I knew you would eventually leave.
After all, you used to leave, without one word.
This time it wasn't one of your joke, right? Even if it was equally cruel.
I knew you would leave already then, when our last night you spoke to me. You thought I couldn't hear you, perhaps? You whispered into my hair, 'Be happy'.
That's ridiculous, you're well aware of this, aren't you?
I can't sleep tonight. It feels good to sit by the window when it's not so hot. The eastern sky is getting brighter. The July nights are so short. Once again, we ended in drinking 'till morning. He still can't compare to me, but he really gets better. If I turn my head, I will see him laying there in his restless sleep. The most saddening is that this very sleep brings him comfort - while the day is his nightmare. As well as the reality.
When he came for the first time, I thought he would just apologize to me - even though there was nothing he should apologize for. It's you who owe the apology to us both. Then he came back, and I simply couldn't send him off when he looked at me like that. I need him, too, you know? Sure you do. He is all that's left of you.
And then he kept coming... and leaving. Just like you.
That night you said, 'Please, take care of him'.
What were you meaning?
He's just moved nervously in the bed and has moaned something. I don't even want to know what he is dreaming about. I should rise and try to help him out of the nightmare... No, he's made it himself. He's curled into the ball, pulling his knees up against his chest.
This child is truly lovely. Now I finally understand why you valued him so much. What I can't understand is why you could ever break his heart.
Oh, surely you had your reasons.
Don't worry about me, I will survive. I'm strong. It's him who's worrying me. Day by day, his eyes turn more desperate. Perhaps he thinks he got tougher - and stronger. The despair in his eyes is deeper, too. I can't tell which one frightens me more.
That's why I took him into my arms. Children that were hurt need love.
We talk, sometimes. I learned he had been orphaned when he was still a child. I suppose he saw a father in you, in a way. I am drunk enough to try and imagine myself as his mother. But, well... if we continue like this, it will end in an incest.
Can you even remember when you make fun of him declaring we wanted to adopt him? I would laugh at the very memory, if it wasn't so painful.
And then you promised he could always stay by your side - the most cruel joke you ever told.
Take care of him.
This is all wrong. We deserve so much more than a poor substitute. Sure I know he comes seeking for that security you always offered to him. And I can feel your scent on his skin - the scent of the lemon tree that overgrows the courtyard of the Third Division.
I am not made of wood! But I can't agree to this.
Both of us seek for the closeness we were deprived of so suddenly. Did you think you would secure it for us that way? So clever of you.
Today he reached as far as a kiss. I let him. Fortunately, sake got the better of him and he simply went out. Or, perhaps, I suffocated him, it's possible as well...
Take care of him.
We could be together and keep feeding on the scraps of our love for you. We would be equal - as we've always been in this. When looking into each other's eyes we would see your reflection, for ever.
No-one deserves such a torment.
Bottle is empty now. This child has drunk more than me, can you imagine? I'll better brew some marigold tea, it prevents a hangover quite well, did you know that? He told me - so you probably knew...
His face got serene when the rising sun touched it. Poor boy. He doesn't know yet that the day awaits his own rise, too.
Take care of him.
No, Gin.
You have to come back.
You used to come back.
Come back - and do it yourself.
Both of us are waiting for you.