The Dreadful Disclaimer: Neithe blondy blue eyes nor I own Harry Potter. JKR and a bunch of rich smart people do. None of whom is us. I don't actually see the point in this disclaimer, I mean, nobody is going to read this, and on top of that, we wouldn't be on fanfiction if we had ownership of Harry and his Lil Buddies. So nyah. Who the deuce reads these anyway?

F to the Fifth Power

by the Freaky Ferret and the Whacky Werewolf

There was once a boy called Draco Malfoy. He had blond hair and was considered to be extremely attractive by a large number of possessed fans.

One day, he was taking a brisk stroll through the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, when he was confronted by his arch nemesis- HARRY POTTER (Egads!)!

Oh, and Harry's two friends, Ron Weasley, and Hermione Granger, who looks quite like the beautiful narrator of this story. And I do mean beautiful.

Gorgeous in fact. Her friend, also helping narrate this tale of bravery and woe was also quite pretty, but this is all completely inconsequential to the plight of our hero- Draco Malfoy.

"Ah! You are the dirty son of a very ugly Death Eater who uses more hair gel than that wacky girl in the corner!" Harry exclaimed in disgust.

"Oh, here comes Scarface, and his motley crew of misfit toys- toys for the Dark Lord! Muahahahahahahahahaha!" Draco cackled, quite pleased with his most brilliant comeback.

"Looooook!" Harry shrieked. "There's Alastor Moody, fishing in the pond!"

Draco sneered malevolently. "Hah! Bah Humbug! He's not so strong."

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Oh, for heaven's sake, Potter, formulate a real response, okay?"

"Oh, sure thing you snotty little ferret. Tell you what, I shall declare you the winner of this magnificent debate, if and only if you can get the guts to go and tap Moody on the shoulder while declaring that Voldemort is the messiah!"

"Okay, and if I do, you have to tell Moaning Myrtle how much you love her, and want her to follow you EVERYWHERE. For the rest of your life."

Harry took a sharp breath. This was war.

"Fine, Malferret. Now get scampering or the blond narrator of this story will beat me with an empty soda bottle."

Malfoy spat on Potter's feet, and skipped over to where Moody sat, chewing a piece of hay and grumbling under his breath. Malfoy could feel he was being watched.

"SHITE!" Malfoy screamed, as Peter Pettigrew popped out of the ground.

"Where am I?" he whimpered.

Malfoy groaned, directed him to the toilet, then returned to Moody.

"Moooooody! Moooooooooooooooody!" He hollered. "The Dark Lord is superrr powerful, and there isn't anything you can do about it! He is, in fact, yo' momma!"

"YOU SMARMY LITTLE FERRET!"

Mad-Eye-Moody waved his wand, looking ever so slightly like Glenda the Good witch, but male and with as much sexual appeal as a piece of roadkill.

Suddenly, the hot, yet slightly girly looking Draco Malfoy vanished leaving in his place, an adorable, gorgeous little ferret, all nice and white and cuuuuutteeeeeeee!

Sorry, got carried away there by the beauty that is the ferret boy.

Anyway, the hot Malfoy vanished, leaving an adorable ferret in his place (it's only fair, I suppose, to let the female ferret fans have a go at him.).

Then Hermione Granger skipped over and said, "Ohhhhhhhh, he's sooo cuteiiieee!"

But before she could appear before him, a lass with wild hair, and then another lass with blue eyes wide in admiration had appeared.

And that's us by the way, your humble narrators.

The blondy-blue eyes basically let loose a battle shriek ("AYYYIIIEEEEEE! FERRRETTTTTSSSSSSS!) and tackled Hermione, beating her with an empty soda bottle. She snatched the ferret and ran back to the psycho girl behind her- the inexpressibly hot one, by the way.

"Ohhhh, little fewwet!" she squeaked.

"'Ello poppet!" croaked the whacky one.

Harry and Ron ran over.

"Who the deuce are you?"

"The narrators, duh." Volunteered the girl who wasn't cooing over her ferret.

Harry and Ron looked dumbstruck.

As usual.

"Could you tell us more than that?"

"I'm a werewolf and she's the president of FFFFF."

"FFFFF?"

"Freaky Faces For Friendly Ferrets!" Ms. President informed them.

"Ah," Said Harry.

"Right," said Ron.

"Wellllll," drawled the werewolf, rolling her eyes and twisting her neck.

"We-"

"Fewwets!"

"-really ought-"

"-widdle cutie fewwets-"

"-to get back to the real world-"

"-wiff your widdle cutie claws-"

"-and out of your world-"

"-your so precious-"

"SHUT UP!"

And then they vanished in an explosion of pork rinds (which flew in every direction), and as they went, both Harry, Ron, the squid, and Pettigrew, who had left the bathroom- could all distinctly hear their farewell:

"I'LL GET YOU MY PRETTIES! AND YOUR LITTLE DOG TOO!"

And thus they were gone.