AN: This story was started and stopped several times over the last year. The last three episodes of season five (TSTQ, especially) were so far out of character and off the trajectory the story had taken up to that point, that it was clearly just a stall tactic to delay getting the two lead characters together. Much in the same manner as Castle's disappearance the following season, the reasons why were never explained.

This story tries to explain the motivation for the decisions made and the consequences of those decisions. It also assumes that the episodes were shown in their proper sequence with TSTQ coming after still. Only in the US and Canada was the sequence altered. It follows the canon up to the confrontation in Beckett's apartment and then goes AU.

This is a fairly long story (42 chapters - 142K words) and I made sure that I finished it before I published it. All mistakes are my own. Consider yourself warned.

And as usual, I own nothing but the computer that this story was written with. All of the important ones belong to Marlowe and ABC.

One:

May 2014:

Jennifer Burton was in the middle of her morning run listening to the music mix on her iPhone as her thoughts drifted to how much her life has changed in just one year. The old sage about hindsight being 20-20 was never truer as she replayed how her choices cost her everything that she had. It didn't matter that her choices were for noble reasons or not. The outcome was still the same. She was 3,000 miles from her home, no friends or family, alone.

Jennifer squinted at the bright sun in the sky, thankful that she was getting her run in early today. The weather forecast predicted a high temperature of nearly one hindered today. Luckily, the heat was dry and things cooled off just as soon as the sun went down. She'd lived in this city nearly four months now and was still adjusting to it all. Adjusting to a new life.

She glanced at the watch on her wrist, noticing that she was falling a little behind her goal for time and distance. Jennifer picked up her pace, increasing her speed as she continued to replay events from last year. She had a good job that was rewarding, friends that she could count on to always have her back, and a man that loved her. A man that proved his love in both actions and words. 'Why wasn't that enough?'

She was nearly through the park that the jogging trail snaked through when she glanced at the playground. She caught a glimpse of a man sitting alone on the swings. Her pace faltered as she stared in the direction of the swings at the man. Her senses alerted her to anything that seemed out of place, and a man sitting alone in a park on a swing set certainly qualified. Part of her wanted to flee in the opposite direction and call her watchers to see if there was an agent assigned to keep an eye on her during her morning run. The other part wanted to find out for herself. She broke off of the jogging trail and started to approach the area where the man was sitting shielded by the trees from his sight...

May 2013:

"What's that say about us? Not a lot if you ask me." The look of utter betrayal on Rick's face confused and honestly angered her.

Not sure what she should say, Kate simply called out as he walked into the living room to grab his sport coat. "Rick -"

Draping his coat across his arm, he walked out of her apartment never looking back. "I can't be here. Not now." Rick opened her front door and was out of her apartment before he finished his statement. He pulled the door closed behind him leaving a puzzled Kate wondering what the hell just happened.

'Let him go. He'll cool down in a couple of days and see that you were right to do what's best for you.' She thought to herself. Part of her was mad at Rick for holding her back from pursuing her 'dream' job. Granted, this had only been her dream job for about two weeks. That didn't matter to Kate. Agent Stack convinced her that she was wasting her time being a detective for the NYPD. That she needed to be on a larger stage to reach her potential. Kate saw Jordan Shaw and envied her. She deserved more, didn't she?

Taking the final sip of wine from her glass, Kate walks back into the kitchen to turn off the stove and oven, her lack of appetite appearing suddenly. Walking back to the table, she takes the bottle of wine that Rick had opened only minutes ago and empties the contents into her glass. Taking another sip as she walks into the living room, Kate lowers herself down on the sofa draping her legs across the cushions. She picks up her iPhone from the coffee table checking for any texts or missed messages. There were none.

Kate racked her brain trying to figure out why Castle was so upset with her for trying to improve her life. 'I thought that he'd be happy for me.' She whispered to no one in particular. Closing her eyes, she scooted down the sofa so she could rest her head on the arm. 'He'll come around, he always does.' Kate thought before she drifted off to sleep.

A million scattered thoughts seemed to bounce aimlessly in Richard Castle's head as he sat and his desk and stared at wall, eyes unwilling to focus on anything in particular. His mind jumped from one stage of grief to another and then back again. Anger, denial, bargaining, depression, back to anger, again on what seemed like an endless loop. He took another sip from the heavy weight crystal tumbler containing his special twenty year old scotch and couldn't help but grin at the irony. 'The good stuff – for special occasions. I guess this qualifies.' He sarcastically whispered to himself.

'Could it only be a month ago that you stood by a bomb with Kate risking your life to save her?' His mind questioned. Sitting his tumbler down on the desk, he picked up the blue velvet covered box sitting there. He flipped the lid open and stared at the proof that he wanted to be with Kate always. The flawless diamond sparkled before his gaze, mocking him.

Once again, a woman that he gave his heart to had found him lacking and decided to move on without him. First it was Kyra, too afraid of what her mother thought of him to return the love he gave her. Then came Meredith, while Rick never felt the same love for her that he did Kyra, he dedicated himself to being the best husband and father that he could be. Just like Kyra, he came in second to her career, deciding that sleeping with her director was more important than being a wife and mother to their daughter.

The only bright spot out of the whole disaster that was his marriage was Alexis. His daughter made him want to be the father that he never knew growing up himself. Wise beyond her years, Alexis made him into a better man and she would forever hold a place in his heart that no one would ever touch. She was his anchor, his true north. Closing the ring box, he glanced at the picture on his desk of himself and Alexis and couldn't help but smile.

A gentle tapping on his door shook him away from his thoughts. He listened as his daughter asked if she could come in. He wiped the tear from his cheek that he didn't realize was there and replied "Come in pumpkin."

Slowly she opens the door poking her head in first. Seeing the look on her father's face, her protective mode kicks in as she asks "Are you ok dad?"

He feigns a smile and replies. "Of course baby. I was just looking at the picture of the two of us there." He gestures towards the framed photo. "Do you remember when that picture was taken?"

Alexis stands there with her hands on her hips, giving him a mock glare. "Of course I do. I just passed my driving exam and you promised to get me my own car." Her eyes narrow as if she is scowling. "I'm still waiting, by the way." Her scowl disappears and is replaced with a beautiful smile to let him know that she is just teasing.

In spite of everything that has transpired in the last few hours, Rick couldn't help but smile at his daughter. "How about a trade? A car for a hug?"

Alexis walks behind him and drapes her arms over his shoulders as he sits in the chair. She gently squeezes his shoulders and plants a soft kiss on top of his head. "I'd never charge you for a hug dad." She pauses and then grins. "But I did see a really cute Mini-Cooper... It would be perfect to get me to and from Columbia. Did I mention that they are built by BMW?"

"Did I ever mention that I have the best daughter in the whole world?" His smile fades a little before he asks. "Does this mean that you've changed your mind about South America?"

Alexis' features soften a bit before she replies. "No dad, that's really why I came in here. I need your check to secure my place with the group." She pauses as she reads the look of concern on her father's face at the thought of her leaving the country. "I understand your concerns dad, but this is something that I need to do for me. I can't let what happened to me a few months ago dictate how I live my life. We have to move on.."

Alexis' last comment struck him like a bolt of lightning. They needed to move on, her from the whole kidnapping ordeal, and him from the dream that he was the most important thing in Kate Beckett's life. Rising up from his chair, he pulled his daughter into his arms and hugged her tightly. "You are wise beyond your years, little one." He leaned forward and kissed the top of her head. Releasing her from his grasp, he pulled the desk drawer open and extracted his checkbook.

Returning to his seat, Rick pulled a pen from his holder and filled out the check. Alexis scanned around the room and realized that something was amiss. "Dad, I thought that you were staying over at Kate's tonight? Is something wrong?"

Rick tore the check from the checkbook and handed it to his daughter. "Kate and I had a bit of an argument." He replies as he avoids any eye contact with her.

"What did you do this time?" Alexis inquires on eyebrow arched skeptically. She schools her features as soon as she sees the look of pain in his eyes.

"She lied to me." Castle looks down as if suddenly finding his hands interesting.

Alexis can tell from the look on his face that there's more to the story than a simple lie. Placing a hand on his shoulder she simply states. "I'm sorry dad... What are you gonna do?"

Castle reaches back and places his hand on top of hers. "I don't know pumpkin. I need some time to think things out."

"Maybe I should stay here with you dad."

Rick's facial features harden a little as he turns his head to look his daughter in the eye. "No pumpkin, you need to go and have fun. This is my mess and I need to clean things up once and for all."

Alexis leans in and kisses him on the cheek. "I love you dad."

"I love you too baby. No go and have fun. I'll be here when you get back from your adventure." Rick offers a sad smile. He'll miss his daughter terribly. "Promise me that you'll call me every day."

Alexis walks towards the door and turns to face him. "I promise dad."

Waiting until he heard the click of the door latch, he turned and stared at the blank screen on his laptop. He owed Gina the final chapters to his latest Nikki Heat novel. She wanted it ready for a fall release so that he could tour the country and promote it. Gina may have been a terrible wife, but Rick had no doubt about her abilities as a businessman. Autumn releases got his novels in book stores just before the holiday season.

Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes for a few seconds and let Alexis' words sink into his head – 'We have to move on'. For five years he had been chasing a mirage, a life with Katherine Beckett that was never meant to be. There was always some obstacle, some barrier that kept them from truly being together. 'Maybe it's you Richard. Maybe you just weren't enough. Why else would she be kissing someone like Erik Vaughn only a week after you saved her life?' He thinks to himself in a voice that sounds too much like his mothers.

Vaughn. Just another piece of the whole betrayal. He was everything that Rick was five years ago with a couple of extra zeros in his bank account. He remembered how Kate appeared to be disgusted by that image when they first met and he spent the next few years proving that wasn't who he really was. 'Maybe page six Rick was a little more attractive to her than she let on. Maybe the real Richard Castle isn't enough for her. Why else would she be kissing him only hours after they met. And don't fool yourself, if Kate didn't want to kiss him, they wouldn't have kissed. You know that.' Rick mocked himself.

Taking the last sip of his scotch, Rick tried to return his attention to the blank screen before him. He knew that it was time to end the misery and get on with his life. He had wasted five years and it was time to accept things for how they really were. His writing had always been his safe haven. Where he immersed himself when life became too much to face. It helped him cope.

An idea quickly germinated in his mind and his fingers began flying across the keyboard. Just like the Derrick Storm stories, he knew the ending now and it was time to move on.