Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds
Darkness.
It is a thing that scares a lot of people, most of whom are little children.
It scares people because it is able to hide things from sight. And not being able to see, thus being unable to recognize a dangerous situation in the opinion of some, is a frightening thing to beings that base their entire awake life on things they see.
But what hides in the dark one is afraid of?
Because a serial-killer with a raised knife ready to strike if you so much as breathe isn't besides everyone's bed. In fact, there is only a small percentage of persons who have ever awakened to such a view and most of those people are still alive.
Those people are afraid in the dark too. But they have a justified reason for their fear, as do children for if they believe in the Tooth-fairy and Santa Claus, monsters hiding underneath the bed are also a big part of their reality.
But there are other people, people like Spencer Reid, who should know better but still fear the dark, if only slightly.
What is their reason for being afraid?
To some it is the aftermath of watching a horror-movie. But if it is, the fear only lasts a night.
For others, and Reid is one of those persons, it are the memories that one is forced to face when not being able to look at anything. To Spencer, it are the memories of his childhood and the faces of the murders he hunts and the victims he mourns together with the BAU.
They are what keep him awake at night, his own thoughts frightening him sometimes and because of that the dark is something he fears. It forces him to think about the things he wants to bury, the memories he wishes to forget.
But it is not just that.
Because fear of the dark is, to Spencer, also brought forward by an extreme longing.
A longing not to be alone.
He has been alone for so long in his life that it pains him. No-one to fully trust and no-one to confine in when coming home to another empty apartment after a horrifying mission. Over and over again.
And with the television on or the radio turned on loud he can forget he is alone. He can pretend he isn't a loner and if he was, that he doesn't mind. Because he is Spencer Reid, the smart guy, the nerd and the one who can handle things on his own. Because he has his brain.
Many tend to forget though that without a heart, the brain does not work.
And Reid's heart is calling for someone, anyone. Because he isn't in love, doesn't necessarily want to be.
All he wants is for someone to lay beside him, to break the silence.
Because the silence that ensues when he lays in bed, lays in the dark, is a constant reminder of his loneliness. Of how he isn't desired in the way JJ is by her husband, how he doesn't have the looks to attract whomever like Morgan can and that he hasn't got the luck Garcia has for attracting such a terrific man.
No, he is Spencer Reid and he lays alone in the dark every night. Haunted by his memories and constantly reminded he should be strong, because he is on his own.
He has gotten used by it, by the loneliness and the memories.
But that doesn't mean he treasures the moments in which he is not alone. Because getting used to something is not the same as accepting it, as wanting things to be the way they are.
A smile graces his lips.
It is in moments like these, on a case where he shares a room with Derek Morgan, that he feels truly content and happy.
He is not alone, Morgan's soft snoring ensures him of that. And that sound, even though may would find it annoying, that sound is like heaven on earth to Reid.
Because even though he doesn't sleep much since the nightmares still haunt him, he can now lay in the dark and not be afraid.
Because Morgan is with him.
The End