What am I going to do? I question myself, probing into the deepest reaches of my mind, my heart, my soul, trying to find an answer. My grandfather is in danger. Every moment spent here is another second that he might not have. I have to save him, yet because of the twisted nature of his captor there is a certain way that I must do it, and no other.
Right here, right now, that way is through beating Kaiba.
If I defeat him, I will gain entry to the sanctuary where Pegasus is keeping my grandpa's soul locked away. And then I can focus on getting him back. But I have to beat Kaiba first.
Therein lies my dilemma.
He has placed himself in a situation in which his very life could be in danger. He stands before me now, on the edge of the castle, awaiting my choice.
I could strike; ensuring my victory and allowing me to get that much closer to rescuing my grandfather.
I could strike; endangering Kaiba, risking his life. No matter that he was the one to put himself in this position, no matter that I am only finishing the duel.
It's not right, I cannot put my own desires, my own needs, above someone else's safety. That is not who I am, and Kaiba knows that. He is forcing me to surrender, or betray myself.
In my heart of hearts, I know Kaiba is not an evil person. He seems cold and ruthless, rude and uncaring. But these feelings are just a mask, hiding the man I know lives inside of him. He cares deeply for his brother, and he is fighting this duel for the same reasons I am, to save a loved one.
Knowing this, his pain becomes my own, I know how it feels to have someone taken from you. There is an ache when they are gone, a fierce need to get them back, and set everything right with the world again. Nothing will stop him from regaining his family, I can see the determination burning in his eyes as strongly as it burns in mine.
I cannot allow him to win, or my grandfather is lost. But if I win, then Mokuba will remain with Pegasus, maybe forever.
Can I honestly live with the knowledge that I doomed an innocent, no matter that I was only trying to save one?
What am I going to do?
Perhaps if I can defeat Kaiba, I can find a way to save both grandpa and Mokuba. Rather than struggle to choose which soul is freed, maybe I can find a way to save them both. I have to try, I have to make Kaiba see that I want to help him save Mokuba.
Kaiba grows impatient. He demands that I surrender, and then gains a strange gleam in his eyes as he finishes:
"Unless you have the courage to unleash your attack!"
Something happens to me as those words register, I can feel something stirring within my soul. It is slow moving, faint, yet I can sense a terrible power welling up within it. It grows warm, as anger and determination boil through it, getting hotter and hotter, uncomfortably so. I don't understand, these feelings are not my own. I can feel the rising power within me, and it terrifies me greatly, for I can sense that this presence, whatever it is, does not hold the same thoughts, the same values, as I do.
Suddenly, I feel as though my own body no longer belongs to me. With a hot surge of fiery rage my mindset is completely changed, where a moment before my mouth had sought to utter words of compromise, compassion, now it was twisted into a snarl of indignation.
My heart seems to freeze as I realize what is going on.
The spirit from my Millennium Puzzle has taken over, completely. I no longer have control of my actions, and I realize with horror what that means.
He means to finish it.
He's going to win, no matter the cost to Kaiba... to me.
No...
Always before we had worked together. He seemed to live with me, through me; taking my values and experiences with him, holding my heart because he did not have one of his own. Before, we fought for the same reasons, the same sides, our motivations the exact same.
Now, it seems that the spirit has somehow regained a small measure of who he once was, Kaiba's unsettling words have awakened something ancient and forgotten within himself. It was as though a great struggle was being carried out, and although it had been buried through the generations somewhat it appeared to be resurfacing again.
But I wonder... Why? He who has no true identity to call his own, he who has no past experiences to draw upon, no reasons for his actions at all, has decided to take this matter into his own hands. There is no sense to this, and so my heart asks... Why?
I must. These words come from the spirit, in a tone so determined it makes me shudder. He is uncompromising in his goal to save grandpa.But there is more... he doesn't just want to save grandpa, he wants to stop Kaiba. As though there is a great war between the two of them, and the spirit will do whatever it takes to win that battle.
I can't. It is not right, I cannot harm Kaiba in order to help myself. I sense confusion at my words, as if he is wondering why I cannot.
We must.
No! It's not right! There must be another way...
But as I try to plead with him, his own thoughts bombard me with an image of my grandfather; reaching out to me, calling my name.
"Yugi!"
There is such anguish in his voice I falter for a moment. The spirits own resolve hardens, and his reply is coldly determined.
There is no other way.
I can see it all happening slowly, agonizingly slowly, as he orders the attack. The Celtic Guardian springs forward, the echoes of his pounding footsteps sounding like a death bell.
No...
I struggle within myself, begging the spirit to re-consider, but he will not listen... he cannot hear me.
No.
Tea runs toward me, her arms outstretched, calling to me. Not to the figure she could see standing dazed and shocked upon the castle roof, but to me. Yugi Moto. She wants me to call off the attack, she knows this is not what I would do. Tears cascade down her face when she sees my tortured expression.
NO!
I wrestle control of myself back from the spirit, and violently bind him tightly with my will. I can sense great confusion and surprise coursing through him, and he does not fight back.
"STOP!" I scream, collapsing to my knees as the strain of holding the spirit down, the stress of the duel, and the confusion of my inner conflict rush over me.
My Guardian stops just in time. I cannot see his face, but his sword lowers and his shoulders droop, accepting the inevitable. He seems to understand that by calling off the attack, his own life is forfeit, yet I sense no resentment coming from his stoic form. He knows that it was the correct decision.
I don't even register the rest of the duel, I couldn't see through my tear filled eyes. Fear; cold, raw, burning fear clutched at my soul with icy talons. I almost couldn't control that other person, the spirit... He was almost too strong, too powerful. What would happen if I failed next time? If I allowed him to bring harm to another person in a duel? I cannot let that happen...
I must never duel again.