A/N: Twilight and its characters are owned by Stephanie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.
A/U: This is a completely alternative story, and only involves the characters from 'The Twilight Saga'
Synopsis: Bella Swan has been living in the dark for most of her life. She has a haunting secret that keeps her from living her life. Something that happened years ago, that no-one can take back. As if things couldn't get any worse, she is continually bullied at school; she's clumsy, out of touch with modern day life and she hardly speaks a word to anyone. Not even Charlie. How could he ever understand what she was going through? Soon, things reach boiling point, and Bella realises she can't handle her life any more. After running out on Charlie, she fights for freedom, for escape. Little did she realise that her life was about to become a lot more complicated when she meets Edward Cullen, a 108 year old vampire, who desires her blood more than anything in the world. But something else was about to change. Maybe he was the answer all along. Maybe he was the one that could get her to speak...
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B: Your secrets and regrets are keeping you from going very far
and you can't let all this get you down and keep you living in the dark
E: Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same
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Was there something wrong with me? Something so hidously unnatractive and repulsive about me, that every time I walked anywhere, every single head turned and glared.
Well, it certainly seemed that way.
It was like there was a constant shadow over my existance, and nothing was about to change that. It had been that way for as long as I could remember.
As I made my way down the corridor to the english classroom, clutching my folders tightly to my chest, I could feel a thousand eyes on me.
I hated my life. I hated it.
Why did everyone feel the need to stare? It's not like I would mind if it was one or two people. But the entire school? I did not deserve this. One bit.
It's not like I'd ever done anything to hurt them. They had no reason to hate me. Not that I was aware of anyway. Just because I didn't fit into the stereotype of what a normal teenage girl should be didn't give anyone the right to watch my every move.
Eventually, I came to a stop outside by the classroom door. Since my hands were occupied with holding my work, I struggled to open the door. I tried using my elbow to turn the knob, but that didn't seem to be working either. There were enough people walking past that could have offered to help, but apparently everyone was to busy to take a second to help me.
Suddenly the door flung open. And I went crashing to the floor, my folders and sheets flying everywhere.
'Shoot,' I murmured.
'Nice of you to join us, Miss. Swan,' Mr Berty greeted me.
A wave of snickers erupted around the , I crawled across the floor, trying to gather all of my work together. After all, my dignity had already gone out of the window, so it didn't really matter what I did now.
As I picked up the last of my sheets, I tried to push myself up from the floor, without prevail. Instead, I fell back to the floor, managing to graze my face along the way. I brought my hand to my face, trying to cover the blood as much as possible.
'What a dick,' I heard one girl exclaim, sending the class into more laughter and malicious whispers.
Just ignore them, I told myself.
After gathering my sheets back up, I pushed myself up again, trying my best not to end up on the floor for the thrid time. Thankfully, I was up on two feet, with my sheets and folders in hand. I moped over to my seat in the back corner of the classroom, my head down, trying to avoid eye contact with anyone. It was bad enough without the flying through classroom doors. This was going to spread like wildfire. Everthing that happened to me always did. I'd be hated even more, if that was actually possible.
It was hard not to notice that every pair of eyes in the room was watching my every move. I slumped into my chair, still aware that I was being watched. Silently, I took out my work, keeping my head down. I put my hand to my face again. It was still bleeding slightly. I pulled a tissue out of my bag and began dabbing my face.
'Um, right, lets get back to work please,' Mr Berty commanded.
At least that would mean that I wasn't being stared at for the entire lesson. But It wasn't like I could breath a sigh of relief, because I knew as soon as one inch of my body left this classroom, it would start all over again.
A tear rolled down my cheek, but I quickly wiped it away.
You'll be fine, I reassured myself. Just try and make it through today.
'Miss Swan?'
'Um..yes?' I could feel a lump forming in my throat.
'Since you were late, maybe you could read for us?'
'Her, read? She can hardly speak let alone read. I think a rat could do a better job. At least something more attractive would be sitting there.' A chorus of 'ooh's' errupted around the classroom.
I flinched at what I had just heard, feeling my face become redder by the second. I couldn't let myself cry. That would be the worst thing I could do right now.
'That is enough. Now, Miss Swan...read please.'
'Um...yes.'
I let my eyes flick over to the girl who had just spoken; her eyes glistened with maliciousness, a sarcastic smile playing on her lips. I shook my head and turned away, focusing my attention back to the book.
I hated my life. I hated it.
-
Lunch hours were the worst. Sat gormlessly in the corner of the library, I would watch the seconds slowley tick by until the bell went, signalling that
it was time for the next lesson. It was just a meaningless space of time. Then I would wander aimlessly to class, and the eyes would be on me, just like always.
It would be a miracle if I didn't embarrass myself along the way. Usually, I would knock into someone or trip over some air. But by now, nothing could take me by surprise. I'd experienced it all. And it wasn't about to change.
After what seemed like centuries, the bell finally went. I snapped out of my trance and brought myself back to reality.I shuffled silently out of the library and into the bubling crowds of stundent. It was like being at a Zoo, and the animals had escaped from their cages. And to me, they were animals. Every. Single. One. Soon, they would be rounded up by the keepers and enclosed in their cage for an hour, until they were let free into the wild once more.
'Outa the way, dumb ass.' A stocky girl shoved me against the lockers in the corridor. I rubbed my arm where I had slammed against it. That's another bruise to add to the collection. I probably should have said something back to her, since I hadn't actually been in her way. However, that just wasn't something I could bring myself to do. I barely spoke to anyone, nevermind actually shout at them.
One more lesson, just one more. You can make it. I had to be strong.
I couldn't put up with this for much longer. It had to stop. But how? Because the memorys weren't going to go away any time soon.
-
The rain pelted down, soaking my whole body, all the way through my clothes. There was no-one else walking home; they all got a lift from their mom's, or a friend. I didn't care. Why should I? There were worse things in my life than a bit of rain. Besides, Forks was known for it's rain, and I'd get through about a hundred umbrella's in a year if I cared about getting wet. So, I didn't care, and I wasn't about to start caring either.
I'd been living with Charlie for a while now. I loved him, of course I did. He loved me too, but all he really seemed to care about was his Job. I'd see him for ten minutes in the morning, and during dinner in the evenings. Every other hour was spent locked in my room, away from the rest of the world. I didn't even know how to talk to Charlie. I could never tell him about all of the problems I was having; he would never understand. I wouldn't even know where to start. As far as he knew, I could be the most popular girl in the school.
Pfft... I fucking wish.
Eventually, I reached the drive at the house. Charlie's car was there already. It surprised me. Usually, he got back from work a couple of hours after me. Maybe my walk home had taken me longer than I thought. As I trudged up the path to then front door, I could see Charlie peering through the curtains in the front window. I let my head flop, staring at the floor as I continued up the path.
'Bella! You're soaking wet. What the fuck were you thinking, walking back in this weather? Eh? Stupid girl, get inside. Come on, I've got a towel here for you. God, you're shivering. Now sit down. Yes that is. I'll make you some hot coco. You just get yourself warm. Put the TV on. Right, lie down and wrap yourself up.'
Did I just hear what I think I heard? How many things does he think I can do in the space of a minute? At least give me chance to breathe for shits sake. Unwillingly, I lay down on the couch and wrapped the blanket over me. Well, at least I would feel nice and warm. And, since when did Dad care about me? I've walked home soaking on other days, and he hasn't even breathed one word to me, let alone pounded me with a million different questions.
'You're…your h…h…home early.' God, I was shivering.
'Bells, I got a phone call from one of your teachers. Apparently, things aren't very good at school.'
'What? My… w…work?'
Charlie wandered over to me, holding a cup of coco in his hand.
'Here, drink this. It'll warm you up.'
'Thanks Char- thanks dad.'
I brought the cup to my mouth breating in the scent of the coco as I did so. I took one sip and instantly my sences were warming. Mmmm...
'So, this call. It's not your work. Bella, is there something you're not telling me?'
I couldn't face this question. I'd rather keep it to myself, than make things complicated.
'No,' was all I had the courage to say.
'No. Bells, are you sure? I mean, you hardly speak a word; you lock yourself in your room every night and you never look very happy. Surely there's something going on?'
'What, um, what did the teacher say to you?'
'He just said that you turned up quite late to lesson, and that you had a bit of an accident. And that, well, people weren't very nice. And that you…' Charlie cut himself off mid-sentence.
'What?'
'Bella, your face. And your eye. What happened?'
I brought my hand to my cheek, lightly touching the scratch from where I had fallen that morning.
'Nothing. Nothing happened.'
'Bella, you have a huge scratch across your cheek, and you look like you've just been let out from the panda pen at the Zoo.'
'Honestly. It's nothing. Please dad…'
'But bella…'
'No dad, just leave it. Honestly, I'm fine.'
'Well, you don't look it. Bella, just tell me what's going on.'
'Dad! Stop it. Please.' This time, I couldn't stop the tears. My heart was pounding and I could feel my face becoming redder by the second. Why could he not just accept what I'd told him. Why did he have to interfere?
'Bella. Honey. You can talk to me.'
'No, I can't. '
'Bella, I'm your Dad, you can tell me anything.'
My anger had become too much. I couldn't deal with this any more. I had to get out of here. I just had to. I pushed myself up from the couch and headed for the door.
'Bells, where are you going?'
'Just leave me alone!' I spoke as I walked out of the door, getting faster and faster. I could hear Charlie's footsteps behind me.
'Don't follow me dad. Just go away, you can't help me.'
And with that, the footsteps behind me stopped. And mine became more and more frequent, as I forced my legs to move as fast as they possibly could, away from the memorys.
Further and further away...
EPOV
The full moon beamed down, illuminating the medow perfectly. There were no words to descibe how breathtakingly beautiful it was here. As I gazed up into the clear night sky, I breathed in the scents that surrounded me. Freshly cut grass, wildflowers, every single aroma that made my sences dance wildly. It was joyus. In the distance, I could hear the faint sound of the trickling stream; it soothed me further.
This was like heaven.
Only better.
It was my escape. No one knew where I was, and for once, I was happy.
It was always good to get away from it all. I hated having to restrain myself every second, of every day, for the rest of eternity. Why did it have to be so damn hard? I suppose it helped that I hadn't really taken to anyones blood. Love was never an issue for me. It wasn't that people weren't interested. They were interested in me alright. But its not like I could just go out with them, even if I wanted to.
Oh hey, do you wanna go out sometime? I have one small problem though, nothing major really. It's just, don't mind if I kill you if we kiss or, even touch slightly. You see, I'm vampire. It's nothing to worry about really.
See. Just would not work.
Even the vampire's didn't do anything for me. Sure, they were all stunningly beautiful, but thats not what I wanted. I wanted someone I could care for, who I could love for the rest of eternity, and who loved me back and not just because I was beautiful or perfect.
I shut my eyes, not wanting to dwell on the subject any longer. Things always had to be so bloody complicated in my life; nothing was ever simple. But when you were a vampire, I suppose that was a given.
The moon moved another inch across the navy blue blanket, the stars glittering in all the right places.
Only a second later did my body fling up into a sitting position. Suddenly, I had become very aware that I was no longer alone. Who had found my medow? Shit. What was I going to do? As I tuned my ears in further, I could hear footsteps crunching on the autumn leaves.
Good. That meant that they weren't quite at the clearing yet. I had time. That second, a breeze engulfed the meadow for the first time that night.
And in that second, all of the aroma's that I had been taking in meant nothing.
Because what I smelled now was more potent and mouthwatering than anything I had ever smelt in my entire existance. Immediately, I became unsettled, nervous.
Ravenous.
Everything that I'd worked for, the control, the ability to put off drinking human blood, was all irrelevant. Because I would never forget this scent. Not in a million years.
I wanted to get out of here. I needed to get out of here. But I couldn't because I needed to know more.
The footsteps were getting closer. And I could feel myself getting more and more covetous by the second. Whoever this was, I needed. This wasn't just about wanting. Whoever was drawing nearer and nearer, was getting themselves closer and closer to something they would regret.
A decision that they had no choice in.
As I stood in the meadow, awating the delicious scent to find me, second thoughs came into my mind. How could I cave in now, after all these years of going without human blood? How could I do it to Carlise? He would be so dissapointed in me.
But I had no choice. Whoever this was, they were going to die.
BPOV
I had no idea where I was going, I just had to keep running, because if I stopped, I would have to face the memory's again. As I pushed my legs faster and faster, tears were streaming down my face. The rain was still pelting down, but that was the last thing on my mind. How could I face charlie now? How could I ever go back, and see the hurt in his eyes. The hurt that I had caused. No. I couldn't turn back. I couln't even think about it. Instead, I kept my focus ahead of me. I realised now that I didn't really know where I was. That didn't matter to me either right now. All I had to do was keep moving. Stopping was not an option. As I ran and ran, getting faster and faster, there was nothing I could think about exept escape. Escaping this shitty life that I did not deserve. Escaping from all the secrets and lies. Escaping reality...
As my breathing got heavier and my legs got weaker, I noticed a forest opening ahead of me. I had no idea where it lead to, but I didn't care. It was perfect. Just as I neared the woodland, Thunder cracked abouve my head, as the rain became even heavier. I took a deep breath, and continued my escape into the unknown.
EPOV
No, Edward. Get a grip. You can't do this. It just wouldn't be right. All these years, and just one human to ruin it all...
But they were so near now. So mouthwateringly near.
I could hear the pitter patter of delicate feet. But now, along with the pitter patter, I could hear a new sound. The sound of gentle weeping. This girl was in pain. But why? The sobs were becoming louder by the second.
I tried to tune into her thoughts.
What? Nothing?
I tried again.
Impossible...
Or was it possible? Possible that I couldn't read this girls mind?
For a moment...silence. The pitter patter had stopped. Slowely, I turned my head, and surely enough standing swolen eyed and breathless at the clearing, was what I had been waiting for.
