Discoveries

Chapter one?

Author: Elizabeth Moran

Beta: Charlie

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, unfortunately. I'm only playing in what isn't mine.

Warning: There may be some marysueishness, I hope it's not too much so.

Pairing: Carth/Revan (OFCish)

Authors note: Constructive Criticism is more than welcome, but please do point out where these discrepancies are. If I missed them the first few times going over it there it is likely that I'll miss them again, even my beta missed them.

Summary: It starts after thecrewget offthe Rakata Planet.

Revan/Skye

'I... I love you...I can't wait till all this is over.' Those words still ring in my head. Had I really told him that I loved him too, or was that just a dream like the whole of this mission seemed to be? It had kind of hit me with a shock. Mission joked around about it. But, I'd said it really without thought, almost out of automation. But, I knew I meant it. After all me and Carth had been through the whole of this mission together. The only place he couldn't go with me was the Rakata Temple . Though I know he would have died to have just a little touch of the Force so he could have gone. With Bastila's capture, he felt responsible for me, and hoped that he could give me reason not to stray from the path of the light side. I made the decision to go to Tatooine before we took on the Star Forge. Both for my mind to recoup and for any provisions we might need. Also I know Mission wanted to see her brother, one more time, just in case it was the last. We were all putting our lives on the line, but in doing it, we were also saving thousands upon thousands of lives. That's what I tried to focus on. Really I did. But things don't always work out that way. I had been shooing everyone else off the bridge so I could think, taking on three shifts at least, alone. And my mind kept trailing off to those two sentences.

What was I going to do after this was all over? I know I should bring these... New emotions to council, and have them decide. But... I don't know if that's really the way I want it done. What if they told me love wasn't worth the possible drift to the dark side. I know I would never return to that. I'd already seen more than anyone, though there was a good chunk that I didn't remember, I still don't think I would ever trail down that path again. And I think it would kill me inside if they were to demand that Carth and I be separated. I know it's silly, a Jedi should know better. But I couldn't help myself. Nothing in my life had ever felt so right, ever.

"There you are... I thought your shift was over... Twelve hours ago." His familiar low tenor gave me enough of a start that I literally jumped in my seat. It was followed shortly by a soothing chuckle, as the Co-Captains seat was taken. "Now that's a first. I don't think I have ever seen a Jedi startled. I thought you guys detected everything around you, for like, miles."

"Carth," So I was a little unsteady, it wasn't often I got so lost in my thoughts that time seemed to fly past me. "You surprised me is all... I was, thinking," my voice dropped to a low mumble,"a little too hard I suppose."

"What's that? I figured you might have fallen asleep, though I heard Canderous grumbling about 'How certain Jedi should pay more attention to who they're talking to.' What'd you do mistake him for Zaalbar or something?" He ended with a chuckle. It was good to see him in such good spirits, with what we had to face ahead of us. I suppose I might have something to do with that. At least I could hope.

I stayed silent a little too long I suppose. "Skye, you are all right aren't you? You're not going to try and chase me off my shift, I hope." He gave me one of those long measured looks. One that he'd given me more than once in the beginning of this venture.

"I'm fine, couldn't be better. Just had to think some things through, is all." I offered him a little smile before slipping out of the captain's chair. "I suppose I took on a little more than I should have, I feel beat. I think I'm going to go lay down for a while." I turned to walk out of the cockpit, and he leapt up and snagged my wrist before I could even reach the door. Eyebrows lifted, although I did have a suspicion he wouldn't let me get away without some sort of explanation, I turned to face him.

"Skye, you can't avoid me forever. Why are you, trying to begin with? I don't recall doing... Or saying anything that would... Oooh..." Something seemed to dawn on him. I hope he doesn't think I want to take back what I said. "I know what this is about. If what I said bothered you so much... You could have just... Rejected it, I would be hurt. But it would be better than you avoiding me, and taking this unneeded trip to Tatooine." He pulled me so that I was just mere inches from his chest, so that I had to tilt my head up to look into his eyes.

"It's not that... I wouldn't have told you I loved you if I didn't mean it." I saw him sag with relief. I had to smile because of it. He still had self doubts. Hopefully in the future we could get past them, together. "It's just, after this is all over, assuming we live through it, and come out in one piece, I have a lot of decisions I have to make. Like weather or not I want to remain with the order, and I am having my serious doubts. Because... I know the Council will not look on our relationship as a good thing. And I would hate for anything to tarnish our future together."

"You'd give up being a Jedi, for me?" A crooked smile tilted one corner of his lips up, as he looked down at me, a strange light in his eye. I have to admit, I don't know if I have ever been on the business end of a man's desires before, but I knew then I was the source of his. I fidgeted slightly, tugging on the edge of the traditional Order robe that I wore.

"If it's what I have to do, Carth. I mean I'd like the whole clan to stay together if that's at all possible, but if they threaten to take just you away... I think... it would probably be best just to walk away, before I get in any deeper. You know?" I just couldn't take my gaze away from his, like I was caught in some kind of stasis field. His hand slid up from my wrist to my upper arm. The other was placed on my free one. He inched just a little closer. And then there was the clearing of a throat at the door way to the cock pit.

"Here I was just coming up to check on Skye, to find her being practically groped on by some old guy. Give it a rest Carth. Sheesh, I know old men can be perverted, but... in the cock pit. Why don't you just sprawl her over the captain's chair while you're at it." That cheery teasing earned a very unhappy growl from mister Onasi.

"Mission you couldn't have waited just five more minutes." He snarled at her. I had to laugh, the first time I had since we boarded the Hawk. This got a cheeky grin, from the blue Twi'lek, shot my way. And a low growl from Carth, his hands had not dropped from their position on my arms.

"Caarth I know you would love to just sit and paw her all day, but I need her." The boisterous teen stepped up and pried one hand off my arm, then the other. "You have a ship to fly, so get to it flyboy." A name I know she took from Canderous' book. She gave him a little push in the direction of the captain's chair. I had to grin at the dejected look that crossed his face. I was pretty much frozen in the very spot he'd stopped me in, till he plopped into his seat.

"Ahem!" Mission made herself quite vocal just then, her blue hand slipping around my elbow as she was ready to pull me away by force if she had too. "You'll have time for dirty old men later Skye." And she yanked me through the door.

Carth

As I sit here, my feet propped up on the console that separated the pilot and copilot seat. Only a few minutes had passed since Mission had dragged Skye off. I found myself squinting my eyes in concentration, thinking back on resent events ...

My boots dug with in the sand as I stand here on the beach where the Ebon Hawk lay. Unable to do anything but pace and watch for the return of the three Jedi that set out for the Rakata Temple , well to be specific I was awaiting one in particular. The young blue Twi'lek, Mission, occupied herself by making creations in the sand, glancing down at her half of me wished to be so young that I could enjoy something like that. Canderous paced the beach as I had been doing for the past few hours. Though I know he curses himself too, for not being able to use the force in the slightest bit, though our reasonings were quite different. He feels he is missing out on a big battle between light and dark, where as I merely wish to be at Skye's side. Protecting her as promised, both physically and mentally, being the wall she would need to fend of the evil that we all felt. Lending her my strength as Jolee and Juhani are.

We've all grown attached to her as both Revan and Skye. Though, I may seem self centered to say this, I think I might have the most to loose if she were to slip to the dark side. I can no longer deny the fact that not only do I lust for her, and enjoy the laughter and insight she brings into our lives, but I truly love her. And probably have for a good while, but I was too afraid of betrayal to admit it even to myself. I should have told her before she left for the temple. So she would know in case anything should happen. But I'll fix that once she gets back. I'll tell her as soon as I see her. I don't care who witnesses it. Hell at this point I'd climb to the top of the temple on the outside and scream it for all the Rancors and Elders to hear. That way she will know from now on, no matter what. I just pray she feel the same, in spite of the Jedi. If she does, maybe it will help her in any difficult decisions she has to make. Knowing she has someone to stay on the light side with...

Shifting in my seat I tried to get more comfortable, there was maybe another hour and a half before it was time to exit hyperspace and land on Tatooine. Stretching out any kinks that had worked their way into my muscles I brought my hands back behind my head lacing my fingers for more comfort. As I slipped into a few other memories...

Bastila stood there berating Skye right after she had risked her life to save the pompous Jedi. Skye just stood there flinching at every venom dripped word the Jedi spat out at her taking it as best she could without a single word, probably because she felt bad for what Bastila had endured in that cage. But that still didn't give her the right to berate her as she was. That was when I first really noticed the need to protect her, I'd had enough of Bastila trying to verbally cripple Skye for not having everything in exact order.

"Look Bastila if it weren't for Skye in the first place you would probably be in the hands of the Sith by now. I wouldn't have had the slightest clue where to start looking after it was found out that the pods had already been ransacked. Where do you get off trying to make her feel less than a true asset to this mission? One thing you need to learn about being a leader is that you don't berate your troops when things aren't going as you would like!"

The look on Skye's face, after I had stood up for her -the adoration and appreciation that went unchecked- would have melted the heart of a Hutt. It was then that I felt the stirrings of something more than the tug of lust. The need to protect her came to the for front. Not that she couldn't take care of her self and every one else on the ship, I knew she could, which is probably what made me want to watch over her even more...

As I think back even farther, I think that Morgana would have liked Skye, even hand picked her if she could have. The way she got along with Dustil, the way she showed him the true evil of the Sith, and embraced him when he would have fought it after finding out about his loss. She wasn't afraid of weather or not that he would have over powered her, the things Dustil could have done when she dropped her guard. He actually smiled knowingly at me, a smile - not something I would have expected after the hateful words he had shouted before, as I watched him and her with a slight spark of jealousy. She had charmed my son just as she had me. With her unconditional love for everything that moved, her sweet innocence and utter devotion to what was right.

It's still hard to fathom that this woman, and the Dark Lord of the Sith, are one in the same. Yet I hold no animosity towards her anymore, she doesn't remember being Revan. She still holds the sweet care and love that she has since Taris. The same woman that put herself between an old man and three of Davik's thugs... the same one that did her best to show a whole city, the Taris under city, hope by finding the longed for "Promise Land". She turned down more than a thousand credits just to insure that no one else ever fell victim to the horrible Rakghoul decease. Hell, she cried when it was decided that it would be best to give the Gizkas, a total of thirty-seven, up on Manaan. A Selkath had approached her asking if she carried any exotic animals from any of the other worlds that we had visited, he wanted to try and set up an exotic zoo. Not only did she hug and coo to every last one once they were trotted off the ship, but she gave ten thousand of her own, hard earned, credits to insure that the little critters were well taken care of. All of this done after she found out she was Revan. I think that's when I was convinced, even though she had once been a tyrannical Dark Lord; it wasn't who she is now. After we had the last star map I told her my intentions, and that I could very well love her if given the chance. I know it had flustered her, with the way she blushed though she assured me that she could very well love me in return.

She had completely charmed me, and the rest of our motley crew. Even Canderous, a battle hardened Mandalorian, was softened by her. Now he was currently rethinking his way of life, that battle wasn't everything. She's given him the chance at a life outside of war. Though I can't help but feel a slight twinge of jealousy. But now that I think about it I don't think that there's anyone that she came in contact with that she didn't charm. She was a hero to the Wookies, a savior of young Selkath, one hell of a Swoop Racer, and a great number of other things. But also the love of my life, she brought back things that I would never have thought I would ever feel again. First it had been lust, which really shocked me I hadn't been with another woman in more than four years and I didn't find myself missing it till I met her. And then there was the want to open up to her, another thing that I hadn't done in over four years. And finally love, she filled every thought now. And I know, with her help, I'll finally have my son back. She's brought me back to life, beyond the revenge that throbbed through me...

Revan/Skye

Mission and I sat in our quarters, on the floor, a Pazaak board between us. A couple of rounds went played in silence, after she had probably twenty of my credits, I decided it was time to approach the reason she brought me in here.

" Mission I thought there was something you needed me for."

"Well to be honest," she had not lifted her head from studying her hand," Juhani asked me to come and drag you from the pilot seat if I had too. To see if I could help you out of this mood your in. Or at least get you to talk."

"I had a feeling it was a group effort," I said with a slight tug of a grin a the corner of my lips.

"Oh don't be like that! We're all worried about you.. Your always there for us when we need someone to talk to or a shoulder to lean on. And now you need someone to do that. You never judged me in the slightest so I'll do the same for you. I know I'm not the most experienced when it comes to some things but I know enough to help, at least a little bit, like you did for me and Big Z unconditionally." She had finally looked up the sincerity in her words and eyes were enough to drag some of my thoughts from me. Laying my cards, face down, on the board, scooting back so that my back touched the front of the bunks, I tucked my feet beneath my knees, looking as if I were ready to meditate. My hands lay palm up between my thighs, one with in the other. I let a soft sigh depart slowly from my barely parted lips.

"I'm not really sure where to start. It's all kinda complicated."

"Well, what stands out most?" The young blue Twi'lek asked, as she sought a more comfortable position, her back against the wall, head tails coming to rest over her shoulders.

"Malak..." A frown twitched over my lips, lifting my arms to cross over my chest.

"Well... What's bothering you about that core-slime, you afraid that he might be stronger than you?" She added with a slight cock to her head.

"No, no... Not that... I know I'm stronger than he is, no question. And I'm not being cocky... I just... Feel it. Ya know?"

"Not really, but I get it I guess. He was a Jedi once and you were linked to him, Right?"

"Yeah it's kinda like that."

"So what's bothering you?" The teen asked in her ever chipper yet concerned way.

"Well, you know how Malak had the luxury of being the one to inform me that I was none other than... The Revan right? All that time before it I would have figured Revan was a man, not a ... a... Me. Well anyway he got the joy of seeing the pain, shock, horror and utter disbelief parade across my face. You know me I've never been one to be able to hide my emotions very well. He laughed at me, and said I was weak. That I could never take him on now..." I paused for a moment as if trying to recall the exact conversation, one hand lifting to scratch at my cheek. "Well maybe not in those exact words, but you get me right?" With a nod from Mission I continued on. "He said it was a pity because I had been so strong when he followed me into the dark side. And that's what got me to thinking. I mean you don't just follow someone, that doesn't mean anything to you, into the depths of what might very well be your end, right?"

"I don't know about anyone else, but I sure wouldn't. But then again I wouldn't have gone into the dark side either, I think." Mission answered with a slight twitch of her head tails.

"Anyway it got me to thinking: What was mine and Malak's relationship? Were we friends? Lovers? Family even? So I started evaluating stuff in my head, and I eliminated him being family, there's absolutely no resemblance between us. And something Carth said to me, after he decided that who I was didn't matter, who I am did. He said that he still wanted to protect me, and give me a reason to keep going, like I did for him. To stay on the path of light..." A light giggle came from the teen across the room, and I didn't doubt that I was probably as red as a Sith's Saber. My voice dropped to a softer tone. "He said that he could love me, if I let him. Oh Mission I could have melted in a little puddle right there. I know Jedi are supposed to be free of emotion, but I just can't do it. Call it silly, but I have to admit I've been crushing after Carth since I woke up with him standing over me." I sighed slightly whimsical about the whole thing.

"Yeah I don't blame you. If he weren't so old he'd be a great catch. But you're getting off subject Skye." The young Twi'lek reprimanded in her sternest voice.

"He's not that old!" I protested, mumbling softly. "He's just thirteen years older than me..." I resigned with another sigh. "Anyway that eliminated me and Malak being romantically involved, because when you're on the dark side love doesn't matter. And I think that alone would have kept us on the light side. If anything we might have just left the order all together, and started a family or something, not led each other into the Mandalorian wars or ultimately the dark side." I started to fidget with the lapel of my robe. "So we're down to being friends. And I think about you, Canderous, Juhani, Zaalbar, Jolee, HK, T3, Carth and even Bastila, even though she was more about lecturing me than anything else. You guys mean so much to me. Each of you, in your own way, have kept me on the right path. What if mine and Malak's relationship was like that? I was just a bad egg and led him down the dark path. But we were close, I can almost feel it." I paused for a second to collect my thoughts, my head lowered my eyes boring a hole in the steel paneling. "I don't know if I can kill him, Mission . I know I couldn't kill any of you guys if I had too. It tears me up inside even thinking about it." I glanced down at my hands, in a soft little voice I added. "I don't know what I'm going to do."

"Well..." She started, slightly shaken by what I had said. "I guess you could try and redeem him, like Bastila did for you. I mean, if there's a chance why not take it?" This lightened my load quite a bit, at least I could count on one person to stand by me if that decision was made." It'll probably be hard for me to forgive him for Taris and all, but I'm willing to try, though, we might have to hide him from Carth. Cause some how I don't think he's going to be as forgiving."

"Well, I can only hope that he'll eventually see it from my perspective... Because he forgave me right?"

"Yeah, but you have something Malak really doesn't right now."

"I do? What's that?" I can't say that I wasn't slightly bewildered.

"Sex appeal. Carth wants you big time, and has since Taris." She got up and walked over to me patting my shoulder as she sat on my bunk. "You were just too.. Too.. Sweet to see that, and of course he loves you too. That doesn't hurt." I gazed up at her rather dumbly. I could feel my brows twitching just slightly.

"How do you know?"

"Simple, when he wasn't looking at you like he was trying to dissect you with his eyes. He was looking at you the way a man looks at a woman, like he could eat you alive if it would satisfy him." This utterly shocked me to say the least. I had caught him staring at me a few times, but I just figured it was his way of watching me to make sure I wasn't going to do something stupid, or betray them all. My mouth must have fallen open because she put a finger to my chin and lifted up. "Don't look so shocked, you were probably the only one that didn't catch on, why did you think Bastila lectured you so much on the whole 'There is no emotion' poodoo."

"Well at least the feeling was mutual, or I would really feel dumb. Having a crush on someone, at my age." I was slightly disgruntled, why had no one else said anything? Jolee probably would have said something like 'It wasn't my place to tell you'. Mission laughed at me, no doubt reading me like everyone else could.

"Yeah we could tell. Seems like you two were the only ones clueless about how the other felt."

"Well if you're done laughing at me. I'm going to make use of the 'fresher. I feel like something a Wraid threw up." I pushed myself up to stand, running my hands over my robe in effort to chase some of the wrinkles out of it.

"Oh Skye, I wasn't laughing at you!" She snickered again and I gave her a wry look.

"Well anyway, I'm going to take a nap afterwards, be sure to take Canderous and Juhani with you when you go looking for your brother. They'll keep you out of trouble, or should I say keep trouble away from you. The rest are probably should go about getting the supplies we'll need to take on the Star Forge." I grinned down impishly at her when she made to protest that she wasn't one to get in trouble, and strode towards the refresher unit.