell naw- that was the next thing to go from my outfit with a fire jutsu(I DON'T KNOW WHAT A JUTSU EVEN IS STILL-).
What had me shocked was the fact my usually red and hazel eyes had turned into a hazel eye and a red eye with, 3 commas in them?
Aw hell- not even awake for a minute in a new world and already I have pink eye!
Turning around to try and talk to Naruko(Again, I shouldn't know her name when she hasn't even FUCKING TOLD ME IT yet!), I froze when I suddenly saw… I'm not sure how to describe it, but I just saw Naruko about to be pounced on by a gigantic Ninja Turtle reject as it came out from the pond behind me.
So I just moved.
Launching forward, I grabbed Naruko and jumped up onto a branch(Holy hell- I was hanging upside down! Fuck not knowing where these techniques came from, they're fucking AWESOME!) not a moment before the thing I saw in the- future?- land on her previous position. It seemed she realized that too, as she paled quite quickly at how she would have been a cute girl pancake on the ground had I not been here(Damn it, now I'm hungry!).
"Y- You saved me.." "Yeah- wouldn't go that far quite yet." I told her as the massive turtle with teeth(Seriously? What fucking turtle has teeth?! What toxic waste was given to him at birth to make him Neo-Ninja Turtle-) and a spiked shell look up at us.
This is the exact reason I don't go into the Forest of Death.
That and the fact I've never been to this universe before-
"Stay here-" I moved up higher into the tree as the turtle came roaring onto our previous position by jumping(Another thing- this must be the fastest fucking turtle in the damn world! I'm nicknaming it Speedy Gon' get his ass kicked he keeps this shit up!) and landed on the highest branch I could find and placed her down on it.
Now if only she would let go-
"No! You're gonna get hurt if you try to fight it! I just found my first friend in the world, and I'm not gonna let him die!" She cried into my chest as whatever the fuck energy this world seemed to have(Which I too now seem to possess, gonna need to look into that later-) spiked in her and she started to glow red as the energy was slowly absorbed into me, to my immense shock-
Is that the reason I have pink eye?!
"Just- stay here." I grunted as the energy flow stopped and I was able set her down. Before she could cling to me further(Or summon more of that red stuff- I feel so lethargic now that I took it!... Well, I mean, more lethargic than usual-) I quickly backflipped with a sort of grace that I know I lacked(Otherwise I would still have my powers right now- and suddenly I'm depressed again.) onto the ground behind the beast.
"Alright you rascal reptilian, you reptilian ruffian, you reptilian reprobate- time to end this once and for all! Engarde-" I then noticed my sword was nowhere in site and the fact that I had no Kunai pouches, so I had none of those either(Whatever they are-).
I should have chose whatever was behind door number 1.
So after a few minutes, I was somehow pinned on my stomach with a giant paw- claw, thing- resting painfully on my left arm that was over my back, leaving me trapped on the ground at that things mercy.
"Gamera, no- you're supposed to be kind to all the children of the world!" I yelled up at it. It apparently got the reference, and was not pleased as it started to push down more, making me extremely uncomfortable(Wow, my body was really resilient now for some reason to withstand what had to be at least 1,000 kj of force without breaking anything-).
"H-Hey, you oversized lizard!" What the hell is it with kids and not listening to what their elders say(Says the relatively young Hollow that does the exact same thing-)?! "Leave him alone! Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" Why the hell was an 8 year old using the Kage Bunshin-
Or the better question- what the hell was a Kage Bunshin?
Looking up, I couldn't stop my jaw from dropping as at least a few dozen Narukos rammed into the beast's side, causing it to grunt and release me so that it didn't end up upside down, trying to roll onto it's belly-
Somehow, I doubt it would be able to do that if it happened-
Probably had to do with the massive spikes on it's back.
"Naruko! I told you to stay there- I was handling things well enough myself-" "You mean you wanted to be pinned with that things paw on your back?"
Damn kids and their uppityness.
"Just stay back! That thing is-" I had to collect her again as the turtle swung it's tail around, destroying the clones and hitting me in the back, causing me to be sent flying into a tree and toppling it with the force.
Yeah, I don't think I'm escaping this time with nothing broken-
"God, damn that smarts-" I let her go and tried to ease the pain in my back. "I- I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to get you-" She was cut off as the damn thing(Why is it so fast?!) was upon us swung it's claw down towards us- in hopes of getting a few pancakes for breakfast, apparently. "Okay- fuck this." I whispered to myself, channeling the energy this world held into every pore on my body.
I couldn't use any of my Hollow powers, I couldn't use any Reiatsu, I couldn't use any of the skills my body refined itself into having with years of practice- but I could damn well make some imitations with whatever this damn shit is!
Standing up, I met the damn things claw with my own punch.
Surprisingly, that stopped the claw in it's tracks, and then a second later, after I pushed out a bit with this 'Catra' thing, it's claw was sent upwards along with it's upper body as it was soon flipped onto its back. "Oh yeah- I'm going to make this HURT!" I yelled that last part as lightning sprung to life in my right hand. Jumping high into the sky, I dive bombed with my hand out right towards its head-
BOOM!
Holy shit! It's head fucking exploded!
This Jutsu thing is awesome!
That had to take the back seat for the moment, however, as I sensed(Not too hard to sense this kind of power these 'Shinobi' have, actually- way easier then trying to sense the dead, at least.) a presence coming towards our general vicinity.
I stopped channeling 'Catra' to my hand, disrupting the lightning and ran towards Naruko. "Okay, you are to repeat exactly what I say to whoever is about to come through that foliage." And with that I whispered the tale she was to reiterate to the Ninja, and as soon as I was done I leapt backwards into even more foliage and waited for my plan to finish itself.
"Naruko! Kakashi! Where are you!" A man in regular ANBU garb(These memories that aren't mine are really starting to piss me off-) and a weird spiral mask with one eye hole on the right side came bursting through the trees and stopped right in front of the massive behemoth and Naruko. "Oh, ANBU-San! It was terrible-" Naruko cried out as she leapt into the ANBU's arms. "I was just coming to the same clearing I always do to train, when all of a sudden, this massive- whatever it is came out of the pond trying to eat me! But then, Inu-oneechan came out of a tree and started fighting it! They were like 'Boom!' and 'Chink!', but then, it was able to bite Inu-oneechan on the shoulder, and he screamed in pain, and then he thing ATE him! And I got really scared that it was going to come after me, but then, it's head just looked like it exploded from the inside, and I thought I saw some lightning flash before it just disappeared, but then Inu-oneechan didn't come back out from the beast, and, and- is he going to be okay?"
Holy shit, give this kid an Oscar, because even Leonardo Dicaprio couldn't fucking act half that good on the spot-
"Y-Yeah, Naruko… He'll be alright, why- why don't you go back to the village while I help him out." With that said, Naruko sniffled before she went running back to the village. The ANBU, for his part, just looked at the headless beast, and smelled the burnt flesh in the air with mute shock. Well, that was to be expected, after all-
His best friend and teammate just 'Died'.
"So, let me see if I got all this; your father, the leader of this, oh so fine, establishment and your mother, an S-Rank Kunoichi in her own right, have left you in the dust for your other siblings, three older sisters, and a brother, all for the sake of 'Your twin siblings need the training more than you because of the Kibi'-" "Kyuubi." "Right, right, the Kubi, is sealed into them while your older siblings are already old enough to train themselves, and you yourself are fucked because of them?" "Basically."
Me and Naruko(After some persistence on her part- which meant she would not shut up about it so to shut her up I had to bring her.) were now in the one place in this perpetual hell hole that she liked- some place called 'Ichiraku ramen' or something of another. She had dragged me to here after I met back up with her after that little 'incident' and decided to tell me her sob story(Which ended up making the waitress sob, which had the unintended effect of ruining the ramen, thus making Naruko sob- weird turn around right there.).
"And not only that, but the people basically think you're the chibi incarnate, do I have that part right?" She nodded her head as she slowly ate her ramen, having an angsty feel about her(And she says I have the pole up my ass-). Not really thinking about it, I put my hand on top of her head and ruffled it, causing her eyes to widen. "Ma, ma- don't worry about the ass clowns out there, what matters is what you think about yourself, and not what others think about you. Hell, if I did, I'd be in some gay bar right now giving out HJ's to anyone with a dollar-" I stopped and shuddered at that image. "Anyway, getting away from using Jill for anything else then my own gain- don't let others dictate what you see yourself as, or what you will do. That is all on you."
Naruko- for her part- just looked up to me as if I was god giving a lowly mortal the time of day(That might not be too far from the truth, but she doesn't need to know that-). "You- you really don't think I'm a demon like the rest of them?" Um, okay- not sure why my talk went in one ear and out the other, but, uh-
"For the sake of both our sanities- let's say I don't." I eye smiled(Something the other personality I had subsequently 'absorbed' did constantly-) at her over my new white and red sweat band covering my left eye(Old habits die hard, apparently- just like me!). She looked down at her ramen in, then I heard a sniffle, and the next thing I knew I was on the ground behind the stools we were sitting on before with an ecstatically crying little girl crying into my chest, thanking me repeatedly.
If only she weren't a minor(I'd be milking the shit out of this moment if she wasn't-).
"There, there, kid I only just met, it'll be alright." I awkwardly patted her on the head once(One thing me and the other person shared in common- we were terrible at comforting people; especially crying girls.). At that, she did a complete 180 and jumped to her feet, pounding her fist into her hand. "Yosh! Now I have to train even harder to make sure I don't let down my future husband!" Yeah, that's-
FUTURE HUSBAND?!
"Woah, hold up their partner; this ain't my first rodeo, so I know agreeing to marry ANYONE when they first met is a terrible idea-"
I'm not stupid, I've seen Sekirei(If only for the Echii value-).
This only caused her to pout. "Aw, come on- I'll be your best friend!" The hell- "You can't be my best friend if you wanna marry me!" She paused. "Ah. I'll give you whatever that 'HJ' thing was you were talking about earlier if you do-" "NO! I'm too young to go to jail!" Plus there was the fact that I almost always drop the soap whenever I shower-
I like my cherry staying cherry fresh, thank you.
She seemed confused, but I wasn't about to tell her why I'd be going to jail on a felony- "Uh huh. Well, um…" She puffed out her cheeks and went into a thinking pose(Oh dear god, the cuteness- it hurts!). After a second or two, she snapped up like she had the most brilliant idea ever. "I know! If you marry me, I'll go on to become Hokage, and you can be my Queen then!" "Okay, first things first: I am not, nor will I ever be, a Queen- second, just follow your heart and do what you want to do in the future. What do you want to do in the future, anyway?" I raised my eyebrow as she froze.
"What… I want?" She lowered her head and actually contemplated it. It was sad to think she was going to do whatever it took to keep me in her life, even if it went against what she actually wanted. "I… Want to make it so no one has to go through what I've been going through all my life!" She stated firmly, and for a second I was overwhelmed with emotion(What emotion I wasn't sure of, but I was certain it was the other person's personality that was doing it-). "Heh." I closed my eye and set my hand on her head once again. "You accomplish that, and I'll marry you kid." Her eyes lit up as I paid for our meals(Which was wasted as we didn't eat much of it- which also made me sad as I also quite started to enjoy the food known as 'Ramen'.) and exited the stall. "R-Really?" I made my way back to the clearing from before as she followed closely behind. "Sure- and as a plus, I'll even help you a bit along the way." I stopped at the clearing and looked over at the tree we toppled over before- only to notice a knob sticking out into the air from the tree.
Okay, maybe more than just a bit, then.
"Harder." I ordered as an older Naruko swung her fist into my side, barely causing me to move, but sending dirt flying everywhere as a crater formed underneath where I was hit.
A lot had happened in the last 4 and a half years.
The most important thing that has happened was the destruction of my one way out of here(I could have opened a Garganta, but without Hollow capabilities, I was shit outta luck.). After that realization(You know, the one where I was fucked.), I just decided to figure out what the hell happened to me and also help Naruko with her dream-
Her constantly pestering me 24/7 had a lot to help in that decision.
So with the knowledge I had gained from one 'Kakashi Hatake, Copy Ninja', named so for his implanted Sharingan eye from his best friend/teammate/rival, Obito Uchiha, I trained not only Naruko to hopefully one day be the best Kunoichi in the world, but also figured out what had happened to myself in the process.
Turns out, the consequences Oracion was talking about was that every Dimension had a set number of souls that could inhabit it; hence the reason not all Dimensions had a set 'Afterlife' as I figured out early in the game. And based off that assumption, for an outworlder to come into said Dimension, a soul would have to be destroyed and assimilated into the outsider from the very same Dimension(The person who it happened to was nothing if not random, I just so happened to get Kakashi.).
Though without concrete proof, this was all just speculation.
I wasn't sure if I should have gotten his memories and even his eye, but I did, and there was no one I could ask that had done the same as I had with the same situation out there, so I was stuck to assume(And thus making an ass out of me, and not so much 'U'-) what had happened.
So while I was stuck here, I decided to hang out with the one person who knew what the hell was going on other than myself, Naruko.
Using the knowledge not only held by Kakashi, but myself as well, I trained her as hard as physically possible so that she would be prepared for anything come time for her to be a Ninja of the Hidden Leaf(Gayest sounding name for a ninja village- but whatever, that's just my opinion.).
Ninjutsu, Genjutsu(Or I should say just dispelling them for now, as she has a shit ton of Chakra. Yeah, I just figured out how it was pronounced thanks to Naruko not 2 weeks ago- thanks for telling me, pricks.), and Chakra control from Kakashi, and Taijutsu, Kenjutsu(What little I knew that could be used for a living person, anyway-), and Iryōjutsu from me.
How did I know Iryōjutsu?
Let's just say the knowledge Kakashi held about Ninja wasn't enough to sate my desires to be ungodly strong(Insert evil laughter and lightning effect here.) so I started to study more into the Ninja techniques Kakashi was lacking in.
That included Iryōjutsu, Kugutsu techniques(Yeah, I know those are primarily from Suna, but I mean, come on- controlling others with strings like a puppet meister? That is too good to pass up-), Kekkei Genkai- the list goes on.
I trained hard- harder than I did when I was a Hollow I'd say(I can't just beat Naruko into the ground and not do so myself- don't want her being able to kick my ass if I laze around all day like Kakashi used to do).
All in all, it's been a productive few years.
"When I said harder, you know I meant harder, right, you little fucker?" I glared at her as she rubbed her fist she hit me with. "Not my fault I don't want to break you- last time I went fullpower you were sent flying all the way to the Valley of the End and I had to put you in a csat as well-" "You know damn well that only happened because I was still testing out my new technique to replicate an old one I used to have- and when I failed, you decided to go below the belt!" I hissed at her.
Seriously- get hit with super strength in the crotch once, and suddenly you're the most fragile object in the world!
"Not my fault you jumped up when I was trying to hit you in the face!" That was just as bad as the crotch- if not more so!
I needed both those things to make money damn it!
"You know I use these things to make money damn it!" I needed to make that last part vocal, so I roared at her as she stuck her tongue out and turned away.
She had matured in the last few years(In body, obviously, as she still had the personality of an 8 year old-), as she now had on an orange short pencil skirt with orange stockings(Dang it, orange is her favorite color, but she's starting to make it mine as well- and she damn well knows it too!) and black boots that reach her knees, as well as a tight black T-shirt under her burnt orange jacket, covering up her nicely sized breasts(They could do well to be a bit bigger- but she says she's working on it… Not sure how that works, but I don't well wanna ask how it does-). She still had the same innocent(That's what she tells me, but I know it's the exact opposite-) big blue eyes and the blonde hair done in pigtails that reach her ass(I can say that now as she's almost legally an adult.) and stood at an impressive 5'1 for her age and gender.
She also had an Odachi strapped on her back that was bigger than she was(What did you think I trained her strength up for?) that was held in a black sheath with ornate orange flower petals everywhere you looked(It was her birthday gift from me a while back- almost got raped in my sleep because of it. She said it doesn't constitute as rape if both parties are willing- and I don't know whether to be happy that she knew that or creeped out by how she thought me being asleep constituted as consent-).
All in all, she was starting to turn into a real beauty.
A real beauty with an unnatural addiction to the color orange, ramen, and me- but still, a beauty.
"And I'm telling YOU I could just pay for an apartment for us two so that you didn't have to use your precious 'Money Makers' on any of those two-bit WHORES!" Yeah, did I mention she was still on about that whole 'Marry me' thing?
Because she was.
"Don't worry, boo, you'll always be close to my heart." I walked up to her and pinched her cheek before she swatted my hand away. I laughed a that and started walking towards the village. "Just not as close as the women resting on my chest after our relations-" That must have gotten her to see red as steam started to come out of her ears. Soon enough I was running away from an enraged midget.
"Uzumaki-Namikaze, Naruko?" I watched(As a fly on the wall- gotta love the henge jutsu that Naruko made with her thick ass Chakra-) Naruko stand up from her seat in the back and walk out into the hall as hushed chatter guided her out.
Hearing some of the comments they made reminded me how much kids were dicks-
They could be so evil sometimes(If the 'Look at the lone bitch strutting her stuff' comment was anything to go by- Note to self: Teach the Inuzuka ass hat a lesson later on.).
I was just sticking to the wall, suppressing my presence so that when she graduated, I could go out and pick her up for a celebration(Because god forbid if her actual parents did it-), but what I wasn't expecting was the finger to stop right in front of me on the wall, apparently waiting for me to move onto it.
Thinking about it, I decided to piss in the wind and moved onto the finger of, if I was correct, the Hyuga Heiress.
And she had her Doujutsu activated.
Oh.
OH!
Thinking it was time to hightail it, I flew up into the air and made for the window, but a quick chop at my person(Fly?) stopped me. Figuring the jig was up, I did a quick transformation into something else right in front of the class of up and coming ninja.
Okay, not my best idea ever, but sue me.
Coughing as the smoke of my Henge cleared away, the students watched as it revealed me just standing on the desk of the teacher(Albeit, a much younger me around their age-). I had changed my look over the years, now wearing black ninja sandals with black slacks that went to my ankles(They weren't cankles, I swear!) with an orange stripe going to either side of my legs(Guess who had me do that?), with a Shuriken, Kunai, and Senbon holster on the side of my left leg(I was ambidextrous, but my foes didn't need to know that-). I was wearing a black long sleeved turtleneck(And chains- Jk, I just like the song.) shirt under a zipped up burnt orange coat that matched Naruko's own(I can't resist a 10 year old who uses the Puppy Eyes- I might have been dead once, but I still had a heart damn it!). To cover up my 'Blemish', I still used that same sweat band from years ago to cover it by wearing it very 'Hipply', as a spandex wearing freak would have said.
"Congratulations! You caught me and passed the test!" Yes, I was going to do what I do best to get out of this situation- bull shit. "Test? What test- we already passed the Genin test!" An irritated Inuzuka told me off as he pointed to his newly acquired headband. "Ah, yes- but that was only the beginning! A ninja must constantly be aware of his/her surroundings, or else- BAM! You're dead." I was just planning to put laxatives in his dinner tonight, but kicking his ass was good payback too. "Aware?" "Like THIS!" Faster than any of them could follow, I was up in front of the mutt, picked him up, and threw him out the window(Fucker was lucky it was open-), following after him soon after along with most of the class, and I let them.
What was a humiliation beat down without witnesses?
"Grrrr- alright, punk, you're about to get a taste of Inuzuka bad ass! Come on Akamaru!" The dog seemed to have the obvious brains in the relationship as it really didn't want to go in and get it's ass kicked by me, so it just stayed off to the side. Not that the charging kid seemed to notice, anyway.
"Left-" I dodged to the right as he punched left. "Back-" I ducked as he sent out a kick to my stomach. "Low-" I jumped as he tried to sweep my legs from under me. "Claw- thing." I leant back in the air to avoid the claw that tried to make my other eye useless."Crotch- I don't think so." I stopped the game as he tried to punch my groin in mid air by twisting and kicking the side of his head, sending him speeding into a tree, unconscious.
C-C-C-C-C-Combo Breaker!
Always wanted to do that.
"Well, I think that's enough fun and games; remember kids, drink plenty of milk and don't take drugs from strangers- unless it's ecstasy. Then you snort the shit out of it-" And with those words of wisdom(?) I took off into the bustling village(Or so they thought; I just laid low inside the same tree the mutt slammed into.).
"Hn. Come on- someone grab the mutt and let's go back inside." A broody looking girl told the entire class, and I don't think the actions she wanted done could be done faster even if they tried(Pampered heir- check.). Though I had to give her props- she seemed to notice I was still there as she looked directly towards the branch I was sitting on with- oh ho! That was a pair of immature Sharingan! This got a wee bit more intriguing in this class.
I didn't have to wait long on this branch, as about 15 minutes later, the Academy classes were let out, with Naruko's ahead of them all. Dropping my henge, I dropped from the trees and went over to where Naruko was waiting for me to pick her up-
Only to find her arguing with two of her siblings. Oh what fun I'm sure to be a part of-
It seemed to be the second youngest of the children, the twins; Naruto and Miko.
They both were 15, and each of them had been training under the Sennin(Naruto the old hermit and Miko the busty slugger-), which meant they weren't to be trifled with(Well, to other people at least- I couldn't give a fuck either flippin' way.). Naruto(Who I assume was the dumber of the two- blondes and fun and all that good crap.) was in a god awful orange tracksuit with a black Konoha headband keeping his hair out of his face(Otherwise it would probably be an exact match to his father- eyes and all.), and black ninja sandals along with ninja pouches for his Kunai and Shuriken on his legs, while his sister(Who, thankfully, had a much better fashion sense-) had long red hair like their mother that cascaded downwards like feathers, and covered a portion of her face as well, with one violet colored eye being covered in it. She wore a red T-shirt covered by a floor length violet silk dress(Spoiled rich and pampered anyone?), and who knows what underneath it(My guess and hope was that it was nothing-). And for footwear, she wore high heeled sandals just like her teacher.
My other hope was that she kept all her tools in her none too small bust as well-
"Come on- we want to celebrate your graduation from the academy!" Naruto exclaimed as he tried to drag his sister with him. "Sorry, but I already have other plans." Naruko did not look amused in the least with either of them, better step in before she flips her lid-
"Plans? What kind of plans could you have that prioritizes over family?" Miko frowned as she crossed her arms over her oh so glorious fun bags. "Those plans would happen to be me, I'm afraid." Both the twins turned around and saw an older, more mature looking me from earlier come up to them(I wasn't really that much different- just a height difference really, only about 5 inches more than Naruto.). "And who might you be?" They both frowned as they stepped in between me and Naruko.
"SETSUMEI-SENSEI!"
Not like that would stop Naruko from leaping into my arms.
"Naruko, I'm so proud of you!" I caught her and flung her up in the air, causing her to giggle as I caught her as she came back down. The twins were shocked though, as such intimacy was usually only seen between a father and daughter(If only they knew what she tried to do to me only so long ago-). "Bah- it was too easy! A clone, really? I could do that in my sleep!" "Yeah- the Kage Bunshin at least." I deadpanned as she face planted on the ground. "It- It's still a clone, Baka!" She ground her boot onto my foot, causing me to yelp and hold it.
She used that fucking super strength of hers, too!
"Alright, alright- you graduated, that's all that counts." I rubbed my head as she huffed and turned away from me. I'm not sure how I knew this, but I had a feeling me telling her how proud I was of her graduating wasn't enough to make an impression on her(Ever since she was little, I was somehow able to tell whenever she was feeling down or angry- might have something to do with how easy she was to read, but something told me it wasn't that.).
Sighing, I got on my knees(First and last time this would be happening- at least I told myself that.) and got her attention. "I mean it Naruko- everything you've accomplished up until this point, not many could do it. Even fewer could hope to keep going under all the pressure you go under on a daily basis. Keep up the work, and your dreams will finally be within arms reach." Smiling(With both my eye and my lips-) I leant over and touched my forehead with hers.
I didn't need to look to see her eyes had widened and started to tear up-
I also didn't need to look to see that both the twins were glaring at my back(Not hard to figure it out when you go from caring parental figure one minute to strangely intimate significant other the next.).
"Okay, creep, that's enough. Step away from our sister and we won't hurt you- much." Miko hissed at me as I glanced back at them to see Naruto pull out a Kunai and Miko start to put her hands in a hand sign.
I so did not want to put up with that right now.
So I just picked up Naruko bridal style(I will never let her know it's called that-) and decided to show one of my many tricks. "Yeah- I would, but I'll take my chances that you'll somehow hurt me over having you take her and inevitably end up hurting her anyway. So long, pricks!" Using the time that they used to wince at that last jab, my Chakra flared up around my eye and soon enough, we weren't in the presence of spoiled brats anymore.
Hm. I'm still not sure what I should give her for graduating earlier, I mused to myself as I watched her sleep in my bed as the events from today finally hit her.
I taught her everything there was to teach from my time as a Hollow(Sans killing her and showing her what a Resurreccion was-), Kakashi didn't have many techniques for such an occasion(The only one I could teach her I had already-), and from my time studying the different subjects in the Elemental Nations she could do already do or it was physically impossible for her to learn(There was just no way she could learn the Kugutsu technique- her Uzumaki chakra was just much too thick to form only strings from chakra.).
I've run out of things I could give her.
… Except for one thing-
Though I don't think my consciousness would allow me to sex up an almost 13 year-old.
So I was out of ideas.
Sighing in frustration, I sat down in a chair in the corner of the room. I suppose I could give into her wishes for a shared apartment, but then I would have no way of getting more money(No way Naruko would let me bring in any customers if she was there to stop it-), and I both doubted a Genin's salary was enough to live off with two people, and didn't want to rely on her for monetary gain.
I could burn down the village for her?
Suddenly, killing her sounded a lot more convincing an option right now.
I could go on a quest in search of something worthy of the occasion(Maybe her father's head on a platter?), but then that would leave her to fend for herself, and I knew she would rather get nothing then have that happen.
Gah- why did I promise her I'd give her something spectacular for graduating into a GENIN of all things?!
Okay, lightning round, go-
Movie adaption of our adventures? Would take too long.
Picture of me in a very skimpy outfit? Too tantalizing(For her-).
Fix that weapon she wanted to use a couple years back?
…
Flashback no Jutsu(The most handy jutsu Kakashi knew by far-)!
"And it does all sorts of things!" An extremely energetic Naruko told me as she presented me with the weapon of her choice she wanted to use.
It was a metal bow with a bag full of arrows.
"Let me see that-" I told her with a look of awe on my face, and she handed it to me-
Which I then proceeded to snap in half because it was the stupidest thing that had ever graced my presence. "Wha-What did you do that for?!" She screamed at me as I grabbed the bag and then snapped all the arrows by smashing them across my knee.
"You're a Ninja- not Katnip Evergreen." I told her as I flung a sword at her in a special sheath. "No student of mine is going to use the gayest, most flamboyant piece of trash weapon this world has to offer."
Seriously- what Ninja is just going to stupidly stand still and allow you to not only cock the damn thing, but also aim and shoot it right into their person- it didn't make sense! They would just do some hand seals, then POOF! You're a giant roasted Ninja.
Honestly-
Flashback no Jutsu END(I am going to get some hate from those writers that love bows so much- but I really don't care, so that's a plus.)
…
Yeah, that is a no-
Teach her the ways of torturing a person until they officially go insane? Yeah- the thought of that didn't exactly sound too pleasant to me(Last thing I needed was for her to rip off my toe and shove it in my ear because I didn't get her ramen-).
Damn it! There had to be SOMETHING I could do or get for her! Getting up with a grunt I started pacing the room, thinking about what I could do. For fuck sakes, the only thing left to do for her would be to get married(But I ain't ready for commitment, as last time I committed to something, I was receiving assorted cheeses through the mail for close to 6 months every week-).
"Damn it!" I whispered to myself as I pounded my night stand, causing the one thing on it to fall to the ground. Sighing, I bent over to pick it up, and realized it was her 'Foxy-Kun' walle I had given her a while back. Picking it up and holding it to the window, where there was a view of the Third and Fourth Hokage heads on the mountain, I suddenly got the craziest idea in the world-
It was so far fetched, it had to work(And when it came to Naruko, everything was far fetched, so this wouldn't be too hard to do.).
Grinning, I opened my window and leapt out into the night sky(This time NOT for some late night snuggle struggling-).
This would be the greatest present, ever-
Aside from that one time I woke up to the biggest female orgy a year or so back.
I really had to thank this world for the Kage Bunshin, and kinky Kunoichi.
Also forgot to mention, the poll is up in my Profile, so go and vote for who you want MooMoo-Teme(I can make fun of him here because this isn't the main story and he won't see it.) to get his ass kicked by FOR A WHOLE CHAPTER- sorry, had to caps that because I think some of you can't read it otherwise-
Ja Ne~