If I was smoking crack I'm pretty sure I would notice. Now welcome to "My Mother is a Hair Dresser"
My mother is a Hair Dresser.
I know, funny.
My dad doesn't live with us, so I live with my mother upstairs over the shop where she works. The place is actually quite nice if you ask me. It's in a nice part of town, with nice people. It has all that and more.
However I don't like it.
Since I was born I have always been surrounded by woman; other guys would be reaping the benefits. I would rather barf. Don't get me wrong, it's just that because I was born surrounded by woman I couldn't stand them. As I was growing up I started thinking that there was no one outside of who my mother associated with. Oh I was so wrong.
So I remember this one time a man came into my mom's salon. I was too young then but I knew that he was flirting with her, and that made me very angry because I didn't know the guy. I picked up some scissors, ran over, and stabbed that mother fucker in the leg. My mother was terrified and the guy was pissed.
You're probably wondering why this relates to why I don't like woman, well the story gets worse.
The dude turned out to be an actual nice guy; compared to all the other people my mother was surrounded by. It was actually made me amazed. Later on my mother actually started dating the dude. His name was Rob, that's all I pretty much remember about him. That and he had a son that I loved.
As I grew up my mother and that dude started seeing each other more, so I got to see his son more and more, which I was happy about. His name was Hayner. Me and him would screw around and get into trouble all the time, I loved it; but soon enough it had to end.
By that time my mother had been dating Rob for three months. Soon enough I thought they were married. I saw them kissing all the time and wondered what it was like, so I wanted to investigate.
Hayner and I were playing in the backyard when it happened… He and I were playing in the sandbox and I was trying to make a sand castle, but I kept failing miserably. Hayner saw this and decided to help, and with his help we made an awesome sandcastle (which in today's standards would be called a piece of crap) so I wanted to thank him, but I didn't know how, so then I got the brilliant idea and planted one big wet one on his lips. He was sort of freaked, but Rob was freaked out most of all. He was in the backyard and screamed at me. (Rob has a big fit of homophobia) Rob even got my mother involved by saying crap like, "I don't want to date a woman with a queer for a son," and crap like, "That faggot better stay away from my son," It was such a poignant affect for my mother that she actually begged for his forgiveness.
I couldn't understand it but I was actually really upset with my mother. My mom had never been that weak, she would never let a man get her down, she had all her girlfriends to support her and she never had a problem with homosexuals before either. I felt betrayed.
After a lot of screaming and crying Rob was settled down and actually decided to stay, but as long as Hayner stayed away from me he was good. He and I never really listened to that rule though. We always hung out with each other and soon enough the incident was forgotten and Rob actually got married to my mother. I was now part of the Kelly family, so that made me Roxas Kelly.
Later in my life I told my mother I wanted to keep my last name from before, so I switched from Roxas Kelly, back to Roxas Bell. When I told my mother this she seemed kind of shocked, but understood. You're still probably wondering why I hate women so much, well we're getting there soon, just hang tight for a bit.
A few years went by and I developed a liking to school because I had met knew people. People like Pence, who could eat about anything, and Olette (I know a girl, but she was a real tomboy back then), she had more testosterone then any of us. By that time my friends and I were all in grade three. It was odd because I was the most mature out of all of them.
I was feeling sick one day and had to go home. I told the teacher who in turn called my mother. I was picked up from school and came home. When I got home I was sort of surprised, well more shocked then anything. There lying in the middle of the floor was Rob and a half naked woman having sex. My mother ran out of the house while she just left me to look at the mess they had made. While Rob tried to go after the "love of his life" I was staring at the blond bimbo in front of me. She had pin-straight hair, and insane golden eyes. She put her coat back on and flipped her hair and patted me on the head, while smiling! I was so angry, and she only fueled my anger. She said, "Hello there little boy, you're probably too little to understand this, but your daddy loves me now, okay? So why don't you run up too your room and wait for your mommyto stop sobbing her wrinkled face off." I remember clenching my fist.
So as she turned around, I ran into the kitchen, found some scissors and stabbed that mother fucker in the leg, and then, again for good measure.
Rob and my mother got a divorce after that. Hayner was pretty upset but he wanted to live with us. His father was so angry; he actually slapped Hayner across the face. That was outside the court house. So while he was packing I snuck into the room and stabbed him in the leg, with the same pair of scissors I stabbed the blond bimbo with. It was like tasting candy.
I had to go the hospital for a broken arm after that.
Oh, hardy, har, har. I know, "I must have some sort of stabbing fetish," I only did it four times, twice to the same people if you must know. I was so chagrined with how my life was going. So then after all that they decided to get me a therapist. If I didn't think it was my fault already the therapist made it worse. I kept getting stupid thoughts in my head, like maybe it was my fault, but after a failed suicide attempt they told me "No" it wasn't my fault. So that left only one option. It was that one blond bimbo that caused it all. She was the one to blame, it was all her fault, ergo woman cause many problems.
My real father was now supporting my other brother (Real brother, Sora) and helping my mom too, that is until she suddenly went from zero to hero for all top modeling agencies and actors and actresses. She cut's everyone's hair now. Jessica Simpson, Mike Myers, Tom Cruise, some people from that show all teenage girls like, I think it's called The OC. But yeah, women…don't really enjoy their company. I would rather spend much more time with Hayner, or Sora. The typical boy if you will.
And if you want to know, I'm still going to therapy; my mom thinks I was subjected to too many things as a young child. Who is she kidding? If anything it made me a better person. I think it did, after the all the years of knowing my Teacher better then my own mother, I think it was well worth it, I would have grown up to be a pansy, like Sora. Oh well, at least I can have a drama free life for the time being…
Eight years have passed since all that has happened.
And you guessed it. I still don't find woman practical.
Whoa, I think I'm losing my touch, this would have been much longer, I think I was listening to "Viva la Vada" when listening to this, I don't know why, it has nothing to do with it.
This is just a little prologue for what is to come, I'm gonna start work on the next chapter right away, and I'm also working on the Kyo Kara Moau fanfiction that I'm working on, so don't worry, I'm not being...to...lazy...