"You did it, Alice! An impossible thing," Mallymkun, the dormouse, said, using Bayard's ear to wipe his tears away.
"Not as impossible as saying goodbye to you, my friends," Alice replied, and she meant it.
Fighting back tears wasn't always this hard, thought Alice as she looked at each and every one of her friends. A bittersweet feeling swelled up in her chest as she looked at them and remembered every moment they spent together. Although short, they were enough to last a lifetime.
She would always remember them all. Bayard, the kind bloodhound who'd helped her save the Underworld the first time. Chessur, the sly little kitty who'd saved the Hatter's life. Mallymkun, who'd saved her from the Bandersnatch the very first time she returned to Underland. Thackery, the funny little march hare who'd offered her plenty of good laughs and delicious scones. Tweedledee and Tweedledum, who could keep her listening to their countless stories for hours on end. And last but not least, Nivens, the rabbit who'd brought her back here.
She wished that she had more time to spend with all of them, but she knew that she had to go back to her world. She had to fix everything with her own family, or else she'd regret it forever. Instead, she promised. She promised herself that once everything was okay, she would come back and stay for good. For now, she had to gather all her strength and say goodbye for a while— a while that could possibly last forever.
While that in itself was hard, there was something even harder. That was saying goodbye to Tarrant.
Her hands were cold as he held them, his warmth spreading through her. His skin felt rough and calloused beneath hers, but she savored it for it made her whole body tingle— the way it would every time they touched. She closed her eyes, drinking in the sensations before she opened them and met with his.
Suddenly, she forgot how to breathe. Those bright eyes of his were drawing her in, and she didn't mind drowning in them.
It was just like the first time she'd met him. After falling through a rabbit hole, and meeting so many peculiar things, she'd been so relieved to finally see someone human! Except, he wasn't quite like the people back in London. He was… different— in a good way! His smile was inviting, and eyes were exciting, a deadly combination that pulled her in. They told her many fun and exciting moments were to come, and they were right.
Now, sadly, she had to say goodbye once more, and maybe for the last time.
Knowing that, she didn't want to go back. If it meant she could stay here with him, then she would gladly give up her life in her own world. Here, she could enjoy endless days just goofing around with their friends and having crazy tea parties with the Hatter. Though it was probably reckless, nothing else sounded quite as good as spending the rest of her life with him. What else could you expect from a girl who's been in love with the same man since childhood?
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, the feelings that she'd hidden since the very first time she entered this wonderland ready to burst out. But when she opened her eyes, she saw sadness in his eyes. It tore her resolve into pieces because he was sad. Not in the way that screamed sadness for a love that was saying goodbye, but in the way that whispered disappointment for a playmate that had to go. It was the exact same look that he had the first time she had to leave.
More tears pricked at her eyes as the throbbing in her chest grew increasingly painful. After all this time, she was still nothing more than a toy that brought exciting adventures along with it. She still meant nothing to him while he meant everything to her.
Did she really want to give up her life for a man who didn't love her the same way?
Though the answer was obvious, the hurt overpowered her desire and all that she could managed to say was, "Goodbye, Hatter."
Turning her back on him, she stepped into the mirror, although she let her hand linger in his for as long as she could, savoring the last few moments of contact they had. "Goodbye, Alice," his voice followed after. It saddened her how the last word she'd hear from him were goodbye, and not the words she'd always wanted to hear… But she was thankful that his voice kept her company, echoing around her a she traveled back to her own world. She would savor it and remember it for sure.
Once she had returned, she closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths. Slowly, she turned around and looked into the mirror, expecting to see skin as white as snow and bright orange hair as crazy as a wild forest, but instead was met with her own reflection. Her skin was paler than ever— almost as if she'd never seen the sun— and dark circles hung around her dark brown eyes. She looked utterly horrid, but that didn't matter to her. Reaching a hand up to the mirror, she pressed it flat again the surface. It felt hard and cool under her fingers, and that was the moment she felt the finality of it all.
But she promised. She promised herself that she'd go back once she'd fixed everything. Once that happened, she told herself, she would tell the Hatter just how much she loved him. If he still didn't feel the same, then she would make him look at her properly— to see her as a woman, not a toy or a friend. She didn't have time to mope around. The sooner she fixed things, the sooner she could return.