Chink In The Armor (A Study of Alphonse Elric)
He is the calmer brother, always has been. Not as quick as his brother perhaps, but steadier, surer, able to hold to his limits when he comes across something challenging. Where Edward is incendiary, Alphonse is the anchor, the grounding influence, and in a suit of armor he seems to symbolize his very nature.
Sometimes he looks at Edward, at Auntie Pinako, at Winry (with an odd double-thump of the impression of his heart that he imagines he feels, sometimes) and thinks, This is my family. But Mother isn't here. And the little empty spot, the disturbing chink in his armor, remains, scraping and creaking to announce its presence even when he is quite sure he oiled all his joints the week before.
It hurts.
It hurts in a way that his divorced body can never feel.
And Ed, he worries so much for his niisan, for all the crosses that Edward Elric takes upon himself for his younger brother because of his guilt. Don't worry. I'll bear this crown of thorns alone, little brother. It's the least I can do for you.
Don't leave me alone, he wants to shout. I'm right here. I'm not dead yet. Give me some of the burden, let me do some of the work. I want to do this for you. But he never does, because he knows his niisan too well, and he knows that all the bluster, all the confidence, is just a mask because Ed feels guilty inside, because that nagging feeling that he shouldn't have done this, should have done that, comes back again and again and again.
It does hurt. And sometimes, when he can't be calm, he goes out into the wind and rain and darkness that he cannot feel or fear anymore.
This pain can't be shared, only carried alone.
And Ed, bless his miserly heart, can't touch it. That's just fine with Al, anyway.
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Written after entirely too much angst... entirely too much angst. Al's first because he's one of the easiest people to think of when the word 'angst' comes up. Who's next? Let's see...