End: Wanted
A story by j-hyii
pairing: HaoxLyserg

I had waited for this moment for as long as I could remember, since the day that revenge and hatred overtook my senses and began controlling my life. This moment where I, was finally face-to-face with Asakura Hao.

Where I was finally able to kill him. The Destroyer laid exhausted on the ground, his brown eyes burning into mine with strange intensity. His manner still proud and haughty.

My pendulum dangled in front of me as I clenched the thin thread tightly between my fingers.

"It is what you have always wanted, isn't it?" He said, his voice low and mocking. Mockingly, as if he could see straight into my soul.

The hand holding my weapon began to tremble slightly as his words swept over me and I could remember the first time it was spoken.

The very first time he said those words…the time where I was thrown into a kaleidoscope of confusion…

A trail of fingers down my right cheek, breath hot on my face as he leaned towards me, his lips lightly grazing mine…such a light, feathery touch but I had jumped back as if a thousand bees had stung me.

It is what you have always wanted, isn't it?

Yes…

What had shocked me beyond into feeling mere shame…was the desire I had felt, the urge I had to call him as he walked away from me. I wasn't even worthy of feeling ashamed. I wasn't even worthy of feeling sorry…I had betrayed my parents' memory and my own beliefs.

He was my parents' murderer, the bane of existence, the cause of all my pain, the loss of my childhood.

How could I feel anything but hate for him?

And yet…somewhere between the pursue of revenge…my hatred somehow escalated into a fierce obsession. It was an obsession, I needed to see him almost every day, every minute…I had lost my way, I didn't know what to feel, how to feel…it was crazy. I wanted him…to have him and to kill him at the same time…

I was going insane.

Therefore, I ceased myself of all emotion but the sole thought in my mind that I must kill Asakura Hao. And yet beneath all that, was simmering longing…the passion, the want, the need…that I couldn't begin to understand.

My hand trembled more violently as I continued staring at him. His lips curved into a smirk as he struggled to stand. "You swore to have your revenge… So why don't you strike now…Lyserg? It is what you have always wanted…isn't it?"

I tried to steady my hand, but I could not. I opened my mouth to command Morphine, but nothing came out.

No…I didn't know what I want anymore.

I felt my body began to shake, my knees weak, and I slumped onto the ground. The hand holding the pendulum dropped listlessly to my side, my head bowed.

I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it…

Asakura Hao crawled towards me, smiling maliciously. He brought his hand to my face, tilted my chin up to meet his eyes. With one swift gesture, he pressed his mouth against mine.

The contact was for but a few seconds, nothing like the eruption of emotions that vibrated throughout my being, desire being the core of all emotions. And that moment, I hated him, I hated him…but not as much as I hated myself.

He drew back, still smiling. "You could never kill me."

My eyes glittered with rage at those words, at him and at myself, for being weak…why? Why…why…

"There was always a fine line between love and hate. You've crossed that line. You love me, and you could never kill me."

You love me.

Those words struck me. No, I didn't, never did, never would, never could no no no no…My arm snapped back into motion. "MORPHINE!"

There was a blinding light, as I channelled all my furyoku into that single attack, fuelled by my immense hatred…for him, for myself…and I waited for the pain of his attack to hit me, waited.

But it never came.

Exhausted from the attack, I slumped onto the ground, and as the dust cleared, a huge wave of shock jolted through me. He didn't even try to fend of my attack. Asakura Hao laid motionless in front of me. Motionless, not moving…dead?

I panted, my vision blurring…and then he coughed. Eyes opened to look at me, eyes already clouded with impending death…he smiled then, for once, a smile without malevolence. A smile…that was gentle. At peace.

"Why?" I whispered.

"Idiot…don't you understand? It is what you always wanted…an end…ending…" He coughed again, the effort to speak taking its toll onto his weakening body.

As I knelt by his side, I was gripped by one single thought. Don't die. Don't die, don't…and almost without thinking, I gathered his body into my arms, and began using my furyoku, hoping against hope to…to heal him.

"Asa…Asakura Hao…don't…"

"I'll…give you what…you want…because I…never…I…" He gave a gasp, shuddered, and then went limp in my arms.

"No…answer me, don't you do this to me, answer me!!"

Dead. I shook my head, shaking him, wanting him to wake up, wanting him to continue, to know, why…why he didn't counter my attack, why didn't he defend himself…but to no avail.

He was dead. And he would never again answer my questions.

Dead, dead, dead…the word thundered through my mind, repeatedly until it became a blurred, meaningless chant. I hated him, but I loved him at the same time.

You love me.

I couldn't love him but I did anyway.

It wasn't until I felt the salty liquid on my lips only I realised that I was crying.

-

Please excuse me for all grammatical and vocabulary mistakes as English is not my first language. Reviews and criticism are more than appreciated, would love it if anyone would tell me how to improve, particularly at portraying characters. I gathered both Hao and Lyserg are quite out-of-character. Thank you reading my first published attempt!