A/N: Please don't hate me. This story has been driving me wild, so I had to start it! You get two chapters out the gate and you will understand why very soon. This story will be very different and I really hope you love it! I promise my other stuff won't be neglected for as long as before! Jessie's Girl update is on its way!

"The carbonation in my drink

The bubbles rise while my heart sinks

And all I tend to do is think of you"

Morning Song by The Lumineers

Casey Novak sat on the front porch of her rented cabin in upstate New York looking out over the lake. It was late October and the trees were finally starting to turn. Normally, this was her favorite time of year, but not this year. Nothing could make her happy now.

She felt hollow inside and it hurt worse than anything. If only she could rewind time she would change everything. She'd make different choices and not lose the one thing she loved most, hell not lose everything.

Looking over the papers one last time, she began to cry again. This wasn't what she wanted but her choices brought her to this moment. She had to face it, this was all her fault. All she could do was hope and pray that somehow one day she could fix things.

Signing the papers, she held them close to her heart. Once she mailed them her life would forever change. Her hopes and dreams would be over. Maybe she could change that outlook.

Looking towards the sky, she said one last prayer and stood walking into the cabin. Sitting at the desk near the window she pulled out some paper and a pen. She'd include a letter with the papers.

October 20, 2008

My dearest Alexandra,

The last time I saw you, you were boarding a plane for Cambridge. I hope you are enjoying your job there, I truly do. I only hope and pray that you are happy, and that all your hopes and dreams come true.

I am sorry I have been so selfish. I am sorry that I chose my career over you and our love. I was stupid Alexandra. Everything you said to me that day in the airport was true. Working Sex Crimes does kill you slowly. It's like a cancer that takes over you. I couldn't see things clearly anymore. I couldn't see what it was doing to me or more importantly us. I am sorry I let it spread to my brain and my ability to see what I was letting go.

You were the best thing that ever happened to me, Alexandra. I see you everywhere I look. I don't say this to make you feel bad, I say it because I want you to know just how deeply I love you. When I close my eyes, I see your beautiful face. Your magical clear blue eyes, and your bright smile. When I am sad I imagine your laugh and it warms my heart. I was so foolish to let you go. I was an idiot to say the things I did.

I am so sorry for the hurt I caused you. The day I came after you at the airport, I wanted you to stay because I loved you. I was short sighted though. I should have gone to the airport to board the plane with you and start our lives over together. Hindsight is always 20/20, and mine now is even sharper. Losing you is the worst thing that has ever happened to me.

I am writing you this letter, Alexandra, to say I am sorry. I am sorry for ever hurting you. I am sorry for not being the woman you deserved. I wish I had done so many things differently.

You were right, Alexandra, that job was toxic. It stole my sleep and made me bitter inside. I wanted justice I just couldn't find anymore. I wanted to stop everyone's pain. I became too close to the victims and it cost my career. I am sure you've already heard about it though, Nancy Grace seemed to fancy the Manhattan Sex Crimes scandal of 2008.

I am a walking joke now, and it's my own damn fault. My self pity is pretty fucking embarrassing. I actually saw a tabloid the other day with a picture of someone they thought was me entering the courthouse. The reporter was claiming the District Attorney's office had pressed charges. That is just how pathetic life has become for me, but I made it this way by not listening to you and I am so sorry for that. I am sorry for everything, Alexandra.

So, my mind has been made up for a while now. I got the papers the same day as my hearing and I knew then I owed you the happiness I stole from you. If this is how you achieve it then I will sign. I just want you to be happy Alexandra. I wish that was with me, but if you don't feel that same way then I understand. I promise though, the old Casey is coming back to stay. I will never be selfish again. I promise Alexandra.

I am at the cabin we use to rent in the fall. It seemed fitting for the season and all. It makes it easy to pretend that you are cooking dinner in the kitchen while I take a bath after a long hike like we use to, I think that will make it easier. It seems better this way, easier to find myself.

No matter what happens, please know I love you. I always will Alexandra. If you ever want to talk, you know how to find me. Alex, please know I am so sorry for all the pain I ever caused you and that I will love you for the rest of my days.

Forever my heart and soul,

Casey

Sealing the letter in a smaller envelope, Casey included it in the large packet and headed out to the post office. Her drive was familiar as Alex and her use to retreat to this house in the fall often. There were many times they would overnight documents back to New York City for the office. She just wished that was the case this time.

Arriving into town, Casey pulled up to the post office and parked her Jeep. Taking the large envelope containing her divorce papers in hand, she bit her cheek to keep from crying. Making her way into the post office, she text her mother Carol, "Signed the papers this morning, going to send them now. Love, C."

It only took a second for her mother to respond, "Did you talk to Alex?"

As she stood in line waiting, Casey typed back, "No, mother. I did write her a letter though, so hopefully she will read it and want to talk. I will call you when I leave."

"Okay, sweetie. Chin up!" Carol replied.

Seeing her familiar post office worker, Wendy an older woman in about her late fifties, Casey smiled and waved as she headed over. "Hey Casey, you and Alex have something for the big city again?" Wendy asked in a cheery voice.

Casey forced a smile to not burst into tears, her voice however gave her away as it cracked as she replied, "Not today. This is going to Cambridge, Massachusetts."

Wendy picked up the large envelope and noticed the name on the address. "Oh, Casey. How soon does it need to be there?"

"Can you overnight it?" Casey tried to stay upbeat, but her heart was breaking by the second and she didn't know if she'd make it out of the post office tear free. At least if she didn't only Wendy would see.

Before Wendy could answer, a young man burst through the doors of the small post office. He was about six feet tall, dark eyes and hair with pale skin. He was screaming at Wendy and waving a gun at her.

Casey's heart rate quickly sped up allowing her to comprehend this young mans rants. She could see outside people had noticed his erratic behavior and hoped they'd called for help. He young man was evidently the soon to be ex of Wendy's daughter and not pleased with Wendy telling her daughter that he was a drug addict.

"Listen Michael," Wendy began.

"No, you listen to me Wendy!" Michael screamed back, "Lisa is mine and you can't keep her from me!"

"Michael," Casey interrupted, "I can help you with Lisa, if you just put down your gun, Michael."

Michael quickly focused his attention on Casey slightly lowering his weapon. "How are you going to do that?"

"I'm an attorney Michael, I can make the whole thing go away. You just have to give me your gun Michael," Casey assured.

"I saw you talking to her! How do I know you aren't on her side!" He yelled.

"Because Michael, I was just telling Wendy that she was confused about you. That she misunderstood. Wendy understands now that you and Lisa are meant to be." Casey lied.

He paused and looked to Wendy. Wendy quickly nodded her head in agreement to Casey's words. He lowered his gun and began towards Casey, "I am sorry, Wendy, about the mistake."

"No harm, Michael," the woman responded as the young man neared Casey.

Just as he was about to place the gun in Casey's hand police sirens could be heard down the street. He backed away screaming at Casey, "You lied to me!"

Casey's heart rate sped up as she screamed for Wendy to get down as Michael fired two rounds into her chest before fleeing. The feeling was unlike anything she could have ever imagined. Everything went in slow motion. The gun firing, the sharp stabbing feeling of the bullets, falling back into the hard terrazzo flooring.

She wasn't aware of time anymore. All she could register was Wendy over her pressing down on her chest causing her excruciating pain. "Your hurting me," Casey gasped finally trying to push Wendy away.

"Casey!" Wendy yelled trying to snap the redhead out of her daze, "Casey, you have been shot, I have to stop the bleeding!"

Her words cut through Casey's daze and suddenly, she realized the blood covering Wendy was hers. She registered the intense pain again and the fact that Wendy was screaming for help. "I can't die!" Casey cried.

"Casey, I'm not going to let you die," Wendy assured.

"I can't die, Wendy, I can't. Please." Casey begged finding it suddenly harder to breathe.

"Casey calm down and stay with me." Wendy said all too calmly.

"I need Alex, Wendy. I love her. I need to tell her I love her." Casey said before dipping into darkness...

When she came to it was Alex she saw above her. There were blue sky's above the blonde and all Casey could hear was the muffled sounds of others around. "I love you, Alexandra," was the last thing she said before she flatlined.