Prologue
Chapter 1:
Snail: The Hudson River 2 years ago. The whole thing stank like a cheap hooker after a morning of hard humping. But our noses have been out in the cold since the last time Michael Jackson was black.
As Snail makes his way down the GWB with a blunt in his mouth he looks around at the rain and spots a small fishing boat next to an oil tanker.
S: Now which one would Better Beer be on? Alotajohn which one is Better Beer on?
Alotajohn: Uhhh the oil tanker?
S: Yes….you were always the smart one.
Snail throws away his coat, flicks his blunt, turns on stealth and starts running down the bridge. He then jumps off of the bridge and half way down realizes that he forgot to hook the bungee cord. He lands face first onto the tanker.
A: You aight Snail?
S: I feel like Whitney Houston plastered on a Friday night. But I'm ok.
A: Ok look Snail…this tanker is actually a front for the marines to be sneaking in a new form of Better Beer, the "perfect beer" that we stopped Limy from making. See after the thing in Alaska Old Guy Super Soaker took the plans for Better Beer and sold them to various governments. But a group of mercs led by Colonel Some Long Ass Russian Name seized the tanker like 10 seconds ago and now we have to stop them.
S: How do you know all this?
A: I got it from a reliable source.
S: What?
A: My Barber.
S: Ok.
A: Go gettem tiger.
S: Alotajohn…you're gay.
Snail pops some candy from his Snoopy PEZ dispenser in his mouth, lights a blunt and gets ready for action.