Amatus
Ready for another adventure, amatus?
A small brown haired boy sitting cross legged on a cool stone floor. His chubby hands grasping at the bleached bird skeleton in front of him. His brow furrowed intently as he endlessey rearranged the light bones. Finally satisfied with their order, a wave of rich violet magic trickling from his hands and softly falling onto his project. The now animated bird jumping up, his bare wings flapping around the room before landing on the giggling boys shoulder and nibbling his ear. A proud father entering the space, patting his son's head and smiling warmly. Such a talent for magic, and at such a young age too!
"Do you like him, papa?" The smiling toddler asked.
"I do and I could not be more proud of you, Dorian."
The child from before, now a lean boy of fourteen years standing by a bookcase stacked with tomes. His childhood playmate sitting in a chair next to him, his nose buried in a book. Dorian rolling his eyes and joking with his friend before grabbing the heavy pages and tossing it to the nearby table. He gestures for his companion to follow him, a mischievous smile on his handsome face.
"Are we going to cause some more trouble?" The comrade asked.
"That we are, Felix."
Scattered pages filled with theories and alchemic designs of time magic resting around tables and decorating the high walls. Dorian, now an Altus in his mid twenties, surveying the workplace. Gazing at the designs around the office and rubbing the dark hair growing on his chiseled face. A small bud of happiness and pride blooming in his heart for his long hours of arduous effort.
"Alexius is going to shit his smallclothes when he sees this."
Dorian bursting into his room, his face a mixture of disgust and heartbreak. Heavy tears welling in his dark eyes and falling down to his expensive clothes. Sitting on his bed, his shoulders racked with shaking sobs. A picture of a young Dorian and his father within his reach. His expression going from sadness to blinding rage at the perfectly cased lie. Throwing the ornate frame to the ground, shattering the glass that held the idyllic picture.
"You tried to change me." His shaking voice cried.
The mage killing a bloodthirsty shade, before turning to view the new visitors. A striking Qunari with white hair and thick scars standing before him, his axe already in hand. The Herald of Andraste. Three companions stood behind the warrior, their weapons drawn as well. A smile ghosting Dorian's lips as he relished the surprise on their faces when they saw the large shifting fade rift above his head. What an adventure this will be!
"Good, you're finally here. Now help me close this, will you?"
Dorian fussing over an injured Herald in the mountains near the ruins of Haven. The deep gash on his forehead adding to the list of scars on his gray skin. Their companions and friend chuckling at his worry for such a minor wound. The Inquisitor sitting dutifully, letting the anxious man apply a thick layer of medicine to it before wrapping it tightly with gauze. Dorian washing the Qunari's scarlett blood from his hands in a nearby stream. The Herald was safe for now, but what if he hadn't been? What if he had been lost to him to Corypheus? The Herald tapping the Tevinter mage on the shoulder and smiling assuringly.
"Ready for another adventure?" He asked, extending his hand.
"Always."
Dorian standing in his small alcove at Skyhold, waiting for a very special person to arrive. The burly Inquisitor taking the steps two at a time to make it to the man. His heart jumping fluttering at seeing the Qunari's excitement to reach him. Smiling, crossing his arms and greeting the roguish Herald. The light headed feeling of his crush practically lifting him off his feet. The pain of previous unrequited endeavors shoved him harshly back down. Knowing in his heart there was little hope to keep someone as important as him.
"I could watch you roam Skyhold all day. I suppose it's more fun this way. For me, I mean. You are rather strapping." Dorian flirted.
The Herald kissing Dorian passionately as he pressed him up against the bookshelf. His mind running with the implications of their actions. What does this mean? A dalliance or adventure to be enjoyed a few times before being tossed aside surely. A small flicker of hope in his chest when he thought he saw the Inquisitor look at him, not with lust as he was used to, but with care and adoration. Later pacing his small library, imagining the Qunari's look, over and over again. I was mistaken, surely. It had to be a mistake.
"You learn not to hope for more. You'd be foolish to."
The Inquisitor dancing at the Winter Palace with Dorian, his muscular arms holding the mage close. A feeling of belonging that Dorian has never felt before. He can't quite bring himself to say the words "I love you" yet. They're too tied to a country trying to kill him, his mother turning a blind eye, a father with countless lies. In truth, he doesn't know if he'll ever be able to say it again. Smiling up at the towering Qunari, his lover, his adventurer, his amatus.
"You have but to ask, amatus. Lead the way." Dorian grinned.
The Qunari's echoing voice as they played a game of Wicked Grace. How was Cullen so bad at this game? Dorian watching fondly as his amatus cons their friends out of their coin. The Herald grinning mischievously when he later tells the Tevinter mage about his past card games in his mercenary group. Head spinning with the mixture of ale and revelry from earlier while they laugh and stumble their way up the Inquisitor's stairs.
"Never a dull adventure with you, eh amatus?"
Red lyrium growing from corpses and casting a eerie glow on the rocky surroundings. The Temple of Ashes covered in ash and smoke, the Heralds soldiers massacred where they stood. A helpless Dorian clutching at the lifeless body of the Inquisitor. Blood pouring from the Qunari and staining his fine clothes. He was the Herald's chosen, the blessed hero of the faith, he was meant for more than this! The mage begging the Inquisitor to stand, to walk out with him. To see the new Tevinter that Dorian dreamed of and the future he hoped to make with him. Finally crying the words he could not bear to say until the moment he saw the light drain from the Qunari's eyes.
"Are you ready for another adventure, amatus? Answer me, please! Just don't leave me…. I love you."
Dorian shot up from his pillow, his chest heaving. The Inquisitor's room was silent except for the sound of the Herald's even breaths, consistent with a deep sleep.
"I guess it was all just a bad dream." He thought, rubbing his face tiredly. The remnants of wet tears clung to his face and trickled down onto the light cotton sheets as he tried to wipe away the awful memory of the Qunari's death.
The Inquisitor was safe next to him, passed out on his back with his horns wrapped in the covers. Corypheus was hundreds of miles away from them, his vengeance unable to reach their haven at Skyhold.
"What an oaf." Dorian thought, smiling at his companions ridiculous sleeping position. His dark hands quietly undid the twists and knots around the Inquisitor's horns as not to wake him before laying the blanket over the both of them. The Tevinter laid back down, pressing his face to the Qunari's bare chest and listened to the sound of his amatus's heart beating steadily. The sound comforted him and reassured Dorian that what he had seen was just a cruel dream and not reality. He had no doubt that he loved the man lying next to him. His feelings felt more real than any twisted fantasy or darkspawn magister.
"Why can't I say it? Why could I only say the words when it was far too late for him to know?"
Dorian laid awake for what seemed like hours, pondering his dilema until an answer finally stood out. The word love felt empty and insufficient when describing the way he felt toward his amatus. Nothing could quite capture the tightening in his chest when he kissed him or the heat in the whispers they spoke at night. Until the moment when he is able to relearn the words, to have them finally mean something, he will simply hold the Qunari close and repeat the phrase he knew his heart understood..
"Ready for another adventure, amatus?"