'I loved you, and just because we broke up doesn't mean I could just turn it off like that.'
It shocks him. The meaning of her words, how truthful they were. How well they applied to him. She shouldn't turn it off. He hasn't.
His hand acts as if on impulse. It reaches out in front of him, closer and closer to her arm. Slowly. His fingers mould around the thinness of it, gently, tenderly. As if they were living in a completely different world.
'Hey,' he soothes, regret in his voice and sorrow in his heart. It physically hurts him to have hurt her.
She tries to pull away, but doesn't manage. 'Dan, can I just...be alone for a while? I need some time or space or whatever it is people say these days, and –'
'Maybe...you shouldn't turn it off,' he interrupts, his voice barely louder than a whisper. She turns slightly, to face him, and his eyes pierce right through hers. And she can't quite decide what it is that she sees in them. Or maybe she forgot how to look.
'Maybe it's not supposed to be this way.' As a matter of fact, the reasoning behind their breakup becomes less and less clear to him. Nothing makes sense anymore.
'What isn't?'
'You and me,' he declares. 'Us.' His grip tightens around her, a physical reminder.
She smiles, sad, sorrowful. It breaks his heart. 'Dan, there's you, and there's me, but there isn't an 'us' anymore.'
'Why, Serena? You can't turn it off, and you know neither can I. What else is there?'
'The fact that we will break up again! I don't want to put myself through that again. It's selfish, I know, and you can blame me if you want, but I need to let you go. I need to learn to move on.'
'We don't have to break up, Serena.' His hand lowers and grasps hers, and she wants to hold on so badly. To never let him go. But if feels like it's not up to her anymore.
She smiles again. In the same broken way, and it takes Dan all that he has not to kiss her and see if she smiles against his lips in the way her eyes couldn't help but match; an old smile. A forgotten smile. His heart hurts from the memories.
'If there is anything I've learnt from this damned city is that there is no such thing as an ideal ending. It has a way of ruining things. My parents, your parents, Blair and Nate, now you and me. It was naive of me to think that we could defy that. We can't. No matter how much we want to. No matter how much I love you.' Her voice is broken and he wants to fix it, and she's not letting him.
He shakes her hand as he speaks. 'I want to fight for you. We're worth it. I just need you to fight for me too.' His voice is soft, and smooth, and it sounds like a song. Her favourite song.
And yet, she can't sing along. 'I'm not strong enough.' Her voice breaks, and a tear escapes the corner of her eye.
'Yes, you are; but you are fighting against me. Don't. I can't do it alone. I need you, Serena.' The pad of his thumb catches the droplet of water, removes it from her face, then returns to stroke the soft skin beneath her beautiful eyes.
'Dan...' she whispers, her eyelashes touching the side of his finger.
'I do. I need you.' He places his hands on either side of her face. Hoping to force them back up to his.
'We can't pretend...' she mutters, brokenly, her head shaking.
'Then let's not. I don't want to pretend I don't love you.'
Her gaze shoots into his, and he sees the red tint around the perfect blue.
She barely manages to speak. 'You were there... that night... in the elevator. You said it was over. You let me go. You took Amanda out for a date tonight! How could your feelings change so suddenly?'
'Honestly, I don't know. But I have a feeling telling you this will be the best thing I will ever do. I don't want to let you go, Serena...'
Her walls crumble. And she worked so hard to build them, to enclose herself in an impenetrable fortress. And yet, nothing is strong enough in the way of this boy; a boy she tried to learn to unlove. A boy that taught her that such a thing was impossible. A man that she would always love. Come what may.
She wraps her arms around him, her head finding its place in the nook of his shoulder again. A perfect fit. Written in the pages of the thickest book in the brightest universe. And the feeling of his arms tightly wrapped around her brings her home. Back where she belongs. Slowly, but this time forever.
xoxo
She pins a last, rebellious strand behind her ear, and she stands back for a final analysis in the mirror. Her throat clogs up with the memories brought by the familiar pang in her stomach.
When she meets him in her hallway, he says 'you look beautiful tonight', and kisses her cheek gently, softly, languorously. He had always done something like that.
He knots their fingers together.
'Are you ready for our first official date? Again?' he inquires, a playful tone in his voice.
His smile is contagious, and soon her lips form one, too. The butterflies multiply.
It feels like 2007 all over again.
'So where are you taking me tonight?' she asks as they walk hand in hand down the stairs from her building.
'I want to see if your pool skills have improved. So our first stop is Brooklyn.' The corners of their lips rise at the same time without them even glancing at each other. 'But I have a surprise for you first.'
He leads her by the hand to the last thing she hoped she would find. And she feels tears of happiness threaten to cloud her vision of it.
'Oh, my God. I can't believe you remembered this...'
'I wanted a chance to make this rather strange dream of yours come true. This is going to be a completely Dan Humphrey date you're going to get. And us Humphreys ride on Vespas. For today only, though...'
She laughs briefly, before kissing him. A tender kiss. A perfect first kiss.
She slinks her arms around his middle as he drives the Vespa, and holds on as tight as she can. Her cheek presses against his back, and she finds herself smiling. This time she would never let him go again.
It feels like 2007 all over again.
A/N: Hey, guys, I hope you enjoy this little ficlet. Please review! It will be greatly appreciated. Thanks xx