Disclaimer: I'm turning sixteen this year, and it would be very nice if someone gave me the rights to Harry Potter.
This was mainly written for the Fluffy Bunny challenge at HPFC, where someone encounters a fluffy bunny. I hope you enjoy!
As Shallow Becomes Deep
Small, simple, safe price
Rise the wake and carry me with all of my regrets
This is not a small cut that scabs, and dries, and flakes, and heals
And I am not afraid to die
I'm not afraid to bleed, and fuck, and fight.
I want the pain of payment
What's left, but a section of pigmy-sized cuts,
Much like a slew of a thousand unwanted fucks.
Would you be my little cut?
Would you be my thousand fucks?
And make mark-leaving space for the guilt to be liquid
To fill and spill over an under my thoughts
My sad, sorry, selfish cry out to the cutter
I'm cutting trying to picture your black, broken heart.
Love is not like anything,
Especially a fucking knife.
-The Used "I'm A Fake"
The faint crisscrossed incisions on your wrists break open once more, the drops of ruby fire dripping down your arm. You close your eyes to hold back the tears fighting their way through the roadblock of eyelids. Surprisingly, the cliché flashes before you, your life passing in front of your eyes, focused on the one event that set this all in motion. That time two years ago, when the bottom had fallen out on reality. And now, in the last moments of your life, before the last of your strength ebbed away, you were reliving your darkest and most painful memory.
"Teddy!" Your drop of sunshine rushes into your arms and you swing her around so she's sitting on your shoulders.
Those were the best of times. You had a family, security, even a girlfriend. But that little flower was the most important thing in your world.
Life was good until that night in late October, when you were at the Halloween party at Shell Cottage. The children were out trick-or-treating, with James in charge of the rest of them. It was twenty years since the Dark Lord's second downfall on the day of his first, and you should have expected something to happen. However, no one did, no one guessed that anything would happen. You Apparated directly back to your apartment after kissing Victoire goodnight. You were just about to tuck into bed when a glowing, silver stag galloped through the window. Your godfather's voice flowed out, sounding uncharacteristically choked and frightened.
Death Eaters attacked the kids.
You jumped up an Apparated straight to the stoop of Grimmauld Place, stumbled up the steps, and ripped open the door. There was a solitary light on in the kitchen and your heart jumped to your throat from the suspense. The scene was like one out of your worst nightmares born into reality. The two boys were crying softly in the corner, James unscathed while Albus only sported a shallow cut on his cheek. Harry and Ginny were kneeling on the floor, not even noticing you when you entered the kitchen.
They were bent over her body, Ginny stroking her hair while Harry held her hand. Oddly enough, the tears didn't come, and you were able to walk calmly to Harry's side and fall to your knees, stroking your angel's cheek. All ready it was cool to the touch, but she looked like she was sleeping, she was only asleep.
"How is he not moving? There's not even a scratch on her." Your voice sounded foreign and strained, as if there was an obstruction in your throat.
Your godfather had looked up, his eyes swollen and red, and you looked into the emerald depths and saw reflected in them a flash of green light.
"They were trying to get to me. It's my entire fault." Harry's voice choked and tripped over his words, and felt a surge of sympathy.
You couldn't tear your eyes away from her motionless body, and the darkness she saw now was the darkness that descended on your heart. Your heart shattered at the sight of her closed eyes, never to open again. Your miniature sun had winked out, leaving you drowned in the midnight eating at your soul.
The Potters had never been the same after her death, they became withdrawn and stopped leaving the house. And you? Well, you felt like you were drowning. Drowning in a pool of hopelessness…and frankly? You fear you'll never be able to get out. You were not living, you just were. You lasted for two years before the past finally consumed you. She haunted your dreams, both waking and otherwise. She was waiting for you, and there was no peace. Not here, or anywhere else until you joined her.
And now, your memory slowly came to its end, and you looked down at your arms, at the cuts that ran the length of them, and you feel no regret. At least you will be able to see her again, but while you go to hello for committing suicide, she must be an angel in heaven. Your eyes fluttered as your arms went numb, you must have cut into the tendons. You closed your eyes to escape form, only to open them on an apparition of her.
She looked as beautiful as a nine-year-old could look, her fiery hair whipping around her face.
If you can't live for yourself…could you at least live for me?
You smile sadly and shake your head, you are too far in now to turn back now.
I'm sorry I'm not strong enough.
A/N: Well, I'm sorry if you actually believed he was going to find a fluffy bunny. This one-shot was also written in conjunction with the Suicide Challenge and the X-Men quote challenge. Please review and tell me if you liked it or not, I have a nice plate of brownies and some warm milk if you do!
Flamers welcome!(I get to laugh about those reviews later!)
xo Emilie Austen Winchester ox