TANGENT OF A BROKEN HEART
part I
im standing where you were just yesterday…
and yet it seems that you still havent pulled away…
im lonely today…with you so far away…and no longer can I hear…
the song of hope so long unspoken…
whispering in my ear…
The rain echoes dully through this room, the sound darkens this drowsy and moist gloom, and it tightens her grip around her folded knees as she dreams fitfully, awake.
This is a world without sound, save for the rain which neither time nor space nor love can halt…it comes everyday and with every passing she awakes…for a moment.
I am here in the room as well, but I cannot hear…I feel echoes from her filled, empty eyes and I understand.
She had loved the rain.
He had seen her once, secretly of course, twirling in puddles, spinning her umbrella like a pinwheel and bubbling with laughter so fresh and bright. She had tripped in the mud once and made a silent pout at the stains on her summer dress before throwing aside her sunshade as well as her bright orange boots to splash in the soft squelching mud.
She was fourteen.
He had stared bemused and utterly puzzled at her antics, raised eyebrows and widened eyes when the water drops ceased and she stood, soaked and basking in the filtering sunlight. She looked out of place, brightness entrenched in filth and muddy water…as if a lone flower cleansed from a shower stood among the trampled weeds and smudged earth.
She hated the rain.
She told him she always had when she was eighteen, seventeen, thirteen, eight, seven, six…
He never really understood why, apart from the fact that elders had always forbidden her to go outside in any precipitation. He was even more assured by the fact that she always went in foreign courtyards and backway alleys where no one ventured, even during child's play.
Still, for her to lie, to lie to him…that was beyond any fact or line of reason…
He let his head drop back against the lamppost, groaning in boredom and to block the curious glances from passersby. He was waiting for someone, wasn't that apparent? Opening one bright red eye, he tilted his head to the left at the sound of distinctly soft, crunching snow.
She approached slowly, head down, eyes downcast, thoughts somewhere up and far away.
"Kagura, what took you so damn long? You know how freezing it is out here?"
"Sorry, Kyo! I was just admiring the snow."
Kyo opened both eyes in surprise; she was bundled in white, save for a long blue scarf that gleamed despite the weak night light.
"Snow? Since when do you like the snow?"
"I always have," she said quietly, turning to look back at the slouching teen before her. "I love the snow."
Kyo grunted in response, shifting his weight to either side before yawning and walking past her.
"Come on, your train will leave soon."
"Ahh, Kyo, it won't leave for another 3 hours…"
"Say what?! Is this why you took your sweet time to get here?" The youth growled as Kagura laughed awkwardly.
"I thought you'd leave, to tell the truth-"
"Damn, how much time have I wasted?"
"Did you come early?"
"Late. You seriously thought I'd arrive on time?"
"You didn't want to accompany me right?" She whispered softly.
"Well, come on, don't you already know the answer?"
Kagura's smile faded slightly, hand curling in her pocket.
"I'm sorry."
"Well you should be," Kyo muttered. "What the hell, we'll just go wait at the station, it'll be warmer than this freezing- Kagura!"
The girl was stumbling quickly, bags trailing crooked tracks in this powdery snow as she hurried away.
"Kagura!"
Kyo's breath came out in puffs of misty clouds though he covered the distance easily; reaching out, he closed his hand around one bulky, coat-covered arm before pulling her roughly.
"Why are you acting like this?!"
The second she faced him, his heart ripped though both lungs, plummeting to tear all his organs and raise bile into his dry mouth.
Strands of her hair clung to her tear stained face, grey eyes dully staring in place, breath shallow and wheezing. She looked quite out of place, a pitiful rag among rosy, cheered faces smiling in the frigid night…
She was completely broken. What peace had appeared on her arrival was drowned by her depressing, drowsy gape; she looked as if a puppet had just tasted life before crying over the choke up laying wasted on the floor before it.
It had happened the fourth day she was over; she hadn't madly seized his face in her brutal hands or crushed his ribs in a deathly embrace. She had announced a pleasant morning greeting before going on to laugh with Tohru in the kitchen. She had barely made eye contact with him, and giggled superficially whenever he snapped at anyone during the day.
She didn't say good morning the next day though; she simply proceeded towards the veranda and stared blissfully, ignorantly at the cloudy scenery. He heard creaks on the roof at night, and for minutes simply gazed at the ceiling, trying to discern why the hell she had gone up there.
She didn't leave her room the next two days…when she came out, holding Yuki's hand, knees bending too much on the creaking stairs, she only greeted Tohru and with a broken mask of a smile that made him want to rip her façade to shreds.
The last two days…she had smiled too much. Her eyes were red, and her mouth was pale, and her voice was weak, but she still grinned and yelled in excitement and groaned loudly in frustration. He had gone up to her one hour, alone and yelled until his throat burned that no appreciated her act and that she should be sincere…for once.
Her hand had pressed to his chest for a moment before he smashed the wall behind him and she turned, face paralyzed with…
The look she wore now, lips and pupils trembling.
"Kyo-"
"What's wrong?"
Kagura flinched; the sound that came from his mouth was filled with agony and guilt and she couldn't bear it.
"You haven't done anything," she hiccoughed, eyes locked with his red ones.
"I'm sorry…
…that I love you."
The world with lights and happiness and people seemed to flow out of his sphere; a globe where the only light was from her scarf, not dampened from her tears. He could hear dead silence.
Love me?
Not hard you know.
Love me?
Fine then.
Love me?
But is that a request or a demand?
Love me?
Love you?
Wait, what?
I-
You?
Can't-
What?
Breathe.