Cleansed.
My hands pressed against the chafing stone. It was cold. I took a slow, measuring breath - the first in a long while. I feared the opening of my eyes. What if this was all a noble illusion and the Void still clung to my soul? After a timeless moment, I opened my eyes. Light flooded my senses, and burned. In pain and surprise, I clenched my eyes shut again. I felt a soft robe around my body, and the touch of the rock beneath my knees. For the second time, I allowed my eyes to flutter open. The light was not so excrutiating now.
I was kneeling in a wide hall of pure white stone. Before me were broad steps leading to a dias. l immediately recognized the one who sat on the gilded throne. I tried to summon the anger that I had felt for him before, but all I could feel was a quiet sense of gratitude. He had brought me from the Darkness. How could I repay that with spite? He had taken me from the Void, and brought me back. I looked at Manwe and could not feel my previous hatred. A silent tear trailed down my cheek, but I ignored it. The Vala's face was lit with a small, understanding smile.
"My lord . . . ." My voice was choaked. Manwe held up a hand to silence me.
"Stand."
I slowly pushed myself up off of the floor. An inky wisp of hair hung in front of my eyes, and I tucked it behind my ear. Looking at him, for the first time since my death, I could not help but smile. There was no more wondering, no more endless contemplation of the soul. I could follow for once, and not be forced to lead. It was a wonderful feeling.
His deep voice echoed through the hall. "Do you repent of your deeds in Arda? Of the Kinslayings? Of the curse you set upon your house? Of the burning of your youngest son?"
I did not hesitate. "Aye."
"What do you wish for, Feanor?"
The Jewels. Revenge. Both? The blood of Morgoth? Alas, no. Nerdanel. The thought came unbidden to my mind and almost brought me to my knees. Oh, how I had wronged her! Ambarussa. If only I could quench the flames on the water! Maedhros. I owe him so much! But bravery has a price. Maglor. Let him sing to me as I never had time for before. Alas! "My wife."
"Are you certain, Prince of the Noldor?" The look that I have him was enough of an anwer. "That you shall have." I felt a sudden tremble. Turning, I saw the great doors behind me pulled open by an unseen force. The grating stone rumbled like thunder. The uncertain, meek woman that peered around the door was not the one that I remembered. She looked the same, but something had changed. Then her eyes alighted on me. A look of fury swept over her face.
"Feanor!" She nearly yelled my name. She came storming toward me. Ai, that was the woman that I remembered. I laughed and stepped forward to embrace her. Her beating fists on my back soon turned to soothing circles. I do believe that we both shed tears at that meeting. I softly brushed my hand over her flaming hair. It was softer than I remembered. Her eyes were a clearer emerald color than those in my mind. I was truly happy in that moment. I felt newborn, weak and yet ready to live forever. I felt cleansed. "How I have missed you, Feanor." Nerdanel whispered in my ear.
Smiling, I held her close. "And I have missed you, meldanya. And loved you."
"And I you, my prince."