Chapter 1 - The First Choices
David had always believed John would be a rebel his whole life, with his fascination of flying it wasn't such a stretch. Thus one dinner, roughly a year and half after Raegan Sheppard's death, came as shock.
They had reached the time of dinner when their dad started talking about the business. It was a time when John faded into the background, not allowed to leave but not interested in taking part in the discussion. Patrick had long since given up trying to coerce his younger son into joining the conversation.
Tonight something was different, David was certain. To him it seemed like John was listening intently, his posture was different than normal. His brother was staring sightlessly at his dinner plate with his arms crossed and resting on the table.
Patrick didn't notice though, he never did notice anything about John other than his dislike of business these days.
"We should accept Donald Rain's offer and get him on the board, he is quite successful," Patrick had mused to David.
That was when John spoke, contributing to the dinner conversation for the first time in... ever. "Donald Rain is successful because he pays people off not because he is a good business man."
Neither Patrick not David said anything for a minute. Then Patrick shifted in his chair toward John, who hadn't changed his posture, and with a cautiously hopeful tone asked, "Why do you say that?"
"Because," John began to explain. "Rain doesn't have confidence, he has arrogance." Finally looking up from his plate with an unreadable expression, John continued. "He expects everything to go his way because most everyone he's come across could be paid to give him what he wants. And a few people were talking about him."
David was astonished, because just like that John had captured Patrick's attention. David sat back in his chair and crossed his arms, a posture that was normally John's. He tried not to be resentful toward his father for so easily turning all of his attention and interest to John. He wasn't sure he succeeded. After all he was the one who worked hard to reach their father's expectations and the one who had the interest in business.
John? With two sentences John had slid into that slot which David had spent his whole life working for.
As David watched John taking his place in the dinner conversation, asking intelligent questions and giving intelligent answers, he wondered what could have wrought this change. The more he watched the more David was convinced of the most probable reason.
John was lapping up the attention of his father like he was starved of thirst.
And he is starved, David realized.
John had barely had any interaction with his family since their mother's death not so long ago. It was no marvel that John had finally caved to his father's wishes.
By the time the talking had ended and they had climbed the stairs to their bedrooms, Patrick Sheppard was fairly glowing. David stopped at his door and Patrick and John took another five steps to John's door.
His eldest son looked on with mixed feelings as Patrick, seemingly without thought, took John and pulled him into an embrace.
David had expected John to be happy to have shifted into his father's good graces so easily but that was not anything like the expression David saw on John's face. John was biting his lip, his expressions emotional pain that very nearly cracked David's heart in two. Suddenly David's hope that John would except his place in the business flew out of his mind. Then David realized that easy was probably the last thing John's decision had been. His brother looked as if he'd given up who he was for his father, to fulfill Patrick's dream. Yet David didn't want John to fulfill Patrick's dream anymore, he wanted John to pursue his own dream of being a pilot. He certainly didn't want John to do it if this was what John would feel.
Patrick released John with a smile that sang 'I am proud of you.' Then he turned, still beaming, and patted David's shoulder saying, "Goodnight, boys."
When the door to Patrick's bedroom closed behind him, David turned back to his brother and started, "John – "
" – Goodnight," John cut in and without another word opened his door and slipped into his room, shutting the door quietly.
Before the door closed David glimpsed bare walls. Bare walls that used to sport posters of airplanes and Johnny Cash. Walls that no longer held dreams – exactly like John.
Frowning David grasped his door knob, twisted, and opened the door. He stood staring into his own plain room for a minute without stepping inside. A few textbooks rested on top of his desk, his bed was neatly made, and the shelves on the wall holding his awards were as dust free as ever. David found himself staring at all the awards; certificates, trophies, and medals. What were they? To the visiting eye they were rewards for accomplishments. To David Sheppard they represented his father's dreams and wishes, not his own. David gently pulled the door closed in front of him. He didn't want to represent his father's dream anymore, nor did he want John to. Yet David wasn't sure if he could change his brother's mind, John was stubborn like that. Especially since John so desired his father's approval. David would try of course, but who knew how far he would be able to get. Taking a deep breath, David silently crept down the stairs and headed for the garage. When he reached it he found the sight he had expected.
Four large cardboard boxes were piled neatly in two stacks against the wall next to the trash cans. Those boxes, David knew, held John's thrown out hopes and dreams. David walked up to the boxes and lifted the lid of the first box and set it aside. Inside he found carefully placed model airplanes either disassembled and returned to their packaging or securely placed on top. The neat arrangement only confirmed what John's face had said earlier. That John didn't care for the business, he cared more for his father's love and was willing to sacrifice his dreams for his father's.
"Sad isn't it?"
David whirled around to see Bentley, the stable manager, walking over.
"That John has to buy his dad's love," Bentley continued. "That's something every parent should give freely."
David nodded and looked back at the models. "I wanted this. To have John change his mind. But not like this. I wanted him to want it."
Bentley nodded as well. Then, motioning to the boxes told him, "I'd hoped he would come back for them. I admit I hadn't expected you."
Sighing sadly David replied, "Neither did I."
"You know I thought I might take them if he didn't come back..." Bentley trailed off questioningly.
"I'll take them," David responded, answering the unasked question. He wasn't yet quite sure why he was taking the boxes but he would do what his gut told him. Not a normal thing for me... Going with my gut, he mused.
Bentley nodded a second time, grabbed one box, and started to the door. Replacing the lid of the box carrying the model airplanes, David followed.
It was summer so as soon as Patrick left for work David approached John. "Are you sure about going into the business?"
"You're just jealous that you're not the only one anymore," John teased with a cheerful, fake grin.
"No, I mean it. What about joining the Air Force and being a pilot?" David questioned, completely serious. He needed his brother to know he wasn't joking around.
All humor dropped from John's face at David's words. "Yes, this is what I want."
"Really?" David pressed, because he didn't believe a word of it.
"I want a dad and this is the way to do it. If I have to make some sacrifices then so be it," John told him stiffly. "Leave it at that, David." Then he all but fled the house toward the stables, no doubt in search of his horse, Jet.
It took David a moment to notice that John had called him 'David' instead of 'Dave', which he usually did. 'David' was what most of their father's business associates and their school teachers called him, but anyone under twenty generally called him 'Dave'. John was trying to become a different person, David realized. He was trying to shed the crazy, troublemaker, devil-may-care persona he'd built since he was a child and grow into a polite, smart, business man. Those traits, David decided, did not go well with his brother.
What could he do? David pondered the question as he trudged up the stairs to his room. Arriving he dropped himself on the floor next to his bed and reached under it to pull out one of the boxes. Gently he removed one of the model airplanes from the box and turned it over and over in his hands. His fingers ran across the top of the small metal plane's body. For a moment David imagined how it must feel to fly miles up in the air, with nothing holding you back but the plane itself and the sky being your limit. It hardly sounded like a limitation, it sounded more like freedom. Up in the sky you wouldn't find your father's dreams weighing you down, you could float in the clouds and your own dreams. Clarity snapped itself across David and he finally understood what his brother had tried to show him for the last six years. David's heart felt elated with the idea, pure and unadulterated freedom in the sky, nothing else. How could John have even considered giving up the ambition? David supposed he wouldn't understand, he wasn't the one Patrick had given the cold shoulder.
Setting the plane back in its original place with care and replacing the lid David pushed the box back under his bed and stood. With the taste of what freedom could be David wasn't about to let it slip through his fingers. If John wanted to see his father's love more than he wanted to fly that was his choice. Now, if David didn't want to live his father's dreams more than he wanted to be free of them... that was his decision wasn't it?
As the time passed John had outwardly thrived under Patrick's love and affection and David had paid increasingly less and less attention to the love he received, not that Patrick noticed with all of his focus planted squarely on John. David did notice, though, that John was miserable. For all the love he received from his father he hated every aspect of business, he endured it only that he might have someone he could really, truly call 'dad'.
On the other hand, David was quite sure Patrick had all but forgotten him. Oh sure, Patrick involved him in the conversations and David said all the right things in response, but Patrick obviously wanted to hear what John had to say. David didn't help by trying to insert himself into the discussions either. Instead he found himself going over the names of every aircraft he could manage, occasionally daydreaming of the sky and flying aforementioned aircraft. He applied himself rigorously to math and snatched any chance offered to him to learn any thing more of the sky. Sometimes he marveled at how John and he had so quickly switched roles in their family but he had never been able to change John's mind and he certainly wasn't going to try to change his own.
It was summer and both Sheppard sons' graduation party (John had skipped two grades per his father's wishes) and unsurprisingly Patrick had invited about every business associate he had.
As the two accepted congratulations and generally socialized, David found himself loathing the look on John's face. It was expressionless save for the polite smile plastered to his face. The one time he saw a real emotion flicker across his brother's face was when an old friend of their father's, Harry Smithson, and his son offered their commendations to them.
"Congratulations David, John. All done with school, huh?" Harry told them, shaking each of their hands in an annoyingly formal way.
"Yes, sir," John replied with a fake smile.
Harry turned and motioned to the younger man standing next to him. "This is my son Liam, he's a pilot in the Air Force." He introduced proudly.
Immediately David's interest peaked but John's face went even more blank, if that was possible, and he clutched his hands tightly behind his back.
David contemplated whether it was too late to change John's mind as he asked, curiosity getting the better of him, "What do you fly?"
"Helicopters," Liam answered with a grin.
David proceeded to not-so-inconspicuously pick the pilot's brain about helicopters and working for the Air Force. After a few minutes Harry excused himself to go find Patrick while John stood torn between staying to listen and walking away from the temptation. Liam's attention was solely on David so that it would be easy for John to walk away, and after a moment of turmoil he did.
At last David knew he had to go talk to other people and reluctantly ended the conversation with Liam. He caught a glimpse of John and, to David's expert eye, he looked awful. As John turned to look at him David wondered if John would forgive him for what he was about to do.
After the party the three Sheppards ended up in Patrick's office, Patrick looking joyous at his dream coming true.
On the other hand John seemed emotionally wrung out, shuffling into the room with his shoulders hunched and his hands shoved into his pockets.
For his part David was anxious. Nervously he loosened his tie and wiped his sweaty palms on his pants. Now was the time to tell his father. He had to do it now.
"I'm very proud of you both."
Patrick's euphoric words snapped David out of his thoughts and the words twisted his stomach. Was he really going to do this? It was a little late to change his mind now.
"You are going to be amazing businessmen," Patrick continued.
What David really wanted Patrick to say was 'you are going to be amazing young men', the whole good character kind of speech. Sadly, Patrick's focus was on the business. The exact same place it had been since Mrs. Sheppard had died.
"Dad, about that..." David trailed off, his heart starting to flutter in his chest.
"What is it David?" Patrick asked unconcerned, a happy smile on his face.
Rubbing his hand across the back of his neck, David began to feel guilty because he was about to wipe that smile of his father's face. Looking at John, David wondered if he really should be leaving John to fulfill Patrick's wishes and run the business himself. Reminding himself that John's choice was John's choice David cleared his throat and hesitantly spoke. "I applied to the Air Force Academy and I was accepted."
Patrick and John froze in astonishment, staring at David like he had... well, like he had applied to the Air Force Academy.
"You what?" Patrick said, low and dangerous.
"I applied to the Academy and I received a letter of acceptance," David repeated firmly, gaining a little confidence with those words though he wavered on whether this was beneficial effect to what was left of his family he stood with the decision. He'd made it and he wasn't going to cast it aside.
The argument was every bit as torturous as David expected. Patrick told him exactly why it was a very stupid and irresponsible thing to do. What David hadn't expected was Patrick coming right out with the old scare tactic.
"The Air Force, David? You know what they'll do?" He growled and David knew he was gearing up for some yelling, which he didn't have to wait for. "They'll send you overseas to fight some pointless war! You may think you're just going to fly off into the sunset but you won't. It's dangerous! You're going to be shot at, people are going to be trying to kill you! It's not a pretty place over there."
David snorted. "As if it's any prettier here."
"What? Of course it is! It's much safer here! You'll have the business to run with John and I. But you want to go off into this foolish and childish fantasy! One that isn't anything like you think it'll be. Whatever possessed you to do such an irresponsibly stupid thing?!" Patrick shouted.
At least Patrick wasn't mincing words, he was saying what he meant. "I didn't mean safe, Dad." He left that statement open for Patrick to think about later and plowed on. "And it isn't a childish fantasy. If it was I would have been dreaming about airplanes when I was ten instead of trying to become your mini clone. I made this decision final last summer and I'm sticking to it. It's what I want, Dad."
"What you want!" Patrick repeated angrily. "You don't know what you want! Joining the military isn't all guts and glory like you have foolishly chosen to believe! David, soldiers die! You'll stay here!"
It wasn't lost on David that Patrick didn't say 'you should stay here', he said 'you will stay here'. His father was trying hard to keep control of the situation, a situation rapidly spiraling out of his control. Taking a deep breath to keep himself from the near irresistible urge to yell back David responded. "Everyone dies, Dad. All that's different is the way you die. I don't care about buying and selling stocks, or running the business. I want to make a difference in people's lives, and if I have to I'll die trying." All at once David's resolve not to yell broke and he retorted in a not-quite-yelling but louder-than-necessary voice, "At least I won't sit here and turn into a power-hungry man whose sole purpose in life is money!"
"My purpose in life was to make a good life for you two!" Patrick bellowed fiercely.
"So that we could what?" David exclaimed loudly. "Sit back in our offices, wasting away over paperwork in four white walls and wondering when we will actually be able to do something with our lives?" He didn't want to go in this direction; he hadn't planned it and he didn't like it. So he spun around and marched out the door, slamming the door with a bang. David wasted no time, he headed straight to his room and packed what little personal belongings he wanted. When he was almost finished he was only partially surprised to hear someone knock on the door.
"Come in," he beckoned, knowing that it wasn't his father.
"Hey, David," John greeted stepping into the room and shutting the door quietly behind him.
David hadn't a clue where to begin. He knew what he wanted to ask his brother but he couldn't find the words to say it. "John, I wanted... I mean, I still want us to, you know, be..."
"Why did you change your mind?" John questioned, ignoring David's stumbling.
Knowing that he should have guessed what John would ask, David paused a moment before he could properly reply. Starting slowly, David answered. "I... I got a taste of freedom when I sat down to really consider it and... I didn't want to let it go when I found it. When you changed... I could see that you didn't want the change in yourself, you wanted the change in Dad. For the first time I really looked at what was happening in this family and I didn't like it."
John was quiet for a moment before he stated, "I guess I'm just a little jealous." No bitterness invaded the word, it was only a statement.
David wasn't sure how to respond, so he didn't say anything. Thankfully he didn't need to as John elaborated.
"I didn't have the guts to do what you did."
"You still can," David suggested a little hopefully, he didn't doubt his little brother would have the guts if he tried.
"No." John shook his head. "I made my decision, you made yours."
"But we're still friends, right?" David asked earnestly.
A small, rare smile graced John's lips. "Yeah, we are."
Relieved David impulsively grabbed his brother and pulled him into a hug. John was surprised by it and tensed for a moment before he returned the embrace. Slowly releasing him David smiled, "I'll tell you all about it."
"Yeah, I'd like that." With one of those grins that David missed John punched him lightly on the shoulder. "And when you make Colonel you can take me flying."
Laughing David cautioned, "Don't get your hopes up."
"I'll make sure we paint the walls blue or something so at least I won't be wasting away in four white walls," John joked, a wry smile tugging at his lips.
"Sounds good," David agreed, smiling with him.
More seriously John said, "Goodbye, David."
"Goodbye, John."
This is kinda what I imagined things would have been like if you switch John and David again but I didn't want to do what everybody else did so I did something weird :P. As you may have guessed, I plan to have this reality meet ours sometime in the future but I don't know when that'll be. What do you guys think? Like it or love it? Hate it?