Name: Losing Control
Rating: T
Summary: Bella has changed but her senses are taking over, her thirst for blood is unbearable to watch and she feels it coursing through her veins. Will Edward's love and trust be enough to keep her tamed or will the innocent people of Forks blood call out to her in more ways than imaginable and would she ever see Jake again?
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters from Twilight
"I want him!" I screamed at the top of my lungs as Edward held me as tightly as he could but I was stronger
"A little help Emmett" he yelled and I struggled against the other set of arms that held me down. My nails clawed at the dirt and I cringed giving up to their combined strength
"Calm Bella" Edward pleaded as he whispered in to my ear his voice strained, he couldn't handle seeing me like this, me catching sight of a passerby on the street and then him having to take action and push me in to an alley way so I could calm down. For him to take me out in to public was stupid but we were at that phase were he would test me, see if I could handle being out with everyone else; I failed yet again.
When the coast was clear both Emmett and Edward grabbed on to one of my arms carrying my deeper in to the shadows. My breath was heavy as I clenched me jaw shut, it was like an endless battle in my head, Good vs. Evil just then evil won but now good was coming back for another fight.
I felt my feet lift off the ground and I knew we were heading home, thank god. Edward slung me on to his back not wanting to let me go afraid I would try to escape but as the city disappeared behind us my senses started to calm down and no all I could smell was the blood of animals near by. I knew my eyes were probably a deep red because I hadn't eaten at all yet since my transformation, Edward as afraid that if I started with a deer or two I wouldn't be able to stop and would go after the people of Forks, I would go after my friends, Charlie.
I hugged my arms around Edward's neck
"I'm so sorry" I whispered feeling despair overwhelm me
"It's alright" he assured me as the Cullen's house came in to view.
"Bella I think we should have an arm wrestling fight when we get back, I think I could take you" Emmett teased me making me laugh, he was always good at getting me to calm down
"And what Emmett put you through the embarrassment of losing?" I challenged his lips twitched and Edward smiled as we stopped and he let me down.
I felt horrible again as Emmett walked inside leaving us alone
"I didn't mean too…" I knew that if I could still cry I would be right now. Edward placed a hand that no longer felt cold to the touch on my cheek, his crooked smile still made me melt.
That was the one grateful thing about this transformation; Edward still gave me the butterflies I got when I was human even though my heart was no longer beating, somewhere in my head it still beat for him. It scared me though because everyday my human memories and the feeling of my senses disappeared slowly and the more I tried to remember the more foggy they became.
"Bella this won't be easy you will get better" I leaned my face in to his palm smiling as I kissed the top of his wrist
"I hope I get better"
"You will" his voice was stern as he picked up my face so I would look at him
"You will" he repeated more quietly this time.
He grabbed on to my hand leading me inside. I had been living with the Cullen's' for two weeks now and even though a few memories were becoming foggy the memory of that night was still crystal clear.
I can still feel Tanya's lips on my neck as she bit down harder than James did pumping more venom in to my veins then needed. I remember screaming out in agony, the ripping sound Tanya's body made as Edward attacked the most violent I had ever seen him.
His face was torn as he hunched over me his hands resting on my cheeks as I tried to suppress the pain I felt, to look brave for him. Later on I was carried home in record time where I sat in a room for what felt like eternity but in reality was only a few days. Edward wouldn't leave my side during that time and would rub my arms soothingly as I cringed in pain. When it was finished I felt whole as strange as that sounded, I felt at ease but then the strong taste for blood hit me head on, I tried to run but that's when the rest of the Cullen family intervened helping Edward as they kept me pinned against the wall.
I stopped thinking about that time as we walked in to the large house that was now my home. I knew deep down inside the Cullen's were keeping something from me, probably the missing posters that hung on every store window my face smiling back at the passerby's. Cops and search parties came up to the Cullen's house frequently seeing if we had returned and as the police searched the house to see if anyone was home they came up with the conclusion that the Cullen's had fled the state but really we were all in hiding in the treetops above only coming out of the darkness when they left for the night. For now Carlisle quit the hospital telling us we would be okay living off the money he saved up, enough time to figure out where we would go next.
"She snapped again" Emmett's voice bellowed as Carlisle entered the room. I smiled sheepishly then looked down at my shoes not wanting to see his reaction
"All in good time Bella" he said his voice smooth and collected, I looked back up feeling better about the whole situation.
"I'll try harder I swear" Edward squeezed my hand and I looked over at him, his eyes were black too because he had been too busy watching me than to hunt.
We were the only too in the house that hadn't eaten actually. Everyone else took shifts with Edward to watch me while the rest went hunting for the day. Today it was Emmett's turn to help him out and I was surprised to see they had all returned while we were gone.
"Bella!" Alice squealed as she skipped down the stairs with little effort, the gracefulness didn't make me jealous at all anymore because I had it too, trust me I don't miss my clumsiness at all. She brought me up in to a tight hug and I looked past her shoulder as jasper stopped at the end of the staircase making me feel a lot better.
"Thank you jasper" is aid with a half smile and he nodded
"Anytime"
"So it's my shift tomorrow and I think you are in need of a shopping trip!" she clapped her hands excitedly
"That's not such a good idea" Edward said coldly and she shut up huffing as she folded her arms across her chest
"I think it's a perfect idea Edward" she snapped back but turned to face Carlisle as he spoke
"Edward's right Alice Bella isn't ready yet"
I slumped down in to the seat nearest to me frowning feeling like we were back to square one.