Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or Elvis Costello, though I envy the glasses they wear.

A/N: I swear I'm still writing "Gardener of Godric's Hollow". I wrote chapter five over the summer, but I haven't quite finished tweaking it. However, you should all rejoice in the fact that this fic here is already completed!

Title: Sneaky Feelings

Summary: Alice Longbottom wants to find the most suitable entertainment for the soon-to-be-married Lily Evans. Sirius Black, however, is not ready to cooperate. Slash RL/SB. Random Elvis Costello lyrics make their way into things.

Chapter One: Wave A White Flag

"Oh Merlin, Lily I can't believe you're getting married in three days! Are you nervous?" Alice Longbottom asked, grasping Lily Evans' hands as she did so. Lily shook her head and looked pleasantly down at the sparkling engagement ring on her hand.

"I know, I know. It seems like just yesterday I was having a hissy fit every time that boy came near me." Alice chuckled and thought for a moment. She looked down at the gold band on her own finger, remembering the wedding she'd had only one month ago. It really seemed like the type of fun they'd had in their Hogwarts days was coming quickly to an end. No more midnight trips to Hogsmeade with the boys. No more drunken games of Truth or Dare in the Room of Requirement. No more steamy, wandlit romance novels hidden beneath the covers.

They were bound now. Not just by war, but by marriage. In a sense, at least for Alice, the two had come hand-in-hand. She could still remember Frank's words to her on the night he proposed. "Alice, we can't wait any longer. Love is all we've got right now, and it's something the other side will never have." She sighed, just thinking about how passionate Frank had been that night. How could she possibly say no to an early marriage? She glanced back over at her friend, who was glowing as brightly as the ring James Potter had given her. Lily must have felt it too—the sudden urge to get married. Nobody really knew what this war was going to bring about…but at least this way they'd have no regrets about their relationships with Frank and James.

And yet…what if they ended up with other kinds of regrets. Like, not being able to live their lives to the fullest before the time ran out. Not getting to see, feel, and be everything they deserved while they were still young. Why, they'd only been out of Hogwarts for what, six months? Suddenly, Alice's wedding ring felt a little bit tighter.

"Hey Lily?" she asked, twisting the ring a little.

"Yeah?"

"What are you going to do with all those romance novels of yours? Throw them away?"

"Oh heavens no! Those are my bibles! You know as well as I do that we couldn't have gotten through Hogwarts without them! Especially the male on male romances. You know, I still have never seen two men kissing? Remember back in sixth year…it was my life's goal to cheer on two boys as they fell victim to each other's passions—" she clutched her heart poetically and sighed.

Alice looked at her sadly as she interrupted the moment. "I threw all of my novels away because I was afraid Frank would find them."

Lily looked astounded. "Oh you shouldn't have done that! I'm going to keep mine because I want James to find them. Might give him some inspiration, if you know what I mean," she said as she nudged Alice in the side. But Alice didn't grin.

"Are you sure we can still have fun like old times, even though we're married?"

Lily put her arm around Alice. "I don't know, aren't I supposed to find that out for myself tomorrow?" Alice's eyes widened. The hen party! (1) How could she have forgotten! And it had been up to her, as the maid of honor, to find the entertainment. Lily seemed to not have noticed how suddenly panic-stricken Alice had become, because she continued to smile as she excused herself to go fix dinner.

Alice put her head in her hands and groaned. Who on Earth was she going to get to come to a hen party on such short notice? Of course, somebody sleazy could be a possibility in the blink of an eye…but for Lily, the entertainment really should be something a little more special. To Alice, this hen party was going to be more than just a milestone for Lily. As she was the last of their friends to be married, this hen party was going to be the last time for the girls to be girls. "It was my life's goal to cheer on two boys as they fell victim to each other's passions…" Alice played that sentence over and over in her head as she sat on the tiny couch in James' apartment.

Without warning, the door to the apartment flung open, revealing a snow-covered and red-faced James Potter bundled up in what looked like eight layers of clothing. Startled, Alice slid off the couch and onto the carpet, causing James to laugh. "Wotcher, Alice!"

She quickly regained her composure and stood up to help James take off his snow-soaked garments. "Is it really that cold out?" she asked, noticing how frostbitten his face was.

"Cold enough to not notice how freezing Lily always keeps this apartment," he said, chuckling. He then took out his wand and began drying himself. "You staying for dinner tonight? It smells delicious, whatever it is."

Alice nodded. "I think it's some sort of chicken dish. Frank had to stay late at the Ministry, and Lily decided I needed some company. Plus, I er, needed to ask her for some ideas for her hen party," she said, grinning mischievously.

James cringed and waved his arms around. "I don't want to know. Please don't tell me, because I swear I don't want to know."

"Really? Because I do want to know."

James gave her a funny look and sat down on the couch. "What? But I thought you were the one planning it. Lily said she wanted the entertainment to be a surprise."

Alice sighed. "Yeah, well…from the looks of it, it's going to be a surprise if something surprising actually happens."

"It's that difficult to find something that Lily would like? I hope you're not looking for something sleazy and inappropriate are you?" he asked sternly.

"Of course I am! That's the point of a hen par—hey!"

"What!?" James was startled. Alice suddenly began looking at him very strangely.

"It was her life's goal to cheer on two boys as they fell victim to each other's passions…" she said in almost a whisper.

"E-excuse me?" James stood up and backed slowly away from the couch. "A-Alice?"

"Oh Potter, that's it! I'm sure you must have at least one gay friend! Wait…how about Sirius Black? He can be the entertainment at Lily's party!"

"WHAT? How did you know he was gay?" he cried.

Alice grinned widely and giggled. "Well I wasn't completely sure until now." She clapped her hands, and James suddenly noticed a mischievous look in her eyes that made him wonder why she had never been part of the Marauders. "Okay here's the deal. I'll have all the guests agree to pitch in a few galleons. He can bring his boyfriend over to your apartment and you'll floo them to let them know the exact moment they should be pretending to shag. At that moment, I'll bring Lily and the girls up. We'll let Lily walk in first and startle them. They'll look our way for a second, and then go right back to having fun right on the very carpet you're standing on!"

James leapt from the rug as though he'd been standing on hot coals, and backed into the wall. Oh no. He thought. Nobody was supposed to know that Sirius liked men. Sirius had barely even known himself a few weeks ago…and now that Alice Longbottom knew…oh James had better go warn Sirius of this situation. Fast. Lily's chicken would have to wait.

Alice continued to monologue. "She can finally see two men shagging like she's always wanted to!" each of her words came out like a shriek, causing James' head to pound.

He continued to back away from her, making his way toward the fireplace. "Uh, Alice. Could you tell Lily that I'll be back in a few minutes. I need to pick something up at the Ministry." The woman, who James could have sworn looked slightly demonic, nodded and smiled. "Ministry of Magic, Auror's Office!" he called, tossing floo powder into the hearth. This was definitely one of those times that he was thankful for the special direct floo routes from his home to the Auror's Office. Generally he was supposed to use it only in case of emergency…and this certainly was an emergency.

He jumped out of the flames, brushing ashes onto the carpet as he tried to regain his composure. "SIRIUS!"

Both Sirius Black and Frank Longbottom jumped sky-high at James' intrusion, but Mad-Eye Moody just glared. James expected him to say something like, "What are you doing here on your day off Potter? And you'd better have a damn good reason for using the emergency floo." But instead, Mad-Eye smiled quite menacingly and said "Black, Longbottom. How could that possibly have surprised you? I though you were supposed to be practicing—"

"Yeah, yeah constant vigilance. I'm sorry to intrude, sir, but I need to speak with Sirius in private for a moment." James looked slightly tense, but Mad-Eye hardly looked worried. James was going to be married soon, so it really was no surprise for him to be acting a little strangely. Sirius, however, looked very worried as he noticed James' expression. He stood up from his desk and quietly followed James into the hallway.

There were only two departments at the Ministry of Magic who could be seen working late into the night: The Department of Mysteries, and the Auror Offices. So it came as no surprise that the hallway was completely empty and dimly lit. James let out a big sigh and looked straight into Sirius' bloodshot eyes. "What's up? Did something happen to someone? Is Lily okay? Remus?" Sirius' voice sounded a little hoarse as he spoke. He'd obviously been doing a great deal of paperwork before James' interruption.

James laughed in spite of himself. "No, no. Nothing like that!" Sirius immediately looked much calmer. The stress of the Auror training and the impending war had done quite a number on Sirius' suave and unruffled attitude, even in such a short a time as six months. The man had let his hair grow past his shoulders, and had to be reminded to shave…usually by Remus Lupin. But worst of all, the man had hardly smiled in weeks. "But Alice is over at my flat right now and—"

Sirius looked befuddled. "Umm, Prongs? Mate? Is your head okay?"

"What?"

"I'm Sirius. Her husband's the chubby guy in the green robes."

James made a face. "Look just shut it, okay? This concerns you." Sirius furrowed his eyebrows, but remained silent. "Blabbermouth Alice knows your secret."

Sirius continued to furrow his eyebrows. Clearly he had no idea what James was talking about. "She knows I can turn into a dog?"

James didn't laugh this time. "No, mate. She knows your other secret. You know…the one that only you and I know…"

The befuddled look washed away from his face and was replaced with realization. "Shit!"

"Yeah, but apparently she's already figured it out before I accidentally confirmed it. Sorry, mate."

Sirius' head drooped. "What have you got to be sorry about? I mean, everyone's going to have to find out sooner or later. I was just kind of hoping to keep it quiet until I find a boyfriend."

The bespectacled man shook his head and threw his arm around Sirius' shoulders. "That's what I'm sorry about. The other bad news is that you're going to have to find a boyfriend by tomorrow night."

"…"

James waited for a response, but none came. He continued, "She wants you and your boyfriend to be the entertainment at Lily's hen party. And apparently Lily's got some thing for gay blokes shagging. Bloody hell I wish I hadn't just learned that about her."

"C-Couldn't you have told her I don't have a boyfriend? That I may never have a relationship with a bloke?" Sirius' voice had never been lined with panic back in the Hogwarts days. Before speaking again, James turned away from his friend to think for a moment. Two weeks ago, on a night when Sirius had been sure Lily was not sleeping over at James' flat, Sirius had come rolling out of the fireplace while James had been enjoying a nice, quiet drink.

After an hour or so of awkward hesitation to mention the reason for his visit, James offered Sirius a drink. One shot of firewhiskey later, the man was ready to tell James that he preferred men. All throughout their Hogwarts years, three-quarters of the female population had thrown themselves at Sirius…only to find their hearts broken when he didn't want to pursue serious relationships with them. And of course a serious relationship to Sirius Black meant longer than a one-night stand.

But on that bone-chillingly cold December night, with the howling wind and James Potter as his only witnesses, Sirius admitted to being attracted exclusively to men. And admitting something like that meant that if he were to ever commit to a serious relationship, it would be with a man. All James could really do that night was nod in understanding and offer his shoulder to lean on.

This war was causing everyone they knew to grow up entirely too quickly. The Marauders accepted that the days when they could fool around with whomever they wanted were long gone. Relationships now had to be committed. They had to be as close to true love as they could get. Relationships now had to be forever, because forever could mean sixty years, or forever could mean tomorrow. These had actually been Remus Lupin's words, not his. But then again, Remus had always been much less promiscuous in his love life than the rest of them.

Before leaving James' flat that night, Sirius had left him with one rather strange thought to contemplate. "I know I fancy blokes because I think I've fallen in love with one," was all he'd revealed on the matter. Wow, thought James. There was no way in hell Sirius was going to tell him who it was…so he didn't even bother asking.

The two hadn't actually spoken about Sirius' sexuality since that night. But now, Sirius had unfortunately come face-to-face with his dilemma. Finally, James spoke up, causing Sirius to lift his head. "You were going to have to tell him soon anyway, you know. Can't wait a thousand years," he said.

A few minutes passed in strained silence. When Sirius finally spoke, he voice was somehow much more hoarse than before. "There's no bloody way I'm confessing to him by tomorrow night. Tell Alice no. Tell her to find someone else to put on a show for Evans."

James frowned. "C'mon, mate! This isn't like you at all! Where's the fun-loving, insanity-pursuing Padfoot that I know and love! Take a little chance, why don't you? I did."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I asked Lily to marry me, didn't I? I asked her when we'd only been on speaking terms for a year, and she said yes! Incidentally, how long have you been in love with this bloke?"

"A long time."

"Ah, so you've just admitted that it's a schoolmate. And how long have you actually known him?"

Sirius picked at one of his fingernails. "Even longer."

"And what's stopping you from telling him tomorrow? Or even right now?"

"Romantic timing?" Sirius' eyes were grinning slightly, and James relaxed. Then, at that very moment, it hit him. If James didn't do something about Sirius' lovelorn melancholy soon, his best man was certainly not going to be the life of the party at the wedding…as everyone was probably expecting him to be. Once James was fully married, he'd have less and less time to spend with his old schoolmates. Sirius needed a steady relationship right now. He needed someone to love, because Merlin knows Sirius has never focused his uncontrollable passion towards anything other than pulling pranks and turning into an Animagus. Love would be good for someone like Sirius. Love would probably get him to cut his hair, shave regularly, and bring some color back into those once mirthful cheeks.

"The girls are willing to pay you," he mentioned.

"With money?"

James couldn't keep a straight face. "Of course with money, you wanker! Unless you'd prefer to be paid in owl droppings."

Sirius grinning. "I'll think about it."

"I mention money, and suddenly he considers it," James said aloud to himself. Sirius immediately locked his arm around James' neck and rubbed his fist into the man's hair. Somewhere between Sirius barking with laughter for the first time in ages, and James' glasses falling off, a sort of unspoken agreement was made. Sirius was going to confess his love to someone, and everything was going to be just fine.

Once the laughing died down, Sirius said in a low voice, "I'm going to be scared shitless if I decide to see him tomorrow."

"Then see him tonight." James waggled his eyebrows, and Sirius laughed again, a little nervously this time. James headed straight back to his flat, dragging a reluctant Sirius along with him. Frank did not look all that happy to be left alone with Mad-Eye, but one nice thing about him was that he hardly complained.

(1) I'm insufferably American. The entire time I was originally planning this story, I called it a "bachelorette party." But having never been to one myself, I asked my best friend, Wikipedia about them…who was kind enough to inform me that residents of the UK call it a "hen party". So just to be on the safe side, for those of us who don't know much about the lingo of the UK…a hen party is the same thing as a bachelorette party.

PLEASE REVIEW!! I love people who review with all my heart. I know there's not much to this story yet, but there will be. Next chapter soon.