Death is a cruel thing. Not because it ends your life, but because it makes you relive it. All your mistakes, all the things you said, everything you didn't understand, and you finally come to realize, the love other felt for you; you never returned. It all flashes before your eyes.
I never cared for what others thought. I was always too self-absorbed too see the friends I had around me. I thought I was the hero, but in truth, I was the one causing all the suffering.
First, I wish I could apologize to Amy. I'm sorry Amy. I believed you were naïve. I always thought you were below me. I would run away any time you tried to pursue me. You didn't stop coming after me, and would continue on, hoping to catch up to me.
Amy you never really did catch me. I never gave you the chance. I felt your chase of me was a great burden on my life. It was so easy for me to run away. It most of been so hard on you. Never having the chance to rest and giving all your time to gain my attention.
When you finally got close enough to look upon me; Amy, your eyes would search for mine, trying to find the same affection, you gazed at me. When our eyes met, I stared back coldly. I never did show you the same humility as you showed me. I saw your loving stare as weakness. Something that I was too strong to have. In truth, love was something I lacked. I was so weak inside. I couldn't handle my own feelings. Instead of admitting I couldn't feel, I hid behind my cool guy persona, protecting myself from the possibly of pain that emotions can affect.
I was so arrogant, I confused my weakness for strength. I placed myself above everyone. I let you, Amy, suffer. I never knew the affect my behavior had upon you. Now as my life flashes before my eyes, I can see the past so clearly. Almost like my future self-trying to warn who I was in the past.
I could have retuned Amy's love. I could have cared for her, the way she cared for me. I let her waste so much of her time. She had a goal and I was supposed to be its end. I never let her feel complete and let a hole grow inside her. Now my time is up, and I can't even say, "I'm sorry."