A/N: Hey guys! So, remember that poll I put up a few weeks ago? Well, the choice with the most votes was "something with Gildar and Ballista as the two main characters," so here's the beginning of the story for it. (And hopefully, I'll get those other stories up soon, as well.) Hope you don't mind it's a Star Wars parody. Han Solo and Princess Leia remind me a little bit of Gildar and Ballista, so that's mainly why I decided to do it.

But before we get started, let me first tell you that there are some things in the Star Wars universe I'll keep the same and some things I'll change. I'm keeping the names of Jedi, Death Star, and the Force. I'll also be using a few direct quotes from the movie. On another note, the names of planets and most of the villains will be changed, and the plot will probably be a little different from the original trilogy, so...yeah.

Just to let you know ahead of time, updates will probably be very slow. Depends on how the upcoming days go, I guess.

Disclaimer: I don't own Splatalot. Or Star Wars. (But apparently, Disney does now. They're planning on making another movie or something. Correct me if I'm wrong.)

Enjoy!

"Sir, she's unbreakable."

The tall man dressed in dark colors turned around to look at his henchman. "Unbreakable?" he inquired, his brown eyes sparkling with curiosity.

The henchman, whose occupation was tormenting prisoners, shook his head exasperatedly. "I've tried everything! I've cut her, whipped her, and even struck her a few times with a mace! But she's just not giving in!"

The tormentor glanced to the side, humiliated. Avoiding looking his leader in the eyes, the man covered in armor added, "Harkin, I don't know what else to do. She just won't crack."

Harkin frowned as he ran a hand through his aging strawberry-blond hair. He looked out through the window at space thoughtfully.

"We'll see about that," he muttered to himself. Turning back to the trooper in dull armor, he ordered, "Send her in."

"Yes, sir," the tormentor replied before walking away.

When the henchman was gone, Harkin took a deep breath and cast his gaze back to the window. "Time to take drastic measures, I suppose..."

Five minutes later, Harkin saw the tormentor reenter the chamber. Behind him marched Harkin's masked master, Darth Dirkson, or just Dirkson. Strutting close beside him was the blonde-haired, steel-blue-eyed princess. Despite the slashes across her strong arms, upper part of her back, face, and the dark bruises scattered in between the thousand cuts, she looked as unshaken and as fierce as ever.

The henchmen watching her highness walk in the chamber bravely and spiritedly practically backed away from her in amazement. Her eyes shone with a bright determination that not even the flames of a dragon could outshine.

The kilted huntress kept a steely gaze locked on Harkin. She allowed herself to briefly smirk when she saw a look of surprise on his face. Harkin noticed this, and quickly recomposed himself.

Dirkson and the wounded warrior stopped in front of the brown-eyed villain, who cleared his throat.

"Welcome back, princess," he greeted coldly, straightening up.

Ballista gave a him curt nod. "Hey, Harkin," she replied in an equally icy but undeniably confident tone. "Seriously, was that interrogation session you call "torment" the best you could do?"

The warrior princess shot an arrogant, mocking look at her tormentor, turning his face red with anger and embarrassment.

Harkin glanced at her hands cuffed behind her back. Ignoring her comment, he asked, "Are you in any pain?"

Ballista smirked. "Only when I see your hideous outfit."

"Charming, aren't you?" he replied, covering his irritation with amusement.

The princess stared back at him without any traces of other emotions besides smugness.

"And courageous," Harkin admitted, beginning to slowly pace around the room. "More courageous and even stronger than most men I've seen in my lifetime."

Ballista laughed. "Tell me something I don't know."

"Because of that," he continued, "I've realized that pain isn't enough to get through to you. So..." Harkin arrested his feet and stared into Ballista's bright eyes. "...Perhaps you would respond to an alternative form of persuasion?"

Ballista raised an eyebrow.

Harkin slowly walked over to the princess. "As you are probably aware, the Death Star is incredibly powerful. But how powerful is it, exactly? Well, I'll gladly show you. Since you are reluctant to provide us with the location of the Rebel base, I have decided that we will test this space station's destructive power on your home planet...Celtia."

Alarmed, the kilted warrior's face lit up as her eyes softened, but only for a moment. She quickly re-hardened her expression.

"My patience is wearing extremely thin, princess," Harkin growled, nearing Ballista's face. "So this will be the final time I'll ask you this question. Where is the Rebel base?"

The huntress removed her steady gaze from Harkin and set it on the large window in the center of the chrome wall. Through it, she could see the beautiful forest green and ocean blue colored planet of Celtia being put in firing range. Ballista took a deep but subtle breath.

She knew that she couldn't betray the Rebels so easily, even if her own people were on the line. The Rebels were the key to freeing the galaxy. But she didn't want to lose her family, either. If she chose her family, she would lose her freedom. But if she chose her freedom, she would lose her family. There was no compromise.

Or was there?

A moment later, Ballista let out a fake sigh. "...Rordnai." The princess glanced at Harkin before hanging her head. "They're on Rordnai."

Harkin smirked to himself. "There. You see, Master Dirkson, she can be reasonable." He looked over at his loyal troopers seated by the controls. "Continue with the operation. You may fire when ready."

Ballista's cool exterior immediately evaporated. "What?!"

"You're far too trusting," the reddish-blond replied coolly. "Rordnai is too remote to make an effective demonstration. But don't worry, we will deal with your Rebel friends soon enough."

Ballista violently started forward, only to be held back by Dirkson. "You are so lucky I'm bound!" she snarled, baring her teeth.

Harkin chuckled, then turned back to the large window and folded his hands behind his back. The huntress tried shaking Dirkson's hand from her shoulder, but to no avail. The princess pushed away her angry, horrified emotions as she silently sighed. Recomposing herself, she bravely looked up at her home planet, dreading what would happen next.

In a matter of moments, there was a bright beam of green light, a huge explosion, and the next thing Ballista found herself staring at was thousands of pieces of matter flying in all directions.

Silence fell.

"Such a shame," Harkin commented a minute later. "It was such a nice planet. Its kingdom-your kingdom, I should say- has been around for many centuries. But now..." He looked at the Celtian princess. "Now it's gone. Along with your entire family. You'll never see them again."

Taking a deep breath, the kilted warrior slowly set her gaze back on Harkin. He scanned it for any signs of pain, but failed to detect anything.

"I know," Ballista replied in a voice as cold as ice.

Harkin was taken aback at her seemingly calm attitude. In reality, though, it took the huntress every ounce of strength and control she could muster to restrain her true emotions from erupting to the surface.

The villain recovered from his surprise, then waved his hand dismissingly. "I've had enough of this one. Throw her back in her cell."

Dirkson nodded. He began to march away, yanking Ballista's strong arms in the process. She stumbled, but quickly regained her balance and strutted along.

Darth Dirkson led his blonde prisoner through the chrome halls and down the metallic stairs, ending up in the high-tech, dungeon-like area. The huntress didn't bother to make any eye contact with the troopers they passed.

Eventually, Ballista's escort stopped at Cell 23. He located its panel, typed in a series of numbers, and the metallic doors slid open.

A few troopers aimed their blasters at the young warrior as Dirkson removed her steel bonds. Afterwards, he "force-pushed" Ballista into the cold cell, resulting in her faceplanting the stony floor. The henchmen watching laughed at her, then watched the surly Dirkson re-shut the chrome doors. He locked it in place, and with a flap of his black cape, he was gone.

When she could hear her enemies no more, Ballista took a deep breath. It was then that all her physical pain began to pound on her steely nerves. The huntress cringed at the sudden sharp pains surging virtually everywhere throughout her body, then quickly scanned the dim room. She found a chrome bench sticking out from the wall across from her, then dragged her aching body to it.

Ballista sighed a breath of relief as she lied down on top of the freezing metal. Though it was uncomfortable, the cold temperature was able to sooth her sore, bleeding injuries. She folded her hands across her stomach and breathed in and out deeply. Finally, she had some peace.

A moment later, the princess smiled. She had endured the whole interrogation session without falling apart. Not one tear from her eyes was shed, nor did a whimper ever sound from her mouth. The huntress was proud of being hardcore.

Slowly, however, her victorious smile fell into a regretful frown.

Ballista sat up, wincing at the stinging pains in her upper back and shoulders. That delayed, icy feeling of horror began to flood throughout her chest as she recalled the final hours of her people. It was then that she fully realized that her family was gone; completely and utterly destroyed.

Harkin's sinister voice rang throughout her head. "You'll never see them again."

The princess swallowed hard when her throat tightened. Memories of her family, friends, and fellow Senate members began to occupy her mind among visions of Celtia's beautiful forest climates. The longer she thought about her planet and its people...her people...the more she felt her heart ache.

Ballista sighed as she hung her head. The princess drew in a deep, slightly shaky breath and shut her eyes. A moment later, she felt streams of warm water rolling down her cheeks. The warrior opened her eyes to see her sorrow-filled tears splash violently upon the metallic ground.

A/N: I based the word Celtia off of Celtic. I'm not exactly sure what Celtia or Celtian means if they're real words at all.

Anyways, have a good night!