I ran my fingers down her face.
"It will be ok Sam; you'll be just fine."
I put pressure on the wound; her blood was spilling over my hands. It was hard to keep my emotions in check.
She was taking rapid, shallow breaths; a frantic panic crept over her. And also over me. I knew this wasn't good; she was losing too much blood too fast.
"You'll be ok Sam" I spoke the reassuring words, more to myself then to her.
When she started coughing, blood spilled out of her mouth. She knew it, she could feel it. I saw the panic in her eyes; those beautiful blue eyes.
"I will patch you up as I always do, Sam. You'll be as good as new" I threw in a smile; hoping to put her at ease.
When she spoke, it was soft; so soft I could barely hear her. She had grabbed my vest by the sleeve pulling me closer; her mouth to my ear. "Not this time Janet"
The words hit me in the chest; ice cold, stone hard.
"Don't say that, Sam" I felt the tears stinging behind my eyes; my voice cracking.
She shook her head … "Not this time, Janet" She grimaced; the pain was getting the better of her.
I continued putting pressure on the wound, putting as much bandages on it as I could, hoping – wishing – it would stop the bleeding.
It was a strange sensation, to feel a life slip away from under your fingers. But it was frightening when it was somebody that you knew and cherished.
"Janet …"
Pulling my eyes away from the wound, I locked onto her face; she was beginning to look pale, sweat dripped from her forehead; blood left a small, fine trail in het corner of her mouth.
I was leaning close to her face, one hand still putting pressure, the other stroking a lock of hair out of her face. "You …" more coughing " … You take good …" a sharply inhaled breath " … care of … of Cassie"
No! No, no, no! She was saying her goodbye's … I jerked away, but she held me firmly. "Don't say that, Sam" I whispered to her "I will get you back to the SGC, I will fix you up and by next Saturday you can play chess with Cassie" my voice trembled. Somewhere deep inside I knew that was an optimistic view, but being confronted with the severity of her wounds, I wasn't ready to commit to the truth of it.
The tears were bubbling up under the surface; I would not let them go; I would not be weak She needs you, be strong for her.
"Janet … I …" her face wrenched with pain, as she was trying to take a deep breath.
"Sshhht … take slow breaths Sam, don't try to speak; you need your strength"
"Please … Janet … I …" she started coughing again; more blood appeared in the corners of her mouth. I took a cloth and dept the blood away.
"Easy now Sam, please save your strength" I spoke softly; my heart was pounding heavily and my brain was racing at a thousand miles an hour. She is slipping away. I was at loss.
"Janet, please, listen" She was struggling to keep a focus on her words; struggling to not drift off.
"No Sam, I don't want to hear it. You're saying goodbye and I'm not letting you go yet" I snapped. The emotions were building up high. I was not ready to let her go.
Her eyes looked troubled; the sparkles in her deep blue eyes were starting to fade away.
She opened her mouth to speak again, but closed it. She was intensifying her grip on my vest. I took my eyes away from her face, taking a look at her wound. The bleeding didn't stop; the clothes were colored deep red. I felt a stroke through my hair; her hand stroking me at the back of my head. She locked her eyes on my face, looking for eye contact. I hardly dared to look at her; so afraid of what I would see. Then, she suddenly pulled me close, into a soft yet intense kiss. Before my brain could comprehend what was happening, I melted into her lips, tasted the softness and her sweet scent; I ignored the bitter aftertaste of blood.
She let go off our kiss, with her eyes closed, sinking on her back on the ground. I could see a faint smile dancing on her lips. I couldn't help but smile too. Her eyes fluttered open; I saw a sparkle there. She ran her fingers down my face, trailing the line of my cheekbone, still with that smile on her face. She let her arm rest on my knee and closed her eyes. Then she was gone.