It's happening again, like it always does this time of night. You cant take it, the shudders, the moans that quickly escalate to screams, the obvious fear and pain.
He's having nightmares again.
You turn onto your side and face away as you try your best to ignore it. You cover your head with your pillow. You shut everything out. But its no use, you can still feel his trembling, hear his cries echoing in your head.
Its unbearable. And you know how it must be so much worse for him.
You slowly remove the pillow from your head and move, calmly, softly, so as not to disturb him, so as not to make it worse. You face the back of his head, tracing the line from his ear to his jaw, watching your breath tickle the nape of his neck and rustle his hair. He hasn't stopped, and you realize that this one is worse than usual.
You hate this. You hate all of this. You hate being so close yet so helpless, so useless. All you want to do is reach out and touch him, but you know all it would do is make it worse. All you can do is wait, wait until things get better. Thats all you've ever been able to do.
An eternity later you feel his shaking subside and hear his breath calming. Its over, at least for tonight. You breathe the faintest sigh of relief you can manage. You wish with all of our heart that you could simply reach out to him and make the pain go away. You wish that you could make him happy. But you know how delicate and fragile he is. He s so easily broken with a heart made of glass. You must take it slowly so he doesn't shatter.
Still, you cannot hold yourself back completely. You hand seeks out his and clutches it softly, tracing the skin and trying to burn the shape of his fingers and the creases of his palm into your memory.
And for now, this is enough.
ok so i dont actually remember writing this? like i got drunk last weekend thinking abut kawoshin and then this was on my computer the next day so i cleaned it up and this is the result here u go enjoy