Disclaimer: I own Psych… on DVD. That's it.
Warnings: MAJOR SPOILERS for the season 3 finale. One bad word, and a most definite mix of spellings because no matter how hard and how often I try to convince Word that I use Australian English, it always sets itself to the US.
AN: I hope this means I'm improving as a writer, because after rereading this on a whim a year after the last edit I just HAD TO DO IT AGAIN. So… here it is, third edit of an old fic. XD
This is my take on Shawn's feelings at the end of the episode, a lot of people couldn't understand why he did what he did, and this is more of my attempt at explaining and justifying his actions and decisions.
The dialogue IS the actual dialogue from the show, I went through the two scenes and copied them all down, and they're as accurate as I could manage, but if you notice any mistakes please feel free to point them out.
And finally, a massive thanks to Kesa_Ange, who shared her opinions on one of the earlier (improved) drafts. You, girl, are awesome. ^_^
2011: This is quite old, unbetaed and may lean towards wangst, tread with caution.
He'd planned for this to happen differently.
Yet those plans had ceased to matter the moment he answered his phone and was forced to run in circles around, through and all over Santa Barbara in a high-stakes game of 'treasure hunt' devised by none other than the infamous Yin-Yang killer. Everything had spun out of his control but mercifully hadn't ended as a colossal wreck, and his mother is alive, he is alive, and the world is a slightly safer place now that the serial killer's been caught.
But now instead of the candlelight and the idle conversation and the unrivalled Spencer humour which should have made up the night, there will only be screen-light, cheesy dialogue and lame scripted jokes which he played no part in designing. He reassures himself that it really doesn't matter because everything had worked out in the end, and he will be getting stuff himself full of candy, popcorn and fizzy drink, Abigail will be waiting outside for him, and he will be think about anything but the crazy mess of a day that had all been Yin-Yang killer bomb mum bombing death crazy crazy lady smile bomb and just think fizzy-drink movie Abigail candy popcorn Jules… "Jules? What're you doing here?"
Whatever that was left of his jumbled thought process dies the moment he sees her and her long golden hair, bright blue-grey eyes, the casual blue sweater and black pants, nervous and uncomfortable but unfairly gorgeous, standing right in front of him.
"What I mean is, you know, who, who's going to fit Mr. Yang with her straitjacket and… iron mask with face-grille?"
The line slips out of his mouth the instant he realises he is gaping and is nothing close to the right words but he hopes it is funny or witty or at least in-character so Jules won't think that there is something wrong with him because Shawn is always excitable, unstoppable and not in any way a barely-functional mess of a human being, never a mess. The charming Spencer smile is in place and despite his head screaming at him, demanding normal or at the very least a few answers, at least he managed to save it… he thinks.
"Something tells me there's an entire precinct of officers bidding on that job now."
"Ah…" Jules has a good point. And he should really start talking, keep things moving, and hey, tray full of food.
"Er, can I interest you in a… ah, Necco-wafer?" It was right there.
He holds up the packet.
"Shawn, can you just not talk for a few seconds."
Okay.
"Look, I just wanted to tell you that what you did today, I mean, I can't imagine being able to function at that level while your mum was… you know."
Wow. Is he, is he getting complimented? By Jules? He's getting complimented by Jules? He's getting complimented by Jules! If he hadn't given up on her just 24 hours ago he would consider this a monumental step forward in their relationship, but hey, he'd already given up on her so it shouldn't matter. Still, the words give him a warm fuzzy feeling and he feels slightly better.
"I am uh… clearly, not as good with words as you are, and um, I know, that, things between us have been… a little complicated, and that there's probably been some mixed signals, mostly from me, with… regards to the time that we spend together outside of the line of duty."
He doesn't believe it, not for a second. This atmosphere is wrong and he thinks he's probably hallucinating due to the stress because this scene could never be playing out in real life, come on, he decides to get over the girl of his dreams, works up the courage to ask his high-school crush out after fourteen years, catches a notorious serial-killer in one day and then this? It's like some sort of stupid television plot, and it needs to be stopped before it gets any freakier.
"Look, Jules, I…"
"Shh…, just, please just, let me finish going through this I'm almost done I promise."
Gus is in on this isn't he? This is some sort of really bad joke and he'd probably dared her to come and say all this to him just so they can laugh about it later. Well it is horrible and cruel, and this is really mean of him considering everything Shawn had gone through today because this joke is not funny and he does not like where this is going, he does not like it at all. This isn't funny.
"What I'm saying, is that I think maybe, the best things, the richest, things, aren't supposed to come easily."
She's actually doing this, here and now, she's telling him that she actually wants something. That she had been denying the blatantly obvious chemistry between them for far too long and he has to agree that it doesn't make much sense. The irony hits him then that the day Jules decides to tell him that she does care about him is the same day he gives up and asks Abigail out for the second time, all but ignoring the fact that he'd turned his high-school crush down for her sake.
"And sometimes the moments that make the most sense happen when everything else doesn't. And… well…"
He can't believe this is happening.
"I think you deserve more than popcorn tonight."
But it is.
"So why don't you let me take you to dinner?"
She's smiling. He… he needs to make sure. He has to be sure.
"Detective O'Hara, are you asking me out on a date?"
"I am."
Oh God.
"A proper one."
"Wow." He laughs, unable to control himself. "I cannot believe this." He can't believe this.
He watches as her smile widens, childishly adorable and infinitely hopeful. This is Juliet, the amazing, beautiful, breathtaking woman he'd found himself falling in love with such a long, long time ago. It is funny, really, if you think about it, absolutely hilarious and so very screwed up because he is already on a date.
"All this time, and you… your timing is just… awful."
Really, REALLY awful. Like 'getting a gift-card to spend at your favourite store and then finding that it's closed' awful. Possibly more, since that actually happened to him once and that hadn't felt nearly as terrible as this.
"It is?"
He thinks some part of him breaks when Juliet's expression falls. Hope to hurt confusion, he's the one who did that, oh no.
"Yeah, just dreadful."
How's he supposed to explain this? Out of any time, any day and any moment she could have said this she chose tonight.
"What?"
"I can't go to dinner with you, Jules, I'm already on a date." I already made up my mind that we would never happen, that I needed to move on, that you never liked me that way and that you never ever will. I've already gone and asked out Abigail.
"You are? What, here?"
Funny how the world works.
"Yeah, like, right now. It's weird, it's really weird, but uh, yeah, with Abigail."
"The one that got away."
"Yeah."
Of course, she knows and she so amazingly understands. But how could she not be? She knows about him and Abigail, about their past and after having turned him down every time in the last three years she understand because she has to.
Then she kisses him.
His eyes close and his mind stops again and then he realises he's only in denial, that despite having tried so hard to convince himself otherwise the past few days, he is still head-over-heels in love with Jules because if he isn't then it would not feel like this, like it is amazing and right but not perfect because she's not supposed to be kissing him on the cheek but on the lips damn this to hell. He just wants to grab her and kiss her because nothing else really mattered and show her all of the frustration and longing, all the like (oh God, Juliet's hand is on his face) love he'd bottled up and hid away inside himself from the moment he met her to the here and now, because he could just tell Abigail… oh God, Abigail.
But dammit, no matter how much evidence there is proving otherwise, Shawn has self-control, and he uses every inch of it so his fragile resolve doesn't shatter right here and now.
"Get out there. She's not going to wait forever."
He didn't. Not freaking long enough.
"Jules? I am so sorry…"For everything, every messed up thing we did and said, everything that brought us to this. "…for snapping at you earlier."
"I know."
But she doesn't know. She couldn't know.
Not all of it…
Not all of it.
"You alright?"
No.
"Yeah, why would you even ask that?" He gazes back at her, eyes wide in earnest confusion.
"Mostly because you look like you got punched in the stomach and stopped breathing for a few seconds."
Wow, that's sort of exactly what happened. He's impressed, maybe Abigail was actually psychic (like a real one) because he couldn't have put it better himself. "Wow, I didn't realise I was that transparent."
He didn't, really, and it probably has something to do with and the really crappy day involving the creepy lady, nearly exploding and the little end-of-his-world thing which followed that he promised himself he wasn't going to think about. He hadn't thought he was that easy to read.
"Ahem, well the truth is…"
That would explain what he just said, because what the hell is he saying?
"…the truth is Abigail that everything is not okay."
No, Spencer. No.
"I don't exactly know how to… how to say this."
Shit. Shawn, stop.
"Choosing the words to form a sentence?"
You are not going to screw this thing up any more.
"I'm so, so sorry Abigail…"
You can't do that to her again.
"They're all out of butter."
It's not what he intended but it's the next best truth.
He's not lying.
AN: Leave a note and tell me what you think, any comments or criticism would be greatly appreciated. =D