Aerith sighed. She was stuck in some sort of love triangle it seemed. That was stupid. Cloud was a nice guy but was he really worth all this trouble? I mean his hair looked like a Chocobo's ass. Did he walk into barbers and request that? Did he do it himself? Was it natural? Aerith wasn't quite sure which one would be the most unappealing.

Probably...all of the above.

Cloud honestly didn't seem that invested in the outcome of all this either. He seemed to just be waiting in the sidelines for whoever "won" their little conflict and he would pick her by default.

Seriously didn't he know his type? Leather or lace idiot, how hard is it? Maybe he was some sort of manslut and wanted them both? Perhaps he had his opinion but was too shy to voice it?

Or perhaps his predilections ran...a different way? Cloud and Vincent had been brooding together a lot, and there was his chummy domestic act with Barret. Hell, there was even his hard-on for Sephiroth and his obsession with Zack.

Ew. She really shouldn't be thinking about that. It turned her stomach. She didn't have any problem with gay people, she just didn't enjoy picturing what happened behind close doors like some other girls *caugh Yuffie cough* did.

I mean her dead boyfriend Zack had to be bi. He spent his entire life surrounded by pretty boys and handsome men in the military who looked like they just came from date night at a gay bar. And what red-blooded heterosexual had a name like "Zack" anyway?

But this wasn't all about Cloud. Fashion model pretty he was, that didn't mean the world revolved around him. There was also Tifa to consider. Tifa, the bartender who got her ass grabbed by dirty drunks for a living. No wonder she wanted a guy who knew what the words "manicure" and "shampoo" meant. But honestly, couldn't she do a little better? Aerith was shit out of options since Zack died in the arms of another man and left her in a rundown shack in the middle of nowhere.

Now there wasn't a lot of hot prospects around them surely, but Tifa wasn't a flower girl with stained purity. She had market value still, at least as long as she wasn't too used up...

Woah, Aerith felt a blush coming along. Where did that come from? Why the hell was she thinking about Tifa's sexual history? That was no one's business but her and her birth control provider. Still, she couldn't be a virgin, could she? She was in a slum for 7 years. Lots of long, cold, lonely nights a hot body can warm up.

Plus those boobs were huge. Whether they were real or fake (Aerith leaned towards fake, but she would have to cop a feel to be sure) they were a real attention getter. And if Tifa's boobs were fake then she put them in for a reason. She couldn't have been saving those beauties just for Cloud, right? That would be insane. I mean Cloud looked good while cross-dressing but there had to have been plenty of other sexy girls who-

Woah. Who said anything about girls, cowgirl? Hold your horses or you're liable to end up with a one-way ticket to Lesbo town.

Sure she wanted to grab Tifa's boobs but...that was just curiosity. And sure she had wondered how Tifa's lips would taste, but all girls

get curious right? And sure Aerith wanted to stick her fingers down Tifa's skirt but that was-was-was...

Shit. No wonder dicks always looked nasty as hell to her. No wonder she had always been staring at Tifa's ass whenever Aerith brought up the rear. She was a dyke, a lesbian, a homo, a "no boys allowed" sign over her bunk type. A bunch of other synonyms that would likely be vaguely offensive.

Aerith shrugged. Oh well, new target acquired. If she was a lady lover, she had to do this right. How to ambush and seduce Tifa? After all she needed to find out if those things were real or fake...