A/N: I know no one reads these anyway, but meh. I thought of this after coming across a humorous ShigurexAyame, and had to pull it into a story.

And on the advice of Hoehomi-Chan (Thanks!), I'll add this here:

Baka neko: Stupid cat

Iyarashii nezumi: Damn rat

"Ayame… you naughty boy…"

"Mm… going to punish me?"

"Your wish is my command…"

"GO DIE IN A DITCH, BOTH OF YOU!"

Tohru was out on a fieldtrip for her history class along with Hana and Uo, and it just happened to be that night that Ayame visited. Yuki had a broomstick at the ready to slam on the wall whenever he and Shigure got too loud. Kyo, in the room across the hall, simply yelled.

After a few minutes of silence, the suggestive groans started again and Yuki had snapped the broom in half. Kyo was on the verge of barging into Shigure's room and telling them to shut it, but inwardly feared what he would see.

Yuki and Kyo met in the hallway, actually on the same side for once.

"If we don't shut them up, I think the only option would be to take a lesson from Tohru and go live in the woods" Kyo growled.

"We could cut the lights," Yuki suggested.

"They'd just carry on. What about calling Hatori?"

"At this time of night? Do you have a death wish? No, we've got to take this into our own hands."

The two stopped. They looked at each other, and each knew the other had thought of the same thing.

"No," Kyo started.

"I agree, that's too far."

They were silent for a moment, and in the background Ayame let out a particularly blood-curdling scream. "Gure, you beast!"

Yuki and Kyo stared at the door of Shigure's room.

"Hell with it, nothing's too far."

"Let's do it."

They both entered Yuki's room, and locked the door. Once there was a temporary lull in Ayame and Shigure's... vocalizing, Yuki let out his best impression of a moan.

"Shh… Yuki, they'll hear you."

"Sorry."

The silence in the other room continued.

Yuki moaned again. "I'm sorry, Kyo, it's just- Ah! K-Kyo!" Kyo covered the rat's mouth to create a convincing muffled scream.

"Hush, hush. They've gone quiet. You think they heard you?"

"I'm so sorry, Kyo…"

"I can't blame you. Look, my tongue's bleeding."

"My poor kitten…"

In Shigure's room, the two had their ears pressed against the wall adjacent to Yuki's room.

"…You think this is real?"

"I'm so sorry, Kyo…"

"I can't blame you. Look, my tongue's bleeding."

"My poor kitten… let me kiss it better."

Wet suckling sounds followed, and a groan.

Kyo held back a laugh as he watched Yuki suck on the back of his hand. He used a foot to nudge the cat, and Kyo bit the back of his hand as well, letting out a groan.

"Kyo…" Yuki clothes-lined the boy to make a realistic thump, and made him stay there with a leg.

Kyo raised an eyebrow, but played along. "Yu-Yuki? This-"

"It's not fair that you're always in charge. Let me take over once in a while." The boy crawled over to trap the cat.

"Did you hear that? 'Once in a while'? How long-"

"They're messing with us, Aya, I know they are. There's no way-"

Shigure was cut off by a moan of ecstasy from Kyo.

"Yuki… you're incredible…!"

"Kyo… yes, there, right?"

"Mmmm… AH!"

"Okay, now they must be bluffing. There's no way Kyo-kun would praise Yuki-kun."

"Okay, now they must be bluffing. There's no way Kyo-kun would praise Yuki-kun."

Kyo cursed. "Damn. Do we actually have to go there?"

"Maybe this is enough to shut them up for now," Yuki said hopefully.

But Shigure and Ayame, once figuring out it was a bluff, carried on with their noises.

"Dammit! Will nothing make them shut up?"

"…You know, nezumi, from this angle you look like you're blushing."

"…"

"Aw, man. Don't tell me you're actually blushing. For what?"

"Have you not noticed that you're lying on top of my hands, baka neko? I can't move out of this position."

"Have you not noticed that you're lying on top of my hands, baka neko? I can't move out of this position."

There was a short silence. "Then why not make the most of the situation?"

There was a squeak. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Hey, if we can't make them shut up, then we might as well distract ourselves."

There was a thump. "And please. Everyone knows I would top you."

"Baka neko! Get off… me… what are you doing?"

"What, you were planning on doing this clothed?"

"Wait, you're actually planning to-"

More silence. "Cat got your tongue, my sweet nezumi? You're so girlish it wouldn't surprise me that you swung this way."

"Ba-baka neko…"

"Shut up and lose the clothes."

Ayame had had enough. "That's it, I'm going over there."

Shigure followed him out into the hallway and to Yuki's door. "Yuki! Open up!"

"Erm… I'm kind of… indisposed at the moment."

"Kyo! You better not be laying a finger on my precious little brother!"

"Or what, you'll shake your rattle at me? Ah, nezumi… I'm glad you decided to comply." Footsteps were heard in the room. "You're so delicate…"

The door crashed inwards to reveal Yuki and Kyo on the opposite sides of the room, fully clothed. Yuki was going over paperwork for the Student Council and Kyo was filing his nails. "I can't believe you fell for that. You didn't notice out voices were coming from separate places?"

Ayame and Shigure were open-mouthed. They had been beaten at their own game.

"Pleasure doing business, even if it was with you, iyarashii nezumi."

"Just get out of my room, baka neko."

Ayame went to frantically check over Yuki to convince himself it had all been horseplay. Just as Yuki kicked him and Shigure out of his room, Shigure furrowed his eyebrows.

"Hey, aren't those Kyo-kun's box-"

"GOODNIGHT."