Disclaimer-why do we need tot type this?
A/N-italics are a character's thoughts
Suicides don't go to heaven, or do they?
I sat there, blubbering like a sappy little girl. Can't blame me, can you? I mean, what would you do if the one you loved just died. Nurses and doctors were doing their best to comfort me. One nurse, Ms. Bloomberg, had some effect on me and I calmed down a little.
"Thanks Ms. Bloomberg. I think I'll be okay."
"Are you sure, hon?"
"Pretty sure. Plus, my friends are out there."
"Are they good friends?"
"Yes. Some of the best a person could ever ask for."
"Alright then. I'll be at the nurse's station."
"Thank you." I got up and walked out the door. Before leaving completely, however, I turned back and took one last, long look at Matt. He looked so different, lying there dead. It was too freaky. I ran out of the room and into the ladies' room and cried some more. Mimi came in a few minutes later.
"Sora, are you okay?" she inquired gently "Everyone's really worried."
"They must be. But I'm fine, thanks."
"No you're not. You haven't cried this much all your life."
"I guess you're right. But I loved him so much!"
"I know. You told me remember?"
I smiled a small smile. "I did didn't I? Mimi, what I'm going to tell you is something you can't tell anyone. Alright, here goes. I don't know if I'll be able to survive without him."
"You were that much in love?"
"Yes. Mimi, I'm scared, I never thought this would happen. I mean I've read about it, but I never even thought it would, no could happen to me."
"I understand. Cancer's evil. Not only does it take lives, it damages others." Mimi was close to crying now, too.
"Thanks for talking to me. I feel better."
"That's good. But you're in no condition to drive, I'll drive you home."
I nodded, too weak to resist.
[3 weeks later]
I knelt at Matt's grave, a bouquet of white and red roses in my arms.
"Hey Matt. How is it up there? God damn it, I wish we were together. Matt, I really miss you. Every day I get closer and closer to killing myself. I hope no sexy little angel chick's trying to hit on you. I'm still down here, maybe, you could even try asking god to let you come down as an angel. Well, I better go. I love you. Remember the song 'I Knew I loved you before I met you'? And the guy says he dreamed the girl into life, I guess it's time for our dream to end. Heck, it was time since the day you died. I was just a fool and held on to long." I laid the roses down, got up, and left the cemetery, closer to committing suicide than ever before.
[Midnight that night]
I lay in my bed, unable to sleep. I hadn't been able to sleep or even eat properly since Matt died. Just as I felt the first waves of drowsiness come over me, a bright light filled my room, almost blinding me. The light died away to a soft gold oval. A figure appeared in the oval. It was an angel.
"Matt?" I whispered.
The angel nodded. He was wearing all black, [you know, the outfit he's been wearing in the season 02 episodes? He is SO hot in black! I'm not the only one who thinks so either; I can name two people right off the bat!] a very unusual outfit for an angel. His crest was gold and silver. He spoke, with the same sweet voice as he had in life.
"Hello, Sora."
I sat up in bed. "Is it really you?"
He nodded again. "I came here to give you a message, please, don't kill yourself. Not because of me."
"But, I feel so lost, so alone." I stood up and walked closer to him. His eyes were still the same beautiful azure blue. He took my hand. The amazing thing is that it felt as if he really WAS holding my hand.
"Sora," he began gently "I love you and I know you love me, but suicides don't go to heaven."
"How do you know?"
"One of the angels told me. He had a buddy that committed suicide from depression."
I nodded. "Thank you for coming. I know this may sound sappy and not like me, but I really need you. Why did you have to die?"
"According to St. Paul, it was my time."
I nodded understandingly. I wanted so much to kiss him, but couldn't, for fear he would disappear and I would wake up alone. I think he knew what I was thinking because at that moment, he leaned in and kissed me. It felt like I really was being kissed, yet it felt fake. I can't quite explain it. We broke the kiss and he continued, "I have to leave now. Goodbye Sora, I love you."
"Please, no! Take me with you! Do whatever you want, just don't leave!"
"I'm sorry Sora, but I'm powerless. I wish I could take you with me, but God wouldn't allow it."
I nodded, eyes full of tears. "Goodbye, Matt. I love you, too."
He nodded. "I know." With those last words, he left, leaving me all alone in my dark, little room, astounded and in tears from sorrow and missing love.
[2 weeks later]
I stood on the pier, gazing into the ocean. I stepped over the guardrail and leaned over, like Rose did in Titanic.[one of THE best movies ever, Jack should NOT have died!] I was wearing all black that was nothing new. I took a deep breath and prepared to let go. Just another minute or two and I would be up in heaven. I hoped what Matt said about suicides wasn't true. I had a feeling it wasn't, but you never know. I let go and felt my body plummet toward the icy water. I hit the water HARD and began to drawn, knocked unconscious by the force of the fall. My soul separated from my body and watched it float to the bottom of the ocean. I let myself be lifted up toward heaven and my new home.
I stood outside the pearly gates. St. Peter, the gatekeeper, addressed me.
"Name?"
"Sora Takenouchi."
"Yes. Here you are. I think there's someone waiting for you."
I smiled. "Thank you." The gates swung open, and I entered the Kingdom of Heaven. Matt was standing to the side, chatting with a couple angel guys. He noticed me and I think it took him a little bit to realize that it actually was me. He approached slowly and I did the same. Once we met I looked him straight in the eye, and said.
"Who said suicides don't go to heaven?" Then, without a moment's hesitation, I leaned in and kissed him deeply and passionately, letting lose all the love and emotion that I had kept inside me since the day we met. This, I thought is where I belong.