Closing my eyes I tilted by head back, letting the rain just wash over me, letting out a content sigh, I smiled, not those fake smiles I gave the people at school, but an actual smile. I love the rain more than anything, it was just so calming, somehow it just cleared my mind, and made me feel like everyone else. The rain doesn't care if you are sick or not, it doesn't care if you're dying or just starting to live. That's why I loved the rain. Though, in the end, I was just some boy who wanted to be normal. All I wanted out of life anymore, was to have friends again, to know love, pain and all, mostly, I just kept praying that I would live to see the next day. Hearing the splashing of someone walking through a puddle, I glanced back and sighed before pulling my hood back up. Every time I actually start to feel happy again, something or someone comes along and ruins it, and this time, just happened to be worse than the others. This time it was the star football player, someone who had used to be my best friend, but once we got into high school, he completely changed, sure he wasn't the one making the jokes, but he still laughed at them. For example, yesterday during gym, I was trying to convince the teacher to let me sit out during dodge ball, when I had a confusion spell. I was in the middle of a sentence, or so I was told, and I forgot where I was, what I was saying, and who I was talking to. Afterward when I finally remembered what happened, not only did I have to explain myself to the teacher, but I heard one of the boys behind me chuckling, then they said.
"Aww, Scrawny is so scared of getting crushed that he's faking sick again." That didn't settle well with the teacher, and it counted against me. Now, sure, it wasn't Ludwig, the football star, who said it, but he laughed along with the rest of the class, in the end I got to sit out because I suddenly had constricted breathing, but it was still embarrassing. Then after gym I had study hall, and during the period I went into the bathroom, and while I was hiding out in one of the stalls, I heard some guys walk in, and I recognized Ludwig's voice and my nickname.
"Jeez, if Scrawny is so sick why does he even bother coming to school? Anyone can fake confusion and breathing issues, it's obvious that he's faking, I don't understand how anyone could believe otherwise. I mean, he just wants attention." Pulled out of my thoughts by a violent coughing fit, I covered my mouth, hoping I didn't start throwing up like I had been when coughing lately. Placing my free hand over my chest as my lungs started throbbing, I was surprised to hear Ludwig's voice from close behind the bench I was sitting on.
"Hey, Sc-... Arthur, are you okay?" I waved him away without turning as my coughing finally started to cease, pulling my hand that was covering my mouth away, I cursed when blood was splattered on my hand.
"Shit... I'm fine, so fuck off you git." I had startled myself by saying that, I couldn't even imagine what he was thinking. Acting as if I had planned to say that, I wiped my hand on my pants, then wiped my mouth with my sleeve, sure I would have blood on my mouth too.
"Ok, I was trying to be nice, jeez." Whirling around, I was amazed that I didn't fall, his eyes got wide and he looked me over quickly, seeming horrified.
"Why would you care to be nice to me? Huh? You haven't been for three years, why start now?" He sighed then looked around before finally looking at me again, though his eyes kept darting around, not settling on me for long.
"Look, coach wanted me to give your brother something anyway, so let me walk you home. You're deathly white and you look really sick..." I know he was trying to be nice, but anger just swelled in my chest, and I couldn't hold it back anymore, if I was going to explode on someone, might as well be him.
"Oh! So I'm not a faker anymore? Or did I put on makeup to make me look like this? Just like I fake my confusion spells and breathing issues! Huh? Is that what I do Ludwig? Because you know me so fucking well anymore!" His blue eyes got even wider, and all the color drained from his face, I had never seen him like this, but I didn't care, not anymore, my feelings meant nothing anymore. Not with such a short amount of time left. "Yeah! I heard every fucking word you said! Check the fucking stalls next time you bloody asshole!" Yanking my bag out from under the bench I flung it over my shoulder, almost knocking me off balance, but I didn't care anymore, I was way beyond pissed.
"Arthur, I don't care about that right now, we can deal with that later, but right now you look like you're going to fall over at any moment. Please, let me walk you home." I rolled my eyes, but I didn't argue with him, he was obviously going to walk with me if I wanted him to or not. As I got close to the front door of my house, Alfred, my little brother, opened it, looking at me angrily, not even noticing Ludwig yet.
"Arthur! If mom and dad find out you were out in the rain again, I'm going to get yelled at for not watching over you! Seriously! You're not going to get better if you don't take care of yourself!" I looked at him, then glanced back at Ludwig, who was watching my brother confused. "Oh... Um, hey Lud... Did coach send you?" The giant blonde behind me nodded, then held out a packet to Alfred as I kicked my shoes off inside the door, moving into to the fridge
"Yeah. It's the new practice times... Um... Arthur, I really am sorry for what I said." Grabbing a water bottle from the fridge, I washed blood out of my mouth, then I glared at him from behind my little brother.
"Piss off asshole. Apology not excepted." Alfred sighed, then looked at Ludwig as I moved off to the side dropping my bag on the couch in the next room before walking back into the kitchen, hoping Alfred would have told him to go away already. He hadn't.
"Look, Lud, because you obviously did something to piss my brother off, I'm going to let you in on a secret. If this gets out, I'll kill you, but, you should know something about the boy you're making fun of." Taking another drink from my water bottle, I rolled my eyes then smacked Alfred on the back of the head, not to hard though, else he'd whine about it to mum and dad.
"Don't tell him, if I wanted pity I would have announced it to the whole school by now." Azure eyes looked at me from behind glasses and Alfred glanced over just briefly at Ludwig, who was watching us confused.
"Hey, Lud is still a good guy, if he knew the truth he would stop making fun of you, and I'm sure he'd stop the other guys too. Ludwig, this is just between you and my family, got it?" He must have nodded, because Alfred continued, his voice shaking just slightly. "Arthur's dying."
Walking into gym class the next day, I headed over to the teacher, handing him my doctors slip, I had told mum about what happened when I coughed, and she freaked out, so she wanted something to get me out of physical activities, he looked over the note, then sighed.
"Fine, but if you sit out, you help keep score and fix those that are actually wounded." Rolling my eyes I nodded, then sat down on the bleachers, annoyed. He didn't believe being sick was a reason to stop working out, and anyone unable to, like me, was useless. Hearing the same boy from the other day start laughing, I sighed wondering what he would say about me now that I had a note to sit out.
"Look guys, Scrawny went to doctor and told him about his fake illness, I guess being a fag automatically makes you believable." I was about to turn and yell at him, when I noticed Ludwig smack him on the back of the head, hard enough to cause the noise to echo around the gym, gaining everyones attention.
"Stop being an asshole and leave him alone." The whole class went quiet watching the both of them, to see what they would do. After a few minutes of them just glaring at each other, the other boy shoved Ludwig away, pissed that he protected me. Ludwig's ice blue eyes turned to me, and I smiled at him. When he turned away, I felt hurt, but figured nothing would really change, he was still the same guy, the same one who used to make fun of me, just now, he knew a secret. Looking around at the other students, they were watching Ludwig, until I started coughing, then all the eyes in the room were on me. Covering my mouth, my throat started burning, just glancing at my hand, I could already see blood splattered on my pale white skin. Doubling over in my seat, the coughing became more violent, shaking my entire body, I heard the teacher sigh, as the coughing finally stopped.
"Arthur, go into the locker room if you're gonna be sick, Lutz, since you seem so friendly with him, go along." Standing up, I headed toward the locker room, hearing the others making jokes about Ludwig having to come with me. Washing the blood off of my hands at the sink, I wiped my mouth with a paper towel, glancing over as the blonde leaned against the wall next to me.
"If you're so sick, why come in?" I shook my head, washing my mouth out quickly, before looking over at him, feeling horrible for making him look bad in front of all his friends. Seeing him standing there slightly annoyed made me feel worse, what happened to my friend? What happened to the boy I liked?
"Because I don't know how long I have to live... I want to feel normal... Even if it's just for a while. Would you want to be holed up in a hospital? With them running tests on you every day?" He sighed, then crossed his arms, looking over at the lockers, he confuses me to no end, one minute he's being an ass, the next he's being nice, or vice versa. He was always like that though, which used to be one of the things I loved about him, I guess I still loved that, just not right now.
"I guess you have a point... What-What does it feel like?" I looked at him confused, and he sighed, looking away more. "You know... Knowing you won't get to have the lives others will?" I looked down, I'd never really thought about it like that, I was just so used to trying to live through the day, not about making it to a certain point.
"I don't know... I guess, I just feel numb, the only thing I really feel anymore is pain, and even that is starting to fade... I know I won't make it to graduation... I'll be lucky to live through the year is what the doctor told my mum..." Feeling my stomach start churning, I turned toward the sink again, leaning over it, holding onto the sides. Loud yelling filled the room as the other guys came in to change for gym, a few of them went over to Ludwig, and I could hear them cracking jokes about me. Though Ludwig wasn't laughing. One of the boys came over to me, putting his arm on my back.
"Look Scrawny, how about this... You leave my friend Ludwig here alone, and, you won't have to play sick anymore, we won't crush you every chance we get." As something rose up in my throat, I tried to shove him away to protect him, but he got mad, and pushed me against the wall. Turning to the second sink quickly, I heard all of them jump back as I puked. "Shit!" Then Ludwig spoke, sounding horrified.
"Oh God... Arthur..." Opening my eyes when I realized I had closed them, most of what I had thrown up was blood. "Someone go get the teacher! Now! Tell him it's an emergency!" One boy ran out as Ludwig came over to me, making me look at him. "Do you feel light headed?" Shaking my head, he placed the back of his hand against my forehead, then cursed under his breath. "You're burning up. You shouldn't be coming to school like this... At least in the hospital they might find something to help you!" I pushed him away gently, spitting into the sink, then wiped my mouth.
"I'm fine, that's normal. Stop freaking out. I've just over worked myself is all..." Looking over at the teacher as he walked in, he glanced at the sink, then looked at me, for once in the three years of being in high school, he actually seemed worried about me.
"If you're so sick, why didn't you just stay home today Arthur?" I sighed, rising the sink out, not even bothering to look up as I rinsed my mouth for a second time, I didn't want see the worry, the smirks on the others boys faces, or the fear on Ludwig's. He still got to me after all these years...
"Because I just over worked myself, that happens often, it's not because I'm sick." Coach was a bit late to be worried about me. He shook his head, then rubbed his neck, seeming to think about what he wanted to say before he said it.
"Just stay in here for the class, and Ludwig, stay with him. Got it?" Glancing over, Ludwig looked upset, I shook my head, I didn't want to cause him anymore trouble than I already had. Not only did he have to come in here with me in the first place, but now he was missing his favorite class. All because of me.
"No, I'm fine, don't make him watch me. It won't happen again sir." He crossed his arms, being stubborn as always, once he made up his mind, there was no changing it, no matter how much you argued or begged. Leaning against the wall again, I tilted my head back, today was already going horribly, maybe I'd just text mum and tell her to come get me... She hadn't wanted me to come anyway, but, I had something to tell Ludwig...
"My mind has been made up, the rest of you should be out by now!" The others scrambled around, then ran out to the gym, the teacher following, leaving Ludwig and me, I turned to him and sighed.
"I'm sorry... Look, I'll have my mum come get me, so you can go out, I don't want to be a pest..." He smirked as I pulled my phone out of my pocket, and I shrugged. "What? I'm allowed to break rules too." Texting my mum, telling her what happened, I sat down on the floor, hugging my knees to my chest, tears welding up in my eyes. Ludwig knelt down beside me, looking at me sadly as he put his hand on my shoulder
"Arthur, you're not a pest... Don't cry." I wiped my eyes as the tears overflowed, rolling down my cheeks, I avoided looking at him as I answered my mums text, that said ten minutes. "Something on your mind?" I placed my forehead on my knees, and he sighed. "Look, I don't care what it is, if you need to vent, do so. You'll stress yourself out if you keep it in. That won't help you at all..." Hesitating, I looked up at him, tears still running down my cheeks, was he just trying to be nice, or did he actually care?
"I just wish I could die already... I can't do anything because I'm sick, the teachers act like one touch and I'll crumble, and the majority of the school hates me... I'm never going to have anything to look forward to, so what's the point of dreams? I'm just a burden to everyone!" He wiped my tears away, then sat down, crossing his legs in front of me, shaking his head as he ran a hand through my hair gently.
"They don't hate you... They just don't understand you, therefore they make fun of you to see what your reaction will be, so they can figure you out, and you're not a burden. Everyone has a purpose in life..." I laughed a bit, shaking my head actually amused by what he said, what a load of bull shit. What good is someone who was sick and broken almost since birth?
"Yeah right. If I have a purpose, it was to make others laugh, because so many people laugh at me! At least when I finally do die, no one will miss me..." He narrowed his eyes at me just before grabbing my shoulders roughly, I looked up at him, frightened.
"So you've just given up? The doctor says you have maybe a year, so you've just given up? Arthur, you have things to live for! If you keep thinking positively, you might have a fighting chance! Being pessimistic never solved anything! Anyway, I would miss you... Sure I've been an ass lately, but don't you remember we used to be friends? Four and fifth grade, when I first moved here and I barely knew a word of English, you were the only one who actually tried to figure out what I was saying. Seventh grade, we were always getting in trouble because instead of doing our homework, we'd hang out after school..." Then shit really kicked in... The summer before eighth grade is when they told me I had been dying for about two years, I had just finally started feeling the effects. "Eighth grade, I visited you while you were sick, helping you with lessons..." More tears ran down my cheeks, then Freshman year he started football, and forgot about me, just as I realized I was gay, and that I liked him... That was the year I withdrew from a lot of things, not having the energy, I just stopped caring, I only talked to Alfred, I didn't do my homework, and I didn't try on tests. Sophomore year, I started coming to terms with me dying, actually tried in school, but didn't really care, withdrew even more. Up till now... Looking up at Ludwig, his ice blue eyes were watching me, worried. God I loved his eyes... Someone called into the locker room.
"Arthur! Someone is here to get you!" Calling back, the door closed again, and Ludwig helped me to my feet, sighing, I looked up at him.
"I probably won't be back anytime soon... Mum will want to take me back to the doctors... So..." My heart raced, as I gathered all the courage I had. "S-so... I w-want to say... T-to say... I-I..love you..." His eyes got wide, as I started to run out of the locker room, he quickly grabbed my arm, pulling me back and turning me to face him as he took me off guard by lightly pressing his lips to mine. The kiss was probably only a few seconds, but it was long enough, as he pulled back again, his rested his forehead against mine, speaking softly.
"You better come back... Because... I-I love you, too..." I slightly smiled, pressing my lips to his once more, before backing toward the door, feeling like an ass for doing this to him, but I had to tell him before it was to late, I didn't think in a million years he would feel the same way.
"If I don't come back... Don't hold it against me, because of you, I think I can die happy now..." Walking out of the locker room, the teacher handed me the office pass, glancing back at the gym, I sighed, speaking quietly to myself. "I'm sorry Ludwig, but I wasn't going to leave you without any hope..." Heading toward the office, I wiped my watery eyes, knowing that my gym locker, and my regular locker were already cleaned out, returning to school wasn't going to be an option for me... Not with the news we had been given by the doctor last night...
Sitting in first period as the final bell rang, I sighed and rubbed my eyes. I was so tired, I haven't gotten any word on how Arthur has been in two days, it had been three weeks since he left, so for two nights I've been up worried sick about him... As the announcements came on, I sighed, standing for the pledge, which I never said anyway, we were all taken off guard by what was said next.
"Would you please remain standing for a moment of silence, in memory of one of our own, Arthur Kirkland, who passed away in the hospital last night..." Something heavy settled in my stomach as tears pooled in my eyes, I got him back for only one day, and now he's gone? Wiping my eyes as my tears overflowed, I could hear sad and guilty whispers going around the room. I should have told him I loved him sooner...
Authors Note:
So it's not exactly the best story I've written, but this pairing needs lots of more love! I've also noticed a very morbid pattern in my stories, so if anyone has any pairing they want to see in a sad story, let me know, and I'll do my best. :3 I'll take like the first two or three requests unless they're the same pairing. Hetalia only! :D