S_s: well, this is my first yaoi fic and hope you people like it.
~ Refracted Ray~
Kai stared in silent disbelief at the Chinese couple before him.
" Ray!! That is so cool!! You and Mariah are getting married!!" Tyson the ever optimistic shouted in glee for his old teammate.
"Yeah. And you guys are all added for the wedding" Ray said, wrapping an arm around Mariah who was grinning shyly at Ray's team.
" I think you guys are gonna be a very happy couple." Kenny stated.
" Yeah!! Congrats you two!" Max said beaming.
Even Dizzy chipped in a word. " Who gets to be best man?" she asked jokingly.
The group laughed and turned expectantly to their ever-stoic team leader.
" Well Kai, aren't you gonna congratulate Ray and Mariah?" Tyson asked, tapping his foot in mock impatience.
Shaking his head sharply as though snapping out of a reverie, Kai said gruffly, " congratulations" and with that turned heel and strode out of the apartment before anyone could react.
" Don't worry Mariah, Kai's always like that." Max said sympathetically as he patted the girl who was clearly stunned at such behavior on the back.
Ray frowned; Kai was always leaving abruptly, so why did it bother him so much anyway?
{Somewhere where Kai is alone with his thoughts (Kai's POV)}
I might have known it would happen, and yet I can't seem to digest the news.
Ray is getting married.
Ray. just the thought of him sends an electric current running down my spine.
It's taken me a long time to accept that I care for Ray as more than a teammate. More than a friend.
Yes Ray, I love you.
Impossible as it may sound, I do. But admitting it to myself and actually showing any of my feelings to the world are two different things.
How I've wanted to wrap my arms around you and claim you as my own. I want to capture those lips and taste them in my grasp.
I've wanted to run my fingers through that length of silky ebony, which is your hair. I want to spend all my time on this earth in your presence.
I wish I'd had the guts to tell you how I feel, but now it's too late. You are getting married. To a woman.
And I have nothing left to live for.
{Bladebreakers apartment}
"But honey, I really wanted to have a pink wedding gown." Mariah said, curling her luscious lips into a playful pout.
" I know, but your hair will dull the gown, or worse, the gown may dull the color of your hair darling. But whatever your decision I shall support it." Ray patiently explained to his fiancé.
"Since you put it that way, I'll take the white dress as suggested by my wonderful husband to be." Mariah said, snuggling up against the other Chinese blader.
Ray was about to reply when the doorbell suddenly rang.
Groaning, he remembered that he and Mariah were the only ones home so he would have to answer it. Disentangling himself, he opened the door to reveal a very serious looking policeman.
" Are you with the Bladebreakers?"
"Yes, can I help you?" Ray asked, the man's countenance giving him the feeling that the news he bore was about to change his life forever.
"I'm afraid I have some bad news. may I come in?"
White faced, Ray stood back and let the policeman in, sat him on the couch and heard him out.
When the message had been delivered, he wished that he hadn't.
{Some days later.}
Ray stood with his head bowed, grief tearing at his heart.
He was standing on a grassy hill wearing a black suite with many others.
It was Kai's funeral.
The priest's words brought no comfort, only a bitterness at someone so young and full of promise having been so abruptly taken away.
Kai had been crossing the road when a huge truck came bearing down on him. Shock had registered briefly on his face before it was replaced with calm resignation at his inevitable fate.
Eyewitnesses said that the young man had died upon impact, a look of calm and untouchable sadness gracing his features.
And so Kai had died. He had lived a lonely life but at least there were many who came to bid him farewell.
But looking round, Ray saw that most of those present had no emotions on their faces. They were here as an obligation of courtesy. Not to say goodbye. Not to wish things had been different. Not like Ray.
To their credit, the other Bladebreakers were shattered too and looked it. Kai's old team, the Demolition Boys had flown all the way from Russia and looked as sorrowful as their hardened hearts could allow them to.
But grief sometimes cuts deeper than it appears. It certainly was true for Ray.
He couldn't help but feel as though some part of him had died with Kai and was now being buried with the freshly turned earth thrown on Kai's last bed.
Gently unwrapping a sympathetic Mariah's hand from around his waist Ray left the mockery of a funeral to seek solitude and hopefully acceptance.
{Kai's apartment.}
When he looked up from the deep pit of his sorrowful thoughts, Ray was surprised to find himself outside Kai's apartment building.
Struck with the sudden urge to see Kai's home one last time before an army of solicitors and moving men descended upon it, Ray rode the elevator up to Kai's level.
Pulling out his key ring, Ray couldn't help but give a small sad smile of remembrance.
Kai had been forced into giving each of the Bladebreakers a key into his apartment when he had moved out. Despite appearing very gruff about it, Ray suspected that Kai had always been glad that he still had ties with his team. Especially since he gave Ray the key chain he now held in his hand.
Opening the door, Ray was immediately struck by the neatness of the place. Kai was always in control, even of his living environment's cleanliness.
Yet he had not been in charge of the most important thing- his own life.
Walking towards the kitchen, Ray noticed that Kai's bedroom door was slightly ajar.
Overcome with curiosity of having never seen his captain's bedroom before, the neko-jin pushed it open and entered into Kai's sanctuary.
But it being Ray, Kai wouldn't have minded even had he known.
Looking around, Ray noted that this room, like every other room in the house, was immaculate.
Suddenly, a white envelope looking decidedly out of place on the bedside table caught his eye.
Walking over, Ray was shocked to see his name written in Kai's clear, elegant cursive.
Picking up the letter, he hesitated for a second before opening it and sliding out a folded piece of writing paper. After all, it was addressed to him.
{Kai's letter.}
Dear Ray,
If your reading this, it's because what I want, no, need to say to you can no longer be delivered in person.
This isn't easy and I'm not too sure how to begin.
Well, here it is: I love you Ray Kon.
There, I've said it. Please don't put down this letter now, hear me out at least.
I've loved you for years. Ever since you extended your hand to me during the Russian tournament, I just haven't been able to let you wonder far from my thoughts.
I never thought it possible for me to love again after my grandfather betrayed my trust. But there is something about you, which sends all my firewalls crashing down.
Your feline smile. Those amber eyes. I guess they're just too captivating.
When I tried to change, you were my reason and my role model.
Because you see, the truth is that I'm just not good enough for you. I can't match your winning personality, your sense of fun. Your lighthearted cheer and your compassionate tolerance.
So I waited. Tried to learn to be like you. But I guess that in my heart of hearts I knew that we would never be.
You were too pure, too innocent. I was contaminated and too badly stained with the evils of the world.
I sought love and I found you.
Except I never really looked for love, yet somehow there was this hole inside me which your presence somehow filled. A hunger you satisfied.
But now I know that the hunger will never be gone. The hole left only half filled.
Because you have chosen to marry Mariah.
I'm not angry or bitter, and I don't want you to be. I never showed any emotion so how could you have known how I felt for you?
I'll bet those amber eyes are filling with regret and guilt now. If not for me, then at least because the sweet caring person in you hates to have hurt people.
Please don't be upset or anything. I would hate to think that my telling you my secret would burden you, but I couldn't hide it from you any longer.
No matter how you choose to live your life after this, my feelings for you shall never change. I will always love you.
I just hope, that in some small corner of your heart that you will be able to love me back.
~ Kai ~
{back in normal P.O.V..}
Ray had been feeling miserable when he had entered Kai's room.
Now he was close to suicidal.
How could he have been so blind?
Not only had he ignored his captain's feelings, he had even somehow managed to shut out his own.
Searching his soul, Ray realized that he had loved Kai since he couldn't remember when. But he had cut off those feelings all because of his traditional upbringing.
He had gone to see the world and open up to new ideas, but in the end when it came to the most important concept of love, he had been closed and unreceptive.
Just because he had been taught that having the kind of feelings he had for Kai were wrong.
So he had forsaken his love and in doing so, forsaken himself.
Ray rose and opened the balcony windows.
He hated to leave Mariah like this but Kai needed him more and besides, he needed kai too. He had made the mistake of denying that once, he would not make it again.
Just as he was about to leap, his cell phone rang.
Automatically, Ray answered it.
What the caller told him made him both regret not taking the plunge and thank his lucky stars that he hadn't.
{Kai's grave.}
Ray stood with his back to the setting sun, a single white rose in his hand. The cherry blossoms swaying gently in the wind above his head.
Before him was the final resting place of his soul mate who never was.
Laying the rose on the freshly planted tufts of grass, Ray began to speak, hoping that somehow his message would be heard through the curtain that separates this world from the next.
" Kai, I found your letter and I want to give you my reply.
Ashiteru Kai, ashiteru.
I want so badly to join you, to tell you face to face that I love you too.
But I can't, or I won't.
I nearly did it too. I nearly ended this life just to spend the next one with you.
But before I could, something came up.
Mariah is pregnant Kai. She is pregnant with my child.
Don't you see? It's my duty to stay behind. Much as it pains me, I must play the role of a father to a child I will both love and hate.
I thank you Kai for giving me the freedom to make the choice between you and my obligations here.
We were fated to love each other and yet to never be in this life.
Still, there is always another time, another chance.
Another chance for us to catch the refracted rays of our love and try again.
Until we have the chance, I will never forget you and I know that you will never forget me.
Wait for me. Because I will come.
Because you love me.
And because I love you too.
Forever and ever till the end of time."
Blinking back the tears which had gathered in his eyes, Ray turned and left.
But when he took his final look back, the cherry blossoms were falling like rain; like tears.
And Ray knew that despite the sorrow and pain, refracted love always has another chance.
~ Refracted Ray~
Kai stared in silent disbelief at the Chinese couple before him.
" Ray!! That is so cool!! You and Mariah are getting married!!" Tyson the ever optimistic shouted in glee for his old teammate.
"Yeah. And you guys are all added for the wedding" Ray said, wrapping an arm around Mariah who was grinning shyly at Ray's team.
" I think you guys are gonna be a very happy couple." Kenny stated.
" Yeah!! Congrats you two!" Max said beaming.
Even Dizzy chipped in a word. " Who gets to be best man?" she asked jokingly.
The group laughed and turned expectantly to their ever-stoic team leader.
" Well Kai, aren't you gonna congratulate Ray and Mariah?" Tyson asked, tapping his foot in mock impatience.
Shaking his head sharply as though snapping out of a reverie, Kai said gruffly, " congratulations" and with that turned heel and strode out of the apartment before anyone could react.
" Don't worry Mariah, Kai's always like that." Max said sympathetically as he patted the girl who was clearly stunned at such behavior on the back.
Ray frowned; Kai was always leaving abruptly, so why did it bother him so much anyway?
{Somewhere where Kai is alone with his thoughts (Kai's POV)}
I might have known it would happen, and yet I can't seem to digest the news.
Ray is getting married.
Ray. just the thought of him sends an electric current running down my spine.
It's taken me a long time to accept that I care for Ray as more than a teammate. More than a friend.
Yes Ray, I love you.
Impossible as it may sound, I do. But admitting it to myself and actually showing any of my feelings to the world are two different things.
How I've wanted to wrap my arms around you and claim you as my own. I want to capture those lips and taste them in my grasp.
I've wanted to run my fingers through that length of silky ebony, which is your hair. I want to spend all my time on this earth in your presence.
I wish I'd had the guts to tell you how I feel, but now it's too late. You are getting married. To a woman.
And I have nothing left to live for.
{Bladebreakers apartment}
"But honey, I really wanted to have a pink wedding gown." Mariah said, curling her luscious lips into a playful pout.
" I know, but your hair will dull the gown, or worse, the gown may dull the color of your hair darling. But whatever your decision I shall support it." Ray patiently explained to his fiancé.
"Since you put it that way, I'll take the white dress as suggested by my wonderful husband to be." Mariah said, snuggling up against the other Chinese blader.
Ray was about to reply when the doorbell suddenly rang.
Groaning, he remembered that he and Mariah were the only ones home so he would have to answer it. Disentangling himself, he opened the door to reveal a very serious looking policeman.
" Are you with the Bladebreakers?"
"Yes, can I help you?" Ray asked, the man's countenance giving him the feeling that the news he bore was about to change his life forever.
"I'm afraid I have some bad news. may I come in?"
White faced, Ray stood back and let the policeman in, sat him on the couch and heard him out.
When the message had been delivered, he wished that he hadn't.
{Some days later.}
Ray stood with his head bowed, grief tearing at his heart.
He was standing on a grassy hill wearing a black suite with many others.
It was Kai's funeral.
The priest's words brought no comfort, only a bitterness at someone so young and full of promise having been so abruptly taken away.
Kai had been crossing the road when a huge truck came bearing down on him. Shock had registered briefly on his face before it was replaced with calm resignation at his inevitable fate.
Eyewitnesses said that the young man had died upon impact, a look of calm and untouchable sadness gracing his features.
And so Kai had died. He had lived a lonely life but at least there were many who came to bid him farewell.
But looking round, Ray saw that most of those present had no emotions on their faces. They were here as an obligation of courtesy. Not to say goodbye. Not to wish things had been different. Not like Ray.
To their credit, the other Bladebreakers were shattered too and looked it. Kai's old team, the Demolition Boys had flown all the way from Russia and looked as sorrowful as their hardened hearts could allow them to.
But grief sometimes cuts deeper than it appears. It certainly was true for Ray.
He couldn't help but feel as though some part of him had died with Kai and was now being buried with the freshly turned earth thrown on Kai's last bed.
Gently unwrapping a sympathetic Mariah's hand from around his waist Ray left the mockery of a funeral to seek solitude and hopefully acceptance.
{Kai's apartment.}
When he looked up from the deep pit of his sorrowful thoughts, Ray was surprised to find himself outside Kai's apartment building.
Struck with the sudden urge to see Kai's home one last time before an army of solicitors and moving men descended upon it, Ray rode the elevator up to Kai's level.
Pulling out his key ring, Ray couldn't help but give a small sad smile of remembrance.
Kai had been forced into giving each of the Bladebreakers a key into his apartment when he had moved out. Despite appearing very gruff about it, Ray suspected that Kai had always been glad that he still had ties with his team. Especially since he gave Ray the key chain he now held in his hand.
Opening the door, Ray was immediately struck by the neatness of the place. Kai was always in control, even of his living environment's cleanliness.
Yet he had not been in charge of the most important thing- his own life.
Walking towards the kitchen, Ray noticed that Kai's bedroom door was slightly ajar.
Overcome with curiosity of having never seen his captain's bedroom before, the neko-jin pushed it open and entered into Kai's sanctuary.
But it being Ray, Kai wouldn't have minded even had he known.
Looking around, Ray noted that this room, like every other room in the house, was immaculate.
Suddenly, a white envelope looking decidedly out of place on the bedside table caught his eye.
Walking over, Ray was shocked to see his name written in Kai's clear, elegant cursive.
Picking up the letter, he hesitated for a second before opening it and sliding out a folded piece of writing paper. After all, it was addressed to him.
{Kai's letter.}
Dear Ray,
If your reading this, it's because what I want, no, need to say to you can no longer be delivered in person.
This isn't easy and I'm not too sure how to begin.
Well, here it is: I love you Ray Kon.
There, I've said it. Please don't put down this letter now, hear me out at least.
I've loved you for years. Ever since you extended your hand to me during the Russian tournament, I just haven't been able to let you wonder far from my thoughts.
I never thought it possible for me to love again after my grandfather betrayed my trust. But there is something about you, which sends all my firewalls crashing down.
Your feline smile. Those amber eyes. I guess they're just too captivating.
When I tried to change, you were my reason and my role model.
Because you see, the truth is that I'm just not good enough for you. I can't match your winning personality, your sense of fun. Your lighthearted cheer and your compassionate tolerance.
So I waited. Tried to learn to be like you. But I guess that in my heart of hearts I knew that we would never be.
You were too pure, too innocent. I was contaminated and too badly stained with the evils of the world.
I sought love and I found you.
Except I never really looked for love, yet somehow there was this hole inside me which your presence somehow filled. A hunger you satisfied.
But now I know that the hunger will never be gone. The hole left only half filled.
Because you have chosen to marry Mariah.
I'm not angry or bitter, and I don't want you to be. I never showed any emotion so how could you have known how I felt for you?
I'll bet those amber eyes are filling with regret and guilt now. If not for me, then at least because the sweet caring person in you hates to have hurt people.
Please don't be upset or anything. I would hate to think that my telling you my secret would burden you, but I couldn't hide it from you any longer.
No matter how you choose to live your life after this, my feelings for you shall never change. I will always love you.
I just hope, that in some small corner of your heart that you will be able to love me back.
~ Kai ~
{back in normal P.O.V..}
Ray had been feeling miserable when he had entered Kai's room.
Now he was close to suicidal.
How could he have been so blind?
Not only had he ignored his captain's feelings, he had even somehow managed to shut out his own.
Searching his soul, Ray realized that he had loved Kai since he couldn't remember when. But he had cut off those feelings all because of his traditional upbringing.
He had gone to see the world and open up to new ideas, but in the end when it came to the most important concept of love, he had been closed and unreceptive.
Just because he had been taught that having the kind of feelings he had for Kai were wrong.
So he had forsaken his love and in doing so, forsaken himself.
Ray rose and opened the balcony windows.
He hated to leave Mariah like this but Kai needed him more and besides, he needed kai too. He had made the mistake of denying that once, he would not make it again.
Just as he was about to leap, his cell phone rang.
Automatically, Ray answered it.
What the caller told him made him both regret not taking the plunge and thank his lucky stars that he hadn't.
{Kai's grave.}
Ray stood with his back to the setting sun, a single white rose in his hand. The cherry blossoms swaying gently in the wind above his head.
Before him was the final resting place of his soul mate who never was.
Laying the rose on the freshly planted tufts of grass, Ray began to speak, hoping that somehow his message would be heard through the curtain that separates this world from the next.
" Kai, I found your letter and I want to give you my reply.
Ashiteru Kai, ashiteru.
I want so badly to join you, to tell you face to face that I love you too.
But I can't, or I won't.
I nearly did it too. I nearly ended this life just to spend the next one with you.
But before I could, something came up.
Mariah is pregnant Kai. She is pregnant with my child.
Don't you see? It's my duty to stay behind. Much as it pains me, I must play the role of a father to a child I will both love and hate.
I thank you Kai for giving me the freedom to make the choice between you and my obligations here.
We were fated to love each other and yet to never be in this life.
Still, there is always another time, another chance.
Another chance for us to catch the refracted rays of our love and try again.
Until we have the chance, I will never forget you and I know that you will never forget me.
Wait for me. Because I will come.
Because you love me.
And because I love you too.
Forever and ever till the end of time."
Blinking back the tears which had gathered in his eyes, Ray turned and left.
But when he took his final look back, the cherry blossoms were falling like rain; like tears.
And Ray knew that despite the sorrow and pain, refracted love always has another chance.